Punching the Clown

Henry:
Michelagelo apparently once said, um, that if people knew how hard he worked, they wouldn't call him a genius and I think with me, it's sort of the opposite, you know. I think that if people knew how little I worked on this stuff, I don't think they would say that I suck.

Ellen Pinsky:
Henry Phillips - James Taylor on smack.

Captain Chaotic:
Are you in a relationship or something right now?

Henry:
Actually, no. I'm going through a little bit of a breakup situation right now, which sucks, and my friends are tired of hearing me complain about it. It's been about nine years now.

Stupid Joe:
[singing] Nothing I can do , I totally ripped a big faartt...

Captain Chaotic:
Okay, so Henry Phillips has the record deal, he's got the, uh, jolly green cash giant pooping in his hand and everything's going great. So, what happens next? I mean, are you gonna sell out to the man?

Henry:
You know, it's funny, I don't think I would have the ability to do it.

Car Heckler Driver:
You suck, Batman! Where's Robin? Where's the Joker?

Captain Chaotic:
So, do you see yourself more as a musician or as a comedian?

Henry:
Well, I've always liked to say that I got foot in the music door and one foot in the comedy door. So I don't know if you can really picture that or not. I'm not really getting anywhere, I'm just kinda humping the wall in-between the two doors.

Matt:
I had sex with Carrie today

Henry:
Really?

Matt:
No.

Matt:
Hi, can I have something fruity with an umbrella in it, please? Something to get me messed up in a hurry?

Becca:
Oh, I'm sorry, we just have beer and wine.

Matt:
Then I'll take that bottle right there and one glass and a pretty smile.

Becca:
Oka... okay.

Henry:
One time I was watching a documentary on hallucinogenic drugs... ah, which I think is really the best way to watch a documentary, if you get a chance.