Samurai Jack

Aku:
Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past and undo the future that is Aku.

Head Gangster:
[talking of a bomb] The gift that keeps on givin'.

[theme song]

Chorus:
Gotta get back / Back to the past / Samurai Jack!

Aku:
Tales of the Samurai's heroics have spread through the world like a virus. But I will cure the world of this plague of hope.

Aku:
The beast was struck, and was transformed, into... BEEEEEEF JERRRRRRRKY.

Aku:
Once upon a time there was a sweet little girl, with a red riding cape and GREAT FLAAAAMING EYEBROWS!

Man A:
He's injured. Bring out the Finisher.

Man B:
But, but that's two opponents at once. That's, that's cheating.

Man A:
[pause] DOOOO IIIIIIIT!

Man B:
It's always me. I always have to get the Finisher. Every time. "Do this, do that. Go get the Finisher." *I* always have to.

Wizard:
People. Always bumping into me. [shouts] Always!

Taxi Driver:
Well, the cats out of the bag now, my friend.

Samurai Jack:
[encounters a burglar] Excuse me, I need to take your clothes. [knocks him out and puts on his clothes]

Samurai Jack:
[dressed up as a princess] Hello.

Samurai Jack:
Aku!

Aku:
Samurai fool! Your efforts are in vain again. This gateway to the past is once more beyond your... [Jack jumps]

Aku:
...reach? You can fly?

Samurai Jack:
No, jump good!

Monkey Boy:
You jump good!

Emperor:
Dry your tears, my son, for nothing worth having is easily atained. Sometimes you must fight for what is yours and for what you believe in.

Samurai Jack:
[cries] My home.

Samurai Jack:
When does the magic begin?

Jack:
[Is only allowed one question to decide which of the two worms is the "magic" worm, armed only with the knowledge that one tells the truth and the other lies] If you were your brother, which one would you say was the magic worm?

Worm #2:
Which one are you asking?

Jack:
It doesn't matter.

Worm #2:
Hmmm. That's easy. It's him!

Worm #1:
Of course! It's me!

Jack:
Then I choose *you*.

[chooses Worm #2 instead]

Worm #1:
He knows!

Worm #2:
What makes you choose me? I told you it was him!

Worm #1:
Yes, me!

Jack:
If you were the truth-telling one then what you said would be a lie because you will answer truthfully what your lying brother will say. Therefore I can safely say that the answer will be the opposite of what you say. On the other hand if you were the lying worm then you will tell me what your truth-telling brother will say but it would be a lie, therefore the answer will also be the opposite of what you say. Understand?

Guiness:
Due to the nature of our geography it's not often that we receive visitors. In fact, you're the first.

Aku:
Can you not see? Aku is beyond destruction!

Jack:
That pillar did not move by itself, Aku!

Aku:
[shiftily] Yes, it did.

Aku:
[dials phone number] Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Yes, I can hold. Yes, I would like to place an order for delivery. Aku. I think I'm in the computer. Yes, that's it. I'd like a large... uh? What? Extra thick! 30 minutes or it's free - excellent! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

Jack:
Aku!

Aku:
Yes, it is I, Samurai Jack.

[Aku rolls his eyes]

Aku:
How incredibly observant you are.

Aku:
Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.

Jack:
Your word play will not trick me, villain!

[he attacks Aku]

Aku:
I'll be back again, Samurai - you'll see! Bwah-ha-ha-ha.

[flutters over the horizon then reappears]

Aku:
See what I mean?

Aku:
From deep within the bowels of the pit of Hate, I summon: Demongo!

Aku:
You have failed me Demongo.

Demongo:
No, master. Please forgive me.

Aku:
Hmmm... NO.

Demongo:
You've met your match, samurai! Crush him! Crush, crush, crush, crush, CRUSH!

Demongo:
What is my bidding, my master?

