Replacements

Jimmy McGinty:
That's the great thing about plankton. It pretty much keeps to itself.

Shane Falco:
Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.

Shane Falco:
I want the ball.

Jimmy McGinty:
Winners always do.

Jimmy McGinty:
You know what seperates the winners from the losers?

Shane Falco:
The score.

Shane Falco:
I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style.

Edward O'Neil:
Give me a cigarette.

Jimmy McGinty:
I quit.

Edward O'Neil:
Nobody likes a quitter, Jimmy.

Jimmy McGinty:
Here's a list of people I've been keeping my eye on over the years. They've all played football somewhere, not all of them in the pros. But they all have something unique to bring to the game. We're gonna take those people and try to put together a winning team. If nothing else, they should be fun to watch.

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff:
Hey Shane Falco. I lost a ton of money on that Sugar Bowl disaster of yours. What a bloody shambles that was. You could smell the stink all the way back in bloody Wales.

Shane Falco:
Nice meeting you.

Jimmy McGinty:
All right, Sentinels. Listen up. There are some who will say that your accomplishments today will soon be forgotten, that you're not real players, that this isn't a real team. And I say that's bullshit. Because as of today, you're all professional football players. You're being paid to play, and I want to you to remember that, because the men whose places you've taken forgot that a long time ago. Let's bring it in. Let's play some football.

John Madden:
According to the Sentinels, it says Ray Smith is - hey, that's weird. No college given, no high school. It just says he's been a resident of the state of Maryland for the last two years and two months, and that he likes to embroider.

John Madden:
I love to see a fat guy score.

Pat Summerall:
Why?

John Madden:
Because first you get a fat guy spike, then you get the fat guy dance.

Clifford Franklin:
Now you know this don't look natural Coach. now you know it don't... I look like I just jacked off an elephant.

Jimmy McGinty:
You're looking at a 65-yard field goal here.

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff:
You just hold the ball, Shane, and I'll kick the bloody piss out of it.

Jimmy McGinty:
Good hit. Danny, in practice we don't hit the guys in the red shirts.

Daniel Bateman:
I know, Coach, but I see that red and I just wanna go after it, like a bull, you know?

Shane Falco:
You, ah, wanna come on board for a beer?

Annabelle Farrell:
Nothing personal, Shane, but I don't date football players.

Shane Falco:
I don't blame you. Not even quaterbacks?

Annabelle Farrell:
Especially not quarterbacks. You guys are the biggest babies of all.

Shane Falco:
Why me?

Jimmy McGinty:
I look at you and I see two men: the man you are and the man you oughtta be. Someday those two men will meet, and it should make for one hell of a football player.

Edward O'Neil:
I've seen monkey-sh*t fights at the zoo that are more organized than this.

Dawn:
Oh my God. I forgot to tell you something.

Heather:
Oh, she always does that.

Doris Horner/Wannabee Cheerleader:
California oranges. Texas cactus. We think your team needs a little practice. Put 'em in a high chair, feed 'em with a spoon. Roll 'em up in toilet paper, kick 'em to the Moon!

Shane Falco:
I think I'm just going to lie here for a moment and collect my thoughts.

Daniel Bateman:
Work sh*t out, right?

Heather:
Is lap dancing a style?

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff:
That'll do, pig. That'll do.

Jumbo:
Screw you, Cockroach.

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff:
I'll have to find your dick first.

Shane Falco:
Red. Means Stop.

Jimmy McGinty:
Like a duck on the pond. On the suface everything looks calm, but beneath the water those little feet are churning a mile a minute.

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff:
Let's play football b*tch.

Clifford Franklin:
The football's like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin's the only man catchin' it, Clifford Franklin's the only man comin' down wid it.

Shane Falco:
Quicksand

Clifford Franklin:
Aw, sh*t yeah. Quicksand's a scary motha, man. I mean, first of all, it suck you right in, and even if you scream, you get all that muck in your mouth...

Jamal Jackson:
The Mick's right.

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff:
I'm not a Mick. I'm bloody WELSH.

Pat Summerall:
That's the second time tonight a Washington player's been knocked out by his own teammate!

John Madden:
You know, there's a rule in sports, "Don't do anything great if you can't handle the congratulations."

Pat Summerall:
There is?

John Madden:
Yep.

Shane Falco:
You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand.

John Madden:
I think that guy's smoking on the field.

Pat Summerall:
Smoking? I'm sure you're just imagining that, John.

John Madden:
No, no, I saw it. I saw the smoke and everything.