Private Teacher

[When her masseur massages her hand, Aunt Diane uses this to touch him inappropriately]

Cable TV commentator:
Ah... please Diane... I'll do the massaging.

Aunt Diane:
Every muscle needs a massage, you should know that...

Cable TV commentator:
Hmm, oh well, maybe you're right.

[after Marsha notices Diane's nephew sleeps on a couch with an erection, she convinces Diane to let her tuck it back into his pants so he wouldn't wake up embarrassed]

Marsha:
[tries but then stops] It's too stiff. Just let me slicken it up a little bit and then it would slide back in.

[casually performs what is not unlike a fellatio]

Aunt Diane:
[her eyes almost pop out] Marsha, do you have any idea what you're doing?

Marsha:
Why, hell yes, I do it all the time!

[not pretending anymore, Marsha goes for a deepthroat]

[Jimmy moans as his older neighbor Marsha deepthroats him in his sleep]

Aunt Diane:
[bewildered by her friend Marsha's actions] Shh, go back to sleep, Jimmy.

Jimmy:
What's going on, aunt Diane?

Marsha:
You're getting your cock sucked, kid! [goes back to it]

Aunt Diane:
[in despair] Oh, my god...

Marsha:
[with Jimmy semi-awake after she gave him a fellatio in his sleep] Hmm, I'd like to sit on this.

Aunt Diane:
[whispering] Marsha, no! He's my nephew!

Marsha:
Well, he's not *my* nephew! Besides, I think he's kind of cute.

Aunt Diane:
Don't do it, Jimmy. [ignoring her, Marsha takes off Jimmy's pants, and he lets her mount him]

[Diane's neighbor Marsha starts mounting Jimmy right in front of his shocked aunt]

Jimmy:
It feels so good, aunt Diane!

Aunt Diane:
[finally giving up on stopping Marsha] Oh, I know...

[looking at the direction of her neighbor Diane while mounting Diane's nephew Jimmy after previously tricking Diane to let her give him a fellatio in his sleep]

Marsha:
Oh, I wanted to f*** you as soon as I saw your hard cock sticking out of your pants.

Marsha:
Diane, you'd love that cock, you better try it. [pulls herself off of Jimmy]

Jimmy:
Yeah, well come on, aunt Diane. I've always wanted to.

Aunt Diane:
You have?

Marsha:
Come on, Diane, try it.

Aunt Diane:
Oh well, might as well keep it in the family...

Miss Lillian Foxworth:
This might be tough, Diane - I think he's shrinking.

Aunt Diane:
You mean you think he's getting smaller?

Miss Lillian Foxworth:
No, dear - his personality. But don't worry about a thing - I'm sure I can snap him out of it.

Miss Lillian Foxworth:
Since you have no emotional problems, and no physical problems, we might as well get down to some regular school work. [hands Jimmy a book]

Jimmy:
Shakespeare?

Miss Lillian Foxworth:
Shakespeare. The most brilliant writer of English literature. His works can only improve your mind.

Miss Lillian Foxworth:
[from Hamlet, Act One, Scene 5] A couch, for luxury and damned incest. But howsoever thou pursuest this act, taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive against thy mother aught. Leave her to heaven, and to those thorns that in her bosom lodge, to prick and sting her. Fare thee well at once; the glowworm shows the matin to be near, and 'gins to pale his uneffectual fire. Adieu, adieu, adieu. Remember me.