Phineas and Ferb

[repeated line]

Candace:
Mom Mom, look what Phineas and Ferb are doing.

[repeated line]

Isabella:
Whatcha *do*-in'?

[repeated line]

Phineas:
I know what we're gonna do today.

[repeated line]

Candace:
You guys are so *busted*.

[repeated line]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

[repeated line]

Phineas:
Hey, where's Perry?

[repeated line]

Phineas:
Oh, there you are, Perry!

Candace:
Mom! Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

[repeated line]

Phineas:
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!

Various adult "inspectors":
Aren't you too young to...?

Phineas:
Yes... Yes we are/Yes I am

[repeated line]

Perry the Platypus:
Ctrctrctr... [makes a chattering sound with his teeth, usually when in "animal mode"]

Grandpa Reg:
Legend says that the Black Knight's ghost still haunts these moors, riding in search of the dragon followed by his pack of fierce hounds.

Candace:
[talking on her phone about England] Man, Stacey. Everything here is so old, wet, and small.

Charles:
[laughing] Unguard, Stubbings. Haha! Come on, man. Perry and repost!

Stubbings:
Yes, delightful, Master Charles. Clearly, you have mastered the rules of tennis. I believe it's my serve

[takes the cover off the tray]

Stubbings:
Oh dear. I have punned.

Major Monogram:
Ahh, Agent P. Sorry about the tight fit but they're on the metric system.

Candace:
[to Phineas] There's a cute boy next and I don't want you guys scaring him off by acting like complete freaks.

Charles:
Beg pardon.

[walking up behind her]

Candace:
Hello, hehehehe.

Charles:
I'm Charles Pipping III.

Candace:
I'm Candace Flynn I.

Charles:
So what's all this?

Candace:
This? Uh, this is uh...

Phineas:
[juggling with Ferb] We're putting on a Medieval tournament.

Candace:
[rehearsing] As the fair princess, I declare Sir Charles the winner of the- Wait a minute. Could this be one of those things that backfires horribly on me?

Phineas:
Grandpa Fletcher, we should have a medieval tournament like the knights did in days of yore! We can have jousting, a catapult, and not bathe.

Grandpa Reg:
Way ahead of you on the not bathing.

Phineas:
[in his half of the armor] There's something almost disturbing about this.

Grandpa Reg:
Here immortalized in bronze is the Black Knight himself and his Hounds of Heck on their final charge to vanquish the dragon.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Perry the Platypus, your dragon robot is no match for my Queen Elizabeth the first... robot. Do you want to switch? Come on, be a sport!

Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen, it's The Twelfth Annual Phineas and Ferb Family Christmas, brought to you by Wintobreath Toothpaste, now with MORE inert ingredients.

Candace:
What is all this? Fake snow. Fake house. And who are all these people?

Isabella:
Extras.

Extra:
Not me. I've got a speaking part, but it's just this line, so it's pretty much over now.

Phineas:
It's Christmas, Candace.

Candace:
It's the middle of summer.

Phineas:
Well, no sense waiting till the last minute.

Isabella:
What's wrong, Phineas? You don't look very happy for Christmas Eve.

Phineas:
Everyone's come together for the holidays, but Perry's still not here.

Isabella:
[to Ferb] He knows it's not really Christmas, right?

Ferb:
Every family Christmas special needs a little forced drama.

Isabella:
Ahhh.

Baljeet:
Oh! I am sorry, Phineas. I seem to have broken your fire.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Let the last-minute shopping begin!

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro:
[singing] I wanted you to see me, but for so long, you were blind. Now it's time to face tomorrow, and leave all that stuff behind. Of what would our lives have been like, if you'd just given me a sign. 'Cause I like you more than every other thing I like combined. I spent so many summers hoping something would begin. I thought that I was over you, but here I am again... What might have been.

[Isabella drives away in her car, just as Phineas runs towards the restaurant, hoping to see her]

Vivian Garcia-Shapiro:
[talking normally] Phineas, honey, how are you?

Phineas Flynn:
Hi, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro. Uh, is Isabella here?

Vivian Garcia-Shapiro:
Oh, no, sweetie. She's gone.

Phineas Flynn:
Gone, like, driving-car-to-school gone?

Vivian Garcia-Shapiro:
Yes, you just missed her. It's too bad you didn't get to see her off. You know, since you were kids, she's had a huge crush on you.

Phineas Flynn:
Ah... I wish I had known.

Phineas Flynn:
[starts singing] I can't believe that all this time, you never said a word. Although it's possible you did, and I just never heard. I never even noticed, I guess I wasn't that alert. But I must say that, in retrospect, you were being quite overt. And now our endless summer is finally coming to an end. I tried to make the most of every day, but now the years just seem misspent... What might have been.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro:
I could have been your girlfriend.

Phineas Flynn:
I could have been your fella. We might have been an item...

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro:
They would have called us "Phinabella."

Phineas Flynn:
I would have held the door for you, I would have shared my umbrella.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro:
You could have held my hair back when I was sick with salmonella.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Phineas Flynn:
We could have been together, all you had to say was when. And though I wanted so much more, I guess you'll always be my friend... What might have been... What might I have been.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro:
[talks normally while driving out of Danville] What might have been.

Candace:
Toddlers are easy! They eat, they poop, they sleep. End of story.

Candace:
Okay, you two, I'm in charge and I'm gonna lay down some rules!

Phineas:
Okay. Shoot.

Candace:
No leaving the yard, no amusement park rides, no robots, no rocket ships.

Phineas:
[as Candace continues] Ferb, are you getting all of this?

[Ferb holds up a pocket tape-recorder]

Phineas:
Cool.

Major Monogram:
Doofenshmirtz claims to have given up evil. He even signed this "I Give Up Evil" affidavit to apply for work at the agency - and normally we could have rejected him because he's not an animal, but, as it turns out, he was adopted by ocelots, making him, in the eyes of the law, an ocelot.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Rrreow!

[last lines]

Candace:
[after Mom and all the Fireside girls turn into crying toddlers] Okay, I get it. Lesson learned: Toddlers aren't easy. The irony is not lost on me! Little help here.

Candace:
[looking into the camera] This had better wear off before the next episode.

Waiter:
Well, gentlemen, what's your fancy?

Phineas:
Wealth, fame, glory, money, and the preservation of semi-mystical historical treasures - but we'll settle for hot fudge sundaes.

Candace:
There's a scoop here and I can smell it - or they haven't invented deodorant soap yet. But there's still a scoop.

Phineas:
Do you know anything about this?

Isabella:
[gasps] The amulet of Juatchadoon! The legend says it can awaken an evil Corn Colossus with the power to destroy the world.

Phineas:
Makes you wonder why ancient people were always making stuff like that. I mean, what's the upside?

Phineas:
Rhode Island Fletcher, I know what we're gonna dig up today!

Major Monogram:
Hey, you're not wearing your fez. Better go to the fez-dispenser.

Baljeet:
Last stop! I'm afraid there is no way to get to the east coast by boat, unless you go all the way around South America.

Buford:
Nothin' but jungle from here on out!

Phineas:
Care to come with us?

Baljeet:
And spoil my carefully calculated air of selfishness and unconcern? Not until the last second, thank you very much.

Phineas:
[as Baljeet and Buford drive away] Wow, authentic riverboat gibberish!

[Perry makes a musical entrance]

Chorus Girls:
Per-ry!

Unseen Soloist:
[voice] He's a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action!

Chorus Girls:
In a fez!

Unseen Soloist:
[voice] He's got more than just mad skill. He's got a beaver tail and a bill.

Chorus Girls:
And a fez!

Unseen Soloist:
[voice] He's Per-ry! Perry the Platypus!

Major Monogram:
[voice] But you may call him Agent P.

[last lines]

Phineas:
By the way, does anyone else find it weird that we were saved by an anthropomorphic platypus?

Ferb:
The world holds many mysteries, but what seems strange to one may be commonplace to another. The fez was weird, though. I mean, we're not in Egypt.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, brother! 2000 was so 4000 days ago!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Well, well, well, Ohio Flynn and Rhode Island Fletcher. What are you doing here?

Phineas:
That depends. Why are you slow-clapping?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I don't know. I thought it would make my entrance more dramatic. And it totally worked.

Phineas:
[to Ferb] You know, he's right. It WAS more dramatic.

Carl:
Why are we wearing a fez in the middle of Central America anyway?

Major Monogram:
You mean we're not in Egypt? I THOUGHT those pyramids were kind of stair-steppy.

Phineas:
[with Ferb searching the movie theater basement] Who knew looking for mummies would be so much fun?

Phineas:
[after reciting an incantation and the mummy deflates] There's nothing down here but fakey promotional lobby junk. For all we know there might not even be such thing as a mummy.

Phineas:
[after being chased my Candace wrapped up as a mummy, all excited] Wow! I didn't expect him to be so scary. I mean can you imagine the angry, twisted soul hidden under those bandages?

Candace:
[growling as the mummy] Phineas!

Phineas:
[unbothered] Makes me shutter. But you know what? We came down here looking for a mummy and I'm not leaving without one. Let's get him!

Phineas:
[after escaping booby-traps and capturing the mummy] Hey Ferb! We got our mummy! Now how are we gonna get it home?

Candace:
[after bouncing around in the a/c duct, coming back out, and still chased by the giant gum-ball globe] Oh, give me a break!

Phineas:
Dad, where do you find a mummy?

Dad:
Hidden deep in the bowels of the pyramid.

Phineas:
Dad, is it hard to get into a pyramid?

Dad:
Yes, indeed. Often you had to negotiate various boobytraps that were set centuries before.

Phineas:
Ferb, we should get our own mummy.

Candace:
That's it. I'm calling dad.

Candace:
[after the globe breaks, she eats a piece] Bubble gum? Oh, really old stale bubble gum!

Supercomputer:
[scanning the Danville] Gathering data from all objects and inhabitants.

Phineas:
Well, you seem to be working perfectly, so... Computer, what is the nicest thing we can do for Mom today.

Supercomputer:
Computing. Done. Get a gallon of industrial marking dye and a leaf blower, tie balloons onto them, then go to the top of Danville Hill and, at 2:37 P.M., release them into the wind.

Phineas:
Really?

Supercomputer:
Nothing could make your mother happier today.

Baljeet:
You turned down "slide rule" for THIS?

Phineas:
I don't know, Baljeet. From what we've seen so far, I think a little blind faith is called for.

Candace:
[sweetly] Oh, Per-ryyy!

Candace:
[not so sweetly] Come here, you little meat-brick.

Carl:
Everything's Agent P-sized here. It's kinda cute, like kindergarten.

Phineas:
You guys just delivered to the zoo?

Delivery Man:
Well, yes. Yes we did, but...

Phineas:
I THOUGHT I detected a hint of western lowland gorilla.

Delivery Man:
No. No, that's me.

Phineas:
Oh. Sorry, dude.

Delivery Man:
That's okay. I'm learning to live with it.

Phineas:
[to Ferb] Yeech! I could learn a thing or two from you about talking less.

Phineas:
Now, let's see... The Hall of Mirrors obviously goes in the hall, but where should we put the liquid nitrogen room.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
So what am I gonna do with the Least-Likely-inator, you ask? Make my daughter obey me? Make my father love me? No! And double no! - well, maybe later - but first I'm gonna aim this bad boy at City Hall and zap by brother, the mayor, and he'll make a fool of himself in front of the legislature, which is the least likely thing he'd ever do. And the city will be forced to give the Tri-State area to me, his next of kin! - and don't tell me democracy doesn't work like that, Perry the Platypus! I don't want to hear it.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, I see what you're doing. You're messing with my head, trying to get into my mind, walk around in there, rearrange the furniture, maybe re-paint the kitchen.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Okay, Perry the Platypus, the claws are off now! From here on in, I fight man-style!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Say hallo to the platypus secret agent arrival in order to foil my evil plot capture-inator. Or as I like to call it, my PSAAIOTFMEPC-inator. I made it up myself.

[Later]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Behold: The hotdog vendor revenge-inator. Or, my HDVR [ahh] -inator. I have to work on my acronyms.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[after trapping Perry] It's a cute little trap, isn't it? I got the idea at my cousin Gertrude's baby shower. [Perry looks disappointed at the idea] Don't judge me! Men go to baby showers these days! It was fun. Presents, blindfolded diapering... I'm sorry. I'm off topic, aren't I?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
How do you like me now, Perry the Judge-ipus?

Mom:
Candace! Where are you? What are you doing? [Candace has several phones with her]

Candace:
Waiting for Jeremy to call! You see, last night, at the movies, he said was going to call soon. So I calculated that "soon" must mean first thing in the morning since "soon" can't refer to a period in excess of or equal to 24 hours, give or take a 59 minute cushion of time, on either side of the event in question. [holds up a notepad displaying her math] See? I had it all figured out right here on this notepad. I even showed my math!

Mom:
Uh...

Candace:
Wait! Maybe I should have carried the one instead of dividing by Jeremy's face.

Mom:
Well, I'm off to my favorite author's book signing. Try not to freak out on your brothers while I'm gone.

Candace:
Mom! I don't frea... Oh my gosh! The square root of "soon" is "never"!

Phineas:
The watermelon shrank?

Ferb:
Well, either that or everything else in the entire universe just got bigger.

Stacy:
Hey, where's Perry? What? I'm, like, the only person who's never said it.

[Phineas leaves Candace under a hair restoration machine with instructions to stay under it for thirty minutes at setting 5, but Jeremy will arrive in ten minutes]

Candace:
Stacy, crank this thing up. If it takes a half hour on 5, it should do the trick in ten seconds on 20.

Zoologist 1:
I bet I'll have more species named after me that you do. Care to make a wager?

Zoologist 2:
No!

Zoologist 1:
Why not?

Zoologist 2:
Because your last name is Pithicus!

Phineas:
Mom, may Ferb and I be excused? Candace needs help with her hair.

Mom:
So you guys are hair stylists now?

Phineas:
Apparently.

Mom:
So what would you do with MY hair?

Phineas:
Nothing. It's perfect the way it is.

Mom:
Wow, you ARE good.

Mrs. Johnson:
[spotting Candace] That's not Professor Herbert Fonzworth Weatherman Jones. That's the rare tangerine orangutan! We have to capture it and return it to the wild.

Baljeet:
Hey, Buford, we are going to float like little woodland pixies.

Buford:
You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?

Carl:
[back from Dr. Doofenshmirtz' basement] I saw a rat give birth - to a snail.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Ow! Shot in the butt while covered in honey and hair. What do you know? My horoscope was right.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
In fact, I come from a long line of great meatloaf chefs. The recipe was first created by my great grandmother, Gretel Doofenshmirtz, who passed it down to my grandpa, Jose Doofenshmirtz - weird story there - then he passed it down to my mom, who passed it down to... Roger! Ugh! Naturally, I had to steal it from him, and when I did, I finally found out what the secret ingredient was. The secret ingredient... was hate. Usually it's love, but Great Grandma Gretel had some issues.

Mom:
[at the meatloaf festival] Eww! What've you got all over you?

Candace:
A late entry.

Buford:
[mocking Phineas] "Ooh, I promised Isabella."

Phineas:
Is that how I sound?

Ferb:
He really nailed you.

Baljeet:
It is uncanny.

Linda Flynn-Fletcher:
So, did you all have fun at the Bee Day Festival's Opening Ceremony?

Dad:
It was bee-wildering.

Phineas:
Bee-utiful.

Dad:
Bee-dazzling.

Phineas:
Bee-yond.

Dad:
Bee-guiling.

Candace:
[trying to read a magazine] Ugh! Just bee quiet!

Linda Flynn-Fletcher:
Oh, Candace, bee-have.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[to Perry] Hey, great costume, that's the bee's knees, or, you know, wings, in this case.

[Phineas and Ferb pull a frozen caveman in the family garage on a toy wagon]

Phineas:
This'll be fantastic. Think of all the practical applications a caveman can have in the modern world. [pauses] Actually, you know, besides politics I can't think of anything.

[Phineas and Ferb have made Candace a replacement cell phone]

Candace:
Thank you! You do realize I'm still gonna have to bust you for making me go to Timbuktu?

Cell Phone:
Timbuktu located.

Candace:
Meap. [gets transported]

Phineas:
Oh, no! Is that your new cell phone?

Candace:
It used to be. Wait a second. You guys are good with wires and gadgets and stuff. Can you fix it?

Phineas:
Well, it took almost forty years to perfect the technology that makes the modern cell phone possible, so give us thirty-eight minutes.

Phineas:
[now that Candace has her new cell Phineas-Ferb-designed cell phone] Are you sure you don't want to watch the tutorial?

Candace:
I'm a teenage girl. Nobody has to teach me how to use a cell phone.

Candace:
Come on, Stace. Follow me.

[Right then, they pass before a shop called "Ell No."]

Norm Head Prototype:
That's great. We can spend the rest of the day working on your personality. Hey, this time, let's try to bump it up to a C-minus.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
You know, I'm starting to remember why I replaced you and put you in storage.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Man, you tie a guy up and he gets all foot-stompy on you for no reason!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Liar, liar, pantalones del fuego!

Phineas:
It's Candace's birthday. We gotta do something better than last year. [cuts to gorilla jumping out of the cake as Candace runs away screaming]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[with Perry in the hub trying to get to the surface] I hate to a stickler but the lava is coming again! Faster!

Hub Computer Voice:
Hub is overheating... Hub is overheating.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[seeing the magma, beat] The molten lava at the Earth's core completely slipped my mind.

Phineas:
[seeing Candace and Stacy dressed as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson] Looks like Candace and Stacy did some shopping.

Ferb:
I'll never understand fashion.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Perry the Platypus! Well, who's your little friend here?

Agent Double-00:
I'm Agent Double-00, of Her Majesty's secret service.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Double-00? Isn't that just triple 0?

