Puppets Who Kill

Dash Dagger:
[He coughs] Erm, I guess we're applying for the same job? Hmm.

Evelyn:
Hmm, I guess.

Dash Dagger:
Hopefully they'll have the wisdom to choose the person who will work hard in the company's interest.

Evelyn:
I've never worked hard a day in my life, I'm so good looking everything falls on my lap. [she smiles then laughs]

Dash Dagger:
Well everyone has problems

Evelyn:
Not me, people project their hopes and fears onto me. They think that just because I'm attractive that I must have all the answers to life.

Dash Dagger:
Ah hah.

Sue:
Hey it's the new greeter, congratulations.

Evelyn:
We totally relate to your struggle. [They both nod]

Dash Dagger:
Really?

Sue:
Don't think we haven't tasted rejection.

Evelyn:
We have, big time.

Sue:
Like once, I wasn't invited to a party.

Evelyn:
Aw.

Sue:
I was totally humiliated.

Evelyn:
I once had a piece of Spinach stuck in my tooth and nobody even told me. Oh God, it was so humiliating.

Dash Dagger:
I once got dragged behind a truck! [they both look disgusted at him]

Evelyn:
Oh.

Sue:
Got to go, bye. [they start walking off]

Dash Dagger:
You have no idea what I'm going through you vacuous idiots!

Sue:
Wow, what an attitude.

Evelyn:
See that's what happens when we're nice to ugly people.

Dash Dagger:
Now that I'm in, I am gonna show you how a real greeter works.

Evelyn:
Knock yourself out.

Dash Dagger:
When I am done, you're gonna look silly.

Evelyn:
Whatever.

Dash Dagger:
I may be ugly but I'll work harder, smarter and be more charming.

Evelyn:
If I'd put half an effort into what I do I could get someone to lick dog sh*t off my shoe.

Big Store Customer:
Erm, can you tell me where auto parts is?

Evelyn:
Yes, I'll be with you in a minute.

Dash Dagger:
I know where it is!

Big Store Customer:
I can wait, er, I'm looking for, er, shock absorbers.

Evelyn:
Yeah I'll get right on it.

Big Store Customer:
Auto parts! Aisle 6, I'm going there right now!

Big Store Customer:
It's okay.

Dash Dagger:
I have a mechanics license.

Evelyn:
I'll take you there but I'm warning you I have a contagious disease.

Big Store Customer:
I'll risk it.

Evelyn:
Okay.

Dash Dagger:
What? Wha? Wha?

Evelyn:
No! What do you mean you're my boss?

Dash Dagger:
Sorry sister that's the way it goes, the old order is finished.

Evelyn:
No, this can't be happening!

Dash Dagger:
Oh it is, I'm the head greeter, I've leap frogged over you and your petty persia values.

Evelyn:
But how can you, you're ugly!

Dash Dagger:
[He laughs] Well you forgot one thing, beauty wins over ugly but fame on TV wins over beauty.

Evelyn:
No, this is like a bad dream.

Dash Dagger:
That's not your fault you just forgot how shallow society is.

Evelyn:
Damn you! [She walks off]

Dash Dagger:
See ya later, sister!

Evelyn:
We've been f***ed over.

Sue:
My God, no more attention. This is like one of the signs of the Apocalypse. [Evelyn switches the TV off with the remote control]

Evelyn:
What are we going to do? The whole world has turned against us.

Sue:
All this stress is giving me acne.

Evelyn:
We've gotta think of something.

Sue:
I know! What if we were unattractive?

Evelyn:
You can't just make yourself ugly, you moron! It doesn't work that way.

Sue:
Why not?

Evelyn:
Because ugly is like a state of mind, it goes deeper than just appearance. It's like a scar, a wound. You can't manufacture that sh*t.

Sue:
Oh.

Evelyn:
We can't let this guy f*** us over.

Sue:
So what are we going to do?

Evelyn:
We get even. [She sips her drink]

Sue:
How are we going to do that, we're attractive, we're not supposed to be nasty.

Evelyn:
We start with Dan Barlow.

Evelyn:
We aren't taking this discrimination anymore!

Sue:
And all things to stop ass, Dan Barlow.

Evelyn:
Woo!