Scenes from a Gay Marriage

Darren:
[while listening to neighbors] He's lying. He didn't go to the movie.

Luce:
How do you even know what f***in' movie they're talking about?

Darren:
I was there.

Luce:
What'd you do, comb the theater? Do you have a part-time job as an usher?

Darren:
One: a subtitled movie on a Wednesday night in Nashville doesn't exactly draw a crowd.

Luce:
Okay, that's fair.

Darren:
Two: I went to purposely bump into him.

Luce:
What?

Darren:
He's f***ing lying!

Luce:
Okay, he's lying! But do you realize that this says way more about you than it does about him?

Darren:
That phone call proves everything.

Greg:
All the phone call proves is that you were hiding under their bed!

Greg:
I'm glad to see you've learned how to burgle.

Greg:
I'm sure it would be his honor to shave your back for as long as you both shall live.

Greg:
Financial stability is very important.

Luce:
Not as important as not throwing up when someone takes their clothes off.

Luce:
I don't understand how he did not hear or sense or *smell* what was going on in there.

[last lines]

Joe:
Is there something we need to talk about?

Darren:
No.

Luce:
I can't stand when gay guys do that. They act like f***in' vaginas are some kind of toxic wasteland and the grossest thing ever.

Darren:
They are.

Luce:
Uh, first of all, you came out of one. Second of all, you stick your dick in place that sh*t comes out of. I can't think of anything worse.