Seven Periods with Mr Gormsby

Steve Mudgeway:
You're making a very big mistake.

Mr. Dasent:
Gormsby is now permanent staff. [nodding] Shove that up your branch executive.

[Steve feigns a smile, then glares before getting up and walking out without another word]

Lauren:
[after Steve leaves, grinning] That was fantastic Roger.

Mr. Dasent:
Eh? [nodding] Did feel pretty good... but if you'll excuse me Lauren, I've got trousers to change.

Mr. Gormsby:
Bastabus, keep reading Robert Louis Stevenson, then consider Melville. Le Tissier, when you've finished Sweet Valley High, you might like to try Jane Austen. Afioga, when you can cope with "Hairy MacLary" without assistance from Hohepa, try "The Nickelnackel Tree".

Mr. Gormsby:
[while watching Afioga, Hohepa and Alupepe perform their hip hop dance routine] Stop, stop. There'll be none of your spray-can gangsta rap in Gormsby's hood.

Afioga:
It's dancing.

Mr. Gormsby:
It's not dancing, it's epilepsy.

Mr. Gormsby:
Your social studies teacher, Miss Agnes Marie Theresa O'Flaherty, is away. Having an abortion.

Mr. Morton:
Come on, Gormsby's not that bad.

Lesley Tangaroa:
Yes he is. Remember the last time he was here? He used the cane.

Mr. Morton:
Yeah, but it was legal back then.

Lesley Tangaroa:
On a student teacher?

Fenn Partington:
She almost miscarried.

Mr. Gormsby:
I wasn't going to Roger you - this isn't a Catholic school.

Mr. Gormsby:
...you won't get any of your namby-pamby Witi Ihimaera, lesbian awareness week, Maori magic mumbo-jumbo realism with Gormsby.

Mr. Gormsby:
I wouldn't count on old Gormsby going AWOL boys. I haven't had a day of sick leave in my life. You won't find me running off to the P.P.T. bloody A, going on strike, holding balloons, singing nursery rhymes so I can get a payrise, extra holidays, tangi leave... and a warm flannel to wipe my boyfriend's bottom with!

[Hohepa enters and takes his seat]

Mr. Gormsby:
Ah, Mr. Hohepa I presume? Everyone else managed to reconnoitre at eleven hundred hours.

Hohepa:
Oh yeah, um... I had to go to guidance.

Mr. Gormsby:
[sarcastic] Oh Mr Hohepa's a tad depressed is he? Lets send him to Steve from Guidance for some Tibetan shoulder bag, mung bean, "I didn't do my homework because Mummy had cracked nipples when she was breastfeeding me" counselling eh?

Mr. Gormsby:
Sit down Bastabus. Of course I wasn't going to roger you, this isn't a Catholic school.

Mr. Gormsby:
The retarded boy has got to learn. And the first thing he's got to learn is that he's retarded.

Mr. Gormsby:
Stop bleeding Bastabus! Only girls bleed.