Pontypool

[repeated line]

Grant Mazzy:
Sydney Briar is alive.

Sydney Briar:
[to Grant Mazzy] Kill me.

Sydney Briar:
We're not talking, I'm drunk. This is how my last relationship ended.

Sydney Briar:
Oh, God. You're gonna eat me soon, aren't you?

Laurel Ann:
Let's make radio.

Grant Mazzy:
It's not the end of the world, it's just the end of the day.

[first lines]

Grant Mazzy:
Mrs. French's cat is missing. The signs are posted all over town. "Have you seen Honey?" We've all seen the posters, but nobody has seen Honey the cat. Nobody. Until last Thursday morning, when Miss Colette Piscine swerved her car to miss Honey the cat as she drove across a bridge. Well this bridge, now slightly damaged, is a bit of a local treasure and even has its own fancy name; Pont de Flaque. Now Collette, that sounds like Culotte. That's Panty in French. And Piscine means Pool. Panty pool. Flaque also means pool in French, so Colete Piscine, in French Panty Pool, drives over the Pont de Flaque, the Pont de Pool if you will, to avoid hitting Mrs. French's cat that has been missing in Pontypool. Pontypool. Pontypool. Panty pool. Pont de Flaque. What does it mean? Well, Norman Mailer, he had an interesting theory that he used to explain the strange coincidences in the aftermath of the JFK assasination. In the wake of huge events, after them and before them, physical details they spasm for a moment; they sort of unlock and when they come back into focus they suddenly coincide in a weird way. Street names and birthdates and middle names, all kind of superfluous things appear related to eachother. It's a ripple effect. So, what does it mean? Well... it means something's going to happen. Something big. But then, something's always about to happen.

Grant Mazzy:
[On Air] Now, in our top story of today, a big, cold, dull, dark, white, empty, never-ending blow my brains out, seasonal affective disorder freaking kill me now weather-front, that'll last all day - or maybe - when the wind shifts later on, we'll get a little greenhouse gas relief from the industrial south. HAIL MARY, yea though I walk - we go to Ken Loney - in the Sunshine chopper.

Ken Loney:
[Over Speaker] It's always brighter above the clouds Grant!

[last lines]

Loudspeaker voice:
[in French] 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

Grant Mazzy:
Do we really want to provide a genocide with elevator music?

Grant Mazzy:
You have to stop understanding! Stop understanding what you are saying! Stop understanding and listen to me!

Grant Mazzy:
But you know what friends? We were never making sense. And today, when armageddon leached out into your good, good mornings, you know what? It's just another day. Another day in Pontypool. The sun came up, you did what you did yesterday, and it's exactly what you'll do tomorrow. Today's news folks, today's late breaking, developing just across my desk news story is this: it's not the end of the world folks. It's just the end of the day. This is Grant Mazzy for CLSY radio nowhere, and I'm still here, you cocksuckers.

Laurel Ann:
[Bandaging Sydney's hand] Are you listening to this?

Sydney Briar:
I'm really trying not to. I left my cell phone in the sound booth. I want to talk to the kids. When he's got them, he turns his cell phone off or doesn't pick up or - I don't know.

Laurel Ann:
He's a jerk.

Sydney Briar:
So, did anything, um, this crazy ever happen to you in Afghanistan?

Laurel Ann:
No, sir. Leave this situation I brought back in my head.

Sydney Briar:
What do you - what do you mean?

Laurel Ann:
I don't really know. I'm gonna go see if Mr. Mazzy's missing. Mi-missing. Missing. Missing. Missing? As in - I mean - I mean, Mr. Mazzy. Mr. Mazzy's missing, as in, cause he's not here.

Sydney Briar:
Well, honey, he's in the sound booth.

Laurel Ann:
Yeah, I know, I just - I'm gonna - I'm gonna go. [Begins imitating teakettle in trance like state]

Sydney Briar:
[Perplexed by Laurel-Ann, then sees man climbing in through window] Excuse me!

Dr. Mendez:
Sorry! Please, don't be alarmed! I am Dr. John Mendez. I have literally been crawling on my hands and knees throughout town, all over and, and - [notices Laurel-Ann] Ok, oh. Don't - don't say anything. Ok. Oh, boy.

Sydney Briar:
She just started doing this.

Dr. Mendez:
Um, sorry, uh, I'm a doctor, um, we should step out.

Sydney Briar:
Laurel-Ann? Laurel-Ann, honey, are you okay?

Dr. Mendez:
No, no, no, no, no, no. It's terribly urgent that we keep moving. She'll follow our voices. We have to, uh - what's that? [Points to sound booth]

Sydney Briar:
It's the sound booth.

Dr. Mendez:
[Snaps fingers] Lifeboat! Let's go!

