Sam and Max: Abe Lincoln Must Die!

Sam:
[reading a sign next to a pond] "Please do not feed the submarine."

Max:
What can you feed a submarine, anyway?

Sam:
Nothing. Weren't you listening?

[Sam shoots Lincoln who remains unharmed]

Sam:
Somehow, I just knew that wasn't gonna work.

Abe Lincoln:
Shoot me once, shame on you. Shoot me twice, shame on me.

Sam:
Do you have any... potatoes in the likeness of Catholic saints?

Bosco:
[bad Russian accent] Nyet.

Sam:
Do you have any souvenir snowglobes from the Mystery Vortex?

Bosco:
Nyet.

Sam:
Do you have any Lobstah Fahts brand cereal?

Bosco:
Nyet.

Sam:
Do you have any Tagalog rhyming dictionaries, abridged?

Bosco:
Nyet.

Sam:
Do you have any wiener cozies?

Bosco:
Da. We just get shipment of those in this week. Let me look.

Max:
Oh boy!

Bosco:
[normal accent] Oh wait. Did you say "wiener cozies"? I thought you said "Navajo blankets". No, we're all out of wiener cozies.

Sam:
Do you have any Navajo blankets?

Bosco:
Nyet.

Sybil:
Hi, fellas. I'm really excited! I found the perfect job for me.

Sam:
You don't say.

Sybil:
That's right. I, Sybil Pandemik, am now a professional matchmaker.

Max:
I thought I smelled phosphorous.

Sam:
I thought I smelled that joke coming down the turnpike, burning oil and dragging its muffler.

Sam:
Did you call yourself "Superball"?

Superball:
Code name, sir. I'm a bouncer. Secret Service humor.

Sam:
And who's "Papa Bear"?

Superball:
Section chief. Runs the operation. Protects the President.

Max:
Oh, "Superball". I get it!

Sam:
You're always with the President?

Max:
Even when he's gotta... you know?

Chuckles:
Always. I never leave his side.

Sam:
Your codependency sickens me.

Max:
And it sickens me in exactly the same way, doesn't it, Max? I mean Sam.