Royal Wedding

Ellen Bowen:
Didn't your mother never teach you no manners?

Tom Bowen:
I never had no mother. We was too poor.

Chester:
Marriages are very healthy, sir. You see, married men live much longer than bachelors.

Tom Bowen:
If that's true, they're only trying to outlive their wives so they can be bachelors again.

James Ashmond:
Do I look like a gentleman?

Tom Bowen:
You look like a banker.

James Ashmond:
But do I look like a gentleman?

Tom Bowen:
You should have seen your face when you saw me.

Anne Ashmond:
How did I look?

Tom Bowen:
As if I were a dentist.

Irving Klinger:
This is a pretty box of pickles!

Ellen Bowen:
[referring to the royal couple] I wonder what the bride is doing today.

Tom Bowen:
Why don't you call her up and ask her?

Ellen Bowen:
[chuckles] I wonder what I would be doing a month before my wedding.

Tom Bowen:
Probably trying to find a way out of it.

Ellen Bowen:
Do you really think so?

Tom Bowen:
You know you would.

Tom Bowen:
I wonder what the groom is doing today.

Ellen Bowen:
Why don't you call him up and ask him?

Tom Bowen:
Very funny.

Chester:
Have you ever considered getting married, sir?

Tom Bowen:
I was engaged once.

Chester:
What happened?

Tom Bowen:
The girl changed her mind at the last minute.

Tom Bowen:
Sorry, I thought you were *him*.

Anne Ashmond:
How odd.

Tom Bowen:
He didn't have to chase very hard after her. She stood still and waited.

Lord John Brindale:
Haven't you ever known anyone with a title before?

Ellen Bowen:
Only Joe Louis.

Anne Ashmond:
You're five shillings short.

James Ashmond:
Oh. That's what you might call a typographical error.