Violet:
Gentlemen, I'll be sending Pac-Man's current coordinates to each of your car's GPSes. Let's locate and eliminate.
Will Cooper:
Come on, guys.
[Pac-Man chases man on his bicycle. Ludlow is shocked.]
Sam Brenner:
[confused] Pac-Man's a bad guy?
[Iwatani sees Pac-Man eat man's bike.]
Professor Iwatani:
Pac-Man is not bad! I created him to bring joy to all the people of the world! They have brainwashed him! Deep down, he's kind, gentle. Someone you can tell your troubles to or grab a hamburger with.
[Pac-Man stops in front of the Ghost Cars.]
Professor Iwatani:
You'll see.
[Iwatani exits his Ghost Car.]
Violet:
Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!
Sam Brenner:
Professor Iwatani, what are you doing?!
Professor Iwatani:
I will talk to him. He's my son!
Sam Brenner:
No, that's a bad idea.
[Iwatani walks up to Pac-Man.]
Professor Iwatani:
[to Pac-Man] Hello, my sweet, little boy. Look how big you've grown. I'm so proud of you.
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
Professor Iwatani:
But all these destructive things you're doing, it's wrong. I'm your father. I know, you're a good boy.
[Iwatani reaches out. Ludlow nods as if saying, "Go on." Suddenly, Pac-Man bites Iwatani's hand into pixels, and Iwatani screams in pain.]
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
NOOOOO!!!!
Professor Iwatani:
SOMEBODY KILL THIS STUPID THING!!!!
Sam Brenner:
[shocked and horrified] That was some twisted Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there!
[Pac-Man runs away]
Eddie Plant:
All right, losers! It's 3 on 1. Let's hit it!
[the Arcaders start chasing Pac-Man. During the chase, Pac-Man eats a fire truck.]
Sam Brenner:
Pac-Man's faster than I remember!
Eddie Plant:
Pac-Man's always been faster than the ghosts. We're gonna have to out-maneuver his ass. [he and the Arcaders sharply turn around a car.] Wonderfro, you and Silver Medal break off. [The Arcaders go in different directions.] I'll stay with Big Yellow.
Violet:
[sees Eddie's car going another way very quickly.] Whoa! Eddie, how did you do that so fast?
Eddie Plant:
'Cause I'm the champ, Lieutenant Long Legs.
[Pac-Man eats an ambulance, but runs into Ludlow Lamonsoff.]
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
Nope!
[Pac-Man runs into Sam Brenner.]
Sam Brenner:
What's up?
[Pac-Man tries to run away, but sees Eddie Plant about to kill him.]
Eddie Plant:
OH, YEAH!
[Eddie kills Pac-Man]
Will Cooper:
Good one, Eddie.
Eddie Plant:
Whew.
Sam Brenner:
[on radio] One down!
Violet:
Two to go! [the Arcaders go another way.] All right, Pac-Man Number Two just regenerated four streets away headed North Bound. Turn east at the next intersection. Brenner, go straight.
Sam Brenner:
Got it.
Violet:
Ludlow, go left. [Ludlow does so] Eddie, at the next intersection, turn left.
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
We got him! He's got nowhere to go!
[Pac-Man eats a Power Pellet, thus turning all the Ghost Cars dark blue.]
Sam Brenner:
[shocked] Oh, God. No!
Violet:
"Oh, God. No!" what?
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
He ate the Power Pellet! Pac-Man's got 10 seconds where he can eat us! [Pac-Man starts chasing Ludlow] Why me?! [Ludlow runs away] Oh, God, don't eat me, don't eat me, don't eat me. Please, please don't eat me. [Pac-Man starts eating Ludlow's Ghost Car, and he screams in terror] GUYS! HELP! I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN! [Ludlow barely escapes the Ghost Car before it gets eaten by Pac-Man. Then Pac-Man turns around and continues chasing Ludlow.] Why are you doing this to me? [Ludlow runs for his life.] YOU'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!
