Panti & Sutokkingu with Gâtâberuto

[surrounded by zombies]

Panty:
F***! This is bad!

Stocking:
Why did this have to happen on our only day as cops?

[the girls discover Zipper in their car]

Panty:
Oh, there you are, Piggy... [Zombie Zipper looks at them, and lunges... ]

Panty, Stocking:
F*** OFF!

Garterbelt:
Plan B! Plan B!

Panty:
What's Plan B, Bed Me?

Garterbelt:
Betting, you idiot!

Garterbelt:
Bring it, we're right here! Living corpses, I shall show you the power of God!

[a fighting Garterbelt sees that Panty and Stocking are now zombies]

Panty:
You seem to be having fun, you afro bastard.

Stocking:
You're one sadistic f***er.

Garterbelt:
You fools... now, your bodies are rotting...

Panty:
It's quite liberating.

Stocking:
I like it!

Panty:
Hey, can we change back?

Stocking:
We should change back at dawn. This was those morons' plan after all... Besides, I have a hungering for some fresh meaty sweets!

Panty:
[points at Garterbelt] Fresh meat!

Garterbelt:
So be it. You two will make worthy opponents! You'll regret this, you filthy whores! [opens fire]

Panty:
It's dawn. And we haven't changed back!

Stocking:
This isn't good.

Panty:
What do we do now? [pause]

Panty:
Whatever!

[beating off a zombie cat]

Panty:
F***! You sonofabitch!

Stocking:
You motherf***er!

Panty:
Oh yeah, you fatherf***er!

Stocking:
Goddamn, you f***ing crazy!

Stocking:
We're surrounded!

Panty:
I saw a gun shop next door! We should be ok once we get some weapons! [the Angels manage to get the remaining survivors to the shop... ]

Stocking:
[looks around] What the... this is a sex toy shop!

Panty:
[stares] Well, I gotta admit, these are some devastating tools...

Stocking:
Are you an idiot? Retard! Bimbo! You must hail from the land of dipshits!

Panty:
What's that? What's that, you f***ing goth?

Gaterbelt:
We have been blessed with another hint from the heavens above! Rise! [pulls out a paper, reading WC on it]

Gaterbelt:
As of late, there have been several cases of humans being eaten by toilets! Humans are most vulnerable when they are engaged in excretion. It is an evil and dastardly deed like no other! It must be the work of the Ghosts!

Panty:
[about the Plumber] Guess he got lucky...

Stocking:
But he wasn't the one.

Panty:
He was the one... a really good one!

Stocking:
Your tastes are f***ed up, sister.

Panty:
You're the one who's f***ed up! Buzz off!

Gaterbelt:
SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU DIRTY B*TCHES! START DOING YOUR DAMN JOB! [hurls Zipper away]

Gaterbelt:
OH, DAMN IT ALL!... Let's have dinner.

Panty:
Speed isn't enough. You gotta have technique too.

Panty:
Zipper, I just realized something. I don't need a man with speed, or stamina... I need elasticity! Let's do this!

Panty:
That was good.

Stocking:
Garter, that curry was amazing!

Gaterbelt:
My curry's good sh*t. Good black sh*t!

Stocking:
What's for dessert? What's for dessert? Cacao, cocoa, chocolate, sweet black beans, black honey?

Panty:
Who cares?

Panty:
I'm off to use the little girls' room!

Stocking:
The crapper's gonna eat you!

Panty:
As if!

Panty:
[sucked down the toilet] Stocking! Stocking! STOCKING!

Stocking:
Shut it, Panty! Keep it down! God, it serves you right! Hope you sh*t out all your organs in there!

Panty:
[drenched in sewage] I've got it... I've got it...

Gaterbelt:
What've you got?

Stocking:
What's with all the curry?

Stocking, Gaterbelt:
IT STINKS! [both vomit]

Panty:
I get it all now...

Stocking:
So what have you got?

Stocking, Gaterbelt:
IT STINKS! [both vomit]

Panty:
Stocking...

Stocking:
Panty...

Panty:
Let's do this!

Sh*t Ghost:
Stinky!

Panty:
I really can't wear this anymore... [holds up her panties, now stretched]

Madam:
You're so good with your hands...

Plumber:
Thanks for hiring me. I'll be back later for a quick inspection.

Madam:
Such a hard-working young man... Wanna come inside for a drink? I need you to inspect my plumbing...

Panty:
[runs over the plumber] BINGO! Found ya!

Stocking:
A toilet, and a young man...

Panty:
You're the one?

Stocking:
He's the one?

Panty:
He's the Ghost? Is that it?

Panty:
[places Backlace to the plumber's forehead] So, do ya feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?

Stocking:
Does he?

[Panty pistol-slaps the plumber several times]

Plumber:
Ow! Ow! Ow!

Panty:
Huh?... Guess not.

Stocking:
Wrong guy.

Plumber:
Did I do something wrong?

Panty:
Oh... he's kinda cute.