Agent Double-00:
No, that's not how it's said.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
It spells "ooo", doesn't it?

Agent Double-00:
It's "Double-00"!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
He's "P" and you're "ooo", so together, you spell...

Agent Double-00:
No, they're not "O"s, they're zeroes, alright?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I was just gonna say "ooop". Looks like I struck a nerve there!

Candace:
I got two word for you, Mom, GELA-TIN! I am sick of it! Sick of it! Totally sick of it! [snort]

Jeremy:
Hey, Candace. I heard you were having a dessert party, so I made you this out of gelatin. [shows her a gelatin form of Candace's name]

Candace:
Awww! [pause] Nah, still sick of it.

[the gelatin has turned into an evil monster, thanks to Dr. Doofenshmirtz]

Phineas:
All right, who added the "evil" flavor? [everyone looks at Baljeet]

Baljeet:
It's curry. It's not inherently evil. Maybe a little spicy. [the monster growls] Okay, I'm going home.

Candace:
Phineas! I thought you were stampeded!

Phineas:
We were! But it didn't hurt. They were big, but they were still fluffy.

Ferb:
It's like being run over by cotton candy, but less sticky.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
So how do you feel about evil?

Doofenshmirtz's Girlfriend:
Huh? That's a weird question...

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Is it? I'm just making conversation.

Doofenshmirtz's Girlfriend:
...But I love it!

Buford:
Name?

Candace:
It's me.

Buford:
Me who?

Candace:
I'm Candace. Candace Flynn.

Buford:
You're not on the list. You should have made a reservation yesterday.

Candace:
This restaurant didn't EXIST yesterday!

Doofenshmirtz's Girlfriend:
I don't even put evil on my profile anymore because it attracts so many weirdos.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Don't I know it!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, Perry the Platypus! You must have noticed how I reinforced the locks... but, you know, not the door. Let's just get you out of there. [tries to pull Perry out of the door] You know, you're really trapped here... just... just like I planned! Obviously.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[to his daughter's ex-boyfriend] Girls don't like guys who are whiny. You're whiny.

Napoleon:
Well, we have a limited air supply. Floyd, stop breathing.

Phineas:
Behold! The state-of-the-matter transfer device!

Mom:
Oh, laundry. Sometimes I feel like our first president, because I'm "washing... a ton."

[drum set reaction plays]

Baljeet:
Tell me again why you have a life-size mold of Candace.

Buford:
I got life-size molds of ALL my friends.

Isabella:
I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Norm:
Denizens of downtown Danville, pardon me for interrupting. You have two minutes to relinquish your city to me or see it utterly destroyed. Thank you for your cooperation.

Norm:
Attention Danville, while your nervous scurrying is gratifying, I must inform you that you have one minute to... surrender.

[Buford drinks liquified poultry]

Buford:
Mmm, tastes like chicken.

Phineas:
I think we need to try something a little more...

Ferb:
Fowl?

Phineas:
Yeah! No! Exotic.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
How did this come to be? Well, I'll tell you, since you didn't ask.

Norm:
[singing "Weaponry"] La la la-laaa.

Chorus:
Weaponry!

Norm:
It's the way to get it done.

Chorus:
Weaponry!

Norm:
It's effective and it's fun. If you want to make them fall on bended knee at your command, bow their heads and swear that you're the leader of the land, state your wishes in a language they all understand - with weaponry. That's the plan!

Phineas:
What's wrong, Isabella?

Isabella:
I ran out of shoes!

Phineas:
Oh, that's okay. [he kicks off his shoes] It's more fun to dance barefoot anyway.

[Phineas and Ferb join Danny as he breaks out into a guitar solo]

Phineas:
So what's this?

Danny:
This is psychedelia. It's where the guitar solo came from.

Phineas:
No. I mean what's with all the colors?

Danny:
[stops playing] I have no idea.

[after the full song "Ain't Got Rhythym"]

Swampy:
Hey! I got rhythym!

[drums out of the room]

Phineas:
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, my brother and I are here today to give you a thrilling display of escapement arts as we attempt to extricate ourselves from THIS, the most complicated trap ever devised by man or child, a computer-controlled tower so fiendishly clever that its blueprints had to be viewed in a smoked mirror to avoid driving its creators insane!

Baljeet:
[standing idly by with Buford and Isabella while Phineas and Ferb enter their inescapable tower] Legally speaking, what is our liability here?

Voice of the Tower:
I don't give a flying buttress.

Phineas:
I'm feeling such a mixture of pride and mortal terror.

Major Monogram:
As for me, I'm off to Cheesetopia! It's utopia with cheese.

Carl:
Sir, you remember what happens when you eat cheese.

Major Monogram:
Uh, I've been cleared by the doctors.

Phineas:
Just dump it right there like a caged guy in a squirrel costume. What? I stand my that metaphor.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
It takes a long time to clean out a chicken coop with a spoon.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[spotting Carl sneaking through his lab in a squirrel outfit] Oh, and I just sprayed for squirrel men.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Well, now, it appears that Fate has dumped our mysterious guest like an immense pile of assorted cheeses onto the lawn of my evil lab I know. It's a strange metaphor but I stand by it!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Ugh, it's so hard to get good help these days, even when you ride 'em like a bicycle.

Candevere:
What flaxen homespun have we swaggering here?

Phineas:
[as The Lady of the Puddle leaves with a dousing splash] Wow. Good thing she wasn't Lady of the Hot Coffee.

Bulavolus:
He's a shepherd spy. They're the worst kind.

Bulavolus:
Oh, no! Canned meat! Now we're in trouble.

Isabel the Water Sprite:
What art thou dooo-in'?

Candevere:
Mom, I'm telling you they're galavanting out there conjuring things with magical elixirs.

Malifishmertz:
A-ha! Perable the Dragonpus. Welcome to your doom!

Malifishmertz:
Let me tell you about my plan for seising control of the Tri-Kingdom Area: You see, I was bullfrog hunting down by the rat-catchers shack and came across...

[Malifishmertz rounds a corner while descending a circular staircase; his voice becomes muffled and indistinguishable]

Malifishmertz:
[coming back into view]... with the biggest raspberry I've ever seen. It was the size of a cucumber.

[rounding another corner, becoming again muffled]

Malifishmertz:
[returning to view]... is what I said because I had a gag over my mouth.

[rounding another corner and muffled once again]

Malifishmertz:
[coming back into view] And THAT'S why I decided to take over the Tri-Kingdom Area. True story.

Bulavolus:
Mother always told me if all the other kids are jumpin' off a cliff, I should, too.

Baljeetolas:
Your mother said THAT?

Bulavolus:
She was not a nurturer. Let's go!

Malifishmertz:
Oh, whadda ya know? It's a uni-whale-scorpio-pega-squid-icorn girl. What are the odds?

Mom:
Candace, you need to lighten up a little, take it easy. Do you know what I do to relax?

Candace:
You eat some pie and then lay down in that old sensory deprivation tank we keep in the basement.

Mom:
That's right. Would you like to try it?

Candace:
Um, I'm gonna go with no, but thank you.

Solon Worker:
Try our new liquid massage. This isn't your mother's sensory deprivation tank.

Isabella:
Have you ever seen senior citizens riot? It's like a slow, grey tornado of canes and false teeth.

Buford:
[seeing the spud army formed, in part, by his own DNA] Oh, look at the little guys. They're like little bullies. I am both proud and ready to soil my pants in terror.

[Doofenshmirtz summons up a Spartan army and gets... ]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
A Mongol army? Really? Uh, I must have had the dial set for "Hun." Oh, well, you don't look a gift horde in the mouth, so... hello!

[Buford and Baljeet attempt to entertain senior citizens with sock puppets]

Senior Citizen:
You stink!

Buford:
Well, that wasn't very nice!

Baljeet:
Technically, we ARE socks.

Isabella:
Why on earth would you build a hot tub on this thing?

Phineas:
I'd like to think the real question is - why WOULDN'T we?

Sales Clerk:
One Genghis Khan costume. Will that be cash or credit?

Nana Shapiro:
That was the best time we've had since they canceled three-bean-salad Tuesdays.

Dad:
Goodbye, boys! Have a great day! I'm off to work.

Phineas:
Goodbye, Dad. Have fun buying from auctions and private sales, performing minor refurbishments to the purchased items, marking up the price and then selling them to your customers.

Ferb:
[to the camera] Our dad sells antiques.

Isabella:
Of, Phineas, I think your new language is onderful-werb.

Phineas:
By Jove, I think she's got it!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I bet you're wondering where my inator is, right? Come on, guess. Guess. No? No? You're not gonna play? All right, all right, all right. Fine. Don't play. It's Norm!

Norm:
Let's hope there's no self-destruct button on THIS one!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
You're always had one, Norm. I just never told you where it was so you wouldn't pick at it.

[Norm's eyes go wide before his mouth falls off]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Anyway, I've done lots of research for the past, you know, few hours, and I... and I found out that most people will believe ANYTHING THEY READ. And I know it's true because, you know, I... I read it online somewhere.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
It's gonna work. I'm using a very convincing font. It's bold and it has a lot of serifs!

Phineas:
Follow that horde!

Candace:
[seeing so many people auditioning] I can't do this.

Stacy:
Oh yes you can. You're not a quitter, you're a fighter.

Candace:
I am?

Stacy:
Sure you are. You're a lean, mean singing machine. [Candace punches her handbag] That's it! Yeah, now you're looking like a winner. [Candace looks aggressive and breathes heavily; Jeremy walks up]

Jeremy:
Hey, Candace.

Candace:
[fixing herself] And that is what a gorilla looks like when you try to take away its food.

Phineas:
We're dressed like people did in the '50s, y'know, when people dressed like a sitcom from the '70s.

Candace:
I'm living in Crazytown. And Phineas and Ferb are town council.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Wait, no, no! Don't open the door, you'll let in Perry the Platypus!

Vanessa:
You know he'll just blow the door down if you don't open it. [opens door revealing Perry holding a bazooka] Come in, Perry. Toodles! [leaves]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
I'm worried about her, Perry the Platypus. [turns to Perry] Hey! You *were* going to to blow down my door!

Phineas:
Well, it'd be fun to finally see the ball drop.

Vivian Garcia-Shapiro:
Oh, it is a wonderful tradition.

Isabella:
And of course there's this other tradition of kissing someone special at midnight!

Phineas:
Well, then I know what we are gonna do tonight!

Isabella:
[excited] Really?

Phineas:
Yeah! We're gonna make our own New Year's Ball and drop it from outer space!

[Isabella suddenly looks completely dumbfounded and disappointed]

Vivian Garcia-Shapiro:
Your mother is right, Phineas, you have such an active imagination!

Isabella:
[sourly] Not active enough.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[tasting an abominable marshmallow] Ooh, it's all marshmallowy and hairy. Not completely unlike summer camp.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[dressed up for New Year's Eve] How do I look?

Norm:
Like a pharmacist in a bow tie.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Good enough.

Phineas:
What do you think?

Baljeet:
It is like our own miniature Canada! But, of course, without the beavers, moose, and disproportionate number of comedians.

Phineas:
Or Canadian bacon.

Buford:
I forgot all about Canadian bacon.

Baljeet:
You realize it is only ham.

Ferb:
"Auld Lang Syne" literally means "old long ago," but I'd rather think of New Year's as an unspoiled universe.

Candace:
[speaking into Irving's camera] Hey y'all out there in Internetland, watch closely 'cause I'm gonna bust Phineas and Ferb!

Irving:
[laughs] She never busts them. And Internetland is not a real place.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[seeing Perry] Perry the Platypus? You can't come in here; this is a black-tie affair. [Perry leaves, then returns, wearing a tux but no pants] Actually, I guess it doesn't really specify pants anywhere, so I guess you're okay.

Ginger Hirano:
Stacy! Mom said it's my turn to use the computer.

Stacy:
Not now, Ginger, I'm busy.

Ginger Hirano:
Don't make me open a can of whipped cream on you! Or however that goes.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[upon seeing Perry] Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected, I really mean unexpected, what are you doing here, this is my week off.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[summing up his Internet girlfriend] It's not the worse date I ever had. There was the one that kept stabbing me with the fork.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Ah, Perry the platypus, as usual your timing is uncanny. And by uncanny, of course I mean... completely canny!

Phineas:
Hey, we're almost there. What's the first thing you're going to do at camp, Buford?

Buford:
Find a nerd, take his underpants, and run 'em up the flagpole.

Phineas:
I don't think Camp Phineas and Ferb has a flag pole.

Buford:
Then I'll just find a nerd and take his underpants.

Baljeet:
[meakly] You may have my underpants. They just got very messy all of a sudden.

Phineas:
What's the first thing you're going to do at camp?

Candace:
First of all it's not camp. It's just grandma and grandpa's cabin and it's boring.

Phineas:
[holding one up] But we made t-shirts.

Candace:
Second, I don't like the outdoors. I don't like bugs!

Candace:
[on her cell phone] Hello?... Hello? Ugh! What do you have to do to find a cell signal in this place?

Grandma:
Candace!

Candace:
Oh hi, grandma. How can you stand it living out here in the middle of nowhere?

Grandma:
Oh come on, honey. It's not so bad.

Candace:
[swating flies] Ohh, pesky bugs! I am trying to tan here.

Phineas:
[holding a glass out to her] Hey, Candace. I thought I'd bring my favorite camp counselor a 'Phineas Special'.

Candace:
That's just a glass of limeade and I am not a counselor.

Candace:
Am I the only adult here? Why can't my grandpa act his own age?

Grandma:
[walking up to her] I think you should act your age and have a little fun!

Candace:
[outraged] I can't take it anymore!

Phineas:
It was just a joke, Candace.

Candace:
You're a joke, Phineas!

Grandpa Clyde:
Candace, honey. Calm down.

Candace:
[almost hysterical] Calm down? Calm down? I don't wanna calm down!

Grandpa Clyde:
Your screaming might attract a real bigfoot.

Candace:
A real bigfoot? Oh give it a rest, Phineas.

Grandpa Clyde:
[after the kids run of scared, laughing] Ha, ha, ha! Looks like we fooled 'em, Ma.

Grandma:
[unzipping the Bigfoot costume, laughing] Did you see the look on their faces?

Candace:
That was so cool!

Grandma:
Come on. Lets round up those scared kids and have some hot cocoa.

Candace:
[laughing to the kids] I sure got you guys! You should have seen your faces. Only unsophisticated, immature brains would believe in monsters. Yes, it takes a mature adult such as myself to know... that there... is no... such... thing as gggg- bigfoot! [sees Doofenshmirtz being chased by the tree bigfoots, screams and runs into the house]

Baljeet:
[as the kind turn to see an empty path with a full moon] Oh, I do not believe her one bit! Too much overacting.

Phineas:
Ferb and I are going to use a laser to carve our faces in the comet, so that when it passes over again in 73.5 years our grandchildren will see it. By the way my parents are cooking outdoor steaks for everyone. What do you think Isabella?

Isabella:
You had me at "our grandchildren".

Phineas:
Huh?

Isabella:
Steaks! You had me at "steaks".

Jeremy:
[after the games] Wow, Candace. Your hair looks great!

Buford:
Prepare to feel the wrath of Buford!

Isabella:
Don't bring that smack-talk around here. This is my house!

Phineas:
Technically it's our garage.

Ferb:
[quietly] She's on a roll.

Isabella:
Tell you what I'm gonna do, Buford. I'm gonna take this ball and I'm gonna hit it into your goal in one shot.

Buford:
Oh, is that right?

Isabella:
Absolutely and you want to know the funny part? There's nothing you can do about it!

Baljeet:
[strapped upside down as the game starts] I feel this may not be the best way to block a shot. [being hit repeatedly with a ball] Clearly I was- clearly I was wrong, that was an excellent way to block a shot!

Candace:
[after getting hit numerous times] Isabella! I have feet too, you know.

Isabella:
[turning the wheel] Sorry, Candace!

Phineas:
Looks like we've reached the all important 'fruit level'!

Isabella:
Well, Buford that was a great game. [holds out her hand] Come on. Be a good sport.

Buford:
Like I said before: losing to a girl doesn't count. [starts walking away, he gets zapped and turns back calmly] What I meant to say was, I had a wonderful time. I guess you were right. Girls are just as good as boys. Woo-who! The F-Games rock! [leaves]

Ferb:
That was completely out of character.

Candace:
I feel like a kebab.

Baljeet:
I too fell a certain element of kebabism.

Phineas:
[after explaining the route for the race] Any questions?

Baljeet:
Yes. Should we not establish the rules first?

Buford:
This is a chariot race. There are not rules!

Isabella:
No rules? Well, if those are the rules.

Candace:
[during the chariot race] Reckless endangerment, disrupting traffic! Oooh, they are so busted!

Phineas:
[after Candace pulls out in front] Candace has the lead. Go Candace!

Candace:
[desperately holding on] Somebody help me!

Phineas:
See, I knew she'd love it.

Phineas:
[after the crash finish in the museum] That was the coolest rocking horse-mower pulled-chariot-minotaur chase ever!

Candace:
[looking around the museum] I can't believe you dragged me all the way over here for this. Well, at least there's hunky guys in skirts.

Phineas:
I know what we're going to do today! We're gonna have our own chariot race!

Phineas:
Isabella, we're gonna have the greatest race in history! Complete with helmets, and armor and super cool chariots. spread the word! Spread the word!

Isabella:
[starts running back and forth] Wait. At what time?

Phineas:
In about an hour or so.

Isabella:
Where's it gonna be?

Phineas:
Here!

Isabella:
Who am I telling again?

Phineas:
Just spread the word. Oh and tell them to bring gladiator gear.

Phineas:
Each chariot will be pulled by a rocking horse Ferb souped up with a lawn-mower engine.

Candace:
[walking into the backyard] Phineas, just what do you think you're doing?