Samurai Jack:
There must be a way to defeat Demongo, a way to stop Demongo from using essence, essence of traped warriors. Trapped essence? Free the essence, Demongo has no power; how do I free the essence? [sees essence been reabsorbed by Demongo] Yes, from within. How do I get inside? [Strikes tiger warrior, then grabs hold of its essence as Demongo is reabsorbing it]

Demongo:
[Realises something isn't right] Huh? [sees Jack hurtling towards him] Impossible!

Samurai Jack:
What sorcery is this? Who are you?

Mad Jack:
Don't be such a fool! I'm you.

Samurai Jack:
If you are me, then who am I?

Mad Jack:
Oh! You're so stupid. You are you also.

[Jack was knocked out a bounty hunter]

Jack:
Looks like there'll be no money for you, crazy round man.

Fishman:
[Jack is about to enjoy his tea in a seedy bar] You got some kinda nerve. Here what I'm sayin'?

[Jack ignores him]

Fishman:
I'm talking to you! You got some gump comin' here, know what I mean? Better finish that drink quick, cuz you might not *live* much longer. Aku's offering two googleplex for your head. Two googleplex, that's a *lot* of money. And we aim to collect it. Right about now.

[Jack dispatches the room, then finishes his tea]

Mad Jack:
What the heck is going on?

Jack:
You have lost. The battle is over.

Mad Jack:
What?

Jack:
You are my inner demon. You have been born from the hatred within me. But now, the hatred is no more. Thus, you do not exist.

Mad Jack:
You fool! I am real! Now taste the reality of my cold hard steel! [charges at Jack]

Jack:
WHO ELSE WANTS SOME?

Samurai Jack:
[looks at the sky] I know you're watching. These tricks are starting to annoy me.

Mad Jack:
Hurts, doesn't it?

Samurai Jack:
Not as much as this is going to hurt you!

Hermit:
Who dare to blow my door horn?

Samurai Jack:
I am called Jack. I am a traveler.

Hermit:
Hm. Never heard of you. I'm a hermit, after all.

Aku:
Now let us test your enchanted steel against the power of the Titans!

[the Hermit has all the gems of the Titans and tries to attack Jack, but finds a jewel missing]

Samurai Jack:
What's the matter? Missing something... Aku?

Samurai Jack:
Run, you cowardly shadow, for your destruction is at hand! It is only a matter of time.

Baby:
Momotaro!

Samurai Jack:
Why do I have this feeling that I am being followed when I know it to not be true? Hmm!

Scissorsmith:
At the fork in the road, follow the rocky path. it will take you to the dragon's lair.

Samurai Jack:
Where will the other one take me?

Scissorsmith:
Space Ace!

Verbina:
Aren't you a little short for a demonic minion?

Samurai Jack:
Hm? Oh, the uniform. [ripps off his disguise] I am called Jack and I am here to rescue you.

Aku:
Yes, chamberlain. What pittyable persons have you brought before my all enschrouding Akuness?

Chitron 6:
[Aku is rubbing his thumb and index finger together as if playing a tiny violin] You can't do that, these are royal heirs to the thrown of Chrystalis. You can't just...

Verbina:
[Aku uses curshes Chitron 6 under his thumb] Chitron!

Aku:
Oh, I certainly can. I am Aku. This world is Aku and everything in it is Aku!

Boss:
Ah, so now mr. Goody-two-sandals feels like talkin', eh?

Aku:
Who dares to summon... Oh, it is YOU.

Samurai Jack:
Very well. I am leaving your doll. Here on the... the, eh...

Lionor:
We accept your challenge. But we need not your treasure. Our reward is the thrill of the hunt. For we are Imakandi.

[Jack is captured easily by the Imakandi]

Lionor:
[disgusted] Such a waste! Tell Aku we have his bounty secured for him!

Samurai Jack:
Aku... No! I will not be brought to Aku like an animal! [breaks free and escapes]

Lionor:
[smiles] We hunt, my brothers.

Lionor:
The greatest prey of all is the prey that deserves to be free. That is our way, the Imakandi way! Run free, Samurai Jack, run free.

