Pink Flamingos

Cotton:
Let's move to Boise, I always wanted to go there!

Babs Johnson:
Boise, Cotton? Well that might not be a bad plan!

Crackers:
Were you ever there?

Cotton:
Only once, we robbed a transit bus there, remember?

Babs Johnson:
I remember, the number 42!

Babs Johnson:
Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat sh*t! Filth is my politics! Filth is my life!

Crackers:
Do my balls, Mama.

Sandy Sandstone:
Well why did you hold me up for so long? Why did you keep asking me to come back? I had another job I could have taken. How could I have gotten information about this Divine you talk of? I don't know her! You could have given me some lead as to how I could have gathered this data you wanted about her. You lead me to believe I had this job.

Connie Marble:
Well, Miss Sandstone, Miss uh... SANDY Sandtone, you just must have been wrong in your assumptions, weren't you? I mean, surely you've heard the expression 'don't count your chickens'? Well, APPLY IT!

Sandy Sandstone:
You're a real C*NT, do you know that? A real f***ing C*NT! How can you be so shitty to people? How can you STAND yourself?

Connie Marble:
I guess there's just two kinds of people, Miss Sandstone: MY kind of people, and a**holes. It's rather obvious which category you fit into. Have a nice day.

Sandy Sandstone:
(flipping her off) Eat the bird, b*tch!

Miss Edie:
Look, Babs. So many little eggies, and I'm still starving, and I'm going to eat them all before I go to sleepie.

Babs Johnson:
Oh my God Almighty! Someone has sent me a bowel movement!

Crackers:
No one sends you a turd and expects to live!

Mr. Vader:
Do you believe in God?

Divine:
I AM GOD!

Connie Marble:
Oh, I love you, Raymond! I love you more than anything in this whole world! I love you even more than my own filthiness! More than my hair color! Mm, God, I love you more than the sound of bones breaking, the sound of death rattle. Even... even more than my own sh*t do I love you, Raymond!

Divine:
This is where they eat, Crackers.

Crackers:
Let's sleep in gas station lavatories this time, mama. F*** permanent residences. It'll strengthen our filthiness.

Babs Johnson:
I'll have to change my appearance. I think I'll dye my hair another color and start dressing like a dyke.

Cotton:
Me too! I'll get a crew cut.

Babs Johnson:
Oh my God, what a horrible photograph. My first wanted poster and I look just awful.

Mr. J:
Even with the hectic events of the day, Raymond Marble still finds time to satisfy his perverted urges. Watch, as he not only commits another act of indecent exposure, but adds to this social horror by making his wife wait in the car. Is there no shame?

Babs Johnson:
Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Crackers:
Sure mama, I wouldn't sh*t ya.

Connie Marble:
Fire, fire, burn it down! Fire, fire, to the ground!

Babs Johnson:
I'm all dressed up and ready to fall in love!

Edie, the Egg Lady:
The Egg Man didn't do it, Babs! I KNOW the Egg Man didn't do it!

Babs Johnson:
Oh, I don't think he did it either, mother, now shut up and let me think, WILL YOU?

Narrator/Mr. J:
"The filthiest people alive?" Well, you think you know someone filthier? Watch as Divine proves that not only is she the filthiest person in the world, she's also the filthiest actress in the world! What you are about to see is THE REAL THING!

Connie Marble:
We'll see who's the filthiest person alive! We'll just see!

Divine:
Now we must outfilth the a**hole or a**holes that sent us this, and then they must die!

Divine:
Connie Marble, you stand convicted of assholeism! Your proper punishment will now take place. Look pretty for the picture, Connie!

Suzie:
When are you gonna get her out of here?

Channing:
Come on, Little Noodles, you just found a new home!

Suzie:
Oh that's real nice! Poor f***ing Alice dies giving birth, you can't even bother to move the body, and now the b*tch has sold the kid! Poor baby! And YOU, you little suckling, can't even get me my tranquilizers! You shithead, where are my pills? That b*tch can afford it! She's got at least another couple grand coming from THIS one, can't she at least give me my f***ing pills?

Channing:
I said don't talk to me when I come down here.

Suzie:
I don't give a f*** what you said, you f***ing pig, get this body OUT of here it's making me SICK! When will they get another one, what poor girl will they get next? I KNOW they'll get another one, just like when I came here I replaced somebody, didn't I? You f***ing little dingleberry! That's what you're like, you f***ing ball of sh*t!

Channing:
SHUT UP, I said SHUT UP don't talk to me when I come down here!

Connie Marble:
He's been... CASTRATED. His penis is GONE.

Babs Johnson:
Give me more questions!

Babs Johnson:
Yes! I have done everything!

Raymond Marble:
As you know, Divine has achieved a sort of fame lately, both locally and on the national level. You may have heard the term the "filthiest person alive"?

Cookie:
I have heard the term, yes. The papers call her that and she is known as that to a limited extent in your more crime-conscious sections of the city.

Connie Marble:
Well we feel this to be an untrue statement! We feel that Raymond and I far surpass her in every aspect of the term filth. As you know, we run a baby ring. It's really a very simple process, we keep two girls at all time who are impregnated by Channing, our rather fertile servant. We sell the babies to lesbian couples, and then we invest the money in various businesses around town.

