Rush Hour

Carter:
You don't know nothing about no War.

Lee:
Everybody knows War.

Lee:
War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, sing it again, you all!

Carter:
It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!

Lee:
Yaw.

Carter:
Y'all!

Lee:
Yaw!

Carter:
Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!

Lee:
Yoll.

Captain Diel:
Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow sh*t up.

Carter:
You're God damn right.

Sang:
The drop will be made tonight. The amount will be fifty million dollars.

Carter:
Fifty million dollars, man who do you think you kidnapped? Chelsea Clinton?

Sang:
We want twenty million in fifties.

Carter:
Okay, twenty million in fifties.

Sang:
Twenty million in twenties.

Carter:
Okay, twenty million in twenties.

Sang:
And ten million in tens.

Carter:
Ten million in tens. Okay. Would you like fries with that?

Clive Cod:
Let me tell you something, I don't know anything about that, so you can kiss my fat ass.

Carter:
Clive, it would take me all day to kiss your fat ass.

Carter:
we've must be a misunderstanding, 'cause I was sent down here for the big case for the kidnapping of the little girl.

Carter:
No disrespect, sir, but he's only gonna get in my way. If I'm gonna handle the situation for you, I'm gonna have to work alone.

Agent Russ:
Carter, he *is* the situation.

Carter:
That's why I don't have no partner, that's one thing I learned from my daddy.

Lee:
Your father was a policeman?

Carter:
Fifteen years LAPD.

Lee:
My daddy also a policeman.

Carter:
Your daddy was a cop?

Lee:
Not a cop, an officer, a legend all over Hong Kong.

Carter:
My daddy a legend too all over America. My daddy once arrested fifteen people in one night by himself.

Lee:
My daddy arrested 25 by himself.

Carter:
...My daddy once saved five crackheads from a burnin' building, by himself.

Lee:
My daddy once caught a bullet with his bare hand.

Carter:
My daddy'll kick your daddy's ass all the way from here to China, Japan, wherever the hell you from and all up that Great Wall too.

Lee:
Hey, don't talk about my father.

Carter:
Don't talk about my daddy.

Carter:
You know that other stuff but you don't know his name?

Luke:
Man, people tell me sh*t... Achoo!

Carter:
What's wrong with you?

Lee:
We can hang in my crib. I will show you my 'hood.

Carter:
I've been lookin' for your sweet and sour chicken ass.

Lee:
Ah! Beach Boys!

Carter:
Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!

Lee:
The Beach Boys are great American music.

Carter:
The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man!

Carter:
This is the LAPD. We're the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer.

Lee:
You must take me to see Consul Han right away.

Carter:
Man, just sit down and shut up! This ain't no democracy.

Lee:
Yes, it is.

Carter:
No, it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito. Your ass belongs to me.

Waitress:
For one?

Carter:
No, for two, I'm here for a meeting with Mr. Juntao.

Waitress:
I'm sorry I do not know Mr. Juntao.

Carter:
Look maybe you don't understand, I'm Mr. Juntao's lawyer, legal advisor, he got into some sh*t again and he told me to come down here and I'm a very busy man, ain't got time to be down here this late but I'm down here, my wife want me to come home, my baby is shittin' all over the house, he needs diapers, would you please go get Mr. Juntao?

Lee:
I am not responsible for your assumption.

Carter:
You full of sh*t, you understand me, you full of sh*t.

Lee:
Not being able to speak is not the same as not speaking. You seem as if you like to talk. I like to let people talk who like to talk. It makes it easier to find out how full of sh*t they are.

Carter:
What the hell did you just say? "I let people talk, blah blah blah" so I'm the one full of sh*t?

Lee:
We both full of sh*t.

Carter:
You full of sh*t.

Agent Whitney:
Well as long as we're gonna humiliate someone, might as well be LAPD.

Lee:
Whassup, my nigga?

Bartender:
What did you just say?

Lee:
Whassup, my nigga.

Lee:
Leave me alone. A man like you could never understand.

Carter:
A man like me?

Lee:
You are devoted only to yourself. You're ashamed of being a police officer, you dishonor your father's name!

Carter:
You don't know nothing about my father.

Lee:
You said your father is a legend.

Carter:
My father WAS a legend. My father was killed making a routine traffic stop in broad daylight by some punk who didn't want no ticket. His partner was supposed to get out of the car and back him up but never did. My father was just as devoted as you, and now he's dead, and for what? A traffic ticket and some punk? You tell me, where's the honor in that?

Lee:
You believe your father wasted his life, that he died for nothing?

Carter:
Prove me wrong.

Carter:
It is not my job to be jumping on and off of buses, I don't do that, I am not Carl Lewis!

Carter:
Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective Carter. Do you speaka any English? DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND-THE-WORDS-THAT-ARE-COMING-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH?

Carter:
I cannot believe this SH*T! First I get a bullshit assignment, now Mr. Rice-a-Roni don't even speak American. C'mon, man, my ride over here. Put your bag in the back.

Carter:
PUT-YOUR-BAG-IN-THE-BACK!

Carter:
No, no, no, you put your own sh*t in the back! I'm not a skycap!

Carter:
I'm gonna kick your ass and then I'll take your ass to jail.

Carter:
Hey, man, y'all see a little Asian dude about this height with a steering wheel on his arm?

FBI Gate Guard #1:
Go screw yourself.

Carter:
What did you say?

FBI Gate Guard #1:
I said go screw yourself.

