Saving Face

Vivian Shing:
Kiss me. Now. In front of all these people.

Wil:
Vivian Shing, I'm asking you to dance with me.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
So, when are you gonna have a baby?

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[in Mandarin] Is that how you speak to your ma who worked nights so you could eat? Who stayed in labor without painkillers so you wouldn't turn dim-witted like your cousin Jimmy? Had I known you would grow so ungrateful I would have held you in.

Wil:
One night without Chinese food isn't gonna kill her.

Wil:
How did you find out she was...?

Wai Po - Grandma:
The receptionist at the Manhattan clinic is married to one of Grandpa's former students.

Wil:
[in English] One billion Chinese people, two degrees of separation.

Wai Gung - Grandpa:
[in Mandarin] How can I not feel shame? My own rotten flesh has gotten pregnant without a husband. You don't think people will laugh at me? The professor speaks big words but can't control his own daughter?

Wai Po - Grandma:
Old man, this situation won't improve with yelling.

Wai Gung - Grandpa:
Don't come back until you have a husband to match the child.

Wil:
Ma, you can't give him a paper plate.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[in Mandarin] Safer this way. Throw it out afterwards.

Wil:
It's rude.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[in Mandarin] I'll give him two.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[in Mandarin] Your neighbor is loud and dark and eats too much soy sauce.

Wil:
[in Mandarin] Americans like soy sauce.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
I'm going to start eating less soy sauce so it won't stain the baby too dark.

Wil:
[in English] Ma, that's ridiculous.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
You eat less too, so you don't grow spots.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[passes soy sauce bottle to Jay]

Jay - Neighbor:
Thanks.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[smiles] Too late for him anyway.

Wil:
You don't have to talk so loud. And leave your shoes by the door.

Wil:
So how come we never met before now?

Vivian Shing:
We did meet. Nineteen years ago. I was 8, you were 9. Outside the temple.

Wil:
I don't remember.

Vivian Shing:
The Wong boys were taunting me about my parents' divorce. You beat the crap out of them. You were wearing a Kristy McNichol t-shirt, tan cords and a pageboy. You spilled your mom's groceries. We scooped them into a bag.

Wil:
That's right, and then...

Vivian Shing:
And then I kissed you on the nose. And you ran.

Vivian Shing:
I teach down at Arts Alliance... I'm teaching them how to fall without hurting themselves.

Wil:
I'll definitely be there tonight.

Vivian Shing:
"Definitely" definitely, or "definitely" maybe? You know, my friends are starting to think you don't exist.

Wil:
Trust me. I'll definitely, definitely be there.

Randi - Hospital Co-Worker:
You're meeting the friends? Prepare to be grilled.

Mrs. Shing:
[Leaving message on the answering machine] Hello, Viviea? This is your mother. Just calling to say hi. Hope your birthday good. Did Wil show up? Thought you may wanna talk after she leaves. Oh, maybe she's still there? Okay. Bye.

Wil:
Oh, my God. You talked to your mother about us?

Vivian Shing:
Yeah. So?

Wil:
"So"? Does she know we have sex?

Vivian Shing:
[sighs] No, Wil. She thinks we conjugate Latin verbs.

Wil:
Really?

Nurse #1:
Hey, there's a Mr. Fu. He's finishing a checkup with Mr. Morgan.

Wil:
Let me see his stats. [Looks over chart] Fifty-three, unmarried. Thyroid levels aren't where I'd like to see them, but overall pretty healthy. Okay. Be discrete but ask him if he's free Friday. [Leaves]

Randi - Hospital Co-Worker:
[turns and points at the nurse] "Book him, Dano."

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[in Mandarin] Chinese people cannot wear yellow.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
[in Mandarin] No one wants to see a 50-year-old Chinese woman look sexy.

Wil:
Ma, you're only 48.

[in Mandarin]

Wil:
Connie Chung's sexy, and she must be nearly 60.

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
Her show was cancelled.

Stimson Cho:
[in Mandarin] Younger people. Today they love you. Tomorrow [In English] who knows? [in Mandarin] It's better to stick with someone who can really understand you.

Wil:
It's been crazy. Vivian, there's a lot going on right now. I'm sorry if I... if this hurts.

Vivian Shing:
At least it's not a flesh wound. [gets up and walks away]

Vivian Shing:
Your hot dog got cold so I fed it to the birds.

Wil:
Careful. We don't wanna train them to eat flesh.

Vivian Shing:
How about this one? It's packed with peanuts

Wil:
and alot of other satisfying carcinogens.

Vivian Shing:
Sometimes your body knows what you really want

Little Girl:
Are you guys gonna kiss?

Wil:
Huh? No... what?

Little Girl:
Are you going to french kiss when you go to Paris?

Vivian Shing:
go play on the jungle gym

Vivian Shing:
What do you f***ing care what kind of dancing I do?

Wil:
Punish me by leaving me behind. Don't punish yourself by treating your dreams like they are for sh*t.

Wai Gung - Grandpa:
No fortunes to tell this morning, Old Yu?

Old Yu:
Most people don't want to hear the truth until after lunch.

Wai Gung - Grandpa:
Fate is for the lazy.

Vivian Shing:
Just tell her I'm a friend. A nice Chinese girl.

Wil:
You're not just a nice Chinese girl.

Vivian Shing:
I'll fake it.

[Wil and Ma watching a soap opera]

Wil:
Is that the good guy?

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
No, he's marrying her for money.

Wil:
Is that the good guy?

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
No, that's his brother.

Wil:
Who's that guy?

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
He's the most evil of them all, he wants to ruin her family to avenge a grudge.

Wil:
Who's the loser they're beating up?

Hwei-Lan Gao - Ma:
That's the good guy.

Vivian Shing:
[in Mandarin] Fish is good, Auntie.