Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Ted Allen:
Hey, you know what? There are no carbs in bacon.

Kyan Douglas:
[Pointing to Carson] That is what happens when ADHD goes undiagnosed. Right there.

Carson Kressley:
We're not responsible! Why are you yelling at us?

Carson Kressley:
Your clothes are in the basement? That's so "Silence of the Lambs."

Carson Kressley:
On the eighth day the Lord created malls, and He said to His people, "Go, shop."

Ted Allen:
Oh my God! Oh my God! Furbies! Aaaaaaa!

Carson Kressley:
[Carson going through John's clothes] Where'd you get this?

John Bargeman:
K-Mart. Why Not?

Carson Kressley:
[Carson places his hand over John's mouth] Don't use that kind of language around me.

Kyan Douglas:
I'm gonna lasso me a gay man!

Ted Allen:
Beers, steers, and here's the queers!

Carson Kressley:
I'm gonna come there and hog-tie him and give him a good thrashing!

Carson Kressley:
He's an expert triangle player. He must have studied triangle at Juilliard.

Carson Kressley:
Staten Island, the aluminum siding capital of the world.

Carson Kressley:
[Wearing cop's jacket] Stop! That's a fashion violation! Don't move!

Thom Filicia:
This room is just stupid.

Ted Allen:
Nothing says love like testicle humor.

Carson Kressley:
This is very mental institution chic.

Carson Kressley:
What fresh new hell do we have here?

Ted Allen:
Life is too short to drink cheap booze.

Carson Kressley:
Put some shoes on. You look like a hillbilly.

Ted Allen:
Good God. Put down the gin and back away slowly.

Carson Kressley:
The Staten Island fairies are here!

Ted Allen:
This is possibly the straightest guy who ever lived.

Thom Filicia:
Your house is disgusting, hideous, yet affordable.

Jai Rodriguez:
I love your computer 'cause it's like a piece of history.

Kyan Douglas:
I am in my underwear. Come with me to the living room.

Carson Kressley:
Exhibit U-G-L-Y.

Ted Allen:
Don't you piss me off!

Carson Kressley:
Richard's so formal. Let's just say we're out looking for Dick.

Himself - Straight Guy:
This I got when I was in high school, when I went to Italy.

Thom Filicia:
Were you a lesbian in high school, by any chance?

Himself - Straight Guy:
I have a hard time saying goodbye to some things.

Carson Kressley:
I know. Let's try it, though. [Throws bundle of Richard's clothes out the window] Goodbye! That wasn't so hard, was it?

Ted Allen:
We're here to help you develop really expensive habits.

Carson Kressley:
We had Saks together. Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Thom Filicia:
People, he's needy. He's neurotic, he's needy - God, he's like everyone I date.

Ted Allen:
If this bedroom's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'.

Carson Kressley:
Shopping's my cardio.

Carson Kressley:
Let's air your dirty laundry in public, shall we?

Thom Filicia:
You're a nasty, nasty man.

Thom Filicia:
He's- I mean- he's just a bad after-school special.

Carson Kressley:
No one comes between my man and his blow torch.

Carson Kressley:
We have the technology. We can rebuild you.

Ted Allen:
We can make you better than you were before.

Andrew Lane:
Do I look like Ben Affleck?

Carson Kressley:
You look like Ben and Jerry Affleck.

Carson Kressley:
The only thing that separates us from the heterosexuals is our unique ability to accessorize.