Rutles: All You Need Is Cash

Stanley J. Krammerhead:
Listen, looking at it very simply musicology and ethnically, the Rutles were essentially Imperical maleonglece of a rhythmically radical yet verbally passé and temporally transcended lyrically content welded with historically innovative melodical material transposed and transmogrified by the ankus of the Rutland ethic experience which elevated them from essentially alpha exponents of in essence merely beta potential harmonic material into the prime cultural exponents of Aloin condensic comic standard form

Iris Mountbatten:
Well, he told me that he'd been to see these young men in a dark cellar.

Narrator:
Yes.

Iris Mountbatten:
He was always very interested in young men.

Narrator:
Oh, yes.

Iris Mountbatten:
Youth clubs, Boy Scouts, that sort of thing.

Narrator:
Yes.

Iris Mountbatten:
But these, he said, were different.

Narrator:
In what way?

Iris Mountbatten:
Their hair, and ... their presence ... and their music ...

Narrator:
He liked it?

Iris Mountbatten:
No, he hated it.

Narrator:
What did he like?

Iris Mountbatten:
Well, em ... the trousers.

Narrator:
What about their trousers?

Iris Mountbatten:
Well, they were, eh, they were very, em ... tight.

Narrator:
It was a bombshell for the Rutles. They were shocked ... and stunned.

Dirk McQuickly:
Well, we're shocked.

Ron Nasty:
Yeah, shocked.

Barry Wom:
Shocked.

Dirk McQuickly:
And stunned.

Ron Nasty:
Yeah, stunned.

Barry Wom:
Very stunned.

Ron Nasty:
No.

Dirk McQuickly:
Well, yeah.

Ron Nasty:
Well, yeah and no ... he said, uh, that it took all sorts to make a world, and that we shouldn't worry unduly about where he'd gone.

Dirk McQuickly:
You know, we shouldn't become covered with grief at thoughts of Australia, because --

Ron Nasty:
He did say that we could still keep in touch with him by tapping the table.

Dirk McQuickly:
And postcards.

Ron Nasty:
Yeah.

Barry Wom:
Very stunned.

Ron Nasty:
We're doing this for peace, and basically to show that the world is, you know, going astray in its thinking.

Ron Nasty:
We're getting wet. In a shower. Because, basically, we talked it over, Chastity and myself, and we came to the conclusion that civilization is nothing more than an effective sewage system. And so by the use of plumbing we hope to demonstrate this to the world.

Narrator:
Mick, why do you think the Rutles broke up?

Mick Jagger:
Why do I think they did? Why did the Rutles break up? Women. Just women. Getting in the way. Cherchez la femme, you know.

Narrator:
Do you think they'll ever get back together again?

Mick Jagger:
I hope not.

Mick Jagger:
Why do I think they did? Why did the Rutles break up? Women. Just women getting in the way. Cherchez la femme you know.

Mick Jagger:
I hope not.

Narrator:
Stig, meanwhile, had hidden in the background so much that in 1969, a rumor went around that he was dead. He was supposed to have been killed in a flash fire at a waterbed shop and replaced by a plastic and wax replica from Madame Tusseaud's. Several so-called "facts" helped the emergence of this rumor. One: he never said anything publicly. Even as the "quiet one," he'd not said a word since 1966. Two: on the cover of their latest album, "Shabby Road," he is wearing no trousers, an Italian way of indicating death. Three: Nasty supposedly sings "I buried Stig" on "I Am The Waitress." In fact, he sings, "E burres stigano," which is very bad Spanish for "Have you a water buffalo?" Four: On the cover of the "Sergeant Rutter" album, Stig is leaning in the exact position of a dying Yeti, from the Rutland Book of the Dead. Five: If you sing the title of "Sergeant Rutter's Only Darts Club Band" backwards, it's supposed to sound very like "Stig has been dead for ages, honestly." In fact, it sounds uncannily like "Dnab Bulc Ylno S'rettur Tnaegres." Palpable nonsense.

Narrator:
In the midst of all this public bickering, "Let it Rot" was released as a film, an album, and a lawsuit. In 1970, Dirk sued Stig, Nasty, and Barry; Barry sued Dirk, Nasty, and Stig; Nasty sued Barry, Dirk, and Stig; and Stig sued himself accidentally. It was the beginning of a golden era for lawyers, but for the Rutles, live on a London rooftop, it was the beginning of the end.

Narrator:
And you turned down the Rutles.

Brian Thigh:
Yeah, yeah.

Narrator:
What's it like being an a**hole?