Shark Tale

Ernie:
Oscar!

Bernie:
Did you kill him?

Oscar:
Yeah, Yeah. Exactly how it looked; that's how it is. Remember this name: Oscar The Sharkslayer!

Don Lino:
I tell you what's what, and what?

Sykes:
What?

Don Lino:
What what?

Sykes:
What what nothin'. You said what first.

Don Lino:
I didn't say what first.

Sykes:
You said "and then what?' and I said "what?'

Don Lino:
No, I said what, what?

Sykes:
...You said what first.

Angie:
What did you expect? You just take credit for killing a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy?

Angie:
Sometimes, I wanna take your big, dumb, dummy head, and just nyhhhh!

Angie:
Hello, Oscar. You forgot...

Angie:
... your shark!

Oscar:
Are you not entertained?

Oscar:
You Can't Handle The Truth!

Oscar:
You had me at hello!

Lola:
The only thing I like more than money is... revenge.

Lenny:
Mom says it's not okay to hit!

Angie:
You don't have to live at the top of the reef to be somebody.

Oscar:
He trips underwater. Now who in the halibut trips underwater? And by the way, on what?

Oscar:
Ernie! Bernie! Booyakah!

Lola:
I should have, you know. I am extremely superficial.

Oscar:
You dig, dawg?

Lenny:
Dig dawg... , dawg dig, dig dawg, yeah, yo diggy dog!

Lenny:
Here I come! Ta-da! I'm Sabastian! The whale washing dolphin!

Angie:
Okay, somebody needs to get me out of the bubble. TODAY.

Shrimp:
Say 'ello to my little friends!

Oscar:
Yippee-ki-yay...

Ernie:
Sykes' Whale Wash... and the price... oh!

Sykes:
It's "Sykes Whale Wash; And the price..."Oh My Gosh!'"

Ernie:
Hello, Sykes' Whale Wash; And the price...

Ernie:
OH MY GOSH!

Bernie:
Hey, you got it right.

Sykes:
My brother, my player, the shark-slayer!

Ernie:
Syke's Whale Wash. You get a whale of a wash and the price... eh... is really really low.

Bernie:
X, circle, X X, double left square, right trigger down, square, square.

Oscar:
Sometimes I just be coughing for nothin'!

Lenny:
[to the worm] Hi. I'm Lenny. [worm faints]

Lenny:
Oh, little buddy, did I scare you? I'm sorry.

Lenny:
Wake up. Wake up. Okay, don't worry about it, I'll get you out in a jiffy. Keep holding your breath, little wormie.

Male Voice:
Yo, Lenny.

Lenny:
I'm coming, Frankie.

Frankie:
Move it. Come on. Pop's waiting.

Lenny:
Here we go. And gotcha. Okay, buddy, you're free. Now escape. Just go. Cry freedom. [shrieks] Oh. You almost gave me a heart attack.

Frankie:
Lenny, what are you doing?

Lenny:
Well, I was just...picking you some flowers. [Frankie slaps the flowers out of Lenny's fins]

Lenny:
Hey, Mom says it's not okay to hit.

Frankie:
[slaps Lenny] Mom's not here. [hums the Jaws theme]

Lenny:
Don't. Don't. [groans] That song gives me the creeps.

Frankie:
Whaddya mean? It's our theme song.

Don Lino:
What do you mean you don't understand? What's there to understand. We've been over this 1,000 times. I don't want to have to say it again. You know, you're really giving me agita, you know that. I don't know what else to say this. Lenny, you see something, you kill it, you eat it. Period. Thanks. That's what sharks do. That's a fine tradition. What's the matter with you? Your brother, Frankie, here, he's a killer.

Frankie:
Thanks, Pop.

Don Lino:
He's beautiful. He does what he's supposed to do. Wipe your face, but you... I'm hearin' things. You gotta understand when you look weak, it makes me look weak.

Lenny:
I know.

Don Lino:
I can't have that.

Lenny:
Pop, I'm sorry.

Don Lino:
Lenny. Lenny. Look at me. Look at me. This handin' over the business is for both of us and you're acting like you don't even want it. I need to know you can handle that. [sighs] [splutters] Alright, alright. Right here in front of me now, eat this.

Lenny:
[whimpers] Gee, thanks, Pop. Here's the thing. I'm on a diet. And I read an article about these shrimps, they're not good for ya. I tell you. You know how many calories are in one of those shrimps? A lot.

