Sexy Beast

Gal:
This is madness, I've had enough of this "Crime and Punishment" bollocks. I'm happy here.

Don:
I won't let you be happy, why should I?

Gal:
I'd be useless.

Don:
Useless?

Gal:
I would be.

Don:
In what way?

Gal:
In every f***ing way.

Don:
Why are you swearing? I'm not swearing.

Don:
I love you, Gal. You're lovable. Big lovable bloke.

Don:
I f***ed Jackie. Dirty cow. During what we were doing, she tried to stick her finger up my bum. I nearly hit the roof, you can imagine. I mean, what have you got to think of a woman who'd want to do that?

Don:
Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Gal:
I am going to have to turn this opportunity down.

Don:
No, you are going to have to turn this opportunity yes!

Don:
You're gonna have to turn this opportunity yes!

Don:
Shut up, c*nt. You louse. You got some f***in' neck ain't you. Retired? F*** off, you're revolting. Look at your suntan, it's leather, it's like leather man, your skin. We could make a f***ing suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like f***ing Idi Amin, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?

Don:
What you think this is the wheel of fortune? You think you can make your dough and f*** off? Leave the table? Thanks Don, see you Don, off to sunny Spain now Don, f*** off Don. Lying in your pool like a fat blob laughing at me, you think I'm gonna have that? You really think I'm gonna have that, ya ponce. All right, I'll make it easy for you. God knows you're f***ing trying. Are you gonna do the job? It's not a difficult question, are you gonna do the job, yes or no?

Gal:
No!

Don:
Yes!

Gal:
No!

Don:
Yes!

Gal:
No!

Don:
Fat c*nt!

Gal:
No, No, No!

Don:
Yes, Yes, Yes!

Don:
Talk to me, Gal. I'm here for you. I'm a good listener.

Gal:
What can I say, Don? I've said it all. I'm retired.

Don:
Shut up.

Don:
I gotta change my shirt, it's sticking to me. I'm sweating like a c*nt.

Teddy Bass:
Where there's a will - and there is a f***ing will - there's a way - and there is a f***ing way

Don:
You got very nice eyes, DeeDee. Never noticed them before. They real?

Don:
But quite frankly your attitude appalls me. It's not what you're saying. It's all this stuff you're not saying. Insinnuendos.

Gal:
Oh, yeah. Bloody hell. I'm sweating in here. Roasting. Boiling. Baking. Sweltering. It's like a sauna. Furnace. You can fry an egg on my stomach. Ohh, who wouldn't lap this up? It's ridiculous. Tremendous. Fantastic. Fan-dabby-dozy-tastic.

Gal:
People say, "Don't you miss it, Gal?" I say, "What, England? Nah. F***ing place. It's a dump. Don't make me laugh. Grey, grimy, sooty. What a sh*t hole. What a toilet. Every c*nt with a long face shuffling about, moaning, all worried. No thanks, not for me." They say, "What's it like, then, Spain?" And I'll say, "It's hot. Hot. Oh, it's f***ing hot. Too hot? Not for me, I love it."

Don:
You're the problem! You're the f***ing problem you f***ing Dr White honkin' jam-rag f***ing spunk-bubble! I'm telling you Aitch you keep looking at me I'll put you in the f***ing ground, promise you!

Don:
Not this time, Gal. Not this time. Not this f***ing time. No. No no no no no no no no no! No! No no no no no no no no no no no no no! No! Not this f***ing time! No f***ing way! No f***ing way, no f***ing way, no f***ing way! You've made me look a right c*nt!

Teddy Bass:
If I cared, Gal, if I f***ing cared.

Aitch:
Look, with this pill, they say you take it and that's it. Your hair don't grow, you don't go bald, it stays the same. You have your hair cut once, in whatever style you want, and it stays like that for the rest of your natural life. It's completely revolutionary.

Jackie:
What if you get fed up with your style, you berk?

Aitch:
Ahh... Well, that's where the antidote comes in. The whole process is reversible. You just take a different pill. Now, I'm not saying this is gonna happen next year but it will happen, it's definitely coming. Hairdressers are shitting themselves.

Jackie:
[cracking up laughing] Shut up!

Aitch:
They did a test with three monkeys, right? Gave 'em all a Beatles-style haircut. They've been living with that cut for the past two years. And apparently, they're very happy with it.

Don:
[Barely alive] I f***ed Jackie. F***ed her. Ask her, she'll tell you. I f***ed her.

Aitch:
Yeah, well I've f***ed you now, haven't I?

[crushes Don's head with a rock]

Don Logan:
You're on two per cent, two and a half, maybe even three. Depends on the usual bumflufferies. It's not about the money with you and me is it, Gal? It's the charge, it's the bolt, it's the buzz, it's the sheer f*** off-ness of it all. Am I right?

Don Logan:
Yeah, that's what I said. There's me putting my bag up in the cupboard next thing ya know, I feel hands on me. Someone's touched me, touched my front... my front bottom. I can't believe it, I've gone all cold. I look around, he standing there isn't he? That steward with the guilty look on his face. I was shocked, I didn't know what to say. I had to sit down, I was that perturbed. Then his mate, the other one who was giving us all lessons on what we do if we land in the sea. How to wear your life jacket etc; He starts off, he starts looking at my all funny... suggestive. Now I don't know if they're wanting me for a twosome or something, I don't know how they work it. But I'll tell you what, it scared me. I was shaking like a leaf, so without thinking I lit up a cigarette to calm me nerves. I was trembling, I was very emotional and that when all the rest of it happened. It's very regrettable. Now, I don't want to kick up a fuss, right, press charges... contact the British embassy. I'd rather not pursue those channels, that's not my style. I'm not that sort of a bloke. I don't want to lose the man his job. Man's got to eat. And I'm sure he's not representative of all you Spanish people. But I would appreciate it if you had a word with him, let him know he's been rumbled. The one with the ginger hair.

Gary "Gal" Dove:
You were right Don. Technically speaking, you were right. But you're dead. So shut up.

Teddy Bass:
[raising his glass] Gentlemen! You're all c*nts.