Shining Time Station

[repeated line]

Schemer:
Genius time!

Schemer:
[the dog snaps at him] Now why did he do that?

Billy Twofeathers:
I dunno, maybe because you tied him up, you didn't take him for a walk, you didn't feed him, and you didn't clean up after him.

Schemer:
[sarcastically, as Billy walks off] Anything else?

Billy Twofeathers:
Ya didn't play with him!

Dan Jones:
You look like you stepped in a mud-puddle, Mr. Conductor.

Mr. Conductor:
It was more like the mud-puddle stepped on me.

Stacy Jones:
Well, that's amazing, Mr. Conductor; I didn't know you understood Dog.

Mr. Conductor:
Of course I do. I can speak every language from Elephant to Parakeet. But you have to be careful with parakeets. They like to bend the truth just to make what they say rhyme.

Kara:
You know, I don't think I like this whole responsibility thing.

[last lines]

Mr. Conductor:
[after triggering the burglar-alarm so Schemer would run off and shutting it off again] Oh, yes. Nothing like a little peace and quiet, after a hard day's work.

Stacy Jones:
What do you think?

Matt:
It's... uh... nice!

Stacy Jones:
Yeah, it is. And I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: there's just something about this place.

Mr. Conductor:
[invisible, causing Matt to look around] Here - you missed a spot. It's this window over here. You did the others, but don't miss this one. [Matt dusts it] That's a good lad. [appears and bows, causing Matt to draw back] Can't do a job halfway. What's worth doing is worth doing well, I say. And that goes double when you're doing my windows, because they're double-paned: a pain in the neck and a pain to clean. Do you know what I see when I look at *that* clean window?

Matt:
No.

Mr. Conductor:
The inside of the switch-house. What else would I see? Well done, lad. What's your name?

Matt:
Matt-Matthew, M... Matt!

Mr. Conductor:
Or is it Matthew-Matt-Matthew? And you may call me Mr. Conductor. Well, *you're* a good worker. You know who'd like you? My friend Thomas.

Matt:
Does... Thomas live in there with you?

Mr. Conductor:
Dear me, no. Thomas is a steam-engine, and he lives on the Island of Sodor.

Mr. Conductor:
If you've come back to clean the windows, they haven't had a chance to get dirty.

Matt:
Aunt Stacy, there's a litle guy who lives right here in the wall!

Stacy Jones:
[hugging him] Oh, great, he's back? Oh, what did I tell you?

Matt, Stacy Jones:
[laughing] There's just something about this place!

Matt:
Where did you go before?

Mr. Conductor:
Railroad work takes me everywhere, Matt. You don't spend a lot of time in one place. It's a traveling business. I was just off traveling with Edward.

Stacy Jones:
What made you decide to stay at Shining Time Station?

Harry Cupper:
It's hard to say, exactly. But, there'e just something about this place.

Becky:
But the fair doesn't start for another hour.

Mr. Conductor:
Which I why I went early. I'd get trampled and stampled in all those crowds. Besides winning all these prizes, I had an entire baked bean, three whole French-fries, and a bite and a half of apple pie.

Becky:
Oh, I get it! It's like a catapult, only stupid.

J.B. King:
I'm looking for a little man. I only saw him once when I was, a boy. I was sitting in a train-station waiting for a train to take me home, but the train was late - and I started thinking that I... I'd never get home again.

Kara:
Was the little man all alone?

J.B. King:
No. No, he was with his family and he was saying goodbye; that's when I saw him. And I *know* he was, real. And, uh... he whispered a poem in my ear. But I can only remember part of it.

Dan Jones:
What did he say?

J.B. King:
Uh, he said - in the part I *remember*, he said, uh, "All the sharing that makes life worth living, and the pleasure you get 'cause you're giving, and it's wonderful how all at once you're..." And that's all I can remember. But when he said those words, I knew I'd get home safely, and I did.

Becky:
Did he tell you his name?

J.B. King:
Mr. Conductor. That was his name.

J.B. King:
Yes! That's the poem! "It's wonderful how all at once you're where you wished for all along." Yes, that's it! *This* is where I belong. It always is, here. Thank you for helping me remember, Mr. Conductor. Wherever you are.

[last lines]

Billy Twofeathers:
Oh, peace and quiet at last.

Mr. Conductor:
[appears on his bicycle and honks its horn after riding between his legs] Do you like my new horn, Billy? It's louder than the one I used to have. Well, so long until the next surprise. [disappears]

Billy Twofeathers:
It won't be long if I know this place.

