Shanghai Kiss

Joe Silverman:
Listen to yourself, man! You're moving to Shanghai for a girl! A *Chinese* girl for Godsakes!

Liam Liu:
This is not just about the girl.

Joe Silverman:
Then what is it?

Liam Liu:
It just -- it *feels* right! I'm Chinese. I gotta go back to my roots.

Joe Silverman:
[scoffs] All right, slow down, Kunta Kinte. You don't even speak Chinese. What the hell are you gonna do? What, drive a rickshaw?

Liam Liu:
I can learn Chinese.

Joe Silverman:
Learn Chinese?! Liam, you barely speak English!

Liam Liu:
Don't call me Liam. Liam's my slave name.

Joe Silverman:
Cute.

Liam Liu:
Every time I go out on something, Joe, it's always for some Kung Fu Deli Store Computer Chinese...

Joe Silverman:
You're a Chinese guy, you're gnna go for roles for little Chinese guys.

Liam Liu:
That is bullshit, I was born in New York, how about a role for somebody in New York?

Joe Silverman:
Nobody asked you to quit college and try your hands in the lucrative world of motion picture and television.

Liam Liu:
What am I gonna do with a degree, I'm gonna spend 8 hours a day, trapped in a little cubicle, making one of those desktop zen guards.

Adelaide Bourbon:
[to Liam] To Shanghai? Who moves to Shanghai? No one does that, no one moves to Shanghai!

Adelaide Bourbon:
I feel so shi**y now!

Adelaide Bourbon:
F*** Sugar Sally, f*** her up her sugary a**!

Casting Director:
So... you know Kung Fu?

Liam Liu:
[Caught off guard] Er...

Casting Director:
What Color belt are you?

Liam Liu:
Er... I... I... I don't have a belt. Oh... you know what I love? I love suspenders.

Casting Director:
You don't know martial arts?

Liam Liu:
No...

Casting Director:
It says on your resume that you know martial arts.

Liam Liu:
Is... is there martial arts in this commercial? I thought it was for toothpaste?