Madam:
[drooling] I know! He's such a stud! [Panty wipes drool from her own face]

Panty:
[gives her panties to her sister] Here, have these.

Stocking:
Okay. [cut to a hotel where the plumber is gasping in ecstasy]

Stocking:
I'm thinking one of Ploppy's mint chocolate cakes for dessert. I could eat 500 of those a day!... Zipper, are you listening to me? Hey, did you know those cakes turn your tongue completely green?

[after defeating the Sh*t Ghost, a bell rings and a Coin falls from Heaven]

Gaterbelt:
You did well, girls.

Panty:
Only one coin?

Sh*t Ghost:
[explodes] Sh*t!

Panty:
That stinks! I just can't stand gunpowder!

Panty:
Go f*** your bike, douchebag!

Stocking:
You won't get away!

Speed Ghost:
You wanna race, Kitty Cat? Bring it!

Speed Ghost:
[at hyper-speed] YEAH! F*** YEAH! DOESN'T GET ANY FASTER THAN THIS!

Speed Ghost:
Get out of the way! I'll run over anybody in my path!

Speed Ghost:
What the hell?

Panty:
Guess you came too early! [grabs Backlace and transmutes it into a pistol, then jumps on the train]

Speed Ghost:
Oh, sh*t!

Panty:
So long, it's been fun... REPENT! [fires]

Speed Ghost:
[explodes] Thank you!

Milkman:
[waking up in Panty's bed, hears a siren blaring] Goddamn, what the hell's going on?

Gaterbelt:
Good morning, Panty!

Panty:
[waving to departing Milkman] See you later...

Milkman:
Any time.

Gaterbelt:
Good morning, Stocking!

Stocking:
Morning. Morning, sugar! [chomps on a cupcake]

Panty:
You gotta love morning wood!

Stocking:
You really have no standards, do you?

Panty:
It's crazy good. Three spins and half a twist when you wake up...

Stocking:
I'm more interested in sugar!

Panty:
How about protein?

Stocking:
It depends...

Panty:
It's good for you. Ain't that right, Garter?

Gaterbelt:
HOW SHOULD I KNOW? Listen to me: if you obscene angels don't want to be dropped, your only choice is to collect Heaven Coins by defeating those accursed Ghosts! You are not here to collect men or sugar! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEADS! [the girls sulk and beat up a flatulent Chuck]

Stocking:
We know.

Panty:
F*** it, let's roll!

Panty:
Pedal to the metal! Go, See-Through, go!

Gaterbelt:
Where are you right now?

Panty:
Umm, I'm in a nursing home...

Gaterbelt:
I know you're at the Immoral Hotel!

Panty:
Sh*t!... Sorry, I got another call...

Stocking:
Panty, are you watching TV?

Panty:
No, I'm not.

Stocking:
You're probably in bed with a man! I'm in See-Through chasing a Ghost!

Panty:
Okay, okay, I got it! I wasn't really getting anywhere with this guy anyway...

Panty:
Hi, I'm Panty! Where are you headed in such a hurry?

Speed Ghost:
Who cares where I'm going, b*tch? I just wanna go real fast!

Panty:
Yeah, whatever. I can understand your need to reach a climax...

Stocking:
[arriving] Panty, you're late! You took your time getting here!

Speed Ghost:
What? You're together?

Panty:
Yeah, yeah. Stocking, you're so impatient... [takes off her panties and transforms them into Backlace]

Speed Ghost:
WHOA! Nice one, bitchy angel!

Panty:
Backlace is gone!... huh?

Speed Ghost:
[something wrapped around his head] What the hell is this?

Panty:
That's my gun! I mean my panties!

Speed Ghost:
Sh*t! I can't see a thing! [with his tongue, he adjusts the panties to form a luchador mask on his head]

Speed Ghost:
I feel so damn fast!

Panty:
[enraged] Kill that motherf***er!

Stocking:
Are you finally ready to get on with it?

[a huge convoy of police cars arrive and fire at the Speed Ghost]

Panty:
Hey, get off my target!

Speed Ghost:
[impervious] That ain't gonna work! Take that, and that! [sideswipes two cars, which causes a domino effect among the convoy]

Speed Ghost:
Aw, yeah! KABOOM! [all the cars explode into the air]

Speed Ghost:
[in a truck] Heavy, this sh*t's heavy! Why's this body so heavy?

Panty:
[machine guns in her arms] Hang on, I'll lighten your load!

Speed Ghost:
[to a resting Panty] Hey, what's wrong? You didn't take very long to climax... what? [sees Stocking bearing down on him, her Stripe katanas drawn and ready]

Speed Ghost:
Playing chicken with my speed-crazy ass? You've got balls, kitty cat! [accelerates]

[Stocking slices the Speed Ghost's truck in half]

Stocking:
Okay. Grab the coin, so we can go home.

Panty:
You didn't destroy my panties, did you? Those were expensive!

Stocking:
Hell if I know... Where's the bell? I don't hear it.

Panty:
You're right...