Phineas:
Candace, great! You're right on time. Check out this cool looking helmet we made for you and we built you your own chariot that looks just like you.

Candace:
[makes a face indentical to the chariot's] Oh, that is ridiculous; I do not have wheels!

Dad:
[about Candace, while watching tv] Oh, now where'd she go? She's gonna miss all the action.

Phineas:
[sseing his sister in the race] Looks like Candace made it after all. Lookin' good, Candace!

Phineas:
[seeing all the gadgets on the Bufford's chariot] Remind me, why did we put spikes on Buford's chariot again? And a bowling ball catapult? I mean, what were we thinking? Why'd we give them all the cool stuff?

Baljeet:
[during the race] The girls are still gaining!

Isabella:
[during the race] Okay girls! Start formations!

Candace:
[as the crowd cheer Phineas and Ferb] Oh no! No, no, no, no! You can't just tear up the town with your chariots and expect to get away with it!

Candace:
Just wait until mom and dad find out about this!

Phineas:
Candace, looks like we own you a big thanks for defeating the minitor. Who knew you had the power to turn men to stone.

Candace:
That is so not true. Who has ever heard of something as silly as turning someone to stone!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Then no one can stop the wrath of Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz!

Vanessa:
Doctor? Since when are you a doctor?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[Shows her his certificate] They don't just give these to anybody, you know.

Vanessa:
[Looks at certificate's price tag] Anybody with $15, they do...

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[Snatches certificate from her] OK, that's enough looking.

Phineas:
We can make Phinadroids and Ferbots!

Phineas:
[to the robots] Please take a blueprint and report to the backyard immediately!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[to Perry] Too bad you don't believe in love... to bad!

Candace:
[seeing all the androids working] They're my brothers and they're robots... they're brobots!

Phineas:
Look, they've started their own over-priced coffee franchise... that's so 90's.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Perry, the platypus? How did you escape my net?... It was the mouse, wasn't it?

Candace:
80's music is so 2002.

Candace:
I know I've done this nineteen other times, but this time I can say with the utmost confidence that there are Phineas and Ferb robots in our back yard!

[throws open the gate]

Mom:
Yes, Candace. There are Phineas and Ferb robots in our back yard.

[they see Phineas and Ferb, dancing the "Phinadroids and Ferbots" dance]

Candace:
You guys are gonna be soo busted when I show mom what you did to those kiddie rides!

Phineas:
[about his favorite kiddie ride] You know, in retrospect I may have over-romanticized those memories. But I'll bet, with a little effort and some unstable uranium isotopes, we can make them that much fun!

Phineas:
My brother's an alien? How cool is that!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Ah, Perry the Platypus, how predictable. And by "predictable", I mean completely... um... dictable, I guess.

Mom:
I want you to pick up some nice back-to-school clothes. [they walk into the store and come right back out] Wow. That was fast.

Phineas:
Well, we do have a signature look. [Phineas pulls out Ferb's outfit from his bag and Ferb pulls out Phineas's. They look at each other and switch outfits] Although Perry's mixing it up a bit. [Perry's seen wearing a scarf]

Phineas:
Candace, what are you doing?

Candace:
Running for my life, what does it look like?

Candace:
Phineas, where's this rescue party of yours?

Phineas:
Come to think of it, I may have misspelt "time machine" in the plans.

[pause]

Ferb:
Well, I hope that's not going to be an issue.

Candace:
[picking up an electrical cord when the time machine doesn't work] You built a time machine that has to be PLUGGED IN?

Django:
[sitting outside, on the steps] You got tossed out too, huh?

Candace:
Yeah, for yelling.

Django:
You yelled in a museum? That is hardcore.

Candace:
Why'd you get tossed out?

Django:
Stole a pterodactyl. It's not like I yelled.

Phineas:
[when the time machine transports them] Well, it's working now.

Candace:
What? What's working? [walks up to a T-Rex and runs back] Take me home. Take me home. Take me home. Take me home. Take me home. TAKE ME HOME!

Phineas:
Sure Candace. No problem.

Ferb:
[after the T-Rex stomps on the time machine] This could be a problem.

Phineas:
[seeing the T-Rex directly over them] What ever you do... keep your voices low and no sudden movements.

Candace:
[panics hysterically and runs off] Ahhhhhhhhh!

Phineas:
Wow! It worked. Let's go save Candace. Follow that T-Rex!... Wait, we don't have helmets.

Phineas:
[at the museum] Gadgets through the ages. This exhibit was made for us, Ferb.

Phineas:
[being carried by a brontosaurus-like dinosaur] Hey, what a stroke of luck. Look!

Candace:
And how is THIS better?

Phineas:
This one is a vegetarian.

Candace:
So, it's not going to eat us?

Phineas:
[happy] Nope.

Phineas:
[looking around at the prehistoric world] Wow! Isn't this amazing?

Candace:
You guys better figure out a way to get us home. "Cause if we don't get home, I can't bust you for this!

Candace:
[almost crying] Oohhh!I can't believe I am just stuck here. I can't beleive I'll never get to get my driver license or wear my dream dress to the prom. [sitting down and drawing in the mud] But most of all, I can't believe I'll never get to see Jeremy again. [to her brother who are meditating] How long are we supposed to just sit here?

Phineas:
[calm] I don't know. Ferb and I have decided to use this time as an opportunity to proactive patience.

Candace:
[disparingly] Lovely. Well I suppose things can't get any worse. [its starts to rain] Oh look, the worlds first bad hair day... So Phineas, where's this rescue party you sent for?

Candace:
[after Isabella and her troop arrive to rescue them] We're saved!

Isabella:
[to Phineas] You know, there's an M in time machine.

Phineas:
Yeah, sorry... Take it away, Ferb.

Phineas:
[confronted again with the T-Rex] Candace... no sudden movements.

Candace:
[hopelessly] What does it matter? We're all doomed anyway. I mean where are we suppose to find electricity in dinosaur land? [is struck by lightening, sending them back]

Candace:
[back at the museum] Boy, that was a close one. Lucky for them I was there or we'd still be trying to escape that... [walks directly into the live dinosaur, before running away] T-REX! Ahhhhh!

Dad:
Hey you know kids, these fossils are of creatures that lived right here in Danville millions of year ago.

Mom:
Lucky these things aren't still here today.

Candace:
[annoyed] No. Lucky would be if we weren't still here today.

Phineas:
A time machine huh? Ferb, I know what we're going to do today! Right, let's fix us a time machine.

Candace:
Why do I have to endure this suffering while Phineas and Ferb are off who knows where, doing who knows what... [stops as she sees them] WHAT are you doing?

Phineas:
Fixing a time machine.

Candace:
You broke the exhibit? I'm telling mom!

Isabella:
Whatcha doing?

Phineas:
Fixing a time machine.

Isabella:
Isn't that kind of impossible?

Phineas:
That's a possibility.

Isabella:
Well, good luck!

Candace:
[running] Mom, mom! Evidence!

Museum Guard:
Whoa there, missy. There's no yelling. Didn't you read the sign?

Candace:
Oh, that's right. It's a museum. [sarcastically] I wouldn't wanna wake anyone up!

Candace:
[after repeatedly appearing] Hi, Jeremy

Jeremy:
Candace, you're really kinda freaking me out.

Museum Guard:
Say, aren't you a little young to be working in a museum?

Phineas:
Yes, yes I am.

Museum Guard:
Well, it's nice to see young people taking an interest in history.

Museum Guard:
[seeing Candace with a piece of the time machine] You? I thought I tossed you out! Hey, what's this? Stealing part of the display is very serious. Almost yelling serious.

Candace:
Mom, Phineas and Ferb are in the Gadgets of the Ages exhibit and they're doing something to this chari thing!

Dad:
[looking at the fossil print with a mud print beside it] Hey, I don't remeber seeing this part. Ohh, hey that looks just like Candace. Honey, you've gotta see this!

Dad:
Look, I'm telling you it's the most peculiar thing I've ever seen. It looks just like Candace.

Mom:
[looks closer at the line in the fossil print] Hmm... That's not very nice dear.

Phineas:
[about the foot print] Hey, that looks familiar. You guys, come here. Anyone recognize that bad boy?

Candace:
Uh, that looks like a foot print from the beast that tried to eat me alive!

Phineas:
And it happens to the very same foot print that's fossilized in the museum.

Candace:
Great! But how does that help us get out of prehistoric times?

Isabella:
[to there troop] Our friends need our help! Please turn to the time travel section of your Fireside Girls handbook... Hey, has anyone seen Perry?

Candace:
[trying to stop them] Mom, dad. Don't go in there! There's a live tyranasur!

Mom:
[to Lawrence] That's your imagination, hun.

Dad:
How 'bout we go check out that scary dinosaur.

Candace:
No, no! Don't go in there! He's going to eat you. I'm telling you!

Mom:
[they walk around the corner to see a frozen t-rex] Well you're right, Candace. It's very life-like.

Phineas:
Hey mom, hey dad. They you are, Candace. History is soo exciting! We actually went back in time.

Dad:
I know what you mean, Phin. These exhibit make the past seem so real.

Phineas:
[seeing his pet] Hey, there you are Perry.

Mom:
Alright, historians. Let's head home.

Jeremy:
[to Candace as they leave] Hey, Candace. This fossil is my favorite in the museum. [pointing to the C+J stone]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Perry the Platypus, I'm so sorry I hurt you when I wasn't actually trying to hurt you. If you give me another chance, I promise to hurt you in the right way with cartoonish physical violence and elaborate traps constructed out of strange things I purchased over the internet. What do you say?

Candace:
Totally get the crush thing. But I don't get the Phineas thing. I mean, you do realize that his head's a triangle?

Isabella:
[dreamily] Yeah... It's so acute...

Phineas:
Wow. I don't know where it all went, but it's a good thing we brought our own basket, huh?

Isabella:
[squeals before slapping herself] Yes. Yes, it is.

Baljeet:
[Both bump into each other] Hey, you got your bitterballen in my vindaloo.

Buford:
And you got your vindaloo all over my bitterballen!

Baljeet:
I wonder if these two great tastes will taste great together.

Buford:
Nah. We should kill this with fire.

Baljeet:
[pauses] Agreed.

Phineas:
Come on, gang! Let's get started on building our mega-mondo...

Buford:
Ah, no can do, dinner bell. It's family day, and the van Stomms from the low countries are visiting. Buford is outtie, G.

Phineas:
Well, that's a bummer. But we can come up with some workarounds. So if you two...

Baljeet:
No can do, Phineas. I am taking an East Indian cooking class. We are going to make goat vindaloo. If we can ever find a goat. [a goat bleats off screen] Oh, there is one now! Got to run!

Phineas:
Well, good luck! Well, the plans will still work with just three of us.

Linda:
I'm afraid your plans will have to wait until after Ferb's dental appointment. Come on, honey. Time to go.

Ferb:
All right.

Phineas:
Wow, I've never seen Ferb so nervous. Hmm... Well, I guess it's just the two of us, huh? [Isabella squeals uncontrollably with excitement all over her body] Isabella, are you all right? [Isabella slaps herself and goes back to normal]

Isabella:
Oh. Oh, yeah. We-we could spend the day together. That would be fun. Whatever...

Phineas:
Let's see, with only two of us, we'd have to reallocate some weight in order to... Hmm. Well, maybe if we just reduce the amount of... Ahh... Nope, that won't fly either. You know, this is a lot harder without Ferb around.

Isabella:
But he never says anything.

Phineas:
It's not what he doesn't say, it's how he doesn't say it.

Phineas:
Wow, even Perry's gone... Oh, but that's pretty normal.

Isabella:
Gretchen, we have a Code Pink! Romeo is alone! Repeat, Romeo is alone!

Candace:
Okay, what are you doing and what does it have to do with my brothers?

Milly:
Um, uh, it's something of a delicate matter.

Isabella:
Romeo is all go.

Candace:
Delicate?

Isabella:
Well, you might not know, but I have a little bit of a crush on Phineas.

Ginger:
"Little" being subjective.

Isabella:
[sourly] Stand down, Fireside Girl.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Anyway, the problem is, I've already spent this months alimony on my new inator. And now I don't have enough money left to send Vanessa to the "Grievance" movie marathon she wants to see. They're playing all the "Grievance" movies in order. They got the "The Grievance," they've got "Grievance 2: The Gripe," "Grievance 3: Bone to Pick," and "Grievance 4: The Revenge of the Italian Jug Band." You know, I don't think that last one is canon.

Mom:
[surprised] Candace, why are you covered in mud?

Ferb:
Because she's a tire-spinning, gear-grinding, clutch-burning, backfiring, paint-trading, red-lining, overheating-throttle-stumping, truck-driving girl.

Candace:
And I learned how to parallel park!

Mom:
Great.

Dad:
[opening the window after hearing an engine and a loud horn] Oh, hey boys.

Phineas:
Dad, you might want to wipe the queen off your face.

Dad:
Oh, yeah. Thanks... Crickey! A monster truck!

Phineas:
Yeah! Isn't it sweet? It's to help Candace how to parallel park and stuff. We figured if she learned how to drive one of these monsters, she'd have the confidence to drive anything.

Dad:
Oh yeah, brilliant. But I'd better check with mom about this... [dialing on his cell and mom picks up] Hello honey. Yes, yes. I love you too, darling. Are you aware that the boys have a monster truck in the back yard?

Mom:
[at cooking school, walking into class] Honestly, you're as bad as Candace.

Dad:
Ok, ok. Just checking. [hangs up] It's a go boys! I'll get your sister!

Mom:
What are you two doing today?

Phineas:
We're racing our remote control monster trucks.

Mom:
[looks at the toy tracks] I don't "see" any monster trucks.

Phineas:
Oh, that's because we rigged them to light speed. You know how those stock motors are. They never give you enough action.

Mom:
You boys have such active imaginations. You must get it from your father.

Candace:
[answering the phone] Dispair speaking.

Stacy:
Care to explain why "dispair" isn't picking up her cell phone this morning?

Candace:
Because of a little thing called parallel parking!

Cooking School Chef:
Eh-hem! Madam Flynn. I have told you a hundred times. [smashing the cell phone with a cleaver] No phone calls in class! [than his phone rings] Hello? It is for you! [hands to phone to Mrs. Flynn]

Mom:
Hello?

Candace:
Mom, I think the boys are building a monster truck!

Mom:
Um honey, I gotta go. No, big chef. Big meat tenderizer in front of mommy. Bye, bye.

Candace:
[driving up hill] Phineas, this incline is getting kind of steep!

Phineas:
Don't worry, Candace. It get's steeper!

Phineas:
[about Candace] She's on her date with Jeremy, which means we're on a date with Jeremy.

Ferb:
Again, creepy on so many levels.

Phineas:
We're inside Candace's stomach.

Ferb:
That's creepy on so many levels.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Perry the Platypus, I... You know, we always do the same thing. I have a scheme, you try to stop me, I trap you, I tell you my scheme, you escape, then we fight, and I'm defeated. Let's mix it up a little!

Candace:
[talking about steamrollers] People and their silly trends. Hey, mom, can I get a pink streak in my hair?

Mom:
Why would you want to do that?

Candace:
To express my individuality! Everybody's doing it.

Phineas:
[singing] Get out your tool case, put on your game face. Get out the brushes, gonna paint this town. Let's just get rockin', no time for talkin'. Just fourteen hours 'till the sun goes down. We've got one last day of summer, one more day before school has begun. One last day in the sun, let's have some serious fun. Every day of summer, we've given a hundred percent. But today we'll give a hundred-and-one.

Baljeet:
[singing] But that is not mathematically possible.

Phineas:
[talking] You know what we mean.

Baljeet:
[talking] Yes, I understand. Hyperbole.

Phineas:
[singing] We set a precedent, for entertainment. We're doing something and it's gonna be big. Put on your glad rags and pack a lunch bag. No, something smaller, not that suckling pig. We've got one last day of summer, one more day before school has begun. We've got one last day in the sun, let's have some serious fun! Let's have some serious fu-u-un! Let's have some serious fun!

Phineas:
Hey Ferb, do you think we can get any more power? I mean, I know it's just a battery, but I was thinking, let's open it up and see what this puppy can... [an antique car goes past, honking its horn as it does] Uh, Ferb, we're actually slowing down now. Ferb? Hello? [Ferb has hooked up the remote to a car battery; suddenly, Phineas' car takes off, going much, much faster and plastering him against the seat] OH YEAH! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M *TALKIN' ABOUT*!

Linda Flynn-Fletcher:
[to Lawrence, After seeing Candace holding onto the table to stop her floating away due to anti-gravity] Good thing she's wearing her skort.

Phineas:
We'll build the best dang car wash in the whole dang world, dang it!... I... I can't really pull that off, can I?

Ferb:
You're not very street.

Phineas:
[disappointed] Yeah.

Phineas:
Fame is fleeting.

Ferb:
But the Internet is forever.

Isabella:
[the kids are having trouble finding Steve] There's no way we can catch him. He moves too fast, maybe we should just give up?

Ferb:
Give up? *Give up*? The day may come when we'll give up on fruitless searches after a mere eleven minutes, but that day is not today! The day may come when our favorite reptile may be lost from our memories and his enduring love of mushrooms forgotten, but that day is not today! Today we search! We will search for him in the streets, we will search for him in the trenches, we will search for him in the alleys and the mini-malls and the cul-de-sacs of this fair land. We'll search for him in the multilevel car parks and municipal recreational facilities. And we few. We happy few. We small band of brothers - and girl from across the street. We shall not cease 'til he is found!

[Phineas and Ferb see a whole room full of people at Candace's intimate get-together]

Phineas:
Hey!