Tribe Leader:
In appreciation for saving our humble tribe from extinction at the hands of the evil Aku, we give you this map it reveals the hidden location of a great source of power that Aku keeps locked away. A power that can end your quest and return you to when you belong. Many have sacrificed to bring us this information. You must use it wisely. For this powersource is sealed in a fortress. A fortress stumped with countless guards to protect it against the finest warriors and filled with an array of booby traps to defend it against the most cunning thieves. Be careful. Beware. Be victorious. If you dare...

Samurai Jack:
You must give me the diamond!

Thief:
I can't!

Samurai Jack:
You must!

Thief:
I can't!

Samurai Jack:
You must!

Thief:
I can't!

Samurai Jack:
You must!

Thief:
I can't!

Warrior:
I have engraved a recording of my past, so that I would never forget the life that I had, the man I was. So thy people would not be lost to the dust of time. Let me take thee on a journey into the past...

Viking:
Come.

Jack:
That voice beckons me further in. Surely he takes me for a fool to follow deeper into his traps.

Jack:
[the floor and spike-covered ceiling begin to converge] A fool I be!

Viking:
Yeeeeeeessssss. At last, after all these years, a worthy opponent.

Jack:
Enough of this pointless battle. I will continue to fight you no more.

Viking:
[strikes] I say thee nay!

Viking:
Warrior, rise! I must defeat you honorably!

Jack:
Do not worry, I have only begun to fight!

Warrior:
Accursed monster, your spell is broken!

Samurai Jack:
What is at the peak of this mountain?

Monk #1:
Truth.

Monk #1:
[Jack is exhausterd from climbing the mountain and collapses in a heap before reaching the summit claiming "It is impossible." The monks appear to him in a dream] Do you give up?

Monk #1:
Will you abandon their hope?

Monk #1:
Can you not feel their desperation?

Monk #1:
Will evil forever rule the world?

Monk #1:
Have you forgotten?

DJ:
Welcoooooome, bruthas and sistahs. Can I get a kazam?

Crowd:
KAZAM!

DJ:
DJ Starbator am once again here to drop upon you all the majestical sounderiffic beats of the Master...

Crowd:
[entranced] AKUUUUUU

Jack:
Music maker man, your beats are bad.

DJ:
That's right, they're baaaad.

Jack:
Not "bad" good. "Bad" bad!

DJ:
Whatever.

Jack:
Who were they?

Man:
[crying] The children... of Aku...

Jack:
Aku! Truly his evil has spread to even the youngest of souls.

DJ:
And for public enemy number one; the scratch in Aku's groove, Samurai Wack; lets mix it up with a taste of the base, beats in his face; the brand new hard core track: Jack Attack!

[Jack prepares to attack a group of vandals]

Man:
No! Wait! They're children!

Jack:
You have been pawns of Aku's scheme, but now you are free. Return to your homes, and never dance to this evil beat again!

[Jack and the Scotsman have been fighting all night and are exhausted]

Scottsman:
Are ye ready to give up yet?

Jack:
I am not defeated, and I will hold my ground.

Scottsman:
Hold yer ground, ye can barley hold yer sword.

Jack:
Then come get me.

Scottsman:
Wha-? I...

[struggles with his sword and gives up]

Scottsman:
Seeing as I'm a sportsman, I'll give ye a moment to recuperate.

Jack:
[Shackled to the Scotsman] The arrow relies on the bow, and the bow relies on the arrow, but they are not tied together.

Scottsman:
That would be pointless, now wouldn't it?

Scottsman:
By the look on your face I can tell you like the pipes, wee laddie.

Jack:
We are in no condition to fight these odds.

Scottsman:
[gruffly] Especially not with a pajama wearin' daisy strapped to me wrist.

Jack:
I fear no man.

Scottsman:
Oh, that's some tough talk from someone who wears a basket on his head.

The Scotsman:
[having been crying on Jack's shoulder] I'm just overcome thinking 'bout her. How can I live without my bonnie wife?

Samurai Jack:
I suggest we waste no time crying then.

