Rain Man

Susanna:
You use me, you use Raymond, you use everybody.

Charlie:
Using Raymond? Hey Raymond, am I using you? Am I using you Raymond?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Shut up! He is answering a question from a half hour ago!

Raymond:
I'm an excellent driver.

Raymond:
Ten minutes to Wapner.

Raymond:
That's my pen. That's definitely my book.

Charlie:
Well taking your book is not a serious injury!

Raymond:
Serious injury book is a red book, that book is blue.

Charlie:
Well forgive me, I've lost my secret decoder ring!

Raymond:
It's definitely very small in here.

Charlie:
Small, and safe. Don't wanna miss the party. You know that, there's a party in your honor Ray. When we get to LA, there'll be a little custody hearing. Lawyers are setting it up right now. Know why there's a party for you? Because you're the $3,000,000 man.

Doctor:
Raymond, do you know what autistic is?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Doctor:
You know that word?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Doctor:
Are you autistic?

Raymond:
I don't think so. No. Definitely not.

Raymond:
Ofcourse I don't have my underwear. I'm definately not wearing my underwear.

Charlie:
I gave you a fresh pair of mine to wear. Where are they?

Raymond:
They're in the pocket of my jacket. Here.

Charlie:
I don't want them back.

Raymond:
These are not boxer shorts. Mine are boxer shorts. These are Hanes 32.

Charlie:
Underwear is underwear, Ray.

Raymond:
My boxer shorts have my name and it says Raymond.

Charlie:
All right, when we pass the store, we'll pick you up a pair of boxer shorts.

Raymond:
I get my boxer shorts at K-Mart in Cincinatti.

Charlie:
We're not going back to Cincinatti, Ray, so don't even start with that.

Charlie:
Raymond, what are you looking at? The ducks are over here. What are you looking at?

Raymond:
I don't know.

Raymond:
Lights out at eleven.

Charlie:
Yeah well new rules.

Charlie:
Listen, Ray, our dad died, that means he's not with us anymore. Did they tell you about that?

Raymond:
I don't know.

Charlie:
You don't know if they told you or you don't know what death is?

Raymond:
I don't know.

Charlie:
Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe.

Raymond:
QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed.

Charlie:
QANTAS?

Raymond:
Never crashed.

Charlie:
Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!

Raymond:
'Course it's 10 minutes to Wapner.

Charlie:
You'll make it.

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
We're not in the air, we're not on the highway, I'm on some sh*t secondary road. I gotta make up some time. I have to get to LA, I should've been there this afternoon, my business needs me. I gotta make up some time.

Raymond:
Definitely watch TV but you have to be in bed at eleven. Lights out at eleven.

Charlie:
Forget it.

Raymond:
Uh oh, nineteen minutes to eleven.

Raymond:
I'm an excellent driver.

Charlie:
When did you drive?

Raymond:
I drove slow on the driveway when my dad came to Walbrook.

Charlie:
Was Dad in the car?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
I'll have to let you drive sometime.

Charlie:
Raymond, you NEVER! NEVER touch the steering wheel when I'm driving. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?

Susanna:
How was that?

Raymond:
Wet.

Charlie:
Who took this picture?

Raymond:
D-A-D.

Charlie:
And you lived with us?

Raymond:
Yeah, 10962 Beachcrest Street, Cincinnatti, Ohio.

Charlie:
When did you leave?

Raymond:
January 12, 1965. Very snowy that day. 7.2 inches of snow that day.

Charlie:
Just after Mom died.

Raymond:
Yeah Mom died January 5, 1965.

Charlie:
You remember that day. Was I there? Where was I?

Raymond:
You were in the window. You waved to me, "Bye bye Rain Man", "Bye bye."

Charlie:
I'm gonna let ya' in on a little secret, Ray. K-Mart sucks.

Dr. Bruner:
Raymond, wouldn't you feel more relaxed in your favorite K-Mart clothes?

Charlie:
Tell him, Ray.

Raymond:
K-Mart sucks.

Dr. Bruner:
Oh, I see.

Charlie:
What you have to understand is, four days ago he was only my brother in name. And this morning we had pancakes.

Raymond:
Of course you can't have pancakes without maple syrup.

Charlie:
You bet your butt.

Raymond:
Bet your butt.

Charlie:
I'm gonna go take a celebration piss.

Charlie:
This is a good one. We don't go out when it rains, this is a real good one. I hope you appreciate this because my business is going down the f***ing toilet. I should be in L.A., instead I'm in the Honeymoon Haven motel in Bumblef***, Missouri because you won't go out when it rains. Mystifying. F***ing mystifying.

Raymond:
97X, bam! The future of rock 'n' roll. 97X, bam! The future of rock 'n' roll. 97X, bam! The future of rock 'n' roll.

