Razredni sovraznik

Razredni sovraznik



Year:
2013
186 Views

Mojca:
A man's dying is more his survivor's affair than his own. Thomas Mann.

Mojca:
At this time a lot of people are thinking about Sabina. I am thinking about her, and not just because I am writing about her. Her parents, who are sad and miss her, are thinking about her. Her cat Frida, who has slept in her bed since she died, probably misses her too. My boyfriend Luka misses two people at the same time, and I cannot imagine how that hurts. Nevertheless I believe that she is also missed by those who at first glance seem not to. Sabina is everywhere you turn. If you look out the window, if you walk along the corridor or just before you go to sleep and in the morning when you wake. But Sabina misses no one. Sabina saved herself from ever having to miss anyone. Through her actions, Sabina ensured that she will never experience what she has caused for us. Why she did it, we do not and cannot know. Perhaps we need to respect a person's decision, but not when it affects others. But I am not interested in why she did it, since I know that when she did it she was not thinking of me. Or of her parents or her cat. She was thinking only of herself, while I will think of her until the end of my life. And as much as I miss her, I also hate her. I am so angry at her that I would kill her again if she appeared before me. Perhaps I can say this because I know it will not happen. Sabina, you left me alone. You left us alone. And I am angry because you do not know how that hurts. At the same time I would just like to be able to say this to your face, and then hug you.

Robert:
Today I would like to speak in Slovenian. I don't want either you or me to miss anything. Tell me, what did I do wrong? Tell me honestly. You have nothing more to fear. Luka.

Luka:
You didn't listen to us.

Spela:
You're mean.

Tadej:
You threatened us with absence penalties and fail grades.

Nik:
Yeah, and if we smile it doesn't mean we're stoned.

Primoz:
You didn't grade us fairly.

Mojca:
You took Sabina's death as an educational subject. Not as a tragedy.

Robert:
The essence of Nazism is not that all people are subordinated to some authority. Nazism does not acknowledge the term "all people", because for them only Arians are people. All others are something that needs to be removed. Something that is not part of the plan. Tell me - have I ever treated you unequally? Have I ever shown that anyone is more important to me?

Nik:
We were all equally worthless to you.

Robert:
Yes. We could say that, yes. You rebelled. To begin with, all of you. Then you discovered that it's perhaps not all so black and white. That things are not that simple. And you argued with each other. Because you couldn't make a decision that would suit everyone. Because there is no such decision. I never talked very much about Sabina, because she made her decision. Bad, good, the only one possible - I don't know. But it was hers. So you don't know what you want to study. You don't know what you want to eat. What music you like. Whether to do a test or not. So how are you going to decide between life and death? How are you going to judge what is really important in life? Did I trust you too much and make a mistake? Did I trust you too little? I don't know. But I never made the decision for you. You had the chance to grow through the tragedy you encountered. Now you are leaving this school without knowing if you made the right decision. You will never know. Because you didn't trust yourselves and the person in yourselves. You thought that through Sabina's tragedy you could show how the system doesn't work. No, the system works. The system always worked and always will work. Because the system is cold, inexorable and mathematical. But if you're sufficiently solid inside, you're a stone in the river that is untroubled by the rushing water. You, on the other hand, are drowning, grabbing every branch that passes in panic. But that branch is also going with the river. And so on until the end of your life. Those who decide to find the bank, will find it. What happened can't be changed. All you can do is change yourself enough to understand and accept things. Sabina is still dead. And you are back at square one. This is our last lesson, as you know. And I'm not going with you on your leavers' trip. I wish you all the best in life.

Robert:
In her essay, Mojca clearly wrote...

Zdenka:
Essay, Robert? What essay? Your class hates you! You said you had sorted it out.

Robert:
They rebelled because...

Zdenka:
...because they saw how you were tormenting Sabina, and then to cap it all you told them "Leben geht weiter".

Robert:
Das Leben geht weiter.

Zdenka:
Whatever.

Robert:
And because everyone else danced around them and treated them with kid gloves, they take every well-intentioned word as a cruel attack on their personal freedom.

Zdenka:
Welcome to the twenty-first century! They used to fear us, now we fear them. That's how it is.

Zdenka:
Look, your teaching methods are entirely your own affair as long as they don't put the school in a bad light. This business has gone too far. We're on the verge of a disaster. If the class keeps its revolt going long enough, in the end no teaching method will work.

Robert:
Being a student isn't a right, it's a duty. As far as I'm concerned, the whole class can hit the streets now. Secondary school is not an obligation but a privilege.

Zdenka:
Great. So you'll tell the journalists that when they call and ask why I expelled a whole class!

Zdenka:
In your place I would think about how to educate them into people, and not about journalists.

Zdenka:
If you keep up your stubborn insistence and arrogance, you'll have plenty of other things to think about. But if you let me run things the way we always have, then you and I can sort this out differently. The way we do things at this school. Differently.


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