The Scotsman:
Aye.

Celtic Demon:
The moon is full. Destroy the men and throw the fat female in the pot.

Scotsman's Wife:
Fat? Fat? I'M NOT FAT; I'M STOUT!

Celtic Demon:
Silence!

[the Scotsman's wife punches him in the stomach then tosses him]

Samurai Jack:
[reaches to a small doorway] Seems we must find an alternate way out.

The Scotsman:
Why?

Samurai Jack:
This doorway is so very small and your wife is so very...

Scotsman's Wife:
[offesnively] WHAT?

Samurai Jack:
Oop!

The Scotsman:
[in terror] RUN!

[repeated line]

Scotsman's Wife:
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!

Gordo:
I am the master mechanic, the alpha and omega. I will put a hurting on you, slave. I'm gonna tear you up into little shreds, and then I'm gonna take those shreds and tear them up into little shreds. I will make your mother cry. I will make your Aunt Edna from Withershoot proper, south of Barnaby cry. Are you ready for pain, Two Sandals?

[crowd cheers]

Samurai Jack:
I am not intimidated by your shouting. A true warrior fights not with words, but...

[Gordo the Gruesome punches Samurai Jack in the face]

Ganeesh:
A wise man knows everything. A shrewd one, everybody. You can hide but you cannot run. A true coward does not run from his opponent but from himself. Many receive advice. Only the wise profit by it.

Spartok:
[narrating] Long ago he came to us in our time of need. His name was... Jack. Nothing would be the same.

Spartok:
And that is the story of the brave warriors... the Three Hundred, plus One. But I believe that the One survived. A warrior that great could not be stopped so easily.

Lil Guy:
[shouting] Get out of the great Kahn's chair. What are you, telling stories again? Get swabbing or I'll toss you over board, you has-been!

Samurai Jack:
Excuse me. Is this wishing well that you spoke of, real?

General:
Why, yes! Beyond that mountaintop over there. [Jack prepares to leave]

General:
Wait! I beg you, reconsider. There are only three archers, yet they decimated my whole army. You are just one man. Do the math. Why attempt it?

Samurai Jack:
That well could bring me home.

General:
There are other ways to get home.

Samurai Jack:
Not for me.

Jack:
[Jack has been defeated while fighting blind-folded] It's no use. No one can fight like this!

Grand Master:
A great warrior must be in tune with *all* of his senses. Only then will you be able to extend your awareness so that you may fight on any level. Try again.

Jack:
Yes, Sifu.

Archer #1:
[speaking of Jack] The greatest of warriors.

Archer #2:
A noble spirit.

Archer #3:
Such sacrifice.

Samurai Jack:
Evil spirit of the well, you will not take another innocent life! I wish thee, destroyed!

Jack:
They call me Jack. The creatures of this mystical land have guided me here. Is this the passage through time that I have quested for?

Guardian:
Yep.

Jack:
[bowing] I humbly request your permission to use this great power.

Guardian:
Hahahahaha!... No.

Jack:
Guardian, by what right do you deny me?

Guardian:
For countless eons I have guarded this magical power of time travel. *All* have been denied, from the mightiest of giants, to the tiniest of warriors. You see samurai, only one man has been prophesized to defeat me. And that man is the only man who can use this time passage. And you, my man... ain't that man.

Jack:
I had hoped that just once, I would not have to battle for my goal, because it is noble and just. But I see that this is impossible. I must use the power of this time passage, and so, *I* will defeat you.

Guardian:
[smiling] Ain't gonna happen.

Jack:
We shall see.

[draws katana]

Guardian:
Ahhh, you goin' all old school on me, huh? Well, I got me one o' those.

[draws sword]

Jack:
Clever how you people use this beast for travel.

Monk:
We do not use him. It his generocity that allows us to cross this lake. Only he can cross it.

Jack:
[Jack is ashamed] I meant no disrespect.

Monk:
He has forever lived in this lake. Seen many things, all knowing and very wize.