Ferb:
When we get our own place, it'll be like this every day.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[to Perry the Platypus] So, let me tell you my evil scheme. Not too long ago, I used to sit right over there and watch free movies on the drive-in movie screen across the street. Of course, I didn't get the sound, so I'd make up my own dialogue. It was fun! [changes voice to sound deeper and more gruff] Sheila, I love you, but now I have to defuse this bomb. [normal voice] See, good stuff! Gripping. [looks out the window] But now look, they built a giant condominium blocking my view. I tried to make a dialogue for it. [deep, gruff voice] I'm a condominium, I'm just standing here. [normal voice] See, where's the fun in that? It's always the same. "I'm a building." There's no story. I know what you're thinking, why don't I move my armchair over to that window with the unblocked view? Well, I would also need to move this little table and the lamp, and this is the only electrical outlet. It seems easier to get rid of the building.

Phineas:
[mistaking Princess Baldegunde for Candace] Wow, Candace really seems to be enjoying herself today!

Ferb:
And she seems to have acquired an upper class Drusselsteinian speech pattern.

Phineas:
Yeah... Let's just go with it.

Candace:
I just need to broaden my anxieties.

Stacy:
Yeah, I guess if you're gonna have an unhealthy mind frame, it might as well benefit me.

[on headphones, Mom listens intently to her Learn to Speak French instruction recording while Phineas and friends prepare to leave Earth in Meap's spaceship]

Instructor:
Oh, for the love of... Would you turn around?

Phineas:
[to Mom] See ya!

[a rapid "French" translation plays, then Meap's spaceship blasts off]

Mom:
[frowning over her French lessons] Well, when is THAT ever gonna come up in conversation?

Mitch:
Not even you can stop me from becoming the cutest being in the universe.

Phineas:
Aw, look at the little guy. What's the fastest way I can transfer all my assets into HIS name?

Narrator:
A long time ago in a studio in Burbank, California, a ragtag group of animators made a fake trailer for a Meap Sequel they never intended to make. Unfortunately, everyone wanted to see that episode, so the animators were forced to write it and incorporate all these seemingly unrelated scenes.

[scenes plays]

Narrator:
I guess the joke was on them. We now present... Meapless in Seattle.

Southern Meap:
You see, where I come from, cuteness is valued above all else, and the source of our planet's cuteness is a very rare element called Cutonium.

Dr. Doofenschmirtz:
What kind of a world are we living in where a guy can't down the contents of a mysterious urn found in a trench without undergoing major physical transmogrification, really?

Meap:
Well, my little friend, it looks like we're about to meet our untimely demise.

Dr. Doofenschmirtz:
Yeah, speak for yourself! I'm gonna try to land on you so you'll break my fall!

[commercial break]

Meap:
My word, we've been falling for a long time!

Dr. Doofenschmirtz:
Oh, a joke about the commercial break. Yeah, THAT'S how I wanna spend my last few seconds.

Phineas:
You know, "willy-nilly barging" IS a plan of sorts.

Dr. Doofenschmirtz:
This is some rescue!

Isabella:
[the gang is trapped inside alien bodies] Well, look on the bright side!... I got nothin'.

[from trailer]

Nick Fury:
The beam that hit you originated from the Tri-State Area.

[an image appears on screen of a satellite shaped like Phineas' head]

Spider-Man:
Is that one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s?

Nick Fury:
No. It's theirs.

[Phineas and Ferb appear on the screen working on something]

Spider-Man:
Man, that kid's got a weird-shaped head.

[from trailer]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[typing] "OMG! I drained all the powers from a group of superheroes all the way in New York >:D >:D >:D" [read as "peppy emoticon"]

[from trailer]

Hulk:
[dressed in pots and pans and various appliances] Now I'm Iron Man! [the real Iron Man flies into the impostor]

[from trailer]

Thor:
A juice in a box? We have nothing like this in Asgard.

[from trailer]

Candace:
Super... heroes... in... duh... our... kitchen!

[from trailer]

Red Skull:
Looks like we're going on an evil road trip.

M.O.D.O.K.:
Ooh, shotgun!

Red Skull:
YOU DO NOT FIT IN ZE SHOTGUN POSITION!

[from trailer]

Major Monogram:
This is director Nick Fury from S-H-I-E-L-D.

Nick Fury:
That's S.H.I.E.L.D.! It's an acronym.

Major Monogram:
Like "OWCA"?

Nick Fury:
Yes, except it's cool.

[from trailer]

Nick Fury:
[on Perry] Is he some kind of super-platypus with super-platypus themed powers?

Major Monogram:
He has a fedora.

[from trailer]

Red Skull:
Who was that masked... beaver... duck?

[from trailer]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
I thought this was going to be a special extended episode!

[from trailer]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[to Red Skull] Y'know, you really should use sunblock. Y-You're burned down to the bone.

[from trailer]

[the Beak's arm gets blown off]

Phineas:
Talk about being disarmed!

[from trailer]

Candace:
You guys wanna read my fan-fiction?

Spider-Man:
Sorry, but we're not allowed to read unsolicited material.

[from trailer]

Candace:
[coming down the stairs] Alright, boys and girls, listen up, I'm in charge, so that means no shenanigans! Hey, Spider-Man. Duh-duh-duh-daaay?

Spider-Man:
'Sup?

[from trailer]

Little Old Lady:
[to the supervillains] Outta my way, you weirdoes!

[from trailer]

Spider-Man:
Spider-Man smash!

[Spidey smashes through the roof of the Googolplex Mall while Linda is outside listening on her headphones oblivious]

Hulk:
Was he makin' fun of me?

Thor:
A little, yes.

[from trailer]

Candace:
Yo, heroes, got a little somethin' for ya!

Spider-Man:
*Some*body's been using their spider sense.

Candace:
I learned from the best, Spidey!

Iron Man:
You know, Stark Industries offers summer internships.

Phineas:
Thanks, but this summer's pretty packed.

Iron Man:
Apparently.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro:
Well, I'll go after him then.

Buford:
Nah-nah, I'll go. You stay here, little girl, it might get ugly.

Isabella Garcia-Shapiro:
What, you don't think I can handle ugly? I've been hanging out with you all summer!

Buford:
Sticks and stones...

Spider-Man:
Aunt May! Phineas and Ferb are making a crossover!

Phineas:
Yeah, we are!

Buford:
If I wanted to oil feet, I could have stayed at home.

Candace:
Okay, there is a madness to my method.

Candace:
Everything Phineas and Ferb build disappears when they're finished, so if I can keep them from finishing the thing they're building, it will never disappear! I call it "busy bee busting" - "B, B. busting" for shot.

Stacy:
You know what? I'll see you la-la-later.

Major Monogram:
You, Monty Monogram, don't have to give up MY dream of becoming an acrobat.

Buford:
Sentimentality or leaves - ya can't have both.

[Doofenshmirtz traps Perry inside stylish ladies' footwear]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Now THAT'S what I call getting the boot!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
All my life I've been a zero, but when I have TWO heads, I'm gonna be twice that!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[making six more copies of his head] Heads I win, tails you lose!

Doofenshmirtz Head #2:
Really? That's the best you got?

Doofenshmirtz Head #6:
It's kind of obvious.

Doofenshmirtz Head #7:
Juvenile?

Doofenshmirtz Head #4:
I kind of liked it.

Doofenshmirtz Head #2, Doofenshmirtz Head #3, Doofenshmirtz Head #5, Doofenshmirtz Head #6, Doofenshmirtz Head #7:
You would!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Backstory, backstory, backstory! The backstory is what drives an evil scientist. It is the "Why does he do what he does?" of the "What does he do?" My point is, at its best, evil science is like undergoing deep Freudian analysis - with a theremin constantly playing in the background.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
See, now THAT'S a trap! I even made it based on my own daughter's fashion style - vampire pilgrim scuba diver.

Phineas:
Ferb and I wrote a twenty-eight volume science fiction / swashbuckling / historical romance / tell all / potboiler / mystery / satire / buddy-cop adventure / tragedy / how-to / action novel.

Major Monogram:
Doofenshmirtz has been buying up all the hard salami, kaiser rolls, pickles, roast beef, mustard, horseradish, sauerkraut and pimento loaf in the Tri-State Area. We don't know what it means, but it sounds like a recipe for evil. Or at least an evil sandwich.

Phineas:
Right now, Sergei is orbiting Earth in an international space station trying to prove the existence of wormholes, and in a few hours he'll be directly above our backyard.

Baljeet:
I hope they do not void the sanitation system.

Buford:
Is that the first place your brain goes? Really?

Stacy:
You are one sorry, laid-up, mummy-footed bed-potato.

Dad:
Breaker, breaker, one-nine. This is Cheeky Monkey. Anybody got their flappers on out there?

Mom:
Cheeky Monkey?

Dad:
Oh, that's me. It's my... it's my handle.

Mom:
How do YOU know how to use a CB-radio?

Dad:
Simple. I studied this.

Mom:
[reading the cover of an 8-track tape] "Truck Drivin' Hits, 1975-1975."

Dad:
Oh, go on. Play track three! It's the one where a group of truckers take down a corrupt police force using only their trucks and their saucy colloquialisms.

Driver:
Delivery! Hey, aren't you two a little young to be receiving a seasoned grill, 300 pounds of coffee, 200 pounds of fatback, four tons of lumber and assorted wheat, rye and pumpernickel breads?

Phineas:
Think about it. This really isn't the issue here, right?

Mom:
Your father wants me to listen to one of his "soundscapes," so I figured I'd strap on the headphones and finally get those flowers planted in the backyard.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Luckily, Aaron's Deli was having a sale - half a gallon of chicken soup free with every forty-dollar purchase. All that chicken soup and it didn't cost me a nickel! Heh-hehh! Of course, I had to buy a lot of food, mostly deli meats. They're piled up in the halls. It's... kind of warm in there. I hope they keep.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Parry the Platypus! Look, I don't know how you escaped or what you did with the other platypus but, here, these two-day-old bagels are harder than Bessemer steel! Have a nosh!

[begins throwing food menacingly]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Well, let's see. I'm eastbound with a smoky on my twenty on a cab over Louie with... You know, I'm gonna level with ya. I-I don't know where I am or what I'm saying, really. Is... is there a code for that?

Dad:
No worries, Miss. Just keep your metal up and your rubber down.

Baljeet:
[on contractions] You are amputating two perfectly good words and stitching them together. They are the Frankenstein monsters of grammar.

Candace:
What's that?

Baljeet:
It is ALL of Candace's anxieties.

Phineas:
There are so... MANY of them.

Ferb:
She has a rich internal life.

Candace:
You can't come in here!

Buford:
It's a free country.

Candace:
No, it's not! It's my head and you're getting crumbs all over...

Phineas:
Here we are, Candace, the Forest of Memory.

Candace:
How will we find Jeremy's gift?

Phineas:
Well, we shouldn't have to walk too far since it's a recent memory. What's the last thing you remember?

Candace:
Hmm, the last thing I remember is saying, "How will we find Jeremy's gift?"

Phineas:
Well, we shouldn't have to walk too far since it's a recent memory. What's the last thing you remember?

Candace:
D'oh, I forgot it already.

Baljeet:
I can not believe I turned down a trip to the community pool for this!

Baljeet:
Wait until they hear about this at psychology camp!

[last lines]

Buford:
[sitting on a beach with Candace's id] I don't care what Freud said about your selfish need for satisfaction. You're all right with me.

[the id roars in delight]

Major Monogram:
Sorry, Agnet P. Your monitor is on the fritz today thanks to SOMEONE who isn't aware that croquet is an OUTDOOR game.

Phineas:
You know what I like about our friends? We say things like, "We're gonna douse you in ant pheromones," and they're just like, "Okay, whatever." They're so cool.

Phineas:
Goodbye! Have a good time evolving past the need for physical existence!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Ah, Perry the Platypus, you're early! And... and I'm in my underwear! Oh, this is so embarrassing. And it's... it's the pair of underwear you never want anyone to see you in, too. You know the ones - they're faded and frayed, and the elastic is so worn out you have to hold them up while you're walking around the house, and then you roll the wasitband, which make your pants look all lumpy; and, yet, when you take them off, you find yourself mysteriously putting them in the hamper rather than the garbage. W-why do you do that?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
You know how you get all tired and lethargic after you eat Thanksgiving dinner? Well, it's not because you're really full and, you know, slightly out of shape, but because of all the tryptophan in the turkey. Now, imagine if the turkey were, say, the size of a car or a building. There would be no resisting the tryptophaniacal level of nature's little sleeping potion. That is why I created - THE TURKEY-INATOR!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I'm wasting all this wordsmithing on a platypus.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Ah, man, that's disgusting! Still, it can't be the first time someone's got their head stuck in a turkey.

[the gi-ants boot Candace out as their queen]

Phineas:
Huh. Would you look at that? Apparently, they've advanced beyond the need for a monarchy.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I feel like a giblet.

Ice:
What happened to you

Ferb's Cousin #1:
Oy, cousin Ferb, we're dreadful sorry for giving you such a hard time. You're a brilliant footballer, an all-around good chap, and a Brit through and through.

Ferb:
Actually, lads, I'm not a Brit or a Yank, I'm just Ferb.

Phineas:
The only thing that's impossible is impossibility.

Eliza:
The first lesson for a lady-in-training is about posture. Honestly, I'm not quite sure why this is but, from birth, all proper ladies are warned that they must stand and sit completely vertically straight, and even the tiniest bend or deviation on one's spine will lead directly to a life of horror and destitution.

Candace:
Makes sense.

Candace:
[with books atop her head] I don't get it. What... Do polite people not have bookshelves in your country?

Ferb's Cousin #2:
I'm totally gob-smacked.

Phineas:
Yeah, I guess I could smack a little gob myself.

Ferb's Cousin #2:
[describing the Emu Curse] If you're holding the ball and a herd of emus carries off your assistant coach, then you're cursed to never be on a winning team again.

Phineas:
Wow! British curses are really specific.

Jeremy:
I can't say I've seen better posture.

Candace:
Would you care to stack books on my head?

Jeremy:
No, I'm cool.

Candace:
Now, if you two will excuse me, I have some brothers to bust.

Jeremy:
There's my girl.

Soccer Player #1:
It's not whether you score the goal, it's how good you look while kicking the ball.

Adrian:
Good to know you, Phineas. I hear about you all the time.

Dad:
Oh, so you're been reading my newsletter.

Adrian:
Oh, heavens, no. I read Ferb's blog.

Dad:
Well, at least you've learned to read.

Adrian:
Ouch!

Dad:
Why don't we go inside and continue our good-natured sibling rivalry there?

Adrian:
Yes. That way you won't be humiliated in front of the children.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Seriously, if I was a hot tub, people would be getting out of me. They'd be, like, "Wow, Heinz Doofenshmirtz is way too hot. We should get out of him."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
For generations, philosophers have asked, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" The answer - by the way, OBVIOUSLY - is of course it does! I mean, dah!, right? Philosophers!... Get a job, thinky-boy!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Behold! The If-a-Tree-Fell-in-the-Forest-Inator! Dun-da-daaaah! One blast from this puppy will knock over a tree - or anything else for that matter - and the sound it will make will be...

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[whispering]... "Doofenshmirtz."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[regular voice] I will have eternal fame as the answer to that one philosophical question.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Is that Eb above high C?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Whoa, check it out, Perry the Platypus, I'm... I'm totally beating you inadvertently - and when I say "inadvertently" I completely mean "vertently."

Candace:
Oh, I'm thinkin' some very unlady-like things right now.

Jeremy, Eliza:
That's our girl!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[to Perry about the new cat] I call him Mr. Fluffypants. You know, he's fluffy and he looks like he's got pants. Plus, he reminds me of my Uncle Fluffypants, who never actually wore any pants. Come to think of it, I don't know why we called him that.

Candace:
[holding up a rabbit] Do you know what this is?

Phineas:
Uh, is it not a rabbit?

Candace:
This is an actual living creature that uses carrots for food instead of science experiments.

Ferb:
[seeing the rabbit in a purple tutu] So why is he wearing a tutu?

Candace:
He likes it!

Candace:
[pulling Perry away from the rabbit] Get away from him! I don't want your blandness to rub off.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[to Perry] I just love giving people nicknames. For instance, you're Mr. Duck-Bill Face. And Major Monogram, I call him "Monobrow". [laughs] That's a good one, you know, because he's... He's got the one, you know? And his little friend, the intern, is "Dr. Coconut"... Yeah. Sometimes, I wish I didn't know so much.

Candace:
I'm sorry we had to clean up everything destroyed and had to rebuild it. I'm especially sorry I made us miss our spa appointment. But most of all, I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I was just trying to impress Jeremy and I lost sight of...

Stacy:
Okay, you can stop that right now. You're starting to sound like one of those TV shows we like to make fun of.

Candace:
But Stacy, I...

Stacy:
Look, the way I see it, you prevented me from going to the spa, almost killed me with a jackhammer, dropped a wall on me, I've got gypsum in my hair, and basically wasted my whole day. But you did it for love, so it's okay.

Candace:
Really?

Stacy:
Yeah, remember that time in the third grade?

Candace:
You mean when you glued that hamster to my hair just to impress Billy Clark?

Stacy:
Yeah, it's just like that.

Candace, Stacy:
[both sigh] Billy Clark.

Buford:
[relaxing in a hot tub] It's not plugged in.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[reading from a script] "Ah, Perry the Platypus! How unexpected for you to burst in my nefarious..." Nefarious? No, it's not. It's too much, even for me.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[inside Agent P's fedora] Hey, this place is nicer than my first apartment!

Phineas:
Alright crew, prepare to set sail on the hunt of a lifetime!

Candace:
Okay, who turned off the sun?

Candace:
[mockingly] Oh Candace, go find us some food. Yeah, like a quart of ice cream is just gonna...

[is hit with soft-server]

Candace:
We don't need to eat, we need to get out of here. I swear if I don't get to Jeremy's party...

[is promptly kissed by a monkey]

Isabella:
[seeing the mountain erupt] Volcano? We need to move now!

