Rachel Getting Married

Kym:
I am Shiva the destroyer, your harbinger of doom this evening.

Kym:
[Upon learning her sister is pregnant]

Kym:
That is so unfair!

Kym:
[Late to rehab meeting, she knocks over a chair] Cocksucker!

Kieran:
[Who had been addressing the crowd] Uh, only once. My dealer. I was very hard up for cash.

Counter Girl:
[Kym walks into the convenience store] Hey! Didn't I see you on Cops?

Kym:
You're a lawyer?

Kieran:
Was. For about five minutes.

Kym:
Say something Legal.

Kieran:
Tort.

Walter:
[opening lines] I want my f***ing Zippo now!

Rosa:
Walter, this is a behavior...

Walter:
[ranking his nails against his forearm] F*** you!

Rosa:
And you are making a choice. [Rosa's cell phone rings] Hold on... hello?

Walter:
God!

Kym:
Don't you get it, Waldo? *She's* making a choice not to give you your lighter because you'll torch the Self-Help library again.

Walter:
It's Walter. Kill anybody recently? Run over anybody with a f***ing car?

[Kym speaks at a twelve-step meeting]

Kym:
When I was sixteen, I was babysitting my little brother. And I was, um... I had taken all these Percocet. And I was unbelievably high and I... we had driven over to the park on Lakeshore. And he was in his red socks just running around in these piles of leaves. And, um, he would bury me and I would bury him in the leaves. And he was pretending that he was a train. And so he was charging through the leaves, making tracks, and I was the caboose, and I was, um... so he kept saying, coal, caboose! Coal, caboose! And, um, we were... it was time to go and I was driving home... and... I lost control of the car. And drove off the bridge. And the car went into the lake. And I couldn't get him out of his car seat. And he drowned. And I struggle with God so much, because I can't forgive myself. And I don't really want to right now. I can live with it, but I can't forgive myself. And sometimes I don't want to believe in a God that could forgive me. But I do want to be sober. I'm alive and I'm present and there's nothing controlling me. If I hurt someone, I hurt someone. I can apologize, and they can forgive me... or not. But I can change. And I just wanted to share that and say congratulations that God makes you look up, I'm so happy for you, but if he doesn't, come here. That's all. Thank you.

Rachel:
Kym, you took Ethan for granted. Okay? You were high for his life. You were not present. Okay? You were high.

Kym:
[Whispering] Yes.

Rachel:
And you drove him off a bridge... and now he's dead.

Paul:
[Tearfully] Rachel, it was an accident.

Kym:
Yes, I was. Yes, I was stoned out of my mind. Who do I have to be now? I mean, I could be Mother Teresa and it wouldn't make a difference, what I did. Did I sacrifice every bit of... love I'm allowed for this life because I killed our little brother?

Paul:
Sidney, I love you and you're a very talented man but you don't know anything about loading dishes.

Sidney:
With all due respect sir, the mantle has passed.

Paul:
All you young people who applauded can go f*** yourselves!

Sidney's Mom:
I prayed for you, Rachel. [everyone laughs] I prayed for you. I knew you'd come. And here you are. And we are one, all of us. And this is how it is in heaven. Just like this. And I'm so glad we're having a rehearsal on it now.

Susanna Galeano:
I was wondering, have you ever thought about public relations?

Kym:
The public's kind of afraid of me.

Kym:
All of you people living in this little world of judgment and paranoia and mistrust. I can feel it all the time. It's like... At the slightest sign of ingratitude or absence of atonement, it's like the f***ing Salem witch trials around here.

Carol:
Nobody can make you feel any kind of way unless you let them. Period. The end.

Kym:
Thank you, Carol, but you people are my family. I mean, you make me feel like sh*t a hundred times a day.