Run Fatboy Run

Undercover Officer:
You want your son to love you? Don't break the law!

Dennis:
Hey! That's entrapment! [gets pushed to the ground] And that's brutality!

Whit:
I actually ran the London Marathon

Dennis:
Oh that's a coincidence.

Whit:
Why's that?

Dennis:
Oh, I watched it on the tele... well... the last hour... I sleep in on Sundays.

Gordon:
Hey I've got you those tickets you wanted...

Dennis:
They were for yesterday!

Gordon:
Oh so NOW you don't want them?

Dennis:
Why would I want them?

Gordon:
You could... sell them on e-bay.

Dennis:
Who would buy tickets for an event which happened yesterday?

Gordon:
...Time Travellers.

Gordon:
The only serious relationship I've been in ended in a broken collarbone and a dead meerkat.

Whit:
I mean, you can see my point can't you?

Dennis:
Yes, yes I can.

Libby:
You can't even finish your sentence!

Dennis:
Oh... don't... don't... don't be... what's the word?

Old Lady:
Prick. [in the English version: "Cock."]

Dennis:
Excuse me, can I just stop you there.

Whit:
Yes...?

Dennis:
Oh, I don't have anything to say... I just wanted to stop you there.

Dennis:
I went for a bit of a run this morning and I think I've got a bit of a... rash...

[indicates downwards]

Claire:
Yes...

Dennis:
Y'know... Down in the...

Claire:
[agitated] Yes, yes, I understand.

Dennis:
Scrotal Zone.

Gordon:
Go on then, run!

Dennis:
Isn't there some kind of like... special technique?

Gordon:
Well... yeah... you put one leg in front of the other over and over again really really fast.

Maya:
I saw your friend Gordon this morning

Dennis:
I'll replace anything he stole.

Mr. Ghoshdashtidar:
I've got a surprise for you!

Dennis:
Oh!... it's not a spatula is it?

Gordon:
Hey do you think it would be weird if I took a bath? [pause] Yeah... that would be weird.

Gordon:
I got you a present

Libby:
Aww thanks

Gordon:
It's a CD, I hope you haven't got it. Because I don't have a receipt and I didn't exactly buy it.

Reporter:
Mr Doyle, how do you feel?

Dennis:
[exasperated] How the f*** do you think I feel?

Gordon:
Well come on up!

Man in Bakery:
I would settle for something shaped like a fish.

Dennis:
Go to a fishmonger!

Man in Bakery:
I'm a vegetarian.

Dennis:
You know, I mean, I didn't do you any favours on that day, ok? I did a stupid, stupid thing. But it was only because I thought spoiling your day was better than ruining your life. Does that make any sense?

Gordon:
That was the second most disgusting fluid I've ever had in my eye.

[Mr. Ghoshtashtidar has just stopped Vincent from smashing Gordon's fingers in a piano]

Gordon:
Thanks for that, Mr. G!

Mr. Ghoshdashtidar:
Your friend is a man of honor.

Gordon:
What, Vincent?

Mr. Ghoshdashtidar:
Yes! He said he's going to kick sh*t out of you later instead!

[during the race]

Dennis:
Isn't it enough?

Whit:
What?

Dennis:
You got the girl, all right? Isn't it enough?

Whit:
I just think it's high time you realized that it's over, sir! Otherwise, it's gonna be very tough for you when we move to Chicago!

Dennis:
What?

Whit:
[off their pace, trying to discourage Dennis] You'd better slow down there, chief! You've got a long way to go!

Dennis:
Yeah, well - so have you!

[Dennis accelerates past Whit]

Whit:
Oh, yeah! Yes, I like it! Run, fatboy, run!

[Whit takes his lead back, but as Dennis passes him one more time... ]

Dennis:
I can lose weight... but you'll always be an arsehole!

Gordon:
Women remember that stuff.

Dennis:
[surprised] What are you doing here?

Mr. Ghoshdashtidar:
I'm the assistant coach.

Dennis:
How'd you get to be assistant coach?

Mr. Ghoshdashtidar:
Because I have the spatula! [whacks Dennis with it]

Dennis:
I thought it would be a good chance for me to get to know Whit a little better, so...

Libby:
Well, maybe we should all go out to dinner then?

Dennis:
Really?

Libby:
Yeah, and then we could go dancing...

Dennis:
You're joking...?

Libby:
No, not at all. And afterwards we could come back here and have a threesome.

Dennis:
[thinks it over] You *are* joking.

Libby:
Of course, I am!

Gordon:
Dennis, you're my best friend, I'm not going to bet against you. Not with these odds.

Gordon:
Hey, maybe there's a little man in there who looks just like you but he's really good at running.

Dennis:
What are you talking about?

Gordon:
Just a thought.

Dennis:
Peter Perfect's perfect palace.

Gordon:
Try saying that when you're smashed.

Dennis:
I will.

Dennis:
We should set the alarm for about 7 o'clock.

Gordon:
I don't have an alarm clock.

Dennis:
Why not?

Gordon:
I never need to be anywhere.

Dennis:
As you get older, you're gonna realize there are a lot of things that you don't like. Things much worse than this. And when those things happen, you can't just run away.

Jake:
why not?

Dennis:
Because it doesn't solve the problem. The problem's still there. You've got to stick at it, and then figure out a way to solve the problem, even if it's really really hard.

Jake:
Is that what you do, Dad?

Dennis:
[just looking helpless and speechless... ]

Jake:
Dad?

Dennis:
I know doing this thing isn't going to change anything or make anything better but um. I would just settle for your respect. I'd settle for you smiling about the time we had together and not think it was a waste of time.

Whit:
Where you goin, where you going? You gotta be kiddin me, Dennis? You can't be serious! The guy left you at the alter, pregnant!

Libby:
[Puts Whit's wedding ring on the table] Nobody's perfect.

Whit:
Libby, Libby...

Jake:
What a shithead.

Whit:
[At the hospital, after Jake plays with the hospital bed causing it to fall backwards] God dam it WILL YOU STOP MESSING AROUND WITH THE BED YA LITTLE SH*T?

Mr. Ghoshdashtidar:
[repeated line to Dennis] Who the hell are you?

Whit:
Jake, buddy, can I control the bed please?

Jake:
No, but you can watch me control it.

TV Commentator:
[Dennis is continuing the marathon into the night on a sprained ankle and torn leg] Just now joining us is Dennis Doyle, a clothing store security guard, running for the last ten and three quarter hours on basically one leg, He's refusing to rest until this race is run, unbelievable!

TV Commentator:
[It's just been revealed that Whit tripped Dennis during a TV replay of the marathon] Yes! He deliberately trips him! Bastard!

TV Commentator:
[Dennis just finished the marathon] He's done it! He's actually done it! This morning, Dennis Doyle was a humble shop worker from north London, tonight, he goes home a hero!