Laurel Ann:
[Snaps out of trance] Mr. M- M- Mr. Mendez is missing Mazzy. No, no, I'm missing Mazzy. I have to - [gasping]

Laurel Ann:
No, guys, wait! I'm not missing anymore! I don't miss Mr. Mazzy.

Dr. Mendez:
Your friend is sick. I've seen a lot of this lately. She doesn't know it yet, but she's hunting us.

Nigel Healing:
And that's the latest from Kandahar. In other news, French-Canadian riot police have successfully contained the violent uprising in the small town in Ontario, Canada, Pontypool. Pontypool. Ponty - pool. Pontypool. Pontypool.

Laurel Ann:
We have an enemy, sir.

Grant Mazzy:
Laurel-Ann, we've got an enemy.

Sydney Briar:
Ok, what's going on? [Hears people repeating her] Those are my words. Those are my words! What is going on?

Grant Mazzy:
Sydney, hey Sydney, listen.

Sydney Briar:
I'm scared!

Grant Mazzy:
Sydney, listen, I'm scared, too. [Notices she cut her hand] Hey, Laurel-Ann, we got a first aid kit?

Laurel Ann:
Yeah, ok.

Grant Mazzy:
Sydney, focus here. Focus and look at me. Where are your kids?

Sydney Briar:
They're with him. They're in the city.

Grant Mazzy:
That's 100 kilometers away. They're safe, right?

Sydney Briar:
Oh, god, yeah.

Grant Mazzy:
They're safe. Ok. We got work to do. I'm going back on the radio. This is a heck of a shift, Sydney. What's up first?

Sydney Briar:
Obits.

Grant Mazzy:
Obits, ok, but I got nothing taped.

Sydney Briar:
Ok, we'll go live.

Grant Mazzy:
Live! Let's go!

Grant Mazzy:
Is not understanding what disinfects it? See, that's the question. If it disinfects it, then how - without distorting, how do you do that?

Sydney Briar:
You kill the word that's killing you.

Grant Mazzy:
Oh, you kill the word that's killing you! That's good! You repeat it. Yeah, I remember as a kid, I used to, uh, I used to repeat words over and over again till they were incomprehensible. You think that's what it is? Is that why they're repeating things? Is it some kind of immune system response?

Sydney Briar:
You have to kill all the killing.

Grant Mazzy:
But it doesn't work, because they repeat the word and then they still get sick. So how do you make it unrecognizable? How? And what word?

Sydney Briar:
Kill.

Grant Mazzy:
Kill.

Sydney Briar:
Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.

Grant Mazzy:
Syd?

Sydney Briar:
Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.

Grant Mazzy:
Are you okay? You okay?

Sydney Briar:
Kill, kill, kill.

Grant Mazzy:
Ok. Syd? Sydney, I, - I think you got an infected word. You - you're infected. But we know the word. [Sydney cries] Don't say anything. No, no, no, stop. We know the word.

Sydney Briar:
[Crying] Kill, kill, kill.

Grant Mazzy:
Ok, kill isn't kill. Sydney, kill isn't kill. It isn't kill. Kill isn't kill. Kill isn't kill. Kill isn't kill. Kill isn't kill. Kill isn't kill. Oh, god. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. Uh, uh, ok. Kill is blue. Kill is wonderful. Kill is loving. Kill is baby. Kill is Manet's Garden. Kill is a beautiful morning. Kill is everything you ever wanted. Kill is, kill is, uh, kill is kiss. [Sydney begins calming down] Kill is - kill is - kill is kiss? Kill is kiss. Is that it? Kill is kiss? Kill is kiss. Kill is kiss. Kill is kiss. Kill is kiss! Kill is kiss? Kill is kiss. What is kill?

Sydney Briar:
Kiss. Kill me.

Grant Mazzy:
What?

Sydney Briar:
Kill me. [Kisses Grant] Kill is kiss. Kill is kiss. Kill is kiss. Ok. Ok, I feel better.

Grant Mazzy:
Let's get out of here.

Sydney Briar:
Where are we going?

Grant Mazzy:
I can't play by the establishment rules any longer. My patience is worn thin. We're breaking the limits, stealing cars, leaving the world behind to figure out what they believe is black and white.

Sydney Briar:
But what about...

Grant Mazzy:
What about what about? It's not a good anti-establisment way to begin a question.

Sydney Briar:
My name.

Grant Mazzy:
My name, too.

Sydney Briar:
Johnny Deadeyes.

Grant Mazzy:
Hmm. Lisa the Killer.

Sydney Briar:
Where we going, Johnny?

Grant Mazzy:
To a new place that isn't even there yet.

Sydney Briar:
And then?

Grant Mazzy:
Then we steal the loot and knock boots in the free world, baby.

Sydney Briar:
Ok. Ok, baby.

Grant Mazzy:
Shh!