Shrimp:
It's true. It's true and the other thing is, my sister had a baby and I took it over because she passed away, and then the baby lost its legs, and its arms and he doesn't put a stump, but I still take care of it with my wife and it's growing and it's fairly happy, but it's difficult 'cause I've been working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table, but all the love and I see that little guy's face makes worth it in the end. True story.

Don Lino:
[sighs] I'm not askin' you anymore. I'm tellin' you. Eat it!

Shrimp:
No, have mercy!

Lenny:
Pop, please...

Don Lino:
Eat!

Shrimp:
No eat!

Don Lino:
Son, eat the shrimp! Please!

Lenny:
No, please.

Don Lino:
Lenny! Eat, eat, eat!

Lenny:
Put the shrimp down! [Lenny grabs the shrimp and lets it go.] Go now. No one's looking. Get out of here. You're free now, go on. Go. Go.

Shrimp:
You're a good person. [glares at Lino, then gestures to some other shrimp] Come on, fellas.

Frankie:
Pop, I can handle the reef. It's not a problem.

Don Lino:
No. No. We're gonna do this as a family. Frankie, I want you to take Lenny out, and show him the ropes.

Frankie:
Oh, come on, Pop.

Don Lino:
Son, you're gonna learn how to be a shark. Whether you like it or not.

Blue Shrimp:
Yup. It's fake.

Clam:
Fake? I worked eight years on that!

Oscar:
Hey, Crazy Joe!

Crazy Joe:
Now you live in a great penthouse, can I be your financial advisor?

Oscar:
That's a billboard, Crazy Joe.

Crazy Joe:
You live in a billboard? And they call me crazy!

Don Lino:
I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what?

Sykes:
What?

Don Lino:
What "what"?

Sykes:
"What, what" nothin'. You said "what" first.

Don Lino:
I didn't say what first. I asked you what.

Sykes:
No, you said "And then what?", and I said "What?"

Don Lino:
[confused] No, I said "what what", like what, what?

Sykes:
You said "what" first.

Don Lino:
[annoyed] Now you're making fun of me?

Sykes:
No, no, no, no, you misunderstood.

Frankie:
Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born.

Lenny:
[sarcastic laughter] You're a comic genius.

Sykes:
Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer.

Don Lino:
My Lenny is a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him!

[Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head.]

Sykes:
Huh?

Don Lino:
That's it! That is it! You are out!

Sykes:
What? [inflates; high-pitched] Whaddya mean I'm "out"?

Don Lino:
You're fired! [shoves Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room] And on top of that, you're gonna have to start payin' me!

Sykes:
For what?

Don Lino:
So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours.

Sykes:
All right. 'Cause I like you, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to pay up.

Oscar:
All of it? How am I supposed to do that?

Sykes:
That's your problem. Bring me 5,000 clams to the track tomorrow, or else.

Oscar:
Or else what?

Sykes:
The boys will explain.

Oscar:
He was the #1 tongue scrubber. Every year for 25 years. To me, working at the Wash, was the coolest job in the ocean. But then I learned something I will never forget.

Male Fish Student:
Oscar's dad's a tongue scrubber!

Fish Students:
Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber!

Ernie and Bernie: [sing] Don't worry About a thing 'Cause every little thing Is gonna be all right.

Ernie:
This is how you sing it, Oscar.

Bernie:
Yeah.

Ernie:
Sykes, he like you, mon.

Bernie:
Him say take it easy on you.

Ernie:
But Sykes is not here. [laughs]

Bernie:
True.

Bernie:
Ernie, let me ask you a question.

Ernie:
Yeah, mon? Go on.

Bernie:
Why is it that me locks can sting other people, but they have no effect on me or you? [zaps Ernie, who screams] Ernie. I didn't mean it, Ernie. I didn't mean it, man. Ernie. [Ernie laughs] Ernie, you made a joke. Good one, man. Respect.

Ernie:
Respect.

Bernie:
Bloodfire.

Lenny:
Frankie!

Frankie:
Lenny... [coughs] Lenny, is that you?

Lenny:
I'm here, Frankie.

Frankie:
Come here.

Lenny:
Yes, what is it, Frankie?

Frankie:
I'm so cold.

Lenny:
That's just because we're cold-blooded.