Guardian:
I told you, man. You ain't the one.

Guardian:
That was my favorite suit you just ruined!

Guardian:
[about the time portal] You can't use it yet, Samurai Jack. Not yet... Not yet.

Extor:
Of course, on your own you are not strong enough to cut through their adamantium metal. But with my last scientific invention you can cut through them like butter... [holds up a huge mechanical arm]

Extor:
High-five.

Samurai Jack:
What?

Extor:
High-five.

Samurai Jack:
What?

Extor:
High-five.

Samurai Jack:
I do not understand.

Extor:
Never mind.

Elder:
A warning: only one of pure heart may approach and use the power of the jewel.

Samurai Jack:
My mission is noble, my heart is pure. I have nothing to fear.

Samurai Jack:
Who are you and why did you help me?

Ikra:
You're not the grateful kind, are you?

Jack:
Who are you, and why did you help me?

Ikra:
You're welcome.

Jack:
...My time in this land has made me harsh and rude. I did not mean to insult you.

Ikra:
No tears shed samurai.

Jack:
-Jack.

Ikra:
What?

Jack:
It is what the people of this land have named me.

Ikra:
O-kaaay.

Aku:
Samurai... Samurai... why won't you [shouting] die!

Samurai Jack:
I have a bad feeling about this.

Samurai Jack:
It seems... so... familiar... this place...

Aku:
Accursed Samurai. You have succeeded again in alluding my effort. But I am not worried for one day you will fail. [laughs hysterically]

Analyst:
What is wrong, friend? Odds are 3 to 1 you should have fun.

Samurai Jack:
I too desire to find my home. You see, in days long past, where rockets and robots were nowhere near creation, a young warrior forged into battle with Aku. At the point where victory was eminent, Aku tricked the warrior and flung him from his own time to a distant time in the future. To reclaim his homeland and undo the evil of Aku, the warrior has to find some sort of time passage home. Such a magic is difficult to find.

Analyst:
[impressed] Is that warrior you?

Mantoid:
You have been found guilty of breaking Aku Law 101 and 203: Habitation in an unauthorized facility, and unauthorized construction of an escape vehicle. Your punishment is extermination.

Samurai Jack:
You have insulted my footwear. [the three bikers laugh at him] My sandels don't like to be laughed at.

Grandmaster Tan Zang:
Speak, my son.

Jack:
Grandmaster, I am the pupil of Master Chu.

Grandmaster Tan Zang:
I am Tan Zang. I was also a pupil of Master Chu, with you, at the temple.

Jack:
How can this be?

Grandmaster Tan Zang:
I remember the day that you arrived at our temple. I was but a boy then. An emperor's son had come to learn our ways. You were training for your eventual battle with the ultimate evil. Eventually, Aku came for us and the temple was destroyed. But the survivors and I rebuilt the temple in secret. Over time, I became the grandmaster. The years passed and my chi grew more powerful. I became one with nature and received energy and nourishment from the earth itself. I have attained the highest levels of awareness and wisdom.

Monk A:
[the time portal has closed] He is free. We have done it.

Monk B:
[surrounded by stone warriors] We will not escape this. But we will die with honor.

Monk A:
Brother, why did you come back?

Jack:
You were prepared for sacrifice. I was not.

Monk B:
But with the portal closed, you will have to find another way home.

Jack:
[a little sadly] I'm getting used to that.

Lazzor:
We are forever grateful, great warrior, to your deeds done today. If there is anything that you seek, please honor us by letting us help you.

Samurai Jack:
There is one thing that I quest for.

Lazzor:
[an image of Aku appears in Lazzors eyes] Yes... I understand. Travel North, Samurai. There you will find a magical place that can help you fulfill your destiny...

Lazzor:
We are forever grateful, great warrior, for your deeds done today. If there is anything that you seek, please honor us, by letting us help you.

Max:
He... is... the one.

Samurai Jack:
Shinobi. Warrior of the night. Trained to use the darkness of the shadow. I know your arts as well. But I have been trained to use the light.

