Rev.

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
Right. Nigel, are you going to help me decide which parents deserve a school place?

Nigel McCall:
I need to write my sermon.

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
What? It's not for three weeks!

Nigel McCall:
Yes but I like to think about mine. I'm always amazed at your ability to knock them out at the last minute.

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
No come on, this is more important. Nigel. Wouldn't you like to help me weed out some hypocrites?

Nigel McCall:
Cross off anyone booking a late baptism.

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
That's a good idea.

Nigel McCall:
We did the Ingram's boy last year. He was seven, it was a nightmare - more like an exorcism.

Darren Betts:
We are evangelical but in a kind of chilled out friendly way.

Darren Betts:
I always like to joke that the more God loves you the better your PA system.

Darren Betts:
Jesus is awesome isn't he?

Darren Betts:
She's wearing a chastity bracelet. She's clearly a virgin... a born again virgin.

Darren Betts:
So John 15 makes us ask. If you were hanging out with Jesus and his posse, what would you say to the fella?

Darren Betts:
I said to the Father. "Father I want all you've got, and if it blows my mind... let it blow.

[At the smoothie bar]

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
What's in a creamy tropical Jesus splash?

Pip:
Orange and Pineapple.

Darren Betts:
Or could I recommend the Very berry Jesus explosion?

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
I take a literary and critical view of scripture as divinely inspired but not inerrant. I see the Bible as a metaphor. It's a brilliant record of human kind coming to understand itself. It's a really good attempt at some very big questions, but it wasn't divine dictation. It was written over many hundred of years by...

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
It'd be great to be a Catholic priest, wouldn't it. Parading up and down like that?

Nigel McCall:
There is something sympathique about the idea.

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
What would they call me, Nigel?

Nigel McCall:
Er, not Nigel. That's my name.

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
Father. None of this overfamiliar Adam nonsense. They would hang on my every word. I'd only have to glance at them and they'd quake - certain in the knowledge that they were known. I would smite them. And at the last, as the worms devoured them and returned them to the dust from whence they came, they would thank me for the exquisite revelation of the divine. [pause - Nigel looks horrified] Bit lonely in the evenings though.

The Reverend Adam Smallbone:
Do it for me, do it for yourselves, do it for St Saviours, but most of all, let's do it for our kind liberal God, who loves women and gays and not their vain, tasteless, demanding god who loves gold and supported the Nazis!