Shining Time Station Christmas: 'Tis a Gift

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, there's Midge Smoot. Don't tell her a secret, she's sure to leak it.

Stacy Jones:
Nobody can be that bad.

Stacy Jones:
Come on, you guys. She must have some good qualities. Think about it. Come on, you two.

Matt:
Well, both her eyes are the same color.

Tanya:
She never threw up on me.

Stacy Jones:
Tanya!

Matt:
What do you like to do for Christmas?

Matt:
I know why Santa Claus is so jolly all the time.

Mr. Conductor:
Why is that?

Matt:
Because he doesn't have to be around Vickie all the time.

Schemer:
Alright, you forced me to tell you something I wasn't going to tell anybody else, but did you know that Stacy Jones, who wants to play Santa's helper, did you know that she... No, I can't say it, I can't say it.

Midge Smoot:
What? What? What?

Schemer:
She's a humanoid. She's an alien from another planet pretending to be one of us!

Midge Smoot:
I... I don't know what to say.

Schemer:
Well in that case, say you will vote for Schemer to be Santa's helper. I mean, after all, it's wrong to have these Martians playing these important roles when there are perfectly good Earth beings around.

Schemer:
J.B. King Esquire. Exalted head of the Indian Valley Railroad. My favorite. Can I talk to you a second? I understand that you are on the committee that's going to pick Santa's helper for the holiday pageant. Then I feel it is my duty to inform you about some flaw's in my opponent's character.

J.B. King:
Flaws in Miss Jones' character?

Schemer:
Did you know that she trains rats?

J.B. King:
She trains rats? Why?

Schemer:
Why? Um... To steal cheese! To steal cheese! Because she is so fond of cheese sandwiches, see? Now that is something to consider when you're voting on who should be Santa's helper. After all, do you want a rat training, cheese theif? Or somebody who's honest and wholesome and good and cute? Someone like, me for instance?

Mr. Nicholas:
Nothing is impossible, unless you stop believeing in it.

Stacy Jones:
Schemer, you've had some nutty ideas before but this one takes the cake!

Schemer:
Cake, I almost forgot.

Schemer:
Thank you for reminding me, Miss Stacy Jones.

Schemer:
Genius time! Genius time!

Schemer:
I understand you are on the committee that picks Santa's helper?

Schemer:
Right, well you can't vote for any of them. Because they all smoke big, cheap, smelly cigars. For breakfast! Stink-O ones.

Schemer:
That's--That's because you're not concentrating hard enough! You need to try a little harder. Perhaps these nickels will help you concentrate and remember, vote for Schemer for Santa's helper.

Midge Smoot:
Schemer, have you lost what little sense you already had?

Schemer:
I don't think so, no.

Midge Smoot:
The best thing you could wish for, Schemer, would be for Santa to bring you a brand new brain!