Mr. Conductor:
What did you wish for?

Becky:
You know if I tell you it won't come true.

Mr. Conductor:
Nonsense; if you keep your wishes secret, no one can help you *make* them come true.

Mr. Conductor:
Remember, almost everything that people do in the world starts out as a wish.

Becky:
[seeing the results of Schemer's and the mayor's wishes] I don't think I'll ever want to make another wish again.

Billy Twofeathers:
Oh, I'd think twice about that one, Becky. This is a downright unusual situation. I mean, most of the time wishing is good. It's even important. I mean, everything useful or beautiful that a human being ever achieved began with a wish.

Midge Smoot:
[seriously] Schemer and Stacy have lost their minds, or misplaced them, or exchanged them.

[last lines]

Midge Smoot:
My stars, child, for the life of me, I do not understand why you children hang out at the station all the time, when nothing ever happens here.

Becky:
Well, Ms. Smoot, sometimes a nice quiet day is everything that I could wish for.

Becky:
How come you know so much about music?

Mr. Conductor:
I've always been a conductor, Becky, but I haven't always worked with trains.

Mr. Conductor:
[Billy stops playing his guitar when he sees him] Don't stop. I enjoy the music.

Billy Twofeathers:
I wasn't playing; I was practicing.

Mr. Conductor:
I couldn't tell the difference, Billy. Keep practicing. I'll pretend you're playing.

[last lines]

Mr. Conductor:
What a beautiful night. There's only one thing that could make it more beautiful: music. [takes out a baton by the music-stand he stands by and conducts a birdsong] Did anyone ever tell you... you sing like a bird?

Buster:
Just you wait! After I tell my dumb uncle what happened, I'll be able to draw on the walls all I want. Oh, hi, Uncle J.B. I was just telling them how well you run the railroad.

J.B. King:
Why won't you... let me see you, Mr. Conductor? I just want to be your friend.

Buster:
It's that tiny guy my dumb uncle's always looking for. Get out of my way!

Dan Jones:
NO!

Buster:
I said, get out of my way or I'll beat you up!

Dan Jones:
[stepping down the top step] NO!

Buster:
I said, I'd beat you up!

Dan Jones:
[descending] You get away from here! Leave Mr. Conductor alone! You lay one hand on Mr. Conductor, and... I'll turn you upside-down!

Buster:
[scared] Upside-down?

Dan Jones:
I'll spin you around by your feet.

Buster:
My feet?

Dan Jones:
[Mr. Conductor gives a thumbs-up and disappears] I'll stick that ice-cream cone on your head!

Buster:
Now take it easy; calm down, OK?

Dan Jones:
And give me my nickel back!

Buster:
Here... uh.,.take your nickel. Just don't hurt me, please!

[last lines]

Dan Jones:
Did you get to see Mr. Conductor?

J.B. King:
[not seeing him appear on the wall-ledge behind] No. But, I somehow think he had his hand in all of this, didn't he? So now I *know* that's he around here. Somewhere.

Mr. Conductor:
[Dan goes over to him as J. B. King leaves] Ssh!

Becky:
Do you collect anything, Mr. Conductor?

Mr. Conductor:
[raises his sole] Chewing-gum.

Stacy Jones:
I'm so sorry, Mr. Conductor, I didn't mean to scare you.

Mr. Conductor:
I'm glad to hear that, Stacy. I've already had a heart-stopping morning.

Stacy Jones:
Ohh, sounds dangerous.

Mr. Conductor:
I was lucky to escape with my life.

Stacy Jones:
Oh, let me guess, you were - water-skiing with sharks.

Mr. Conductor:
No, riskier.

Stacy Jones:
Uh... exploring caves in search of treasure.

Mr. Conductor:
Much more dangerous than that.

Stacy Jones:
Uh... climbing the snow-topped peaks of the Himalayas?

Mr. Conductor:
No! Worse! I was working lawn-croquet!

Stacy Jones:
[the vase he was in was juggled] Oh, Mr. Conductor, are you all right?

Mr. Conductor:
I will be as soon as I get my balance.

Stacy Jones:
Oh, well how 'bout - how 'bout another good spot of tea?

Mr. Conductor:
Another spot of tea would be nice, but I think I'll take it back to the English garden party, where all I have to worry about is getting run over by croquet-balls.

