RocketMan

Fred Randall:
A glitch? No, that's not possible. I programmed it myself.

Fred Randall:
I'm 30 years old. I'm almost a grown man.

Fred Randall:
Sweet swirling onion rings!

Fred Randall:
Hey, Commander, were you ever afraid of monsters under your bed? When I was little I used to think there was a baker under my bed.

William Overbeck:
No.

Fred Randall:
You ever look?

William Overbeck:
No.

Fred Randall:
Then how do you know there wasn't a baker under your bed?

[Repeated line]

Fred Randall:
It wasn't me!

Fred Randall:
It wasn't me!

William Overbeck:
What do you mean "It wasn't you"? We're 35 million miles from the nearest person!

Fred Randall:
Maybe it was Julie.

William Overbeck:
You dog!

Fred Randall:
Hey! Miracles can happen.

William Overbeck:
Blaming this on Julie!

Fred Randall:
Okay. I admit. It was me.

William Overbeck:
Thank you.

[Fred farts again]

Fred Randall:
Now, THAT was Julie!

[about Fred]

Bud Nesbitt:
Only a complete genius or a total fool could ever pull this off. Lucky for us he's both.

William Overbeck:
Have fun, kid.

Fred Randall:
Fun is my Chinese neighbor's middle name!

Fred Randall:
I have to go tinkle!

Julie Ford:
I guess I'll see you in eight months.

Fred Randall:
Boy. I wish I had nine hundred twenty-eight dollars for every time a girl said that to me!

Bud Nesbitt:
Look, it was an accident.

Fred Randall:
Oh, sure, sure it was. Just like the captain of the Exxon-Valdez didn't see Alaska floating there right in front of him!

Fred Randall:
I feel like a paleontologist that's been hunting dinosaurs his whole life and finally got to meet one!

Fred Randall:
I'll enter the same calculations using what we like to call The Right Way.

Fred Randall:
Mr. Wick, can I call you Paul?

Paul Wick:
No.

Fred Randall:
Are we there yet?

Paul Wick:
No.

Fred Randall:
Can I drive?

Paul Wick:
No.

Fred Randall:
Can I park it?

Paul Wick:
He's a computer genius, he's supposed to be a little weird.

Julie Ford:
A little?

Fred Randall:
[to the Chimp] Alright, I'm going out. If you light the place on fire the number's 9-1-1, thank you.

William Overbeck:
Well it's a very special drink. It's just for us astronauts.

Fred Randall:
Oh! Like Tang?

Bud Nesbitt:
How about just saying "Thanks for the cool coin Bud it really means a lot to me."

Fred Randall:
Oh yeah, thanks for the cool coin Bud it really, what was the rest?

Fred Randall:
Commander, can I call you Bill?

William Overbeck:
No.

Fred Randall:
Are we there yet?

William Overbeck:
No.

Fred Randall:
Can I drive?

William Overbeck:
No!

Fred Randall:
I'm hungry!

Fred Randall:
We're the first to stand on Mars!

William Overbeck:
Yeah. Now you're the biggest idiot on two planets.

William Overbeck:
How'd you like to be the first guy to die on Mars.

Fred Randall:
Well sorry Mr. First to Show Inappropriate Anger on Mars.

Fred Randall:
Hey! There's no airbag. What if I go flying' through the windshield?

William Overbeck:
Randall, there is no windshield.

Fred Randall:
Oh, well what if I go flying' through he front of my helmet?

William Overbeck:
I'd die happy.

Fred Randall:
They say that when a mother's child is trapped the rush of her adrenaline gives her the strength of 20 men. Alright Commander call me Mommy!

Fred Randall:
Who am I?

William Overbeck:
Mommy.

Fred Randall:
Say it like you love me.

Fred Randall:
You're alive Little Billy!

William Overbeck:
Don't you ever call me little Billy!

Fred Randall:
That's no way to talk to your mother!

Fred Randall:
It's a tale as old as time Ulysses. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl. Girl goes into hypersleep.

Fred Randall:
Mom, going to Mars shouldn't be referred to running away.

Mrs. Randall:
Last time you ran away it was only to the garage.

[Fred is typing on the computer to find out how long he's been asleep]

Fred Randall:
[while typing] Query: How long have I been asleep?

[the screen reads "RESPONSE:
THIRTEEN MINUTES"]

Fred Randall:
Thirteen minutes?

Fred Randall:
No eating puzzles in the house and surely we don't jump on the beds!

Julie Ford:
[about Fred] Just because we're going TO Mars, we gotta take along a guy FROM Mars?

Paul Wick:
Reconsider the mission? Sure... [pretends to think] Okay, it's still on.

Paul Wick:
Bud, your hunches are about as useless as dental floss at a Willie Nelson concert.

[Randall is laying on the floor with socks on his hands when the technicians come to get him out]

Fred Randall:
Can you leave me alone for just five more minutes? I just got into the third act. [with an English voice and moving sock puppet] Yes! Close the door! It's bloody chilly in here!

Fred Randall:
It reminds me of a French Canadian tennis racket, stuck to the back of a Venus snow-goon, bubbling out of my sister's Brazilian donkey - I don't think I can make myself any clearer!

Fred Randall:
JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT! His name is my name too! [whispering] whenever we go out, the people always shout, [screaming again] JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SCHMIDT!

All:
[singing] He's got the whole world in his hands!

Gary Hackman:
[with pants on his head] Somebody stole my pants.

Fred Randall:
Je suis le papillon sur la table avec le Chanel No. 5 regardons

Fred Randall:
How many times have I told you not to go wandering in a martian dust storm?

Fred Randall:
What? You ignore me the whole trip, and now that I have no air you want to chat?