Will Cooper:
LUDLOW, RUN! PUMP YOUR LEGS! GO, BABY!
[Ludlow continues running from Pac-Man. Suddenly, Eddie appears and kills Pac-Man again.]
Will Cooper:
[as the people in the office cheer] ATTABOY, EDDIE!
Eddie Plant:
[chuckles] You just got fire-blasted, sucka!
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
[makes finger guns at Eddie.] [weakly] Uh-huh. [faints from fear.]
Eddie Plant:
[sighs] What?
Violet:
How the Hell did he get over there so fast?
Sam Brenner:
[to Eddie] Way to go, champ!
Eddie Plant:
Aren't you glad you sprung me, Second Place?
Sam Brenner:
[sarcastically] Yeah. Thrilled. [normally] One more to go and it's Happy Hour.
[Pac-Man Number Three regenerates where Pac-Man Number Two died, and Sam and Eddie chase Pac-Man leaving Ludlow laying in the street.]
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
So I, I guess they're just leaving me here.
[Pac-Man runs for his life as Sam and Eddie chase him.]
Eddie Plant:
Now it's time for the hat trick.
[Eddie accelerates but Pac-Man turns right causing Eddie to fly off of the road, falling into the East River.]
Sam Brenner:
Wow!
Violet:
Brenner, it's on you. There are still 3 other Power Pellets out there, so stay alert.
Sam Brenner:
I got this. If I don't, the world ends. Can't let that happen.
Will Cooper:
Come on, Brenner. Come on.
[Sam continues chasing Pac-Man]
Violet:
Brenner, he leading you directly towards one of the Power Pellets. Get out of there.
[Pac-Man eats Power Pellet, turning Sam Brenner's Ghost Car dark blue, and starts chasing Sam Brenner]
Sam Brenner:
[with a game face] 1.
Violet:
[confused] What the Hell is he doing?
Sam Brenner:
[backs up] 2.
Violet:
[angrily] Damn it, Brenner, I have a son who I'd like to see grow up!
Sam Brenner:
3. You'll see your boy grow up. [Pac-Man chases him into parking garage] 4.
Violet:
[alarmed] Brenner, get out; He's going to eat you!
Sam Brenner:
[getting chased through the parking garage.] 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. [closes his eyes tight. The Ghost Car and Pac-Man fly through the air in slow-mo, and Pac-Man opens his mouth, about to eat Sam Brenner.] ...10. [barely kills Pac-Man Number Three. He lands on another part of the parking garage, and he breathes heavily, as Pac-Man powers down.]
Will Cooper:
[as everyone cheers wildly] OH! OH! YOU DID IT! BRENNER! THAT'S THE ONE, BABY! [he and his wife hug. Two Admiral's shake hands. Violet sees Sam Brenner exit his Ghost Car and chuckles in disbelief.]
[Sam Brenner emerges from the parking garage]
Man in Crowd:
He's over here!
[Sam Brenner is greeted with thunderous cheers and applause. Eddie arrives on a fire truck, drenched, and gives the crowd a "Rock on!" hand gesture.]
Woman in Crowd:
Fire Blaster, I love you!
[Ludlow appears holding a blanket over something.]
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
Hey, guys! Sorry, coming through. I'm one of tonight's heroes, sorry. [to Sam and Eddie] Hey! [whispers] Hey. Check it out. I think I might have found our next trophy.
[uncovers blanket revealing Q*Bert mumbling]
Sam Brenner:
[intrigued] It's Q*Bert.
Ludlow Lamonsoff:
[excitedly] Yeah, I know! I know.
Eddie Plant:
Can I kill it?
Sam Brenner:
No! Let's get to know him a little bit. Ask him some questions. And then we'll kill him.
Q*Bert:
Huh?
Sam Brenner:
I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.
Q*Bert:
Bye.
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