Stacy Jones:
I told her not to touch it.

Billy Twofeathers:
[gluing the teapot] Children touch.

Stacy Jones:
I know... I shouldn't have yelled at her.

Billy Twofeathers:
Adults yell.

Stacy Jones:
You know, it may sound silly to you, Billy, but - that tea-set means an awful lot to me. When I was a little girl I spent hours playing pretend with my grandmother.

Billy Twofeathers:
You still have the memory.

Stacy Jones:
Well, that's true. Memories don't go away just because a tea-set is broken.

Billy Twofeathers:
And that's a fact. Memories can't be broke... Mm-hm. Almost as good as new except for the cracks.

Stacy Jones:
Oh, I don't mind the cracks! I'll always remember today because of these cracks.

Kara:
[after his story] I'm glad the forest has grown back.

Mr. Conductor:
Forests do that. Leaves do, too. But friendships - they can't grow back once they're broken. That's why we always have to take care of them.

Stacy Jones:
I... I like these cracks. It gives it character, and it makes me think of all of you.

Mr. Conductor:
Stacy, are you calling me a crackpot?

Barton Winslow:
Now, look, I don't want this to get around, but do you know how many motorcycle-races I've been in? Hundreds; and you know how many I've won?

Dan Jones:
How many?

Barton Winslow:
One. And that was the first one, which was... a long time ago, and, uh, well... I've missed being a youngster like you, but - I keep going back. You see, Dan, If only you go and never give up, every time you try, you'll be a winner.

Stacy Jones:
This is terrible.

Mr. Conductor:
[appears eating] What's terrible? The price of ice-cream? I agree.

Dan Jones:
Say it isn't true, Mr. Conductor, please.

Mr. Conductor:
But it is, I'm afraid.

Stacy Jones:
How could you?

Mr. Conductor:
It isn't easy, I admit, but I try to eat only one a day.

Mr. Conductor:
Hello, and goodbye. I know when I'm not wanted. Take care of the switch-house for me. Polish the windows; they like that.

Dan Jones:
Mr. Conductor, we were wrong; you didn't do those terrible tricks.

Mr. Conductor:
Oh? Well, you could've fooled me. I was sure you were all sure that I did. That's four against one, so you must be right. I'll just have to keep a closer eye on myself.

Mr. Conductor:
[seriously] The only way to catch a trickster is to use trickery!

J.B. King:
In fact, not only do you pass the inspection, but Shining Time Station WINS!

[as everyone cheers, he picks up the picture of Mr. Conductor]

J.B. King:
On one condition. May I have this?

Mr. Conductor:
[after falling from the bat he appeared on that Matt moved on his shoulder] I landed like a soft-popped fly, you might say.

Mr. Conductor:
Well, it's always fun to win, of course, but I say playing your best is the real fun.

Schemer:
OK, take five... just don't take anything from me.

Mr. Conductor:
[finishing a game of checkers against himself] There's nothing like playing a game against a really skillful opponent.

Kara:
The game's not for a while yet.

Dan Jones:
And anyway, we're gonna loose.

Matt:
Yeah.

Mr. Conductor:
Well, you certainly *will* with *that* attitude.

Mr. Conductor:
After the race, Thomas and Bertie became even faster friends. Get it?

Mr. Conductor:
I've forgotten who won most of the games I've played in, but I always remember if I've played a good game. That way, everyone can be a winner.

Mr. Conductor:
When someone isn't looking, you know, and reaches for a tool, and suddenly finds it's a little closer than he thought? That's me.

Mr. Conductor:
[of Jack Frost] You know it's funny, he loves to confuse people with cold whether, but personally, he's really a very warm individual.

Midge Smoot:
"El Schemo"? That sounds like a city in California.

Schemer:
And now, with a mere nickel, you may hear me speak of the future. Future, future, future, future...

Midge Smoot:
Oh, speak to me, future, future, future, speak to me!

Stacy Jones:
Oh, boy, now I've heard everything, everything, everything.

Stacy Jones:
Now, listen, El Cheato...

Mr. Conductor:
Boy, you three look as low as the temperature.

Mr. Conductor:
[having appeared in place of the machine's model; in a haunting voice] What do you want, El Schemo?

Schemer:
AHH! It's - it's a talking machine!... Well, what do you know about that?... Tell us a future, O Talking Machino.

Mr. Conductor:
You cannot see the future. Nor can I. No one can see the future.