Da Samurai:
Aint's no bout adout that. Don't call me bad, call me: badder. I'm da Samurai dud who invented rude.

Da Samurai:
[pulls out his sword] And this here is my mama. Don't you talkin' bad about my momma. Or she'll give you a whoopin' aint that right, Mama? Hm-hm, hm-hm, that's right, baby. Cause... I... am... Da Samurai!

Samurai Jack:
You have not yet earned the right to face my blade.

The Scotsman:
I see you changed your wardrobe. Got tired o' wearin' your granny's jammies, were ya?

The Scotsman:
I got a bad feelin' about this.

The Scotsman:
Is she a fast ship?

Captain:
She's fast enough for you, Scots man. Whe're ya headed?

The Scotsman:
The great unknown.

Sailors:
Ooooooooooh...

Captain:
Arr, that's the real trick, isn't it? And it's gonna cost ya. Ten Thousand, in advance.

Brent Worthington:
Like ten thousand? Dude, we could like almost buy our own ship for that. Dude, I know this guy...

Captain:
Yeah... but who's gonna sail it, kid, you?

Brent Worthington:
Well, like, yeah, I could. I worked on a boat before.

[upon bringing Jack to a bustling sea port]

The Scotsman:
Ye will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy... and the crab cakes aren't bad either.

Samurai Jack:
I am forever in your debt.

The Scotsman:
Ah, don't mention it. So how've you been?

Samurai Jack:
[slips back into Brents voice] Like, totally cool.

The Scotsman:
What? [the both laugh it up]

Samurai Jack:
Jump good.

The Scotsman:
Yeah, yeah.

X-49:
Lulu... Sweet thing... I miss her. I hate the rain. It makes me all... sentimental.

X-49:
[after been defeated by Jack, about his dog] Lulu. Take care of Lulu.

X-49:
Seems like Aku got himself a little problem... a problem that won't go away... a samurai problem. I wanted nothing to do with it but that funny scientist informed Aku of my emotions. They got Lulu... sweet thing. I have no choice. Damn feelings. I came out of retirement.

Master Ning:
Aku's very essence is creeping through your veins, possesing your body, poisoning your mind. It means to devour your spirit.

Samurai Jack:
Please... help me... I beg you...

Master Ning:
You have been infected by pure evil which can only be purged by the light of good. The good within you.

Aku:
Once again, I am free to smite the world as I did in days long past.

Emperor:
[speaking to young Jack] When the evil shapeshifting wizard Aku arose from the bowels of hate to ravage our land. I was a young emperor at the time and was helpless against his powers. But I remembered our grandfather's-grandfather's stories about three monks, who were gifted with mystical powers. I rode to the highest peak of the mountainside, where the monks agreed to forge me an enchanted sword with great magic. Armed with the sword and the hope of my people, I plunged into battle against Aku. His evil was no match for the power of righteousness, and with the sword's magic, Aku's demon forces were implanted into the earth, forever petrifying him into the wasteland that he created. Through years of hard work, we have rebuilt our glorious past with hopes never to encounter an evil such as Aku again. Always be alert, my son, for the presence of evil is sometimes right behind you.

Aku:
Who dares to summon the Master of Masters, the Deliverer of Darkness, the Shogun of Sorrow, Aku?

Jack:
No matter what form you take, Aku, you will never defeat the side of righteousness.

Aku:
You are strong, yes. But in the future, my strength will surpass yours!

Samurai Jack:
There is no future for you, Aku!

Aku:
I disagree. [opens a time portal]

Samurai Jack:
What trickery is this? Aku...! [is sucked into the portal]

Aku:
Do not worry, samurai. You will see me again. But next time you shall not be so fortunate...

Odin:
This blade was forged from the righteous energy within thee.

Ra:
It possesses the power to destroy this evil force.

Rama:
But be warned. This evil is not of the human world. It has magic beyond your understanding. Trust not what you see, but what you feel.

