Scary Movie 2

Brenda Meeks:
Cindy, this is just some bones. Would you run from Calista Flockhart?

Father McFeely:
F*** this.

Shorty Meeks:
Shut the f*** up, son.

Ray Wilkins:
I want you to talk dirty to me.

Brenda Meeks:
I don't know what to say, Ray.

Brenda Meeks:
I'm going to piss on your face, fart in your mouth, and sh*t all over these walls.

Brenda Meeks:
Too dirty?

Cindy Campbell:
Someone help. My p*ssy's gone crazy.

Little Bird:
You are the weakest link. Goodbye.

Ray Wilkins:
Uncle Ray Ray has a game for you.

Hanson:
HAhahHa, My germs.

Father McFeely:
How is she?

Mrs. Voorhees:
It's gotten worse Father. She won't eat. She won't talk to me. The child won't let me touch her.

Father McFeely:
Yes, sometimes you have to give them candy, first.

Dwight Hartman:
Let's split up.

Brenda Meeks:
Hold up! How come when anything bad happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say split up?

Theo:
She's right, we should stick together.

Dwight Hartman:
OK.

Dwight Hartman:
You, you and you, come with me.

Shorty Meeks:
Ain't that a b*tch.

Brenda Meeks:
We gonna die, y'all.

Shorty Meeks:
No. I need a place to stay. Momma Dukes kicked me out.

Shorty Meeks:
Yeah.

Shorty Meeks:
Free papers.

Cindy Campbell:
There's a poltergeist in the house!

Shorty Meeks:
NOOOOOO! PLEASE, GOD, NOOO! NOT A POLTERGEIST! What's a poltergeist?

Father McFeely:
Hi, I'm Father McFeely.

Mrs. Voorhees:
Yes, I'm so glad you're here.

Father McFeely:
I came as fast as I could. But you know at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin' before it starts pumpin'.

Father Harris:
And thank you God, for voting off that unholy b*tch Gerri from Survivor.

Professor:
Woah Woah woah WOAH Dwight.

Hanson:
Who's ready for a wing?

Dwight Hartman:
Yours or the turkeys?

Dwight Hartman:
Thanks, "Handyman".

Hanson:
I'm actually the caretaker. Oh, aren't those cool new skates? be careful with those, you don't want to fall and break something.

Dwight Hartman:
Oh, that's funny, that's funny. Let me give you a "hand."

Hanson:
Why, that's awful kind of you. Why don't you give me a "standing ovation?"

Dwight Hartman:
Why don't you "lift me up?"

Hanson:
Ha, ok, I see where this is going. You look familiar to me. Were you in "STOMP"?

Dwight Hartman:
You can kiss my grits.

Hanson:
I think I'll be the bigger man, now, and walk away. "Walk" away.

Dwight Hartman:
How about I take these two legs... and shove them right up your ass - all the way to the knee.

Alex:
Why won't you talk to me?

Hell House Ghost:
Because you gave me crabs.

Hanson:
My bottom's coming through... watch for fanny, make room for fanny...

Dwight Hartman:
I know what you're thinking. Did I fire three shots or a hundred and seventeen? Well, do you feel lucky... punk? Do you... feel lucky?

Dwight Hartman:
Do you feel lucky, punk?

Hell House Ghost:
Shoot me, motherf***er!

Dwight Hartman:
I know what you thinking. That I fire three shots or a hundred and seventeen? Well, do you feel lucky,

Dwight Hartman:
punk? Do you

Dwight Hartman:
feel lucky?

Dwight Hartman:
Do you feel lucky, punk?

Hell House Ghost:
Shoot me, motherf***er.

Buddy:
Are you OK, Dwight?

Dwight Hartman:
I can't... I can't feel my legs.

Dwight Hartman:
Aaahahaha, I can't feel my legs.

Ray Wilkins:
You never could.

Dwight Hartman:
You stay out of this, all right?

Alex:
God is good. God is great. But not all the time, sometimes he could be a real a**hole. Praying for 24 years, not one goddamn message on my answering machine. If you're listening and I know you're up there, thanks for all this food, since it's the least you could do. Amen. Let's eat.

Hanson:
Hello, Cindy.

Cindy:
(screaming) Oh my God, Brenda! We're gonna die!

Brenda:
It would have just been you if you had just, shut the f*** up!

Exorcist Party Go-ers:
(singing) Shake ya ass! Watch ya self! Shake ya ass! Show me what you workin' with!

Mrs. Voorhees:
(singing) Attention, all you young players and pimps, right now is the place to be.

Father Harris:
(singing) I thought I told y'all niggas before, y'all niggas don't f*** with me!

