Sex Drive

Ian:
Holy buckets...she wants me to give her the D.

Lance:
Who's gonna pound on it? Say it: 'Ian's gonna pound on it.'

Lance:
I can't believe I'm banging an Amish chick. I mean seriously, what are the odds?

Lance:
Oh, did you have a moment? A little moment? You're an idiot.

Rex:
Which do you like better, the shaft or the balls?...You like 'em both, don't you.

Rex:
Put a little sack into it, powder puff.

Rex:
No way. No way my little brother's takin' it in the chili ring! You go and bang a female woman like the good Lord intended. And Ian...fill up the tank, would ya, buddy? Cause it's gettin' a little low.

Andy/Randy:
I'm into you, and...I'm hard.

Andy/Randy:
Hey, I was born to fertilize!

Andy/Randy:
Do you have a phone number? ...You don't! Oh, okay.

Andy/Randy:
You should pee on us!

Andy/Randy:
You gotta get the monkey.

Andy/Randy:
Nice hair. It'd look...look better in my crotch.

Ezekiel:
What up, English?

Ezekiel:
I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. And gambling...went to Vegas once. [pause] And buttf***ing.

Girl at Theme Park:
I would've blown, you know!

Randy:
You wear thong underpants?

Andy:
You want us to take our shirts off?

Randy:
Where do you live?

Andy:
Is your mom hot too?

Randy:
Where do you live?

Andy:
What's your address?

Randy:
You like pizza?

Ian:
Where do you guys get the confidence to, like, hit on every girl you see?

Randy:
Cause we're the sh*t.

Andy:
Yeah, you oughta know that, b*tch.

Angry Cop:
Drop the weapon, donut man! Okay, put your hands on your head! Both hands, a**hole!

Ian:
I can't move the other arm.

Angry Cop:
Who said that? Who said that?

Ian:
l can't move the other arm. Sir, I'm not resisting. it's foam, sir.

Angry Cop:
The big Mexican won't go down! Take the shot!

Ian:
Holy sh*t.

Felicia:
Jesus! Hold your fire! Hold your fire, okay? He is not the bad guy! She is the car thief. Right there. The blond, in a belt for a skirt.

Ian:
Hey, sir. I've got something yummy for your little girl.