Candace:
[stalking back to the beach] Wait until mom and dad find out.

Phineas:
[running past her with Isabella] Run Candace! Pink lava behind you!

Isabella:
[walking through the jungle] Shelter... shelter... well, this spot has potential. [pans back to see lots of palm trees]

Phineas:
Great! Let's get started.

Phineas:
[after Candace is dropped into the tree-house by monkeys] So what do you think of our shelter?

Candace:
[shouting] Can't you just be normal for one day?

Phineas:
[from the tree-house] So Candace, you want a banana smoothie?

Candace:
I got you guys this time! There's no way you can dismantle your stupid tropical dream house before I drag Mom back here to bust you! [stalking off through the jungle]

Phineas:
So, no smoothie than?

Dad:
Candace, why don't you look for some food? And boys, you can find us some shelter if you'd like. We may be here for a while.

Candace:
A while? You mean we're stranded? That means I won't get to Jeremy's party before the sun sets! We'll be stuck here forever, eating rocks and bugs, then I'll have to marry a monkey and have monkey kids and name them Xavier and Amanda! [sobs]

Dad:
And we'll love them anyway. Candace, the sooner we get started, the sooner we all get to go home.

Candace:
[incredulously] You're giving a monkey a shower?

Ferb:
Yep, had to be done.

Dad:
When we're at sea, there's no right or left, only port and starboard.

Isabella:
So which side has the restroom?

Dad:
It's not a restroom, it's...

Phineas:
It's called the poop deck.

Dad:
Well, no, actually it's called the head.

Phineas:
Really? 'Cause poop deck makes much more sense.

Candace:
[mocking her father] "Oh, Candace, go find us some food." [normal voice] Yeah, like a quart of ice cream is gonna just drop out of the... [strawberry ice cream falls on her head]

Candace:
[entering the haunted house] Uh hello? Phineas, Ferb? You two are in big trouble. [hears something and turns about] Okay you guys. Stop fooling around. You guys better come out now. I'm getting really mad!

Candace:
[to Mom, gesturing to the where the haunted house was] See, absolute terror! These little creeps have destroyed our backyard and leaving this ugly mess in it's place.

Candace:
[after the coaster dumbs her off] Phineas, when mom see's you that built a haunted house is the back yard with werewolves and vampires and a giant, floating baby! What's that even about? [as the baby-head nudges her] Not now! And there was a giant jack-in-the-box with a suit of armor that nearly took my head off! And you-you-you just drive me crazy! When I tell mom what you're doing, you are going down! Down, down, down!

Candace:
Phineas! The only way you're building a haunted house in this backyard is over my my dead body!

Phineas:
[wickedly] That's the idea. Blah!

Candace:
[charing back into the house] That's it, you little psycho. I'm calling mom. [pokes her head back out] And I am not using the banana this time!

Phineas:
[kind of dumb-founded] You guys heard that, right? It wasn't just me.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[Agent P confronts Dr. Doofenshmirtz on his island hideout] You see, Perry the Platypus, this secret hideout doesn't actually belong to me. It belonged to my mentor, Professor Destructicon. Kevin, to his friends. Sadly, he was just captured in the midst of his latest plan to set fire to the sun! Redundant, perhaps. But before they locked him away, Kevin asked a favor of me: to prevent them from discovering his hidden lair and all its secrets, would I please SET FIRE TO THE SUN! I was like, dude, you really got to let that one go, it's a ball of fire! It makes no sense.

Ginger:
Excuse me, but do you have a letter in your bag addressed to Danville resident Phineas Flynn?

Postwoman:
[searches in her bag] Hmm, looks like I do.

Ginger:
[sternly] We demand that you hand it over to us immediately!

[politely]

Ginger:
Please?

Postwoman:
I'm sorry, it is unlawful for a postal carrier to deliver any envelope or parcel into the hands of anyone except the intended recipient as indicated in the address column of said envelope or parcel.

Holly:
What about afterwards? Can we jump him and wrestle it out of his hands?

Postwoman:
Honey, what you do with your afternoon is none of my business.

Mom:
[to Candace] You think you feel ridiculous? I'm carrying a jackalope into a lawn mower store.

Norm:
Does someone need a hug?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Of course not, you glorified waffle iron!

Ferb:
[after Perry accidentally hits a button on the Rainbowinator, causing it to explode] You know, in retrospect, I question the inclusion of a self-destruct button in the first place.

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
[about miniature city] Heinz, you made a plush model?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
I had a lot of felt!

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
Well, at least it holds together. Remember that dining set you tried to build for our apartment?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
It's hard to forget when you keep reminding me!

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
[muffled] Okay honey, I'll see you at feh.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
You'll see me at 'five'?

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
No, feh.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
'Four'?

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
Feh!

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
'Feh'?

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
Yeah, feh.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
[confused] Okay... I'll see you at... feh.

Perry the Platypus:
[sneezes]

Phineas:
Bless you Perry the Platypus!

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
[wearing Candace's clothes] I look like a walking candy cane!

[the dancing ray has zapped Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry, causing them to dance together]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
To add insult to injury, the platypus is leading.

Ferb:
A hero's a hero, but everyone loves a great villain.

Phineas:
[as the computer scans the kids one by one] I'd like my cartoon character to have the power to be everywhere at once. I'd be called Multi-Man! And Ferb would have a utility belt, and use lots of crazy gadgets! He'd be called um, Ferb Guy!

Candace:
Well, I would have super mind-control and use telepathy and telekinesis to keep you super-dweebs under control with your lame-o superpowers.

Phineas:
We could call you Control Freak!

Mom:
[as the arrive in the backyard] Well, I'm here. Where is this giant animation studio?

Candace:
It got up and it danced away.

Mom:
It what?

Candace:
It got up AND it "danced" away.

Mom:
[very skeptical] It got up and danced away?

Candace:
[sighing] See? It even sound crazy when YOU say it... I'll be in my room.

Candace:
Well, maybe I should go feel the love.

[puts her head through the curtains and gets hit by tomatoes]

Candace:
Love feels a lot like tomatoes.

Candace:
[on her cell phone] Mom, Mom!

Mom:
[voicemail recording] Hi, this is Mom. Leave your psychotic rant about the boys after the beep.

Candace:
Ahhh! Mom, come home quick! There's a giant mob, I'm a super-fiend. I'm roasting them with laser vision, and... Hey! What do you mean "psychotic rant"?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[singing the Doofania national anthem] In the bay of the coast of the tri-state area/Floats a country for me and me/It's new, it's bright/And it's founded on spite/And it's everything I dreamed it would be/Hail, hail Doofania!

[stops singing; to Norm]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Does it feel like it stops too quick there? We'll work on it.

Phineas:
[about Perry's collar] Well, I think it's cool!

Mom:
It's a bold fashion statement.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
[hearing machine sounds] Hold on, Lacey. I can't hear myself gripe.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
Mom, mom! You gotta come quick! I finally have proof that dad is evil.

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
[over the phone at the spa] Vanessa, honey I'm having my me-day. Remember? Look hon, why don't you give your old dad a break. Try to make the best of it and I'll pick you up later.

Stacy:
[on the phone to Candace] Candace, I heard you're goth now. Why didn't you tell me?

Isabella:
Watcha eatin'?

Phineas:
Fruity Rainbow Flakes. You want some?

Isabella:
Oh, no thanks. I already had breakfast.

Mom:
[carrying Perry] Hi, boys!

Phineas:
Hi, mom. What's with the satellite-dish?

Mom:
It's a protective collar. The vet says Perry needs to wear it for the rest of the day. I still don't know how he scratched himself up so much.

Candace:
[all dressed in black, upset] Mom! This is a total disaster.

Mom:
[walking into the living room] What, what?

Candace:
The dry cleaners switched my clothes with some goth chick! I look like a total freak, like I'm all outsidery!

Phineas:
I wonder what happened to Candace's clothes?

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
[on her cellphone, wearing Candace's clothes] I can't believe it, Lacey. I look like a walking candycane.

Norm:
Watcha doin'?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Watcha doin'? What does it look like to you? I'm building an evil empire. My own very fortress of eviltude.

Norm:
Aren't you a little old to be building a fort?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
No. No, I'm not. Shut up.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
[after he tells her about his fort] You do know what this means?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
That we'll have that special daddy-daughter bond you always craved?

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
No. It means I'm finally gonna have proof. You are busted. I'm gonna tell mom.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[unfazed] Great... Tell her what?

Isabella:
Hi, Phineas. Watcha doin'?

Phineas:
Well, you know how you said you never seen a rainbow in real life?

Isabella:
Well actually I...

Phineas:
[uncovering the machine] Behold! The rainbowinator!

Isabella:
Well that's nice, Phineas. But I...

Phineas:
It uses real crystals and is super charged with fruity rainbow flakes.

Isabella:
You don't understand. I...

Phineas:
[getting maniacal] Soon there will be a giant rainbow that will sprawl across the tri-state area! [calming] Or at least, that's the plan any way.

Buford:
[asked what his cartoon character should be] That's an interesting question you pose, as it reveals not only one's impulses and desires, but one's deepest fears as well. I'll go with Belchman. You know, fights crime with different kinds of burps.

Jeremy:
Whoa. Candace, are you going Goth now?

Candace:
Uh, uh, I'm not wearing this. I mean, I'm wearing it in that it's actually on my body right now, but I'm not attached to it. Not to say that I'm attached to my other clothes. I mean, I can actually take them off. No, no, no. But, I mean... I didn't want to put these... I want to put clothes on, but I... It was a mix-up, Okay? The dry cleaners and a... a jackalope lawn mower, and... [pants] Do you like it?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Norm, I know what we're going to do today.

Isabella:
Hi, Phineas.

Buford:
What'cha do... [gets elbowed by Isabella]

Isabella:
What'cha doin'?

Phineas:
Come in the Phineas and Ferb Studios, and we'll show you.

Buford:
Hey, Isabella, about that "What'cha doin'?" back there...

Isabella:
[interrupting] Ah-bub-bub! We'll talk about it later.

Stacy:
[to Candace, about calling Jeremy] Don't man the phone, girl. Phone the man!

Phineas:
[on the vid-phone] Candace, don't worry, it's pre-programmed. As long as you don't start hitting buttons randomly, everything will be okay!

Candace:
[frantic] I can't hear you! I'm too busy hitting buttons randomly!

Phineas:
[over the vid-phone] Candace, just go over to the door and take a little spacewalk to our ship.

Candace:
What?

Phineas:
There's nothing to be scared of.

Candace:
Nothing to be scared of? There's a never-ending, icy-cold, soul-sucking darkness of space?

Phineas:
[sarcstic] I heard negatives.

Isabella:
Hey Phineas, can I ask you something? Will you go to the dance...

Gretchen:
[with a clipboard] Excuse me, Phineas. Can I get you to sign some liability waivers?

Phineas:
Sure thing, Hold that thought, Isabella.

Isabella:
Sure, no prob.

Isabella:
Hey Phineas. You guys were great.

Phineas:
Thanks. You weren't too bad yourselves.

Isabella:
[giggling a bit] Oh thanks. So, would you like to go to the Night of the Falling Stars Girls' Choice dance tonight?

Phineas:
Sounds like fun.

Isabella:
Really?

Phineas:
Ferb, what's our schedule like? [Ferb ok's it] Okay, we'll be there.

Isabella:
Both of you?

Phineas:
Yeah. Why don't you come by and we'll all walk over together?

Isabella:
[trying not to crumble] Sure, no problem.

Phineas:
Hey Ferb, now that we have our own star, we should go check it out! And how cool is space travel. The g-forces, eating diner out of a tube, going to the bathroom with out 'going' to the bathroom. Not to mention to weightlessness.

Candace:
[climbing into the rocket, annoyed] Brothers! Does every sister have to deal with this? No! Do I have to deal with this? Of course! You think I have better things to do and other things to worry about. Every single day, it's one thing after another, but do mom and day see it? No!

Candace:
[looking at the consul] Uh guys? What are all these red flashing things heading towards my rocket?

Phineas:
Yeah, those are asteroids.

Candace:
[screaming] Asteroids? Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Candace:
It wouldn't be hard to ask Jeremy out if he was growing out of the back of my head!

Stacy:
[about Candace's exagerated reaction to asking Jeremy out] You do realize that's kind of a worse case scenario?

Candace:
[as the rocket spotters] Why are we stopping?

Phineas:
I do't get it. We have plenty of fuel. [looking at the gages] The battery's worn down. Candace, were you using the video phone with out the engine running?

Candace:
Yeah, was that a bad thing?

Phineas:
If by bad, you mean we're stranded in the never-ending, icy-cold, soul-sucking darkness of space? Yeha!

Isabella:
[on the vid-phone] You need another jump start? Candace, didn't you have the engine running when we were talking on the video phone?

Candace:
[irate] Am I the only person who doesn't know this?

Candace:
Does this suit make my butt look big?

Phineas:
Yes, yes it does.

Phineas:
[looking out the windows] It's mom's car. We're saved! Ferb, toss me the starter remote.

Candace:
What's a starter remote?

Phineas:
Well legally we're to young to start a car. we get away with it by using a starter remote. But 'you', Candace have your learner's permit. Looks like you'll be doing the jump starting.

Candace:
What? No no no no no! Can't you guys find some old nuts and bolts lying around and jury-rig up some kind of meachiny-dealy bob and get us out of this situation?

Ferb:
[just looks at her]... Candace, we are just kids.

Phineas:
[seeing the car fly by them] Now how is she passing us?

Candace:
Phineas, what are you doing?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Wait, wait... My evil plan isn't evil enough for you to foil, is that it? Really? I've just insulted the macaroni and cheese recipe of a whale. What part of that is not evil? Perry the platypus, you get back here and thwart me this instant!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Thwart me, Perry the Platypus.

Executive:
Where's that prize-winning platypus of yours. Oh, there he is, and he's sitting up, too. Who says they don't do much?

Executive:
Brilliant! Nothing says Totally Tools like a platypus in a fedora.

Major Monogram:
Sorry, but you're going to have to go on hiatus until your fifteen minutes of fame are up.

Seminar Leader:
Now, Candace your brothers have issued a gold-based currency which has seriously devalued the Euro. What do you do?

Candace:
I do nothing!

Dr. Diminutive:
I'm Doctor Diminutive, and I don't have a Napoleon complex. Napoleon had a ME complex. Don't cross me!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[surrounding Sergei the Snail with salt] Consider yourself assaulted! Ooo, I'm gonna have to write that one down.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
What a guy! Not so famous you can't stop by and trounce an old nemesis.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
I have an intense, burning indifference.

[a touching musical montage is revealed to be sung by Stacy]

Candace:
Uh, Stace, you're kind of bumming me out with the song there.

Phineas:
Corn dog! Corn dog! Yummy yummy yummy!

Candace:
[on phone to Stacy] Jeremy and I aren't really engaged, but we're totally engaged to be engaged to be engaged. And, by the way, that's on a need-to-know basis. Now, why would Jeremy need to know?

Isabella:
Guys, what would you rather do - watch paint dry or lasso wild dolphins and ride 'em across the high seas?

Phineas:
What color paint? Can it be beige?

Isabella:
[gasps] This can't be happening! Baljeet, you speak boring. See if you can do anything.

Baljeet:
Oh, I speak boring? And getting your whittling patch is SO exciting!

Buford:
Meow! Cat fight!

Phineas:
[under the effect of the Dull-and-Boring-inator] Hey, I know what we're gonna to today. We're gonna watch golf on television!

Candace:
WHAT? Okay, we gotta jump-start these guys.

Phineas:
And that, in a nutshell, is the history of Checkers, but it's far from the first board game. In fact...

Isabella:
Phineas, Candace is going to fall and only you can save her.

Phineas:
Okay. We have some wood, some springs, and some tubing, but none of those things will break her fall.

Buford:
Hey, look! It's one of those... things.

Baljeet:
Yes, a big one!

[Vanessa had walked in right as her father seemed to speak disparagingly about her]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, this is like one of those sit-coms where somebody says something that's misconstrued and the snoopy next door neighbor gets the wrong package delivered after his in-laws come to visit and somebody has two dates on the same night and they have to paint a white line down the middle of the room. But this isn't a sit-com, Parry the Platypus. This is real life! And... I'm... and I'm the father, and I have to treat her with the respect that she deserves in a caring and fatherly fashion. I'll blast her with one of my inators. Wait here.

Stacy:
Now, when I snap my fingers, you will awaken with no recollection of being hypnotized. Do you understand, Candace?

Candace:
No.

Stacy:
No? What's not to understand?

Candace:
A brief recap might be helpful.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
What? You're wearing headphones? So you haven't heard a thing I've said all day?

Vanessa:
Why do you think I wear the headphones?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
So you're not mad at me for saying I'd rather have a son than a daughter like you?

Vanessa:
[flatly] What?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, nothing, nothing. Just put these back on.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Hey, wait a minute, you're not my son! You're that walking junk pile, Norm.

Norm:
But, Dad!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
And I am NOT your father. I'm fairly sure about that.

Norm:
B-b-b-b-but...

[last lines]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Hey, buddy. Are you, eh... are you busy?

Norm:
No. Not really.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
You know, Norm, it occurs to me that though I've never had a son, there is someone I can always count on to be there, someone I've begun to think of as family.

Norm:
Yes?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
And that someone is Perry the Platypus. See ya around, junk pile!

[Doofenshmirtz exits]

Norm:
[brightly] Apology accepted, Dad.

Doofenshmirtz's computer:
[monotone singing] My name is Doof, and you'll do what I say. Whoop! Whoop!

Ferb:
[the kids arrive in Tokyo] Kon'nichiwa! Suteishi no tomodachidesu!

[Japanese for "Hello! We are friends of Stacy!"]

Bachan Hirano:
Hey everybody! Phineas and Ferb are here!