Raymond Marble:
We own a few pornography shops, plus we front money to a chain of heroin-pushers in the inner-city elementary schools.

Connie Marble:
We feel the attention that's been focused on Divine lately is most unfair. She is merely a common thief and murderer. Unfortunately for us our line of work limits our chances for publicity and travel, but this does not mean that we wish to go unnoticed. After all, we have not worked all these years in order to be outstaged by this fat hog that calls herself divine!

Crackers:
This is my grandma, Edie.

Cookie:
What's... what's the matter with her?

Crackers:
Ain't nothin' wrong her. She just loves eggs, s'all.

The Egg Man:
And now, Edie, what will it be today? I have Grade A extra large, I have Grade A large, I have medium, I have small, I have brown and I have white. Just look at these, so fresh you could hardly believe it. They're just begging to be scrambled or fried or poached or hard boiled. Or ready to be thrown into a big, fat, juicy omelet! How about it, Edie? What will it be for the lady that the eggs like the most?

Edie:
I want them all! I'll have the brown ones, and those great big white ones, and I'll have those over there. And I want them for frying and for scrambling, and for hard-boiled for snacks. Oh, God!

The Egg Man:
Miss Edie, as long as there are chicken layin' and truck drivin' and my feet walkin', you can be sure that l will bring you the finest of the fine, the largest of the large and the whitest of the white. ln other words, that thin-shelled ovum of the domestic fowl will never be safe as long as there are chicken layin' and l'm alive because l am your eggman and there ain't a better one in town!

Hitchhiker:
Where'd you get this beautiful car?

Raymond Marble:
At a car dealer, where did you think?

Connie Marble:
Where ya going?

Hitchhiker:
Just downtown, anywhere near Howard street.

Connie Marble:
Oh, meeting someone?

Hitchhiker:
Yeah.

Connie Marble:
Who?!

Hitchhiker:
My boyfriend and a couple of other guys. Why?

Raymond Marble:
Going to do a gang bang or something?

Hitchhiker:
What? Hey, what's with you two?

Connie Marble:
We just wondered where you were planning to spread your VD today, that's all, hussy.

Cotton:
Mmm, smells delicious Babs!

Babs Johnson:
Thank you Cotton, it should. I warmed it up when I was downtown today in my own little oven!

Crackers:
Ew, their bedroom, their f*** chamber itself!

Babs Johnson:
This is where they mate, Crackers, right here on this very bed, this is where they touch their uninspired little organs together, vainly trying to recharge their worn out battery of filthiness, thrashing and moaning in the still of the night!

Crackers:
What kinda sh*t turns them on, Mama? What do they do in here?

Babs Johnson:
Oh all sorts of disgusting positions I would imagine, Crackers. Connie probably takes Raymond's little peanut of a cock between her brittle chapped lips and then scrapes her ugly decayed teeth up and down on it while a**hole Raymond thinks he's getting the best head on the East Coast! Then they probably sit here and stare at each other's blue and red hair, while they goose each other and say dirty words!

Babs Johnson:
Give me more questions!

Reporter:
Divine, are you a lesbian?

Babs Johnson:
Yes, I have done everything!

Reporter:
Does blood turn you on?

Babs Johnson:
It does more than turn me on, Mr. Vader, it makes me come! And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it, the taste of hot freshly killed blood!

Reporter:
Could you give us some of your political beliefs?

Babs Johnson:
Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat sh*t! Filth are my politics, filth is my life!

Narrator:
This beautiful mobile home you see before you is the current hideout of the notorious beauty Divine, the filthiest person alive!

Narrator:
[after Raymond exposes himself to a transsexual in the park, and, shocked, runs away] That is not the only shock you have before you, Raymond Marble, because at this exact moment Divine has learned of your jealous scheme from the local town gossip. She also has your address, ass hole!

Divine/Babs Johnson:
I haven't fallen in love for three whole days!

Divine/Babs Johnson:
The next package you bring me is getting shoved right up your little ass, can you comprehend that?!

Divine/Babs Johnson:
You know who I am, b*tch! I'm the filthiest person alive, that's who I am!

Divine/Babs Johnson:
Gentlemen, the verdict is in. Guilty on all 10 charges of first-degree stupidity.

Divine/Babs Johnson:
You stand convicted of a**hole-ism.

Crackers:
Hold these goddamn chickens!

Connie Marble:
I guess there's just two kinds of people, Miss Sandstone, my kind of people, and a**holes. It's rather obvious which category you fit into.

Connie Marble:
Babs Johnson, oh what a stupid f***ing name! She sounds like a chimpanzee on a tire swing.

Connie Marble:
How can a couch be out of order?!

Sandy Sandstone:
Eat the bird, b*tch!

Cookie:
I may have to degrade myself in front of Divine's son. He's into a very strange sex scene.

Edie:
Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!

Birthday Card:
Happy birthday, fatso.

Cotton:
Murder merely relieves tension.

Divine, are you a lesbian ?

Yes, I have done everything.

Divine/Babs Johnson:
Oh my God,you stupid idiot motherf***er!Connie,go away!

Divine/Babs Johnson:
I'll burn you to death,stupid b*tch!