Father McFeely:
Let us pray.

Father Harris:
Our Father...

Hugh Kane/Megan Vorhees:
(laughs excessively in a deep voice)

Father Harris:
Stop it!

Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees:
(continues laughing)

Father Harris:
Zip it!

Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees:
(laughs some more)

Father McFeely:
Thy kingdom come...

Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees:
Your mother sucks c*cks in Hell!

Father McFeely:
Oh, sh*t...

Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees:
(laughs)

Father McFeely:
(pulls out a gun) Suck on this.

Hugh Kane/Megan Voorhees:
Uh-oh.

(he shoots her, and the title screen appears)

Cindy:
(singing terribly along with the radio to Vitamin C and swerving all over the road) As we go on, We remember, All the times we, Had together, And as our lives change, Come whatever, We will still be Friends Forever. -

(suddenly the music comes to an abrupt stop)

Vitamin C:
Hey! Will you shut the f*** up and let me sing?!

Ghost Voice:
(distantly) Cindy! I want you to know to what happened to me... Look in the music room! Check the music room!

Cindy:
Where are you?

Ghost Voice:
(very clear) Check the f***ing music room!

Dwight:
Heh-hey! Hey there little guy, how are you doing?

Parrot:
F*** off, four eyes!

Dwight:
H... h... I beg your pardon?

Parrot:
I said: "F*** off... four eyes."

Dwight:
You know, I oughta kick your ass-!

Shorty:
Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Relax, son, it's just a bird. Hi, little birdy... Polly want a cracker?

Parrot:
Polly want your mama's sweet ass!

Shorty:
(stunned) What did Polly say to me?

Parrot:
I said: "Polly wants your mama's... sweet ass".

Shorty:
You don't be talking 'bout my mama son, you don't know my mama, son!

Parrot:
Yeah, I know your mama, I f***ed her last night.

Shorty:
You want beef?! I'll f*** you up!

Parrot:
Ooooh! I'm shaking, I'm shaking!

Shorty:
Aw no, f*** this, I'm handling this sh*t like a gentleman, y'all. Hold my tooth, son.

Parrot:
Yeah, come on, b*tch, you and that Kotter's hairstyle wanna piece of me?! Come on, bring it on!

Shorty:
What, you hardcore?! Gimme somethin'!

Parrot:
Let me outta here, come on, p*ssy! Let me outta here, I'll f*** you up!

Dwight Hartman:
Let's split up.

Brenda:
Unh-unh, unh-unh, unh-unh, unh-unh-UNH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary sh*t happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?

Theo:
She's right, we should stick together.

Dwight:
She's right. Okay. (pointing to Cindy, Buddy and Theo in the group) You three, follow me!

(Shorty, Brenda, and Ray are left alone)

Shorty:
Ain't that a b*tch?

(the three of them begin to cry)

Brenda:
We gonna die, y'all.

Dwight:
I know what you thinking. Did I fire three shots or 117? Well, do you feel lucky, (pause) punk? Do you (pause) feel lucky? (says faster) Do you feel lucky, punk?

Hugh Kane:
(deep, growling voice) Shoot me, motherf***er!

Father Harris:
[while exorcising Megan] Holy Lord, Almighty Father, Everlasting God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the Virgin Mary's baby daddy, Holy Lord, Almighty Father, Everlasting God, who once concerned that Fallen Tyrant to the flames of Hell, who sent your only Son in the world to crush that Roaring Tiger, and who got that unholy b*tch Jerri kicked off of Survivor!

Father Mcfeely:
[grunting on the toilet] Oh, God. Please, Lord, help me to release this demon! (groans and farts forcefully and is relieved) Ahh! Thank you, Lord, the most merciful Almighty. Oh... hold on. (farts forcefully again) Ahhh, ah! Oh, those enchiladas!

Professor:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Dwight. I say when we pull the plug. We're about to make the scientific discovery of the century, and I am this close to getting laid.

Parrot:
Check it out. You ever seen a bird dick this big? Too much for ya, eh, honey? Well, step off, sweet cheeks! Come back when you want some real love.

Parrot:
(to Cindy) Oh, God, will you shut the f*** up! Why couldn't you have just left me there to die?! Give me a f***in' rope, I'll hang myself! (grabs the stick he's sitting on with his beak, hanging from it) Here I go, I'll hang myself!

Parrot:
God damn it, what the f*** did you put in this birdseed?! (screams as bird poop sprays the wall) God, that was a big one!

Father Mcfeely:
(as Megan's head spins around, Father McFeely turns to leave) F*** this!