Speed Ghost:
[on a train] It's not over! I can still do this! [transforms the train into a monster machine]

Stocking:
Round Three?

Panty:
Going three times without pulling out once? Not bad at all.

Stocking:
I thought I had him with that last one.

Panty:
Guess we need Backlace to finish the job...

Panty:
Hey! If you want to see my panties, chase down that train!

Announer:
Huh? Panties?

Panty:
[fires a gun] Just move it!

Cameraman:
We can't broadcast this!

Announer:
Who cares? We're live! After that train!

Panty:
Gimme the wheel! [grabs the wheel from Stocking, and steps on the gas]

Panty:
Go, See-Through, Go!

[English dub]

Stocking:
F*** off! Don't talk to me till I've had my sugar!

[English dub]

Panty:
[about the Plumber] Guess that was our guy...

Stocking:
But he was just a plumber.

Panty:
I know... and my pipes are like, totally clean!

Stocking:
How long have you been waiting to use that line?

Panty:
Oh, it feels like forever...

Garterbelt:
What are you saying? You mean you failed? You acting like you don't even give a sh*t! [hurls Brief away]

Garterbelt:
OH LORD, GRANT ME THE PATIENCE!... Let's just f***ing eat.

[English dub]

Stocking:
[as Panty arrives to battle the Speed Ghost] It's about time! Did you mount everything on your way over?

Panty:
I did not, but I'll be sure to do that for you next time!

Stocking:
[in an ad, wearing a monkey suit] Do-do-donuts! Love, love, donuts! Stoc-king donuts!

Cameraman:
This is the first film in 24 years from the godfather of Hollywood, David Shyamalan: Sex and the Daten City! This is Miss Panty's debut film...

Panty:
Hold it right there! What is this bullshit, you fag? I've been in a movie once before, this is my second one! Come on, Piggy! [Zipper produces a videotape in his hand]

Stocking:
You've never mentioned this before.

Panty:
Oh, really? Whatever.

Panty:
[to the man] Stop laughing like a cocksucker, you fag! Do your research!

Panty:
[to Briefs] MAN UP, WILL YOU?

Stocking:
Hi Panty, what's up?

Queen Barbie:
[firing sentient missiles from her abdomen] Go, my babies!

[handed a condom packet]

Panty:
[never seen a condom before] What's this, gum? [chews the condom]

Panty:
[drawing Backlace] This f***ing Ghost never shuts up!

Stocking:
[unsheathing her Stripes] We have more important issues to deal with!

Panty:
F***ing Ghost! I'll finish you off, so let me hear you scream! [fires Backlace]

[in Panty's film]

Panty:
Stop that. I'm not wearing any panties right now.

Paul:
What a coincidence. I've gone commando too...

Panty:
Oh, yes! Come on baby, come on! F*** me, baby! [Everybody is shocked at the film's lurid scenes]

Panty:
I was strolling around town, when this guy asked me if I wanted to be in a movie... He said that talent like mine only appears once in a century, and that I was a shoe-in at the Oscars, and in Cannes and Berlin too. How come nobody even knew about my movie? Hey, do you guys know why...? Hey! What the f***! Don't turn off the movie!

Mick:
Panty, Panty, clear that blonde head of yours and listen carefully: your debut film was a PORN FLICK!

Panty:
HUH? FOR REAL?

Mick:
For God's sake, Panty...

Panty:
He said MOVIE, but it was just direct-to-video? TCH! No wonder nobody'd heard of it!

Mick:
[smacks his head] OUCH! You're missing the point! The point is...

Panty:
Are you saying my acting was bad?

Mick:
No, you were perfect... Wait, quit confusing me!

Panty:
What's the problem, then?

Stocking:
[scalding Zipper with hot tea] Your stinking brain's the problem! Your f***ing shitty porn has guaranteed that our movie will get cancelled!

Mick:
And your celebrity lifestyle will be over, Panty.

Panty:
You mean... my celebrity lifestyle will be over? No f***ing way.

[Panty feeds Chuck the porn tape]

Panty:
That's it, problem solved!

Stocking:
You imbecile, as long as there's even one copy out there it can be copied on any number of DVDs and Blu-rays! You never think things through! [taps Panty's head]

Stocking:
Have you got monkey vomit in there or what?

Panty:
What is this, sour grapes? You puke-drenched Goth b*tch!

[in a porn shop]

Panty:
[threatening the owner] You f***ing with me? [holds up her video]

Panty:
How can this only be TWO DOLLARS? [Stocking chuckles to herself]

[extracting a video from the mouth of a Bedouin's camel]

Panty:
Damn, he was hiding it in there?

Stocking:
[extracts a tape] I found it, panty! [hears Panty making out at the Statue of Liberty]

[in a Chinese opium den]

Panty:
Eat up, Piggy! [Zipper chews on a tape]

Panty:
Let's ditch the idiot with the outdated name, Stocking!

Queen Barbie:
Well, if it isn't those slutty sisters everyone's talking about...