Santa Clause

Little Elf Judy:
Not too hot. Extra chocolate. Shaken, not stirred.

Little Elf Judy:
Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing.

Scott Calvin:
Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?

Mr. Whittle:
You should see a doctor, a shrink, a dietician, anything.

E.L.F.S. Leader:
We're your worst nightmare. Elves with attitude.

Dr. Pete Novos:
I don't know Scott. You're as healthy as a horse.

Scott Calvin:
Yeah! Clydesdale!

Dr. Pete Novos:
So what? You put on a little weight.

Scott Calvin:
Weight? Does this look like a little weight to you?

Dr. Pete Novos:
Weight can fluctuate from year to year.

Dr. Pete Novos:
Fluctuate? You make it sound like I'm retaining water. I've gained 45 pounds in a week. Pete, what's happening to me?

Dr. Pete Novos:
Well what's your diet like?

Scott Calvin:
Milk and cookies.

Dr. Pete Novos:
Really?

Scott Calvin:
But I don't finish all the milk.

Dr. Pete Novos:
Well then there is your problem. Just try to cut back on the sweets, Okay?

Mr. Whittle:
I don't know what's happening to you. You're starting to look like the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Scott Calvin:
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! When I wake up, I'm getting a CAT scan!

Scott Calvin:
Here we are. Denny's. Always open.

Charlie:
I don't wanna eat here.

Scott Calvin:
What are you talking about? Everybody likes Denny's, it's an American institution.

Charlie:
Neil doesn't believe in Santa

Scott:
Well, Neil's head comes to a point.

Laura:
All Neil told him was that Santa was more of a feeling. More of a state of mind than an actual person.

Scott:
Kind of like Neil.

Scott Calvin:
You know, you look pretty good for your age.

Little Elf Judy:
Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping.

Scott Calvin:
Scott Calvin.

Scott Calvin:
Because Santa is... watching his saturated fats.

Scott Calvin:
Because I shaved!

Dr. Neil Miller:
Charlie, I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

Charlie:
That's okay, Neil. You were just denying your inner child.

Dr. Neil Miller:
You're going to make a great psychiatrist someday, kid.

Charlie:
Nah. I think that I'm going to go into the family business.

Bernard:
What's all this boo-hooin' going on here?

Scott:
Nothing, Bernard. I'm just saying good-bye.

Bernard:
What good-bye? Charlie, you've still got the glass ball I gave you, right?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Bernard:
Well, all you've got to do is shake it up whenever you want to see your dad. He can come visit you anytime, day or night.

Charlie:
Really?

Bernard:
Hey, have I ever steered you wrong?

Charlie:
Neal's a really good cook.

Scott Calvin:
Yeah, and you should see him walk on water.

Charlie:
You don't like him very much, do you Dad?

Scott Calvin:
Charlie, I was just kidding around. Of course I like Neal. But there's just something about him that makes me want to - -...

Charlie:
Lash out irrationally?

Scott Calvin:
Now, where did you hear that?

Charlie:
From Neal.

Charlie:
Whoa, Dad! You're flying!

Scott Calvin:
It's okay, I'm used to it. I lived through the '60s.

Scott Calvin:
Not necessarily. It could be rude, sarcastic, whatever it takes!

Scott Calvin:
Where is he?

Laura:
Well, he could be jumping on his bed wearing a red hat and galloshes.

Scott Calvin:
I don't care what Neil is doing. Where is Charlie?

Charlie:
These are Santa's reindeer, aren't they?

Scott Calvin:
I hope not. These are... A gift. Probably from the cable company. We're getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas.

Scott Calvin:
Well, isn't that a pretty picture, Santa rolling down the block in a PANZER! Well kids, I... I certainly hope you have been good this year, cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home. Incoming!

Neil:
What about Santa's reindeer? Have you even seen a reindeer fly?

Charlie:
Yes.

Neil:
Well, I haven't.

Charlie:
Have you ever seen a million dollars?

Neil:
No.

Charlie:
Just because you can't see something, doesn't mean is doesn't exist.

Scott Calvin:
Charlie, stay away from those things. They're reindeer, you don't know where they've been. They all look like they've got key lime disease.

Charlie:
Dad, can you leave some milk and cookies out just in case?

Scott Calvin:
Okay, I'll just go pre-heat the oven.

Charlie:
And don't forget the fire extinguisher!

Scott Calvin:
Good night, Charlie!

Scott Calvin:
This suit, you never know where it's been. A thousand malls. Well I hope you're happy, Comet. I hope you're happy, but most of all, I hope the guy that lives here IS A TAILOR!

Scott Calvin:
Who gave you permission to tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus? I think if we're going to destroy our son's delusions, I should be a part of it.

Charlie:
You said you believe in Santa Claus, right Dad?

Scott Calvin:
I did? I do!

Laura:
Here's Neil's mother's number.

Scott Calvin:
1-800-SPANK-ME? I know that number.

Bernard:
I'll ship the list to your house.

Scott Calvin:
What list?

Bernard:
You know, the list... He's making a list.

Charlie:
Checkin' it twice.

Scott Calvin:
Johnny, naughty. Gary, nice.

Scott Calvin:
Veronica, very nice.

Charlie:
Get the bag of toys.

Scott Calvin:
And do what?

Charlie:
Go down the chimney.

Scott Calvin:
Down the chimney? You want me to take the toys down the chimney into a strange house IN MY UNDERWEAR?

Scott:
Hey kid, kid... who's in charge here?

Scott Calvin:
Kris Kringle

Scott Calvin:
Sinter Klaas

Scott Calvin:
Pere Noel, Buono Natale, Pelz Nicole,

Scott Calvin:
Topo Gigio

Bernard:
Are you taking a coffee break?

Kid Elf:
We don't drink coffee.

Bernard:
Then,I GUEES THE BREAK IS OVER!

Bernard:
The Santa Clause. In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives all previous identities, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus, in perpituity to which time the wearer becomes unable to do so, by either accident or design.

Scott Calvin:
What does that mean?

Bernard:
It means: You put on the suit, you're the big guy