Charlie:
Ray, enough already! Change the channel.

Raymond:
97X, bam! The future of rock 'n' roll. 97X, bam! The future of rock 'n' roll.

Raymond:
Maple syrup is supposed to be on the table before the pancakes.

Charlie:
We haven't ordered yet, Ray.

Raymond:
Of course when they bring the maple syrup after the pancakes, it'll definitely be too late.

Charlie:
How is that gonna be too late? We haven't ordered the pancakes yet.

Raymond:
We're gonna be here the entire morning with no maple syrup and no - no toothpicks, I'm definitely, definitely not gonna have my pancakes w-with...

Raymond:
OW!

Charlie:
Don't make a scene!

Raymond:
OW!

Charlie:
Stop acting like a f***ing retard.

Raymond:
UH-OH!

Charlie:
What are you writing?... What the f*** is this? "Serious Injury List"? *Serious* injury list? Are you f***ing kidding me?

Raymond:
Number eighteen in 1988, Charlie Babbitt squeezed and pulled and hurt my neck in 1988.

Charlie:
Squeezed and pulled and hurt your neck in 1988?

Charlie:
Hey, Ray, you take a shower right?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Well the rain is a lot like the shower, you get a little wet. What do you say, Ray? What do you say?

Raymond:
Of course the shower is in the bathroom.

Charlie:
That's the end of that conversation.

Raymond:
We have pepperoni pizza for dinner Monday nights.

Susanna:
Pizza? You get pizza in an institution?

Raymond:
Monday night is Italian night.

Charlie:
That's it. You blew it. You don't get to see your program. Finished.

Raymond:
One minute to Wapner.

Charlie:
Yes, one minute to Wapner. I had you in there, Ray! You were in there! The defendant, the plaintiff, you had it all. They are in there making legal history. *Legal history!*

Raymond:
C-H-A-R-L-I-E, my main man.

Doctor:
Ray, do you want to stay and live with Charlie?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Doctor:
Or do you want to go back to Walbrook?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Doctor:
Which is it? Go back to Walbrook or stay with Charlie Babbitt?

Raymond:
Go back to Walbrook, stay with Charlie Babbitt.

Doctor:
Ray, do you know how much a candy bar costs?

Raymond:
'Bout a hundred dollars.

Doctor:
Do you know how much one of those new compact cars costs?

Raymond:
'Bout a hundred dollars.

Charlie:
Okay, Ray, we've got blueberry, buckwheat, all flavors, what kind do you want?

Raymond:
Pancakes.

Charlie:
I know, but what kind?

Raymond:
Pancakes.

Charlie:
Ray, you're never gonna solve it. It's not a riddle because Who *is* on first base. That's a joke, Ray, it's comedy, but when you do it you're not funny. You're like the comedy of Abbott and Abbott.

John Mooney:
Are you disappointed?

Charlie:
Disappointed? Why should I be disappointed? I got rose bushes didn't I? I got a used car, didn't I? This other guy, what'd you call him?

John Mooney:
The beneficiary.

Charlie:
Yeah him, he got $3,000,000 but he didn't get the rose bushes. I got the rose bushes. I definitely got the rose bushes. Those are rose bushes!

John Mooney:
Mr. Babbitt, there's no reason to...

Charlie:
To what? To get upset? If there is a hell, sir, my father is in it and he is looking up right now and he is laughing his ass off. Sanford Babbitt, you wanna be that guy's son for five minutes? I mean did you hear that letter? Were you listening?

John Mooney:
Yes I was. Were you?

Charlie:
Um, no, can you repeat it because I can't believe my f***ing ears.

Charlie:
Hey Ray, I got a great idea. Stay in front of the car until we get off the exit, you'll get in and we'll take a not so dangerous road, whatever that might me. Is that an idea?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Give me five, that's a great idea. Give me five.

Charlie:
This guy's a f***ing fruit cake.

Raymond:
'Course I got Jeopardy! at five o'clock. I watch Jeopardy!

Charlie:
Don't start with that, Ray.

Charlie:
You've got a date, Ray, you're gonna go dancing.

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
You know how to dance, Ray?

Raymond:
No.

Charlie:
I'll have to teach you sometime.

Raymond:
Definitely have to dance on my date. Have to learn how to dance. Definitely. Now.

Charlie:
Ray, you're not gonna have to dance, but I will teach you sometime.

Raymond:
Definitely have to dance with Iris.

Charlie:
Sorry I even brought this up. You're right, Ray, you got a date with the only famous dancing hooker in Las Vegas.

Motorist:
Hey you! Hey dipshit! Move it! You ain't gonna move, I'll move you!

Raymond:
Have to get to K-Mart. 400 Oak Street. The sign said 'Don't Walk'. Have to get to K-Mart.

Iris:
So, what are you doing in Las Vegas?