[a man hits a gong and many girls run out of Bachan's restaurant]

Phineas:
[music begins] Wow, Stacy sure has a lot of cousins!

Stacy's Cousins:
[the art style changes to resemble Anime and Stacy's cousins start singing and dancing in a "Caramelldansen" style] Welcome to Tokyo / Being glad that you are here / We can visit ten delightful / Us welcome to Tokyo

Phineas:
[dancing with Stacy's cousins and everyone else in the same manner] Hey, do you guys have any vegetable oil we can use? We need to refuel.

Stacy's cousin:
Oh, sure. Bachan owns a tempura restaurant.

[briefly in normal art style, Bachan is seen dancing next to a metal barrel of Tempura]

Stacy's Cousins:
As for a list of exotic amusements / We choice between the summer there / Is here we look at baseball / Like the fact that it does

[during the song, the girls proceed to fill up the kids' rocket with vegetable oil while dancing]

Stacy's Cousins:
As some people the fact / That volleyball is done and is enjoyed / When it's hot we spin in water / Like the fact that it goes

Phineas:
[normal art style] Thanks a lot! We'll say hi to Stacy for you!

[they take off, still making the dance motions with their hands]

Phineas:
Man, Tokyo's a fun town!

Candace:
[also making the motions] I have no idea what just happened.

Chaka Khan:
[after singing "I Believe We Can" with Clay Aiken] Hey, where's Perry?

Phineas:
[after the "Summer Belongs to You" song] Hey, where's Perry? [everyone looks around]

French waiter:
[In Paris, speaking to Perry who is seated at an outdoor dining table] Would you like your [imitates Perry's chatter, including crossed eyes] with or without fromage?

Adyson Sweetwater:
Okay Girls, we've got roughly forty hours to get this backyard in line and set up for the party. Let's go, go, go, go!

Clay Aiken:
Who left her in charge?

Adyson Sweetwater:
[Giving him a rake] Here, make yourself useful.

Clay Aiken:
You know, we're only booked for the hour. [points to himself and Chaka]

Uncle Sabu:
[the kids find Baljeet's uncle in the Himalayas, sitting cross-legged in the snow] Ah, Baljeet and friends, I was expecting you.

Baljeet:
Really?

Uncle Sabu:
No, that's just something we say up here to freak out the tourists.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
According to the SPG, Vanessa's in some place called "siraP". Hmm...

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[Perry turns the GPS around] Oh, Paris! That makes a lot more sense. That's actually where she wanted to go. Good for her.

Mom:
Basically, if you're in charge, you won't need to call at all. You see, if the boys are doing something bust-worthy, that means you're not doing your job, and you would be in trouble, too.

Candace:
Whoa, heavy. So if I bust my brothers, I bust myself?

Dad:
Ah, there's the rub... right next to the pair o' ducks! I'm also packing this book of puns.

Candace:
[on a street in Paris] "Pardonaise-moi, madam."

French girl:
Oui?

Candace:
[Candace pulls out a French-English dictionary] Une moment. Uh, can you tell me... Oh, "Pouvaise-vous me dire" uh...

French girl:
Can I tell you directions? It's okay, I speak English.

Candace:
Yes. I speak English. Parlais anglais. Uh, ou est la Hotel Poubelle?

French girl:
It's around the corner.

Candace:
Ugh, around the corner, around the corner, "oh quan de la rou-ee?"

French girl:
Oui.

Candace:
Ugh, never mind. I'll find it myself. [continues walking and comes to the street corner] Hey, the Hotel Poubelle! It's just around the corner!

Buford:
Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by the imagination.

Baljeet:
Voltaire, Buford? Really?

Buford:
Oh, I can't help it. Paris does it to me every time.

Candace:
Jeremy, you're back early!

Jeremy:
I missed my girlfriend.

Candace:
Oooh! I like the sound of that!

Jeremy:
Besides, you forgot something in France.

Candace:
I did? What?

Jeremy:
This... [Jeremy kisses Candace]

[Candace is balking at riding a giant rubber-band-powered paper airplane]

Candace:
Actually, Phineas, I-I changed my mind. I wanna stay here.

Phineas:
Oh, that's just the mortal terror talking.

Isabella:
Oh, no! Road construction!

Phineas:
It took Mom and hour to get around that.

Isabella:
[looking at the watch that suddenly and conveniently appears on her wrist] There's only 58 seconds 'till sundown!

Baljeet:
What kind of watch *is* that?

Candace:
Wait, Buford never took my bike.

Buford:
Noted.

Phineas:
There's one right there.

Candace:
Phineas, I'm not gonna get on a silly little tricycle.

Phineas:
Candace, we're in a hurry, just get on the tricycle...

Candace:
There is no way I...

Phineas:
[yelling] Get on the trike! [a frightened Candace does as she is told]

Candace:
It's Phineas's birthday and I still don't know what to get him. What do you get for the boy who can make everything?

Major Monogram:
Agent P, there's, uh, something we've been... meaning to discuss with you for awhile and, well... You see, Perry, some job-performance issues have come up, but... Now, don't get me wrong. You're doing fine work. It's just that your entrances have been getting a little... lackluster lately.

[running gag line]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Mom, Phineas:
...if I had a nickel for every time I...

Phineas:
Have you seen Ferb today?

Construction Woman:
No, but I did see a guy in a robotic bird-themed super-suit shooting eggs out of his wrist. And that was Ferb, wasn't it?

Phineas:
It's a safe bet.

Phineas:
Well, all roads lead to home, I guess.

Phineas:
Wait a minute. Is that...? It is! A left-handed flange tuner! I've been looking for one of those forever!

Candace:
You've been... Huh?

Phineas:
They're impossible to find. Custom-made for Danville Sewage Repair, but they have a thousand uses. I love it! It's just what I've been wanting.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Now let's light this pop-stand!

Jeremy:
Want a slushy-dog?

Phineas:
Sure! Super-suit-generated egg-renderings always make me a bit peckish.

Jeremy:
I bet that's the first time anybody's ever said THAT.

Jeremy:
I bet you guys've heard a lot of strange sentences over the course of the summer.

Phineas:
Boy, I'll say.

Jeremy:
Can you think of any examples?

Phineas:
Nope. Not offhand. See ya!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
You may have escaped my TV trap, Perry the Platypus, but I'm still going to change your channel!

Phineas:
Ferb, you must have left your skateboard in England the last time we were there. I know! We could create a highly intricate and sophisticated machine that will transport any object from anywhere on the globe to our backyard!

Lawrence Fletcher:
Well, why don't you just build a new skateboard? [awkward silence]

Phineas:
Nah, I don't think so.

Ferb:
If it's all the same with you, Father, we're going to build the machine.

Candace:
[in Perry's body] Am I sweating milk? Being a platypus is so gross!

[Perry, in Candace's body, crashes in on Dr. Doofenshmirtz]

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
A teenage girl? [Perry dons his signature hat] *Perry* the Teenage Girl?

Stacy:
Listen up, twerps! Just because Candace is sick doesn't mean you can get away with anything! I am now her eyes, ears and mouth. Basically, I'm her whole face.

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[as Perry, in Candace's body, tries to attack him] Ha! You don't have a tail anymore! Now you're no match for me! But wait a minute, I... I can't hit a girl.

[Perry attacks him again]

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Did you have that purse when you came in?

[Perry attacks him again]

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Well, I'm out of here.

[Doofenshmirtz runs off, leaving a smoke cloud. When the cloud disappears, Doofenshmirtz is still there]

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
What just happened?

Candace:
How did you get so big? And why is my hand green? [Candace looks into a mirror and screams] I'm an ugly, smelly platypus!

[Dr. Doofenshmirtz is trying to write his own evil jingle but can't come up with a word to rhyme with "evil"]

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
As soon as I get this done, lunchtime will never again be fun. Oh, great, *there's* a rhyme! There's a rhyme, but sure, EVERYTHING rhymes with "fun"!

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
A teenage girl? PERRY the teenage girl! Whatever floats your boat, I don't judge.

Cassette:
"The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" by Mark Twain, translated into evil. Chapter One. Tom Sawyer's dislike of Aunt Polly was rivaled only by his hatred of puppies.

Buford:
Same thing tomorrow?

Phineas:
Nah, I like to keep moving forward.

Ferb:
Sharks have to continue to move forward, or they'll drown.

Buford:
You callin' me a shark? [Ferb does a Vulcan nerve pinch and Buford falls over, unconscious]

Phineas:
Ferb!

Ferb:
Well, he was all up in my face.

Isabella:
Hey, Phineas, whatcha doin'?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[just noticing Perry] Ah, Perry the Platypus! What an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected, I mean completely expected!

Phineas:
[right before the first drop of the rollercoaster] You all signed the waivers, right?

Candace:
[upon seeing the rollercoaster out the supermarket] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Mom!

Phineas:
So Ferb, what do you want to do today?

Candace:
Mom says, I'm in charge, conditionally.

Candace:
[while Phineas and Ferb are buidling the rollercoaster] Will you hold it down! I am trying to use the phone!

Phineas:
[to Ferb] We're going to need a blow-torch and some more peanut butter.

Mom:
[to Candace] And you're not crazy because?

Phineas:
[to his friends waiting to ride the rollercoaster] So, who want to go first?

Phineas:
[on the rollercoaster as snake fall] Relax! They're just rubber.

Phineas:
[in space seeing a satellite] You know, if that thing crashes to Earth, Candace is in charge.

Phineas:
[excited] We're going to build a rollercoaster!

Candace:
Mom! You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[after the tin foil has come off of the buildings and flying towards his lair] Well, that didn't work. And now we have a two-ton ball of tin foil traveling 200 miles an hour directly at us!

Phineas:
[after Doofenshmirtz has knocked the kids off the rails] Funny, I don't remember this in the blueprints...

[hanging off the plane]

Phineas:
And I'm sure this is new...

[coming back to earth, settling on the coaster rails]

Phineas:
We should have charged more.

Isabella:
Does your stepbrother ever talk?

Phineas:
Ferb? He's more of a man of action.

Candace:
I'm telling Mom, and you're going down! Down, down, down! D-O-W-N, DOWN!

Candace:
You got to see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Mom:
Seems like we've had this conversation before.

Candace:
What do you mean?

Mom:
I seem to recall you telling me that the boys were training monkeys to juggle bicycles, and when I got home, there was a stunning lack of monkeys.

Candace:
I don't know how they cleaned that up so fast.

Isabella:
[after the roller coaster ride] That was great, Phineas. What are you going to do tomorrow?

Phineas:
Don't know yet.

Isabella:
Maybe you can teach Perry some tricks.

Phineas:
Well, he is a platypus; they don't do much.

Ferb:
They're the only mammals to lay eggs.

Phineas:
Maybe he'll lay an egg.

Candace:
Wait a minute, what are you doing?

Phineas:
Homework.

Candace:
It's summer.

Phineas:
That's cool. You wait till the last minute then.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
You did it! You saved us, Perry the... [tinfoil ball crashes into Dr. Doofenshmirtz's building] Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

Phineas:
Hey, Isabella.

Isabella:
What 'cha doin'?

Phineas:
Building a rollercoaster.

Isabella:
Again? Cool! Hey, Ferb! [waves to Ferb, who waves back silently] Still a man of few words, I see.

Phineas:
No, you missed it. Earlier, he had *two* lines!

Isabella:
Wow, chatty.

Candace:
Then I'll always be his Cou de Crayon.

Ferb:
You do realize that's French for pencil neck?

Candace:
[fantasizing about being a supermodel] Hi, I'm Candace. I'm sure you recognize me from my countless magazine covers. You know, being a supermodel is hard work: the bright lights, the deafening applause, and all those paper cuts from counting my huge stacks of money. That's why I start every morning with Candace-O's.

Announcer:
Candace-O's, part of this nutritious breakfast.

Stacy:
[shaking Candace] Candace!

Candace:
[snapping out of it] What?

Stacy:
Candace-O's?

Candace:
Ugh. I shouldn't fantasize on an empty stomach.

Vanessa:
So Dad, this... plan is evil, right?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Why, yes, yes, it is. Nice to see your taking the interest in the family business.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[boasting of his latest evil scheme] Soon, there will be nothing that can withstand the wrath of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz!

Vanessa:
Doctor? Since when are you a doctor?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[showing Vanessa a degree] They don't give these out to just anybody, you know.

Vanessa:
[seeing a price tag conspicuously dangling from the degree] Anybody with fifteen bucks, they do.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
So just because I miss a few payments, you're selling my building? And where am I supposed to get that much money on short notice?

Bank Worker:
I'm sorry, Mr. Doof-Schmidt, those are the terms of your loan.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
The name is Doofenshmirtz, like... like in "Doofenshmirtz."

Candace:
I'm double booked! If you count Stacy, I'm triple booked! Oh, darn my endlessly giving nature!

Candace:
Don't you have a catch phrase to say or something?

Jeremy:
Don't hold back.

Candace:
I don't think I can.

Annabelle:
You were right. I never should have taken that job hanging anvils.

Phineas:
Hey, Candace, what're you up to today?

Candace:
Well, I'll probably try to bust you guys, AGAIN. And fail, AGAIN. And add another link on my summer-long chain of disappointment and regrets.

Phineas:
How about that, Ferb? Candace already knows what she's gonna do today.

Phineas:
Ferb and I were just talking about the time you built a balloon and won the most famous balloon race in history. Tell us that story again.

Grandpa:
Well, I went out to the barn, I built a balloon, and I won the most famous balloon race in history.

Phineas:
Wow.

Ferb:
He makes history come alive.

[between a chorus of Canaces singing "I gave up!"]

Candace:
That's right. I never even suited up, folks. I threw the baby out WITH the bathwater. I FORGOT the Alamo. I'm not even going for the bronze.

Phineas:
Check it out! A dodo bird! What's next on the list, Ferb?

Ferb:
Frankenstein's brain.

Buford:
[during the balloon race] Hey we're falling behind, what's happening?

Baljeet:
Excess weight seems to be hampering our progress.

Buford:
Yeah, we gotta lighten the load.

[throws Baljeet out of the balloon, where Baljeet dangling off it from a rope]

Baljeet:
How does dangling me from a rope lighten our load?

Buford:
Eh, it lightens my spirit.

Ferb:
Ah, a platypus' life is a life of leisure.

Phineas:
Yes. Yes, it is.

Bannister:
Jinx you, Lyla Lolliberry!

Bannister:
We have no national pride. I mean, listen to this. [plays "Nunarput utoqqarsuanngoravit" on his cell phone] Greenland's national anthem. Seriously, does that inspire you to do anything other than ice fish?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[to Perry and Lyla] I've got a little math quiz for the both of you. If a train carrying precious Albert the Moose left British Columbia at eight o'clock in the morning, going eighty mile per hour, what time would it arrive at the Canada Day celebration? Answer: never! Because I've tied up the conductor, and taken control of the train using my remote control Train-Operator-inator! Right now, we are all headed to my scheme exchange partner's secret fortress.

Lyla Lolliberry:
[to Doofenshmirtz] This evil exchange partner of yours, what his name?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
I think his name was Sir Railing, or Doctor Stairway, or something.

Lyla Lolliberry:
Professor Bannister! Of course, my arch-nemesis.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
No, no, you guys are nerds! I'm cool! Well, at least I would've been when I hit myself with the inator, which is now destroyed. CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!

Dad:
[reaching behind Phineas' ear] Speaking of coins, what's this here, behind your ear? It's a quarter!

Buford:
[impressed] How did you do THAT?

Dad:
A magician never reveals his secrets.

[Dad exits]

Buford:
Your dad's really great at tricks.

Phineas:
Not really. I just keep a bunch of quarters behind my ear 'cause he enjoys it so much.

Buford:
[aiming to say "there you are" in French] Viola!

Vanessa:
Do you usually have coffee with your dad's sworn enemies' daughters?

Monty Monogram:
No, just girls whose roofs I've flown off of.

Vanessa:
Oh, see, now I feel special.

Monty Monogram:
Yeah, I don't just fly off any roof, you know.

Vanessa:
Of course not.

Monty Monogram:
I've got standards.

Candace:
A Ducky Momo first edition green pupil variant with a left-handed pull cord! Heavenly light! Angel chorus! I must have it!

[repeated line]

Baljeet:
[in a ghostly voice] Miiiiiind fliiiiip!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Ah, waiter! Do you mind if I tell you my evil scheme? My nemesis didn't show up today and I still have to... get it out. I figured, since I'm getting nowhere with the older Tri-State population, maybe I should go for the younger demographic; so, behold, the Cool-inator! Well, you can't really behold it. It's... it's out in the car, but, trust me, it's behold-worthy. First, I will suck all the cool out of this place - it being the hippest coffee house in town - then I will blast myself with the cool concentrate, transforming into such an "awesome dude" that you, disaffected youth, will have no choice but to follow me blindly and help me, you know, take over the Tri-State Area!

Vendor #2:
You broke the arms off my armoire! Now it's just a oire!

Soloist:
Hey, what's the new game that your friends all wanna play?

Chorus:
Skiddley Whiffers!

Soloist:
It's totally over when you hear somebody say...

Chorus:
Skiddley Whiffers!

Soloist:
It's every bit as great as we have advertised. If you don't own a copy, you'll be ostracized at school.

Soloist, Chorus:
Skiddley Whiffers is cool.

Candace:
I am the queen of Skiddley Whiffers! Who is the queen? I am the queen!

Phineas:
Everyone likes a good bike race.

Baljeet:
Not me. You see, I come from a long line of bicycle race losers. In 1903, my great-grandfather was leading a bicycle race when he fell into a tiger pit. Years later, my grandfather skillfully avoided the tiger pit, but sadly not the tiger. Then, my father was confident he had outsmarted the tiger, but he was wrong. My point is, none of them finished in the top ten.

Phineas:
You know, tiger attacks are comparatively rare in Danville since we installed that Tiger-Excluder on City Hall.

