Primetime Glick

Janeane Garofalo:
[Jiminy is fidgeting and adjusting into odd seating positions] Are you alright?

Jiminy Glick:
Yes. It's one of the advantages of only having one ball.

[repeated lines]

Adrien Van Voorhees:
I'm Adrien Van Voorhees, and am I the only one who needs a Glick fix?

Audience:
No! We do!

Adrien Van Voorhees:
Damn straight!

Jerry Seinfeld:
You're a overweight, frustrated, unsuccessful, stammering, stuttering, sweating, you know- completely out of your element, individual.

Jiminy Glick:
[unphased] Aren't you kind.

Bill Maher:
[after Jiminy describes his sex life] That's great. I always thought that was a whole front and you were gay, but that's, you know, just what I've heard.

Jiminy Glick:
Now why, isn't that interesting coming from a 44-year-old bachelor.

Jiminy Glick:
[to Julia-Louis Dreyfus] And let this always be a reminder to you... you are a special spirit. Thank you very much. [Julia laughs]

Jiminy Glick:
[reconsidering] Oh, I hadn't heard the laugh yet. [Julia's smile quickly fades]

Jiminy Glick:
Oh, well, that can be taken out in editing.

[interviewing Mel Brooks]

Jiminy Glick:
Now, I have to ask you. What's your beef with the Nazis?

Jiminy Glick:
Before you go, do a little Jiminy Cricket for us.

Chevy Chase:
Boy, I haven't been asked to do that in a long time. Are you ready?

Jiminy Glick:
Well, after we see it, we'll know why.

Jiminy Glick:
You know, many people felt that being from the South, you've gotta lose it. The wonderful Ava Gardner had a Southern accent, and she was told to lose it, too. And she was always drinking, even then. But she was a man's woman, and I think that she broke Frank Sinatra's heart and I don't think he ever recovered. I think Mia Farrow was a bandage, and I think that Juliet Prowse was a fake, and I think that Barbara Sinatra could be mean to the people that she didn't like and nice to the people that she liked. What is your opinion of Barbara Sinatra?

Jiminy Glick:
Marvin Hamlisch: I don't think he should wear jeans anymore.

Billy Crystal:
[laughs] Really?