Redwall

Chickenhound:
Hello? Is somebody there?

Asmodeus:
Asssssssssssmodeusssss! Come with me, young foxie, I will show you eternity.

[Ragear is thinking of a good story to impress Cluny after his failure]

Ragear:
All right... twenty there were, chief. I got nineteen but one escaped! Heh heh... yes, that's it. I let one go as a warning to the others...

[repeated line]

Matthias:
I am that is!

[Cluny is berating his captains]

Cluny:
I hate failure! There is only one punishment for failure. [slowly unsheathes blade] What... is... it?

Killconey:
Death! Death by execution!

Cluny:
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't add two more heads to my banner.

Killconey:
We'll try much harder next time, Chief.

Darkclaw:
Yes! Definitely much much harder!

Cluny:
That's the best you can come up with?

Killconey:
We're not that good with words.

Cluny:
Silence!

[Basil stops Cornflower from climbing a wall to save Matthias]

Basil:
Forgive my hand but dash it, wasn't it a wise, young kitchen mouse who only this very morning insisted that climbing was best left to squirrels, what?

Cornflower:
That was this morning. A lot has happened since then.

Basil:
Seems to me, one way or another a lot happens since morning every day at Redwall. Haha! N'haha! What? N'hahaha!

Jess:
What's Cluny up to?

Basil:
Military ploy. Force the besieged to sweat. Fall out amongst themselves. I've seen it used before. It's a most effective tactic.

Constance:
Hmph. Maybe you'd be happier fighting on his side.

Basil:
[infuriated] Are you questioning my loyalty?

Voice of Martin the Warrior:
I am that is! My sword shall wield for me!

[Basil is hiding]

Matthias:
Come out... show yourself!

Basil:
Show myself? How many pairs of eyes d'you need, what? Eh? Eh?

Matthias:
I'm in no mood for games... come out!

[Basil appears behind him]

Basil:
Basil Stag Hare, sir! At your service: expert scout, hind leg fighter, wilderness guide and... camouflage expert!

[Matthias looks at him like he's crazy]

Basil:
Read your mind, sir! Neither mad, nor dangerous. Delighted to meet you, dear!

[Cluny hits one of his hench-vermin; Basil walks in]

Basil:
Officer striking an enlisted creature! Thumping bad form, old chap!

Cluny:
Get him! Grab that hare! I want his head!

Basil:
What's the matter? Own head not good enough? Haha! No! Lookit his face. Ugly-looking brute, aren't you? Haha! Haha!

Matthias:
Basil, What's a "smodeus"?

Basil:
Asmodeus. Fearful serpentine, known locally as Old Poisonteeth. Lethal. Eats mice. Talking of which, I'm a bit peckish m'self! Naha!

Basil:
My compliments to your boss... Cluny the Loony or whatever the dashed fellow's called!

[Constance holds up Sela the vixen]

Constance:
And what about this traitor?

Abbot Mortimer:
Oh, dear... yes, I suppose there must be some form of punishment, mustn't there?

Basil:
Bury her up to her neck in red ants, then hang the wretch from the tower before you draw and quarter her? Or, we could let her go!

Constance:
Are you crazy?

Basil:
Not really, but Cluny is... I'm sure he will know how to deal with her!

Matthias:
Please, Ivy, try to understand. This is our home. And it's in terrible danger.

Wild Ivy:
And your friends think I'm helping this Cluny, do they?

Matthias:
They aren't sure.

Wild Ivy:
Well that's nice, isn't it? I come in, do a free show, and this is my thanks?

Warbeak:
Warbeak killee killee killee killee! King Bull Sparra got 'em big sword. Chop all mouses up!

Warbeak:
Warbeak prisoner of crazy mouseworm! Killit! Killee Killee Killee!

Cluny:
[mocking tone] Oh, my! Are you scared?

Cornflower:
Yes... but I'll get over it. *You* are ugly, and there's no cure for that.

Matthias:
He travels fastest who travels alone.

Constance:
We're not doomed until I say we are!

Cluny:
I'll kill you aaalll!

Basil:
[mockingly] 'I'll kill you aaalll!'