Shanghai Noon

Princess Pei Pei:
Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him?

Medicine Man:
Don't worry, it could be worse - he could be a white guy.

Chon Wang:
Why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack them when they come in?

Roy O'Bannon:
Oh, does the sick prisoner routine still work in China? 'Cause here, it's been done to death.

Chon Wang:
See! I told you it would work!

Roy O'Bannon:
No, you said "wet shirt not break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!

Roy O'Bannon:
Ooooh... who's the pretty lady?

Chon Wang:
That's my wife!

Roy O'Bannon:
How long you been in this country?

Chon Wang:
Four days.

Roy O'Bannon:
Nice work.

Roy O'Bannon:
My name's Roy O'Bannon.

Chon Wang:
Chon Wang.

Roy O'Bannon:
"John Wayne"? That's a terrible cowboy name. That's not going to work. And neither is the ponytail.

Marshal Nathan Van Cleef:
How about that? It's a Mexican standoff. Only we ain't got no Mexicans.

Chon Wang:
He took the gold.

Roy O'Bannon:
Is that all you care about, the gold? Shame on you.

Roy O'Bannon:
Now I'm gonna have to get rid of my outlaw name, it just won't work anymore. My real name's Wyatt Earp.

Roy O'Bannon:
We're not pinatas, we're men!

Roy O'Bannon:
You've lost your "winging it" privileges!

Roy O'Bannon:
I don't know Karate but I do know crazy, and I will use it.

Marshal Nathan Van Cleef:
That's some nice hardware you got there

Roy O'Bannon:
Stop looking at my package you twisted son of a b*tch!

Chon Wang:
What happened?

Roy O'Bannon:
Oh nothing I just killed him, how'd you do?

Roy O'Bannon:
The Shanghai Kid. This is terrible!

Chon Wang:
I know. I'm not from Shanghai.

Chon Wang:
You gave me bad directions!

Roy O'Bannon:
No, I gave you wrong directions.

Chon Wang:
Fight with honor. You will win.

Lo Fong:
One thing about the Chinese, Mr. Andrews. We do not renegotiate.

Roy O'Bannon:
Holy crap, the vultures are eating my head!

Roy O'Bannon:
Roy! Invincible!

Chon Wang:
This is the West, not the East. The sun may rise where we come from... but here is where it sets.

Roy O'Bannon:
I feel like there's this gap between us. It's like I'm a cowboy, you're an Indian. You say wampum, I say money. It is so important, I just think that -

Falling Leaves:
(kisses Roy) Shut up, Roy. You talk too much.

Roy O'Bannon:
That's right, Johnny Wayne's here.

Roy O'Bannon:
Yes, John, I've heard all about the Emperor. Must be one heck of a guy.

Chon Wang:
He's only twelve.

Roy O'Bannon:
That's just great. You're hanging here, waiting to die for some guy whose balls haven't even dropped.

Roy O'Bannon:
First time you ever see an outlaw?

Roy O'Bannon:
Scared? Kind of excited, too? All mixed up? Yeah. Last train we robbed we were naked it was so hot out.

Chon Wang:
Dig.

Roy O'Bannon:
Hey!

Chon Wang:
Don't talk. Just dig.

Roy O'Bannon:
Just relax.

Roy O'Bannon:
Is that relaxed? You look sort of rigid there.

Roy O'Bannon:
Let me put it this way. My horse is definitely not my best friend.

Jedediah's wife:
They're not like any Injuns I ever seen, Jedediah.

Jedediah:
That's because they're not Injuns, woman. They're Jews!

Roy O'Bannon:
You gotta be able to laugh at stuff like that. Like me in the desert. I don't hold any grudges; I laugh about it. I'm not angry at you. You just left me there with chopsticks to die. Roy, all by his lonesome, just me and the buzzards, pickin' at my head... You're a very silent man, aren't you?

Sioux Chief:
Daughter, husbands like Man-Who-Fights-in-Dress don't come along every day.

Chon Wang:
Never touch my queue.

Roy O'Bannon:
Never interrupt a man in the middle of a duel!

Roy O'Bannon:
I'm so lost, Chon. Ninety percent of the time I don't even know what I'm doing out here in the West.

Chon Wang:
No, you're a good outlaw.

Roy O'Bannon:
Stop, please. I'm a screw-up.

Roy O'Bannon:
You blew it. Whoo, you blew it, man. You did not want to cut his hair off, trust me.

Chon Wang:
What happened my horse? Is he dead?

Roy O'Bannon:
No, but we are, Chon.

Chon Wang:
Hi, horsey!

Roy O'Bannon:
These guns are really weird.

Roy O'Bannon:
Maybe we should let bygones be bygones. You got off some good shots, I got off some good ones. Let's call it a tie.

Roy O'Bannon:
Reach for the sky, Baldy!

Wallace:
Reach for the sky, O'Bannon, ha ha!

Roy O'Bannon:
That's my line. He stole my gang, he's stealing my lines. It's unbelievable!

Roy O'Bannon:
There's more to life than money. I hope you learn that one day.

Roy O'Bannon:
Is that her? She's pretty! Grab her!

Chon Wang:
We stick together. We are partners.

Roy O'Bannon:
That's beautiful.

Marshal Nathan Van Cleef:
Pretty impressive hardware you have there, O'Bannon...

Roy O'Bannon:
Quit looking at my package, you sick son of a b*tch!