Raymond:
We're counting cards.

Iris:
You're counting cards?

Raymond:
We're counting cards.

Iris:
That's interesting.

Raymond:
We're counting cards.

Iris:
I know you're counting cards, what else are you doing?

Raymond:
Are you taking any prescription medication?

Charlie:
$200 is about to go to the sh*t house and Lenny doesn't wanna answer the phone!

Charlie:
I'll tell you a story about my father, that car in the garage, was off limits to me. He said it was a classic, it demands respect. One day, I'm a sophomore in high school, I bring home a report card, it's almost all A's so I go to the old man, ask him if I can take the car out as sort of a victory drive. He says no. So I stole the keys and snuck it out.

Susanna:
You took the car with no permission? Why?

Charlie:
Because I deserved it! Nothing I did was ever good enough for this guy. Don't you understand, We're on Columbia Parkway, four kids, and we get pulled over.

Susanna:
Accident? What is pulled over?

Charlie:
You know, siren, police. Can I finish? Okay so we're taken to jail. The other kids' fathers bail them out, mine left me there for two days.

Susanna:
He left you in prison for two days? Were you scared?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Susanna:
You have his money.

Charlie:
HIS money? That man was my father too, what about my f***in' half? Where's my f***in' half? I'm entitled to that money, Goddammit!

Raymond:
Definitely not.

Susanna:
But we an watch TV here, we're allowed.

Raymond:
Wheel Of Fortune. Look at the studio filled with glamorous merchandise. Fabulous and exciting bonus prizes. Thousands of dollars in cash. Over $150,000 just waiting to be won as we present our big bonanza of cash on Wheel Of Fortune.

Lenny:
Charlie, where the hell have you been? I've been waiting by this phone for 3 hours man.

Charlie:
Take it easy, I was just buying some clothes.

Lenny:
Charlie we are in serious trouble. Serious trouble and you're buying clothes.

Charlie:
What trouble?

Lenny:
The cars. The cars are gone, the buyers want their deposits back, they all do. That's eighty thou, Charlie.

Charlie:
$80,000. I don't have it.

Lenny:
You gotta pay these people or we're out of business! What am I gonna tell them?

Charlie:
I don't know.

Charlie:
SON OF A B*TCH! SON OF A B*TCH!

Charlie:
You read The Twelth Night?

Raymond:
I don't know. V-E-R-N.

Charlie:
You read MacBeth?

Raymond:
Yes.

Charlie:
So you read all these stories and you don't know if you read the book?

Charlie:
He's not crazy, he's not retarded but he's here.

Dr. Bruner:
He's an autistic savant. People like him used to be called idiot savants. There's certain deficiencies, certain abilities that impairs him.

Charlie:
So he's retarded.

Dr. Bruner:
Autistic. There's certain routines, rituals that he follows.

Charlie:
Rituals, I like that.

Dr. Bruner:
The way he eats, sleeps, walks, talks, uses the bathroom. It's all he has to protect himself. Any break from this routine leaves him terrified.

Raymond:
12:30 is lunch.

Charlie:
What do you want?

Raymond:
Wednesday is fish sticks. Green lime jello for dessert.

Charlie:
You want another apple juice?

Raymond:
No, orange soda. Uh oh, it's 12:31.

Raymond:
82, 82, 82.

Charlie:
82 what?

Raymond:
Toothpicks.

Charlie:
There's a lot more than 82 toothpicks, Ray.

Raymond:
246 total.

Charlie:
How many?

Sally Dibbs:
250.

Charlie:
Pretty close.

Sally Dibbs:
There's four left in the box.

Charlie:
Now casinos have house rules: they don't like to lose. So you never show that you're counting cards. That is *the* cardinal sin, Ray.

Raymond:
Counting cards is bad.

Charlie:
Yes.

Raymond:
I like to drive slow on the driveway.

Charlie:
If you get this right, Ray, you can drive anywhere you want as slow as you want.

Charlie:
Rain Man.

Raymond:
Yeah?

Charlie:
Let's play some cards!

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Does Raymond know how much money he's inherited?

Dr. Bruner:
No, he doesn't understand the concept of money.

Charlie:
He doesn't understand the concept of money? He just inherited $3,000,000 and he doesn't understand the concept of money? Wow, good work, Dad. I'm getting f***ing poetic here.

Raymond:
Very shiny train.

Charlie:
Yeah, sure is.

Charlie:
When I was a little kid and I got scared, the Rain Man would come and sing to me.

Susanna:
Rain what?

Charlie:
Oh you know, one of those imaginary childhood friends.

Susanna:
What happened to him?

Charlie:
Nothing, I just grew up.

Susanna:
Not so much.

Charlie:
I'm going to see you in 2 weeks now how many days is that before we'll be together?