Schemer:
[desperately] It's a machine that has a sense of humor; it's joking; I appreciate a sense of humor. Let us all laugh, ha-ha-ha-ha!

Mr. Conductor:
You told these people lies to get their money. Shame on you.

Schemer:
Well, I made, uh... I made a few guesses that didn't work out so well, but...

Mr. Conductor:
You twisted around my messages. Your predictions are all wrong. You are a phony.

Schemer:
NO! NO! What about-what about Ginny's tomatoes, Ginny's tomatoes!

Mr. Conductor:
Are you kidding? That was a coincidence. [disappears]

[last lines]

Mr. Conductor:
Schemerrrr...

Schemer:
AHH! I didn't hear that, I didn't hear that!

Mr. Conductor:
It is I, the spirit of the machine. If you ever trick peole like that again, I will return to haunt you forever.

Schemer:
No! No! Please don't do that!

Mr. Conductor:
But you want me to predict your future.

Schemer:
No! I'm out of the future-business; I'm completely out of the future-business!

Mr. Conductor:
I predict you are going to take a trip.

[he trips on the stairs, causing the others to grin at each other]

Harry Cupper:
Well, we won't worry about it; we'll get better every day.

Schemer:
Yeah. Just not fast enough.

Schemer:
You know, I look around this place, and all's I see are problems. [points at Stacy, Tanya, and Matt] Problem, problem, problem. If I had this place, I'd turn it into a restaurant.

Stacy Jones:
A restaurant?

Schemer:
Yeah. A restaurant that serves food. Something real classy, you know? Hey, then you could all come work for me. Then your problems would be solved.

Mr. Conductor:
To tickle the mind with the sound of a rhyme, pay what you wish for a rhythm in time. The words will sing forth like the drop of a dime!

[disappears with a jump, leaving a dime behind]

Matt:
Did you see Schemer drop a dime? I still need to make rhymes.

Tanya:
A rhyme that's witty and quite snappy makes everybody glad and happy.

Schemer:
Not me, I hate to rhyme; I think thy're just a waste of time.

[frowns as he realizes]

Tanya:
[grinning] Was that a rhyme that I just heard; did Schemer make a play on words?

Schemer:
This is silly, they're contagious; this rhyming business is outrageo...!

[clasps his hand over his mouth in horror]

Tanya:
Uh-oh; that was the dime that fell! Here comes another rhyming-spell!

Schemer:
Don't start with the rhymes. Once I start, I just can't stop, makin' those words go flippity-flop.

[clasps his hand over his mouth while the others laugh]

Matt:
Words and sayings just come out, without a thought, without a doubt!

Tanya:
They aren't rhymes that we invent; they just come out by accident!

Midge Smoot:
Who is the lucky man who has won that dear girl's heart? Or, heart-shaped cake, as the case may be.

Mr. Conductor:
That's the funny thing about endings: they can surprise you. You think you've come to the end, but the story has hardly just begun.

Mr. Conductor:
[after they get back from time-traveling] Why don't I cheer you up with the rest of the story? I'd say you've waited years to hear it.

Mr. Conductor:
Percy is a little bit like Schemer. They both wanted something, but when they got it, they found out it wasn't the thing for them after all. Speaking of which, here comes the wrong thing for *me*. [disappears as Schemer arrives]

[first lines]

Mr. Conductor:
Wait! Stop! Go no farther! Draw in and halt!

[walks around from in front of the cartload of boxes Harry is pushing]

Mr. Conductor:
Harry, where are you taking our lost-and-found department?

Harry Cupper:
The railroad wants to move it over to that new big station at Snarlyville.

Mr. Conductor:
That's never a good sign, when the railroad takes away your lost-and-found. I was afraid this would happen.

Harry Cupper:
It'd definitely bad news for Shining Time Station. Well, I better get this on the train.

Mr. Conductor:
[holds up a finger] Not just yet.

[goes in front of the cart again]

Mr. Conductor:
Ah, *here* it is.

[walks back to the side wearing a helmet and towing a bike]

Mr. Conductor:
I knew my bicycle would turn up someday.

[mounts]

Mr. Conductor:
Well, see you later, Harry. I want to take a last ride around the station.

[rides off]

Harry Cupper:
[shakes his head] This has always been a strange place. I suppose that's why I like it so much... I'm sure gonna miss it.