Carter:
You take your little sensitive ass up there and let me in. Get out of the way! Don't make me get up out of this truck! Man when I get up in there I'm slappin' somebody, I don't play that.

Carter:
Damn, Chin, this is some greasy sh*t. You ain't got no better food, like some chicken wings, some baby back ribs, some fries or something?

Chin:
Chinese food, no soul food here!

Carter:
I didn't say nothin' 'bout no soul food, I said you got some better food. I don't want that greasy sh*t. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?

Carter:
First Class, I like this, this is tight.

Carter:
My jacket? No, no, you can take this bag though.

Agent Russ:
Carter, we're impressed with the great job you did yesterday, so when you get back there's gonna be an FBI badge waiting for you.

Carter:
You serious? I don't know what to say. It's like a dream come true. I got an idea though, I got an idea. Why don't y'all take that badge and shove it up your ass. All up in your ass. I'm LAPD.

Agent Whitney:
B*tch.

Carter:
...which one of y'all kicked me?

Carter:
I don't want no partner, I don't need no partner and I ain't never gonna have no partner. Did Kojak have a partner?

Tania Johnson:
Yeah the fat guy.

Carter:
Well he wasn't ever with him. Did Columbo have a partner?

Tania Johnson:
Captain Diel ordered me to go with you on that bust because you needed bomb squad back up but once again you screwed me and you screwed yourself.

Captain Diel:
Two officers were shot, one man lost a pinkie.

Carter:
But didn't nobody die!

Captain Diel:
You destroyed half a city block!

Carter:
That block was already messed up.

Captain Diel:
And you lost a lot of evidence!

Carter:
We still got a little bit left.

Carter:
How would we even recognize Juntao, none of us never saw him.

Lee:
I have, he killed my partner.

Carter:
Don't act like you don't know nothing, I'll take all your ass to the jail, right now if I don't get the answers. Ok. You think I am a fool, you are playin' me like a fool, Ok. Ok... Lee go outside it's gonna be a little dangerous in here.

Carter:
I'm lookin' out for you when I reach the top. I'm gonna make you mayor.

Captain Diel:
I'd rather you didn't.

Carter:
C'mon! You got everybody excited about something being blowed up, and look at your little punk British ass.

Carter:
Hahahahaha! You didn't know I could do that, did you? Put your hands up! Put your hands up! I ain't gonna kill you this time. I'm just gonna kick your ass!

Carter:
You tell your friends about me.

Lee:
Why would they not want my help?

Carter:
Because they don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!

Lee:
I don't care! I'm here for the girl!

Carter:
The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!

Chin:
I'm no punk b*tch!

Carter:
I'm no punk b*tch neither!

Chin:
*I'm* no punk b*tch!

Carter:
Bobby, didn't I look the other way that time you bought that bag of weed?

Officer Bobby:
I was splittin' it with you!

Carter:
Well, didn't I give you the bigger half?

Sang:
Now wipe yourself off. You're bleeding.

Carter:
My baby's been shitting all over the house.

Agent Russ:
Where the hell's Carter?

Sang:
The drop will be made tonight, 11:00pm. The amount will be $50,000,000.

Carter:
$50,000,000?! Who do you think you kidnapped, Chelsea Clinton?!

Sang:
In U.S. currency. Nothing bigger than a 50.

Carter:
All right. All right. Cool. Cool. Cool. $50,000,000. No prob. No prob.

Sang:
I want 20,000,000 in 50s...

Carter:
[writes it down] 20,000,000 in 50s.

Sang:
20,000,000 in 20s...

Carter:
20,000,000 in 20s.

Sang:
And 10,000,000 in 10s.

Carter:
And 10,000,000 in 10s. You want any 5s with that?

Cab Driver:
[points a gun at Lee and Carter] Don't move! [ Lee and Carter put their hands up] Drop your guns.

Carter:
Hey man look, FBI? [shows his badge]

Lee:
Oh, um...I'm policeman! I'm just showing him how to take a gun from a suspect. [Carter is stunned at discovering Lee speaks English]

[Carter arrives at Consul Han's residence]

Carter:
Hey man, you seen a little Asian dude about this height with a steering wheel on his arm?

Secret Service guy:
Go screw yourself.

Carter:
What did you say?

Secret Service guy:
Go screw yourself.

Carter:
You get your sensitive ass up there and let me in! Get out of the way!

Lee:
[Singing "War"] What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Good God you all.

Carter:
It's not "you all" its "y'all".

Lee:
Yahl?

Carter:
Y'all!

Lee:
Yaal!

Carter:
Man you sound like a karate movie. Y'all!

[Chinese food seller handing Carter some Chinese food.]

Carter:
Damn Chen, some greasy sh*t? You aint got no better food like some chicken wings, some baby back-ribs, some fries or something?

Chen:
Chinese food! No soul food here!

Carter:
I ain't say nothing about no soul food. I said ain't you got some better food? I don't want that greasy sh*t. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?

Chen:
Fung geneo bunkwain.

Carter:
I'm a chilly what?

Chen:
I'm no punk b*tch!

Carter:
I aint no punk b*tch either!

Chen:
I'm no punk b*tch!

[Carter and Lee board a flight to China]

Carter:
Man, how long is this flight?

Lee:
Fifteen hours.

Carter:
Fifteen hours? What are we gonna do for fifteen hours?

[Lee shrugs, then puts on headphones]

Lee:
(singing) Huh!

Carter:
(Carter turns in horror)

Lee:
(singing) War! Uh! Good God "yaw."

Carter:
Aw, hell no! Stewardess, get me another seat! Stewardess!