Raymond:
14 days from today, today's Wednesday.

Charlie:
Hours?

Raymond:
336 hours.

Charlie:
Mystifying

Raymond:
Course that's 20,160 minutes. 1,290,600, six hundred seconds.

Charlie:
What's it going to be Ray? What's it going to be?

Raymond:
This is a very dangerous highway.

Charlie:
How am I going to get to LA?

Raymond:
Course driving your car on this interstate is very dangerous.

Charlie:
You want to get off the highway will that make you happy?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
Yeah, well you gotta GET IN THE CAR SO THAT WE CAN GET OFF THE HIGHWAY!

Raymond:
Course in 1986 46,400 male drivers were definitely involved in fatal accidents.

Dr. Bruner:
Wouldn't you be more comfortable in your K-mart clothes, Raymond?

Charlie:
Tell him, Raymond.

Raymond:
K-mart sucks.

Doctor:
Are you autistic?

Raymond:
I don't think so. No. Definitely not.

Raymond:
Gotta get my boxer shorts at K-Mart.

Charlie:
[pulls over and gets out of the car] I'm going out of my mind! Outta my mind! WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHERE YOU BUY UNDERWEAR?! WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?! UNDERWEAR IS UNDERWEAR! IT IS UNDERWEAR WHEREVER YOU BUY IT! IN CINCINNATI OR WHEREVER!!

Raymond:
K-Mart.

Charlie:
You know what I think, Ray? I think this autism is a bunch of sh*t! Because you can't tell me that you're not in there somewhere!

Raymond:
Boxer shorts. K-Mart.

Charlie:
I'll see you soon.

Raymond:
Yeah. One for bad, two for good.

Charlie:
Bet two for good.

Raymond:
Yeah. Course three minutes to Wapner.

Charlie:
You'll make it.

Raymond:
Yeah.

Raymond Babbitt:
13 minutes to Judge Wapner and The People's Court.

Raymond Babbitt:
Are you taking any prescription medication?

Raymond Babbitt:
One for bad, two for good.

Raymond Babbitt:
If the syrup is on the table after the pancakes, then it will definitely be too late.

Raymond Babbitt:
Charlie Babbitt made a joke.

Charlie:
Hey, who is this guy?

Susanna:
He just jumped in the car.

Charlie:
Yeah, well, he can jump out. Come on!

Raymond:
I'm an excellent driver.

Charlie:
That's good. Come on! Susanna, why'd you let him get in this car? It's not a toy.

Susanna:
He says he drives this car.

Raymond:
Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. Course the seats were originally brown leather. Now they're a pitiful red.

Charlie:
[surprised] Hey, these seats were brown leather. You know this car?

Raymond:
I know this car.

Charlie:
How do you know this car?

Raymond:
It's a 1949 Buick Roadmaster, Straight 8, Fireball 8, only 8,985 production models. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway but not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.

Charlie:
Who's your dad?

Raymond:
Sanford Babbitt. 10961 Beachcrest Street, Cincinnati Ohio.

Charlie:
That's my address. Hey, who's your mother?

Raymond:
Eleanor Babbitt. Died January 5, 1965 after short and sudden illness.

Charlie:
Who the hell are you?

Raymond:
Uh oh, fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner.

[Raymond proceeds back to Walbrook, ignoring Charlie]

Charlie:
Wait, I wanna ask you a question! Hey! Dr. Bruner, who is he?

Dr. Bruner:
Raymond is your brother.

Charlie:
Hey Raymond, remember today when the doctor was asking you those questions? How'd you know the answers?

Raymond:
[while brushing his teeth at the same time, Charlie can't make out what he said] I see it.

Charlie:
What? Stop that for a second.

Raymond:
I see it.

Charlie:
Raymond! [Grabs tooth brush from him] When I say stop it, why don't you stop it? Why do you always have to act like an idiot?

[Raymond begins to laugh]

Charlie:
You think that's funny?

Raymond:
Yeah funny Rain Man, funny teeth.

Charlie:
What'd you say? Funny teeth? What?

Raymond:
I didn't say funny teeth, funny Rain Man.

Charlie:
You? You're the Rain Man?

Dr. Bruner:
Raymond's unable to make decisions.

Charlie:
You're wrong.

Dr. Bruner:
He can't decide for himself.

Charlie:
He's capable of a lot more than you know!

Charlie:
Listen... Ray, I don't know if I'm gonna have a chance to talk to you again because, you see, these... Dr. Bruner really likes you a lot and he's probably gonna take you back. You know?

Raymond:
Yeah.

Charlie:
What I said about being on the road with you I meant. Connecting. I like having you for my brother.

Raymond:
I'm an excellent driver.

Charlie:
[smiling] Yes, you are. I like having you for my big brother.

Raymond:
Charlie. Charlie. Main man.