Safe Men

Samuel:
I have to wear a fake f***in' ass over my ass!

Hannah:
You may find this hard to believe, but I find your fake ass kind of silly.

Sam:
Sweet 'stache.

Frank:
Thanks, bro.

Sam:
He's in the Jewish Mafia. It's probably more like a club than an organization.

Eddie:
Sam this man is in the mafia, he's not going to let us off the hook if we give him a f***ing basket of sundry goods

SAm:
Oh, but he's in the Jewish mafia, I'm sure that's more of like a club than a criminal organization

Frank:
(on the phone with Hannah) I'm wearing a mustache now. It's growin' in real good.

Bernie:
I know that daughter I tried to set Veal Chop on a date with her.

Veal Chop:
I tried to put my tongue in her mouth and she punched me in the penis.

Veal Chop:
Are you psyched to become a man?

Sam:
Would you like a Halls?

Sam:
And who am I speaking with?

Bernie Jr:
This is Big Fat Bernie Gale Jr.

Sam:
Oh hello, Little Big Fat.

Veal Chop:
By the time I get home, flip on Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, I'm looking at 36 thousand of his hard earned female deer

Eddie:
Hey! What's going on back there? (pats Samuel's ass)

Samuel:
It's nothing.

Eddie:
I could feel it, back there. (beat)

Samuel:
If you had to deal with, like, half the sh*t I've been through this past year, you would strap on one of these f***ers. Just like me, you'd strap it on.