Phineas:
Hey, Baljeet, don't let a little thing like all of your male ancestors getting mauled by tigers during a bike race get you down.

Baljeet:
Well... it does seem to indicate a pattern.

[during the bike race, Baljeet takes a spill]

Greg LeMond:
Baljeet, you aren't quitting, are you?

Baljeet:
[getting up] No, sir, Mr. LeMond. I came to win!

Greg LeMond:
I know things are tough, and there's that little voice telling you to quit...

Baljeet:
[annoyed] I hear no voice.

Greg LeMond:
...but you can't quit.

Baljeet:
[angered] But I do not WANT to quit!

Greg LeMond:
Hey, true story. Hunting accident. My brother-in-law thought I was a turkey...

[gobbles like a turkey]

Greg LeMond:
Kaboom! But I recovered - and you can, too.

Baljeet:
Wow, I have no idea how to respond to that. I think I will be continuing with the race now.

Greg LeMond:
[as Baljeet reenters the race] Dropping out seems like the easy way, but years from now I don't want you to look back and wonder "what if."

Mom:
Luckily I picked today to wear my bike helmet into the shower.

Phineas:
I claim the fedora, and Ferb picks the nose.

[rimshot on a snare drum and cymbal crash is heard]

Vanessa:
[penetrating her father's obvious disguise] Hey there, strange-man-I've-never-met. What brings you to our campsite? - and how soon can you leave?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
You see, back in Gimmelshtoomp, in my youth when I was camping, I had this incident with a swarm of bees. I only got one sting but it did a lot of damage.

[flashback shows him attacked by bees, falling off a cliff, landing in a brier patch, bouncing into a cactus patch, and rolling through a field of fire hydrants]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I still have a hydrant stuck in my leg. See? I'd have it removed but the doctors say it's too close to an artery to operate. That kind of thing happens all the time in the woods!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[infecting the world with pop-up ads] The best part is that pop-up-adds will never go away. There's a little button that says "Click here to close" but - guess what? - it just opens another pop-up ad!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I know what you're thinking, but this is neither ironic nor funny.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[to a swarm of bees] You leave my baby girl alone!

Vanessa:
Dad? What are you doing here? It's dangerous!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[sarcastically] Really? I hadn't noticed!

[cell phone rings]

Candace:
[mind-voice to herself] Oo! It's Jeremy!

Candace:
[snippy actual voice] I know who it is.

Mom:
[to Candace] Good morning, sunshine. What's your plan for the day - besides, of course, padding out my cell phone bill?

Buford:
I don't believe in spaceships.

Isabella:
But, Buford, you've been IN a spaceship. Several, actually.

Buford:
I'm a skeptic.

Baljeet:
[peering down at yet another crop circle] It is the same design as the others.

Phineas:
Maybe they're trying to tell us something.

Baljeet:
That they really like that symbol, apparently.

Mom:
[to Candace] I have time to do nice things when I'm not distracted by panicked phone calls.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
What-what-what does this mean? When I'm awake I build evil inators that fail and when I'm asleep I build nice inators that work? Oh, what is my subconscious trying to tell me?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[dreaming himself into a fantasy land] Oh, man, this had better be a dream, because I don't like where this is going.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Now, was that a fantasy inside a flashback inside of a dream?

Inner Evil Self:
Well, let me put it this way.

[Inner Evil Self slaps Doofenshmirtz awake]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[to Norm] You know, I'm gonna make a plug for you so I can unplug you.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Norm, what did you do, you big garbage disposal?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Why the chef's hat, you ask? It's the cheapest way I could trap you. Hey, times are tough waiting for my alimony check. I have to watch every penny.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Ya see, this baby generates a powerful current of air which can hold pizza dough aloft indefinitely. Heh-HAA! So, now, I will challenge pizza boy to a pie-spinning duel at the Pizza Day Festival in Danville Park today. I'm-I'm gonna humiliate him in front of tens of people, and YOU are gonna have a front row seat.

Candace:
[Seeing her split personality] Mom! Phineas and Ferb made me!

Linda Flynn-Fletcher:
Uh, I've got some stretch marks that would say otherwise.

Candace:
It feels so good to know I'm always right.

Tech Support:
Never look a gift bantha in the oral cavity.

Darthenshmirtz:
Now I can live to fight in the sequel.

Isabella:
You might wanna buckle up. I'm making the jump to hyperspace. [does it immediately, so Phineas and Ferb get pressed into the window]

Phineas:
[mumbles with his face into the window] A little more warning would be nice.

Norm-3PO:
[after Darthenshmirtz finishes his song] Very good, sir! That was better than rehearsal!

Baljeet:
That was the last ship!

Buford:
Yeah, we're toast.

Phineas:
Well, if we had to go out, at least it was for something we believe in.

Baljeet:
My only regret is that I spent so much time on the wrong side.

Buford:
My only regret is that I ate that hoagie.

Phineas:
I guess if I have a regret, it's that I never got reunited with my sister. She left Tatooine when I was just a baby.

Candace:
[realizes] Phineas?

Phineas:
Candace?

Candace:
Oh, I can't believe it!

Phineas:
Candace! [he and Ferb hug Candace]

Candace:
You got so big! I didn't even recognize you... Hey, wait a minute. Why is this guy hugging us?

Phineas:
Oh, this is Ferb. He's our step-brother.

Candace:
Mom remarried? What happened to Dad?

Phineas:
Funny story, actually. He... [the Death Star blows up, seemingly with the gang inside it. But next picture shows a flying spaceship, and it turns out to be Isabella catching them in the last second] Wow, that was close. Thanks for coming back to get us, Isabella.

Isabella:
Well, that's what friends are for.

Isabella:
Hey, farm boy. We're not related, are we?

Phineas:
Oh, no, no. Not a chance. I only had just the one sister.

Isabella:
[pulls Phineas in by his shirt collar] Good. [kisses Phineas, who immediately collapses by the pleasant surprise]

Phineas:
And so our heroes were ripped to shreds and left to die.

Isabella:
Wait a minute, that was a pretty grim ending, don't you think?

Buford:
Yeah, talk about your unlightful endings.

Baljeet:
He means "delightful," and he means the opposite of that.

Phineas:
Okay, okay, I'll give you the Hollywood ending.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Back story time! You see, Perry the Platypus, when I was boy my mother would never let me swim in public pools.

[flashes back to Heinz as a child standing with his mother near a public pool; he looks at her longingly]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz's Mom:
No.

[back to reality]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
What? That's it! You know, not every back story has to have some big, in-depth spiel, Mr. High Expectations.

[Candace asked Stacy what shade of pink swimsuit she should wear]

Stacy:
Hmm, that's tough. On one hand, if you go with the a-chromatic pink, it kind of says, "Hi, I'm Candace, and I'm bedraggled and pallid." Trust me, you don't want that; I've been both. But, if you go with the more saturated pink, it kind of gives you that overkill, out-to-kill, "my currency is urgency" look.

Candace:
I don't want that. I've been all three.

Stacy:
Let your subconscious do the deciding. Go with the one you touched first.

Candace:
Of course! Stacy, you're a fashion phenom!

Stacy:
[holding two different hats] Which hat should I go with?

Candace:
I don't think it matters.

Stacy:
Yeah, you're right, I fuss too much.

Buford:
[climbing aboard the Paper Pelican] You better have some decent grub on this bucket.

Baljeet:
You will be most gratified! [Buford walks away] As long as you find insignificant bags of peanuts gratifying. [sighs] Welcome to Wedgie-ville. Population: me.

Candace:
[about Nicolette] She's like catnip for boys. She's boynip!

Phineas:
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! We're gonna finally recreate the Trojan War! I'll be Paris, because my name starts with a P.

Isabella:
And I'll be Helen, because...! Uh, my name starts with... I, which is right after H.

Candace:
Mom! Phineas and Ferb are making a Halloween Special!

Pumpkinhead:
Aren't you a little young to be hunting ghosts?

Phineas, Buford, Baljeet, Candace, Isabella, Russell:
[in unison] Yes! Yes, we are!

Doorman:
[as a cow bursts from the building out into the street followed by a lasso swinging platypus] Three more years till the pension kicks in, then I am SO outta here!

Buford:
I gotta say, this is a really non-traditional use of interior space.

Mona:
[in a ghostly voice] I'm not a ghost. I'm a sheet that lives!

Baljeet:
This is really the wrong color and viscosity for water.

Zombie 1:
Brains!

Zombie 2:
Spleen!

Zombie 1:
Pancreas... es!

Phineas:
[with everyone about to be caught by the jack-o-lantern man] Wait a minute. If you're a ghost and you have a pumpkin head, what did that make you when you were alive?

Ferb:
The probability of a humanoid-vegetable hybrid is exceedingly remote.

Jared:
I expected this from your kind, Michael - football players, I mean - but, Kristen, we were both moody outcasts. We... we LOVED each other.

Dad:
Well, this isn't much of a horror movie. Where're the rock and roll musical numbers?

Carl:
[describing Doofenshmirtz' unusual method for sending a message] He wrote a letter by hand, then put it in an envelope and sent it through the regular mail, with a stamp and everything! Who does that?

Major Monogram:
When an evil scientist sends fragrant letters, wrong-doing can't be far behind.

Baljeet:
I am so happy! I have just torn my rotator cuff!

Stacy:
Did Candace just jump over that fence?

Jeremy:
Ya HAD to take her to the vampire movie, didn't ya?

Phineas:
Why would marathoners be following ANYONE - beside, you know, three guys from Kenya?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Yeah, I had to place myself in restraints. There's a perfectly good explanation, though. It all started a couple of days ago when I declared war on grass. It's-it's not important WHY, exactly. L-let's just say grass got on my bad side. Grass and me, we're on the outs, big time, so I got myself a cow - the natural predator of grass. It was slow going. What I needed was a cow that was motivated not by hunger but by a powerful hatred of grass, like... like my own burning antipathy, so I invented the Mind-Transfer-inator to give that cow a piece of my mind. And, as it turns out, cow brain... not a lot of room in there for new ideas.

Dad:
Well, this isn't much of a horror movie. Where are the rock and roll musical numbers?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Curse you, Perry the... wait, is that the Baljeatles?

Phineas:
Is everything okay?

Baljeet:
If by "okay", you mean that my life is a meaningless, black cauldron of swirling failure, then yes, everything is groovy.

Phineas:
That's not at all what I meant by "okay".

Linda Flynn-Fletcher:
Ferb, honey, aren't you a little old to be playing in a ball-pit?

Ferb:
Yes, yes, I am.

Candace:
What about the curse?

Buford:
Bad beards forever dude!

Baljeet:
You don't even have a chin.

Buford:
[part of the Harbor Day reenactment] Look at me! I'm a shark! I can poop in the ocean!

Baljeet:
[pushing Buford through the harbor] But you're not going to, right?

Captain Squint:
Arr, it's the octopus that ate me pancreas!

Candace:
I've got a date with destiny, and it ain't gonna end with a kiss.

Candace:
Why are you going to the moon? Kind of a step backward, considering you've already been to Mars.

Phineas:
Do you remember that old nursery rhyme, "The Cat and the Fiddle?"

Candace:
[sarcastic] Vaguely.

Phineas:
Apparently, there was a last verse that was lost to history until Ferb and I found it in the Dead Sea. It's a little wet and salty but I'll read it. "Hey, diddle diddle / The cat and the fiddle / The cow jumped over the moon / Due to the moon's low gravity / The moon-jumping cow's milk produced the best-tasting ice cream ever." That last verse didn't rhyme so they left it out of most versions.

Major Monogram:
Our sources tell us that Doofenshmirtz is up to something. We need you to infiltrate Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and have a little look-see. To make it easier for you to get in, we had one of our operatives install a Central Access Threshold, or C.A.T. door.

Candace:
Phineas and Ferb, what's going on out here?

Phineas:
Hi, Candace. We brought you some moon cow ice cream.

Candace:
I don't care if you brought me ice cream from the moon, when Mom sees this spaceship in the yard, you two will be so busted.

Phineas:
Herb, I knoweth what we're going to doeth today.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, sure. I reach out to you and then you do the emergency faceplate ejector thing.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
I'm not gonna let that guy make me look like a nincom...

[Perry aims the Moisture-Suckinator at Doofenshmirtz]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
[seeing he's about to get shot]... Oh, poop.

Buford:
One windmill dog, hold the bun.

Jeremy:
Excellent choice. [hands him a pinwheelesque hotdog on a stick]

Buford:
I am your humble servant. [hands him a card] It's the Bully Code. I live my life by it.

Baljeet:
[reading the card] If a nerd should save a bully's life, the bully is the nerd's slave for life. Should is misspelled.

Buford:
Duh! It was written by bullies.

Baljeet:
That is very nice, but I do not want a slave.

Buford:
Too bad. You got one.

Buford:
[trying to get away] You are following me!

Baljeet:
At a respectable distance, little master.

Candace:
So, what do you think?

Stacy:
What am I suppose to be looking at?

Candace:
[modeling her outfit] Duh! It's a new red shirt!

Phineas:
[going through the blueprint with Ferb] Peanut-butter and jelly robot race, masking tape mummy gymnastics? The jellybean monitoring system for emerging nations? I don't know. I'm not feeling any of them.

Candace:
Phineas and Ferb are up to something. I better call mom.

Stacy:
Candace, the photos. Eyes on the prize.

Buford:
I washed all your dust-jackets and dusted all your cold knick-knacks.

Baljeet:
[seeing the bookshelf] Those are not knick-knacks. Those are food and should be in the refrigerator!

Buford:
Awww. I've disappointed you, little master. I will strive to do better.

Baljeet:
Do not strive for anything and I am not your little master!

Baljeet:
[about Buford] He is driving me crazy! You've got to help me!

Phineas:
Okay, okay. We just have to get Buford to save your life and you'll be even.

Stacy:
[about their jobs] Candace, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. What are all these buttons for?

Candace:
It's hotdogs! How hard can it be?

[shoving fries at her]

Candace:
Here, fry something. I'm gonna go etgae the onphae.

Stacy:
You know I don't speak Spanish.

Jeremy:
[holding his phone] Oh hey, Candace. I see you sent me some pictures. I can't wait to check 'em out later when I take my break.

Stacy:
[covered in ketchup and mustard] I found out what the buttons are for.

Candace:
This is weird. My mom is here.

Stacey:
I Think your brothers are too, across the street.

Candace:
[deviously] What are they up to?

Candace:
Stacy, we gotta get mom up here to see what the boys are doing. Keep throwing food out the window!

Buford:
Little master, little master. I finished color coding all your over-alls. What do you want me do next?

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
Aren't you a little young to be detectives?

Phineas:
If it's all the same to you, ma'am, we'll ask the questions.

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
Dad, what are you doing here? This isn't your weekend.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Yes, yes, I know, but I have a surprise for you and I just couldn't wait!

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
[excited] A surprise? Really?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Yes, it's something you've always wanted. Something you've asked for time and time again. In my hand, I hold the key to...

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz:
My new car!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[holds up Mary McGuffin doll] No, your happiness!

Phineas:
We're fixing up this spaceship that belongs to our new friend Meap. [chuckles] Meap. He's the most adorable thing in the world!

Isabella:
Really? Are you sure there's nothing or no one that's more adorable?

Phineas:
No. Not a chance.

[Isabella appears to be on the verge of tears]

[last line, narrating over a fake movie trailer]

Narrator:
In a world. There, I said it. Happy?

[Candace looks at a row of books on a table]

Candace:
Boring, dull, stupid, lame, heavy-handed and derivitive.

Mom:
Oh, thank you for those insightful reviews of books... you haven't read.

Candace:
Mom, that's why books have covers - to judge them. I mean, why did you choose these books from the library?

Candace:
They looked interesting.

Candace:
[gesturing] So...

Mom:
Point taken.

Candace:
[seeing Phineas and Ferb in the garage] What are you doing to Mom's car?

Phineas:
[excited] We tricked it out!

Mom:
[seeing her car at home] They washed my car?

Candace:
[unbelieving] Yes! No! What?

Isabella:
[pulling out a flip-chart of the car] Okay, girls. We're dealing with a 426 cubic inch, fully-blown V8, with hypo lifters, radical cam and a limited slip differential.

Phineas:
[to Ferb, during the race] Hey Ferb. Do you think we could get anymore power? I know it's just a battery, but I was thinking lets open it up and see what this puppy can... [sees a car passing] Uh Ferb, we're actually slowing down now. Ferb? Hello? [propelled into warp-like speed w/ the shot showing Ferb with the remote connected to a powerful battery] Oh yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about!

[first lines]

Phineas:
So Ferb, what should we do today? I mean besides giving Perry a bath. [Sniffs Perry and makes a face]

Candace:
You don't even know how to drive.

Phineas:
Well, duh! That's why Ferb built this remote. [holding the controls]

Candace:
Oh, you are so busted!

Candace:
[after searching the house] Where's mom?

Phineas:
[as Ferb jumps on the engine] She's playing Bridge at Mrs.Garcia-Shapiro's.

Candace:
They won't get away with is this time.

Candace:
Mom! Mom!

Mom:
What is it, Candace?

Candace:
You have got to see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!

Phineas:
[holding the remote] Hey Ferb, what's the red button for?

Phineas:
[as the car lands] Good thing we beefed up the suspension!

Isabella:
Watcha doin'?

Phineas:
We're entering the Swamp Oil 500 today.

Isabella:
Aren't you going to need a pit-crew?

Phineas:
Do you know a pit-crew?

Isabella:
Well, I know a few people who work well together.

Phineas:
Great! You're hired! See you in the pits!

Candace:
[yelling around the stands] Phineas? Phineas? Phineas!

Racing Spectator:
[loudly annoyed] Hey, I can't hear the cars!

Candace:
Phineas, you are big trouble, mister! [as the cars take off, covering her is smoke and dust]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[right before the machine explodes] I suppose I should've seen that coming.