[Frankie slaps his brother]

Lenny:
Ow!

Frankie:
Moron. [dies]

Lenny:
Frankie, no. No! [sobs] This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Frankie! How am I going to explain this to Pop? Oh, no! [swims away and passes Oscar, who squeaks and lands in front of the now-deceased Frankie.]

Oscar:
[finds Frankie dead behind him, thinks he's alive, and starts yelling crazily] Watch it! Back up! I'm crazy! I be trippin'! [makes karate moves and noises until he accidentally kicks Bernie]

Bernie:
Ow! What the…?

[Oscar, Ernie, and Bernie all scream simultaneously; Oscar hides behind Frankie]

Bernie:
Don't hurt us! We're sorry! It was all Ernie's idea! [Ernie nods, then looks at Bernie angrily]

Ernie:
Oscar?

Bernie:
Did you kill that shark?

Oscar:
[looks down at Frankie before having an idea] Uh, yeah. Exactly how it looks; that's how it is.

[Oscar is pretending to battle Lenny in front of the fish city.]

Oscar:
Do you hear them, Lenny?! They are going crazy, man! They love us!

Lenny:
They love you. They hate me!

Oscar:
[shocked] What?!

Lenny:
Can we switch sides? Maybe I can be the Fishslayer! They'll never see it comin'!

Oscar:
Come on, man! Look. You sell this, you'll never have to go home again! You could start a new life! [Lenny nods his head understandingly] Now gimme a growl!

Lenny:
Okay. [purrs; he then clears his throat and roars loudly in Oscar's face] Like that?

Oscar:
That was... pretty good!

Lenny:
[sighs] You're right. I'm sorry. I haven't been myself since the... the, uh... Don't cry. [cries in anguish]

Oscar:
No, no, it's not all that. Just relax.

Lenny:
It's my fault... kinda... not really... but still. My brother...

Oscar:
You just need a little time, man. Look, thi... things'll work out.

Lenny:
You think?

Oscar:
Yeah. So, look, I'm gonna take off... And you should just go home, Okay?

Lenny:
Okay.

Oscar:
Hey, good luck, dawg.

Bernie:
Oh, man. I told ya.

Ernie:
I'm doing it.

Bernie:
X, circle, X X, double left square, right trigger, down, square, square.

Ernie:
Double square. Respect.

Bernie:
Respect.

[Oscar finds out from Luca that Don Lino had captured Angie in order to force a sit-down]

Oscar:
They got Angie. And they want a sit-down. I never meant for anybody to get hurt, especially not Angie. This is all my fault.

Sykes:
That's a classic move. I've seen it a thousand times.

Lenny:
They take the thing you love the most, and then they use it against you.

Oscar:
[after a moment of silence] Look, we gotta go to that sit-down, and we gotta save her.

Lenny:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I wanna save Angie, too. But I can't just waltz in there and say, "Hi, Pop, I'm a dolphin!"

Sykes:
Lenny?

Lenny:
"And my friend the Sharkslayer here's a fake!"

Sykes:
Fake?

Lenny:
Come on, we're gonna need a better plan than that!

Sykes:
[laughs] This is a joke, right? This is a joke. Because you know, I told Lino... [suddenly flashes back to his phone call with Lino]

Sykes:
[over phone] Shut up, Lino. Shut up! [Don Lino growls]

[After flashback, Sykes inflates in a fit of panic]

Sykes:
[in a high-pitched voice] Tell me you didn't make it all up, kid! Tell me that's not Lenny! Tell me you're a real Sharkslayer, please!

Oscar:
[sadly] I'm sorry, Sykes. I'm not. [his mood suddenly brightens] But the sharks don't know that.

Oscar:
STOP! I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYER! [The crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief.] I lied.

Lino:
[shocked] What?

Crazy Joe:
[tearfully] And I'm not a real financial adviser!

Oscar:
[awkwardly] Okay... [to Lino] It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny.

Lino:
[to Lenny] If that's true, why did you run away?

Lenny:
Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be.

Oscar:
[to Lino] What is your problem?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So what?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had... until I lost it.

[Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background]

Lino:
[close to tears] Will you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry?

[Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]

Lino:
Come here, you. [hugs Lenny] I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress.

Oscar:
Don't... swallow!

Lenny:
Oscar?