Aku:
[Aku is surprised to have been hurt] How can this be?

Young Emperor:
This sword was forged from the strength and power of the human spirit. It represents all that is good. It's purpose is to destroy you.

Aku:
Bah!

Aku:
You: thank you.

Young Emperor:
No! My intention was to destroy you!

Aku:
Oh? [laughs] But it was your poisoned arrow and your hocus pocus that set me free. [more laughter]

Aku:
Fool! Nothing of this world can harm me. For I am Aku! The Shogun of sorrow, the deliverer of darkness. Your new master. And you will bow to me.

Samurai Jack:
Thanks are not necessary. It is my duty to oppose the minions of Aku and my mission to vanquish the very demon himself.

[a bug bot takes a step back]

Samurai Jack:
No, there is no escape.

Samurai Jack:
Aku's wrongs must be righted. Surely there is a way to reverse his spell. I will find a way back to my own time. There, I will finish what I started centuries ago, and defeat Aku's evil before it is ever unleashed!

Aku:
He is stronger than I remember. But no matter. For you see, little samurai, the world is mine! My eyes and ears are everywhere, nothing you do will go unseen! Quest as you may, but we will meet again when I see fit, in the time and place of my choosing! And it is I who shall put an end to the war started in that age long past, Samurai Jack! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

Spring:
What is your quest, young servant? What brings you through such bitter lands?

Samurai Jack:
My destiny... But it continues to be elusive. And so I journey on.

Ezekial Clench:
Josephine? What in tarnation are you doing here?

Mrs. Clench:
Well, it's nice to see you too, Ezekial.

Ezekial Clench:
Aw, shoot. There ain't never been nothin' nice about you, woman.

Mrs. Clench:
Now now, let's not get nasty, darlin'.

Ezekial Clench:
Don't call me darlin'.

Mrs. Clench:
Well, then don't act like a fool! I know what you're up to. You're after the bounty on that samurai.

Ezekial Clench:
And what business is it of yours?

Mrs. Clench:
I want in.

Ezekial Clench:
Pfft. Nooooo.

Mrs. Clench:
You need me. [Ezekial walks off] He's *better* than *you*.

Ezekial Clench:
[smiling] Ain't nobody better than me, woman. You oughta know that. Sides, the court says you ain't even supposed to come within a 150 feet of me, so back off.

Jack:
Looking for a seat?

Ezekial Clench:
Yep. Yours. I'm gonna make a lot of money cashin' in on your hide.

Jack:
I hear that often. But only from poor men.

Ezekial Clench:
Hmm, well, I got bills to pay, and I done already addressed the envelopes.

Jack:
[sighs] I hope you have yet to stamp the postage on your parcels, for you- [Clutch punches him] .

Ezekial Clench:
Consider 'em *stamped*.

Mrs. Clench:
[the Clenches are dangling from a high bridge after their bickering lost them Jack's bounty] Um, Zeke? Sugarplum? Maybe I was a might hasty.

Ezekial Clench:
Court says a 150 feet, woman. 150 FEET!

Princess Mira:
I have more power and skill than all of you.

Gentleman:
It seems her tongue bites as hard as her stick.

Princess Mira:
But even I cannot defeat the samurai on my own.

Gentleman:
What's that?

Princess Mira:
The only way to defeat him is to join forces and attack him together, all at once.

I:
A wize and powerful plan this would be...

Am:
...but who is the one to claim the bounty?

Princess Mira:
I am. [the others object]

Samurai Jack:
[When he is first asked his name, he relives some guys watching him fighting] They call me... Jack.

[Upon a planet of enslaved canine beings]

Jack:
I have seen Aku implement these atrocities before, but no more. Even dogs should not be forced to live like dogs.

African Chief:
Your father, the Emperor, shortly after you were born, gathered together the chiefs of all the great tribes of the world. We devised a plan. A plan that would prepare you for the ultimate battle against the ultimate evil. Aku must be destroyed and only you can wield your father's magic sword. Together you are the one instrument that can stop this evil.