Candace:
But Mom, you've gotta believe me. Wait a minute. I bet it's still on TV.

Mom:
That's good, Candace. Go watch a little TV.

Candace:
I have got to take a new picture of myself for my blog. I didn't realize mine's already a week old.

Jeremy:
Hey, Candace. You're on the big screen. [shows her yelling in slow-motion] And your little brother's gonna be a on TV.

Candace:
Phineas on TV? TV, that's it! They are so busted!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Ah, Perry the Platypus. I'm glad you're here. Actually, I was getting ready to serve some platypus under glass! [springs trap] You're just in time to witness my latest invention. The deflatinator ray!

Candace:
[handing her the picture] Well Mom, what do you think of this?

Mom:
[hesitantly] You've looked better.

Candace:
[takes the picture back] Uh, what do you mean? [its the picture of her covered in dust]

Major Monogram:
Anyhow, as you've apparently noticed, there's been an unusual amount of rain in the Tri-State area. Call us crazy but we're thinking Doofenshmirtz. Investigate and stop him at all costs. Well, maybe at a reasonable cost. We... I mean, we don't want to blow the whole budget on this one scheme, do we?

Candace:
A picnic in the dangerous, unauthorized and highly bust-worthy biosphere? Sounds great.

Jeremy:
The thing I really like about you is...

[the desert suddenly becomes a rain forest]

Candace:
Oh!

Jeremy:
Wow, this is incredible!

Candace:
Um, uh, what was that you were saying?

Jeremy:
I said "This is incredible."

Candace:
No, before that.

Jeremy:
I said..."Wow."

[Candace groans in frustration]

Isabela:
What'cha doin'?

Phineas:
Hey, Isabella. We're building a giant robot dog.

Baljeet:
Like when we made that title sequence!

Buford:
Mmm, I'd rather give a monkey a shower.

Phineas:
Of course, breaking the immutable laws of physics is always easier the second time around.

Jeremy:
[trying to tell Candace why he likes her, in song] All throughout history men fall in love with women. You wanna know why, well, let's start from the beginnin'. I've come to set the record straight. I've come to set the record straight. From scientific propagation of the species, to poets and philosophers - your Baudelaires an Nietzsches - I've come to set the record straight. I've come to set the record straight. But if you're askin' for specifics, well, this isn't hieroglyphics. If you wanna know sincerely, listen up, I'll tell you clearly. What I like about you is...

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Wow, I set up this whole thing with lasers and flypaper, falling cages, spinning platforms, on the way to a trapdoor and you just come and slip on a chair, and waste a day's worth of work. Eh. [Perry emerges from the hole in the ground in a green glass tube] But it's gonna look great on the Christmas party gag reel! [laughs] Of course, it'll just be me at the party, uh... yeah. [sighs] I need a laugh at the holidays.

Candace:
[seeing the cows down the hill] A stampede downtown? I mean who does this? Those two are so gonna get it. [before rolling down the hill]

Candace:
Grrr!

Mom:
[surprised] Candace, are you ok?

Candace:
[super annoyed] I soo don't want to talk about it.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[making a notation on a taperecorder] Note to self: My evil deed for tomorrow, fire the maid.

Ferb:
I reckon hearding cattle ain't for city folks.

Mom:
[taking a picture] Smile boys... ooh, you look so cute.

Phineas:
[as he and Ferb ride ponies] She means well.

Mom:
I'll be back in a few hours. Have fun! [drives off]

Candace:
[to her brothers] Yeah right. You better not pull any of your weird stunts Got it?

Phineas:
Don't fret none, school marm.

Isabella:
So, watcha doin'?

Phineas:
We're ridden ponies. But it make a feller hanker for the real thing. You know, livin' out on the open range. Ridin', ropin', brandin'. Bustin' broncos and breakin' wind with your amigos under the western skies. Heck, we can even ford a strea. I don't even know what that mean, but it sounds fun.

Candace:
[on the phone, running with the cows] Oh my gosh! Stacey, I'm like in a stampede!

Candace:
[on the phone] Mom, they's driving a herd of cattle right through down town.

Mom:
Well um, I'm a little busy, sweetie. I'm having my hair done at Bab's.

Candace:
Oh yeah, that's perfect! Oh they're coming your way. Quick, look out the window! Do you see any cows?

Mom:
[just sees a milk truck with a picture of cows] That's cute, candace.

Candace:
[while falling down the cliff] Cactus, ahh... snakes, ugh... scorpians, ooh ahh!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Ah, Perry the Platypus. As usual, your timing is uncanny. And by uncanny, I mean completely canny!

Candace:
Hey, don't you know it's rude to sneak up on someone who is trying to spy on you?

[Candace must decide what Phineas and Ferb are going to build today]

Candace:
A Mom Attractor!

Phineas:
Cool. You mean, like, a big tractor mother with all its little baby tractors?

Major Monogram:
Well, let's get down to brass tacks... or whatever it is tacks are made of these days.

Phineas:
So, Baljeet, how many subatomic particles do you suppose are in that dandelion?

Baljeet:
[weighing the dandelion in his hand] Hmm. Two point seven-three-two times ten to the 26th power of particles, but I could not tell you the exact location of any of them because of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle.

Phineas:
Hey, Baljeet! Can I talk to you for a second?

Baljeet:
Of course! I will just use small words.

[repeated line when brain stimulator is removed]

Baljeet:
Something is different.

Phineas:
Well, remember when we all made those life-sized stuffed models of ourselves this morning?

Baljeet:
No.

Ferb:
It pays to show up on time.

Baljeet:
I will get an alarm clock.

Candace:
I've got a perfect view of them from where I'm sitting. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! I'm all up in their grill and they don't have a clue!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
It is a well-known fact that no politician can pass up kissing a baby for fear of alienating the electorate. This can be risky, though, because if a baby cries, you can alienate the electorate even worse than if you refused to kiss the baby in the first place.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
You know, you could have waited till I put my pants on. That would have at least been polite, and do you know what we do to rude people around here? We put them in a water-soluable capsule. Ha-HAA! And there's not enough platypus spit in the world to get you out of it.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Keys! Keys! Keys! Master keys, skeleton keys, latch keys, skate keys... I love keys! And, you know, take it from me, once you've accidentally locked yourself in a milk can full of cockroaches for a couple hours, you'll... you'll develop a real appreciation.

Baljeet:
You see, the greatest impediment to making astronomical observations is our atmosphere. It is like looking through pea soup; so, to make our terrestrial telescopes more effective, I'm going to take all of the Earth's atmosphere and put it on the moon!

Phineas:
[shocked] Uh...

Isabella:
[stunned] I don't, uh...

Buford:
Sounds suffocatey.

Baljeet:
Ah, I will disintegrate THAT bridge when I come to it.

Buford:
[wearing the brain stimulator] I used my now vastly superior intellect to build the world's largest weggie machine!

[the others step away from Baljeet]

Baljeet:
Boy, you try to eliminate the atmosphere ONE TIME...

Phineas:
[looking at the rain outside] Looks like a real summer storm. Well, our plan to stand alone in the middle of a field with a metal rod is out.

Candace:
[as Constance, to the boys] Will you hold it down. I am trying to use the quill!

Phineas:
[as Dr. Phineastein about their monster] It's alive! Alive! Haha... and it's really big!

Candace:
[as Constance, going to down to the lab] What is going on down there? I will go straight to the angry mob and tell on you. [throws open the lab door] Ah ha!

Phineas:
[as Dr. Phineastein] Oh hi, Constance. We're gonna enter the best monster contest.

Candace:
How are you going to enter the monster contest? You don't even have a monster.

Phineas:
[after franken-Perry leaves the castle] Oh great! We really have to stop losing our monsters.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[as Dr. Jekyll after transforming into a pixie] You know, in hindsight, I regret even including a fairy princess dial. But you know, live and learn.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[as Dr. Jekyll while franken-Perry is punching him] Wait, wait. Time out. Allow me one little drink before we continue. I-I'm parched.

Jeremy:
[as Jeremiah, to Constance] I can't remember a day when you looked more beautiful. [Constance transforms in a monster] Well, now I can.

Candace:
[as Constance] I'm telling mob!

Isabella:
[seeing Dr. Phineastein and Ferbgor] What'cha doin'?

Phineas:
We're looking for a giant platypus monster. Have you seen one, by any chance?

Isabella:
Funny you should ask. We spent the entire afternoon together. We went swimming, had a little lunch. Did you know he eats raw snails? [shudders] Ew! I stuck to PB&J on whole wheat.

Grandpa Reg:
[finishing his story] And that is why there are pumpkins.

Phineas:
Um, Grandpa, you were telling us about a platypus monster.

Grandpa Reg:
Ooh, that sounds very exciting, tell me about that.

Phineas:
But you were... I mean... I didn't... [sighs] I got nothin'. Ferb?

Ferb:
Platypus monsters are the only monsters to lay eggs.

Candace:
The ocean would be a lot deeper without all those sponges.

Phineas:
Nice try, Ferb, but you can't psyche ME out with your dead-on celebrity impressions.

Major Monogram:
Doofenshmirtz has recently purchased an inordinate number of chairs. Hundreds of them. Far more than necessary for a person with no friends and, ha, only one tushie. Well, actually, I'm... I'm just sort of assuming about the tushie, but I'm pretty confident in the "no friends" thing. You'd think it would be the other way around, but the way he's always playing with forbidden science, you can never really be... All right, this is coming out kind of weird, huh?

Norm:
Tonight we explore the life of a true evil genius and find out just what makes him tick.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
But how?

Norm:
I'm glad you asked. With the help of our exciting but potentially lethal memory extraction technology, all of your most...

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[as a head cap places itself on Doofenshmitz' head] Ooo.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
...deeply suppressed memories will appear right on this screen! It's like a TV clip show fueled by your own brain.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
And soon I learned my parents were expecting a brand new baby girl. My mother spent months knitting pretty dresses. Unfortunately, the baby turned out to be a boy and, because we were out of material, I was forced to wear those same dresses for an entire year, drawing mockery and scorn from all of my manly classmates.

[Heinz gives his mother a toy to show his affection for her, which she immediately gives to her other son]

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
I was crushed as I watched Roger produce a big, red marker and write his name on the toy and then, afterwards, proceed to do the same to my mother, claiming both as his own and effectively shutting me out of the family dynamic.

Norm:
You know, Heinz, there's more than one way to a mother's heart.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Kickball.

Roger Doofenshmirtz:
Well, I've got a city to govern.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Don't let your ego hit you on the way out!

Norm:
Although your family life was tough, your social life was - how should we say - a soul-shattering void!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Long backstory short: I got a balloon at the carnival, I drew a face on him, I sprayed him with special life-long-lasting spray I created, and I named him Balloony. He became my best friend in the whole world, yada-yada-yada, then one tragic day when I was protecting our garden as a lawn gnome, Balloony started floating away.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[Shanghaied via a phony "schtor"-front] You know, I've always had trouble distinguishing between a schtor and a... a painting of a schtor, but it started me off on the greatest adventure of my life! I decided to seize the day with both hands... and a mop.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
I was heading to a golden land of opportunity, a land with a pioneering spirit which welcomed misfits like me - but I ended up in America instead.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[sneaking his first date into a drive-in] Okay, the coast is clear. You can come out now.

Lindana:
[emerging from the car trunk] Ew, it's grody back here.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Well, on the bright side, YOU got in for free, so... we'll just split the cost of my ticket, right? Right?

Lindana:
You know, I coulda gotten in the trunk, like, a block away instead of when you first picked me up at my house.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Wow, you just love to live in the past, huh? Is that, like, a thing with you?

Whale:
What a LOSER that guy up there is. She should dump that pink chimp and go out with a real mammal, like me.

Norm:
And do you recall THIS voice?

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
Hello, Heinz. I have your alimony check.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Heh-heh, Charlene.

Norm:
That's right. It's your former wife, Charlene Doofenshmitz.

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
Delivered in person like you asked. Ah, what is this, a game show set? Is THIS what you spend the money on?

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Well... you know, also groceries.

Charlene Doofenshmirtz:
Well, at least it's not in my garage.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
Oh, baby, what an emotional workout!

Toy Store Owner:
Candace, come on out.

Candace:
[in a bulky, ridiculous promotional costume] You're kidding, right?

Toy Store Owner:
Fantastic. You look like number one.

Candace:
I feel like number two.

Phineas:
Who the heck are you guys?

Badinka-Dinks:
We are the Ba-dink-a-dinks!

Badinka-Dink #1:
You set us free when you remodeled the factory. We'd been trapped in there for years, making foam peanuts and snipping the tabs off of plastic.

Badinka-Dinks:
WE WILL NOW LAY WASTE TO THE SURFACE DWELLERS!

Phineas:
Okay then. Carry on.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[dressed as a penguin] I used to have goals. They were evil goals, but they were goals.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
As they say in Mexico, "Dasvidaniya!" Down there, that's two vidaniyas.

Candace:
Just wait till Mom hears about... Then again, you guys always seem to make everything disappear before Mom gets home. But if I take the evidence to her at the Bowl-o-Rama, then she'll have to believe me!

[Candace fantasizes about her certain victory]

Mom:
Oh, Candace, you were right about Phineas and Ferb this whole time. We should've believed you.

Dad:
And just to express how sorry we are, here's my credit card. You have my permission to ruin us financially.

Jeremy:
Candace, that is so cool how you busted your brothers like that! Will you marry me?

[back to reality]

Phineas:
So you wanna give it a try?

Candace:
[still fantasizing] I do, Jeremy... [snaps back to reality] I mean, uh... I'd love to give it a try.

Phineas:
Who's the tiger?

Candace:
[viewing the trafic-cam video] Can it be? Actual proof? Everything they've done over the summer!

Phineas:
Candace, are you ok? Your muffled emotions woke us up.

Candace:
Oh, just a little summer mini-series called evidence!

Phineas:
[looking at the laptop] Oh cool! Our moon elevator. Mom would love this!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz:
[about Perry taking Norm, the robot] Perry, the Platypus, I don't want to see one scratch on that machine!

Phineas:
Good thing we had this extra rocket engine, uhh!

Phineas:
Candace, the disc?

Candace:
What and let you fall? You may be a pain, but you are my brother.

Ferb:
Fun never falls too far from the treehouse.

Candace, Stacy:
Oh, snap!

Phineas:
Attention Candace! Come out to the back yard. We have a surprise for you!

Candace:
What's going on now?

Phineas:
[as she and Stacy come outside] Hey, Candace. Check out your old tree house. I think you're going to like it.

Candace:
Phineas, what does THF stand for?

Phineas:
Tree House Fight!

Candace:
[as their tree house is attacked] What now?

Stacy:
[looking over their machines] Try pulling some levers!

Mom:
[as everything is all quiet] That's funny. I haven't gotten the usual call from Candace.

Phineas:
Hit the crash button!

Candace:
[as they look around the walk around the tree house] Maybe my brothers have been replaced by aliens.

Stacy:
Yeah! Now they're gonna fatten you up so they can eatcha!

Mom:
[as she is leaving] call if there's any trouble

Candace:
With my brothers, might as well call now.

Gerb:
I guess we should wait until tomorrow before we tell them about our new language.

Phinabunk:
Yes. Yes, we should.

Phineas:
There it is, the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness.

Buford:
You know what I hate about the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness? Just to get there, you have to cross the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness.

Baljeet:
Who named all these things?

Buford:
That guy over there, the Redundant Scribe of Redundantness.

Scribe:
Hi, there, greetings, howdy and salutations.

Phineas:
We made it! And completely unscathed! Good thing we brought along that yak bladder.

Phineas:
No time for flashbacks. We have to go.

Buford:
What flashbacks? I'm just rippling. It relaxes me.

Regent Monogram:
Doofun Khan! What have you done with Princess Isabella?

Doofus Khan:
Th-that's none of your business, but there's no way she escaped forcing me to move up my plans, I can tell you that!

Regent Monogram:
You barbarian.

Doofus Khan:
I know I am, but what are YOU?

Princess Isabella:
You know, I bet these blocks would make a great wall.

Phineas:
Ferb, I know what we're gonna do tomorrow!

Regent Monogram:
Carl, duck!

General Carl:
No, actually, sir, I think it's a dra...

[gets smacked in the face by the dragon's tail]

General Carl:
OH! Oh, THAT kind of duck.

Irving:
Hello, Candice. Are Phineas and Ferb here?

Candace:
Yes.

[Candace closes the door on Irving, he knocks, Candace opens the door]

Candace:
Yes?

Irving:
Can I see them?

Candace:
Probably not from there.

[Candace closes the door again, Irving knocks, Candace opens the door]

Irving:
I would like to visit with my friends, Phineas and Ferb. Could I please come in?

Candace:
Well, why didn't you say so?

Phineas:
They're wasting their time in that swampy marsh. Everyone knows crocodiles head for the sewers.

Candace:
So tell me exactly how you plan to catch this crocodile.

Phineas:
Simple. We'll use the Croco-locator. See that blip straight ahead of us? That's Crikey.

Candace:
What's that other dot?

Phineas:
Oh, well, apparently there's buried treasure down here. Eh, maybe some other day.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Perry the Platyous, you are gonna get such a chickening.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz:
Prepare to meet your chicken!

Baljeet:
I am a doctor and, yes, I am single.

Norm:
[within the 'That's the Norm' situation comedy] Space is cold and unforgiving - like my father.

[studio audience laugh track plays]

[repeated line]

Jeremy:
Holy guacamole, you sure are a handful.

Announcer:
That's right, kids. It's new deliciously carbonated Meap Goulash - the goulash with foam - featuring Quasar Pork Rolls, Black Hole Ham Hunks, Death Ray Beef segments, Spaceship Tofu, and Blue Chimpanzee DNA replica helix marshmallows.