Oscar:
: No, it's Pinocchio. Of course it's me! Why did you do that?!

Lenny:
I'm sorry...

Oscar:
No, "sorry" is when you step on somebody's fin at the theater! Yeah, that's "sorry"! "Sorry" is when you say "Hey, when's the baby due?" and it turns out the person's just FAT! No, this is as far away from "sorry" as you can possibly get!

Lenny:
Oscar, I think I'm gonna puke...

Oscar:
Oh, no, no, no, no... Lenny, just open up, nice and easy.

Lenny:
Shhh! He could be anywhere!

Oscar:
Who?

Lenny:
The Shark Slayer...

Oscar:
[laughs] There's no Shark Slayer.

Lenny:
Tchee-he-ha-ha. Yes, there is!

Oscar:
Tchee-he-ha-ha. No, there is not! Trust me on this one!

Lenny:
Get a hold of yourself, man! This is no time to act crazy!

Oscar:
Hey, you're the one acting crazy, crazy!

[In Oscar's fantasy]

Angie:
Dreams can begin small. You just have to... bet it all. Bet it all!

Announcer:
And Lucky Day wins.

Oscar:
Sykes, shut up! Shut up!

Sykes:
Hey, that's good. That's good, I like that! Shut up, Lino! Ha! Shut up! Oh, kid, he wants to talk to you.

Oscar:
[whispers] No. I'm not here. I'm not here!

Sykes:
Yeah, he's right here. [hands Oscar the phone]

Oscar:
Hello?

Don Lino:
[furious] Shut up? Shut up?! You don't tell me "Shut up", I tell you "Shut up"!

[As he talks beeping is heard on the other side of the phone]

Don Lino:
What? Hello?

Luca:
Yeah, howya doin'? Lemme have a pie with everything on it. Anchovies, meatballs, mushrooms–

Don Lino:
[startled] Luca!

Luca:
Oh, hi, boss. What are you doin' workin' at a pizza joint?

Don Lino:
GET OFF THE PHONE!

Luca:
But I'm hungry! [hangs up]

Don Lino:
[shakes his head in frustration, then returns his attention to Oscar.] My guys are comin' for you, Sharkslayer! They're gonna tear you FIN FROM FIN! [slams the phone down hanging up too]

Oscar:
All right, I totally betrayed you, but before we work this out I got a small thing to take care of.

Angie:
Oh, yeah? What's that?

Oscar:
Sharks are coming to get me!

Angie:
And they should! What did you expect? You just take credit for killing a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?!

Oscar:
Uh... yeah. But don't worry. Me and Lenny, we're gonna take care of this...

Lenny:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the "we"? I don't want any part of this!

Oscar:
Hey, too late now, veggie boy. They'll be looking for you, too!

Lenny:
Point taken. What's the plan?

[The record player gets stuck while Lino talks with Sykes.]

Don Lino:
Luca.

[Luca moves the needle; the record player plays Baby Got Back by Six Mix-a-Lot; Luca quickly moves the needle again and it cuts off.]

Luca:
Hey, boss, big butts! [chuckles]

Don Lino:
Oy vey!

Lenny:
Hey, Oscar!

Oscar:
Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her I love her.

Man:
[singing] You come and you go...

Male Fish:
Way to go, Oscar.

Oscar:
Hi, I'm Oscar. You might think you know, but you have no idea. [rap music] Welcome to my crib. The good life, the way the other half lives. Check it out, I got my 60" inch high def, flatscreen TV with 6-speaker surround, CD, DVD, Playstation hookup and an 8-track player for days when you're feeling just a little... [beatbox] old school. [laughs] 'Cause even a superstar Mack daddy fish like me has to have the basic necessities.

Oscar:
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! You had me at hello.

[After three fish claim Oscar the Sharkslayer]

Lenny:
[laughs uproariously]

Oscar:
I am the Sharkslayer. Oscar the Sharklayer! That's what people say.

Lenny:
[coming to a realization] Wait. You mean you...? With the anchor... [gasps dramatically before smirking] Oh you're a liar!

Oscar:
What? [scoffs] Please, I didn't lie! [Lenny gives him an "Oh, really?" glare] Alright I lied. But it was a little lie!

Crazy Joe:
Hey! You gonna eat the rest of your popcorn? [eats the popcorn, groaning] Too much butter! Hey! A nacho! [eats the nacho]