Stacy Jones:
Engine 499, the pride of the line. It stayed on its tracks and was mostly on time.

Mr. Conductor:
[appearing in the spot where Kara was about to set down an apple] Hey, look out there! I've already had my apple for the day, thank you!

Becky:
[of Johnny Appleseed] Did people pay him to plant all those trees?

Billy Twofeathers:
Mm-mm. He didn't care much for money. Some people are like that.

Schemer:
[offscreen] Hey, watch where I'm goin'!

Becky:
[shaking her head] And some aren't.

Stacy Jones:
[he appears carrying a net] Oh, Mr. Conductor! You look like you're all dressed up to go butterfly-hunting.

Mr. Conductor:
I am. Of course a butterfly to me is about the size of an eagle to you. So after I catch one we just play a few games of cards, then I let it go.

Tanya:
[of "Duck Takes Charge"] There's just one more thing, Mr. Conductor. I don't see how that story has anything to do with what you said about not explaining yourself too well.

Mr. Conductor:
Exactly.

Harry Cupper:
You could tell them that the next time they want to go exploring without permission, they might try doing it with their imaginations.

Harry Cupper:
Save themselves some train-fare, too.

Harry Cupper:
[he appears] Ah, Mr. Conductor. You might even know this old map. It covers the whole Indian Valley Railroad. Problem is, it's about fifty years out of date.

Mr. Conductor:
Fifty-six, actually. I remember when it was new.

Mr. Conductor:
[to the rabbit] You'll find everyone here absolutely delightful.

Schemer:
[offscreen] Greetings, everyone.

Mr. Conductor:
Well, *almost* everyone.

Schemer:
It's a business-expense of course, and, uh, everybody pays their own way; when we get back here, you both reimburse me.

Matt:
[reading Mr. Conductor's sign to him] "Don't go - say no."

Schemer:
I *wanna* go. Besides, you couldn't do it without me.

Schemer:
You take your time and think about it nice and carefully, OK? [hears the train outside] Time's up!

Mr. Conductor:
Sometimes people get confused, and they don't know what direction they're supposed to go in. I'm sure they wouldn't have left if they'd known it would make you worry.

Stacy Jones:
Oh, you're sweet, Mr. Conductor.

Mr. Conductor:
I'm not sweet. I just want to be useful.

Mr. Conductor:
[hearing Schemer's voice] Uh-oh. Guess who's coming: You-know-who. Guess who's leaving: me; adieu.

[disappears]

Stacy Jones:
Pep?... hi.

Pepe:
Hi; I brought him back. He was lost.

Schemer:
Uh, no, I wasn't lost; I just, uh... I momentarily forgot my way.

Stacy Jones:
Forget anything else?

[indicates the kids]

Schemer:
Well, uh, I knew that they were smart enough to find their way back home again.

Harry Cupper:
[sticks his head out the workshop-door] They're certainly smarter than some people *I* know!

[last lines]

Schemer:
I'm tellin' ya - this place is haunted.

Stacy Jones:
[into his ear] OHHH!

Schemer:
AH!

Mr. Conductor:
They like television better than listening to my stories. Maybe I should start telling my stories on TV.

Kara:
[seeing Dan's drawing of him Kara framed] I recognize it, I know who it is, but the name escapes me.

Mr. Conductor:
I never outsmarted myself before. I never knew I was that smart.

Schemer:
[leaning over the rail behind where she's standing] Hey, you missed one. [Kara jumps and drops the stack of papers she's carrying and he laughs] Looks like you missed a lot of 'em!

Stacy Jones:
I wonder why Mr. King is rhyming all his words. Oh, I hope he's not taking another song-writing course again.

J.B. King:
[to the picture of Mr. Conductor] Hello, my little friend.

Mr. Conductor's Double:
[about to run the real Mr. Conductor over with the model of the New York Central Hudson] Now I've got you, my cheerful twin! It's you or me, and I shall win! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Kara:
[to the real Mr. Conductor] Mr. Conductor, watch out! [the real Mr. Conductor jumps out of the way and the model crashes and tips over. The two Mr. Conductors stand face to face, and Kara races up to them with a pot of glue] Mr. Conductor!

Mr. Conductor's Double:
Stick him quick! He'll get away!

Mr. Conductor:
Wait! I'm me! He's not!

Mr. Conductor's Double:
Stick him with that gluey pot!

Kara:
Well, which one of you's Mr. Conductor?

Mr. Conductor's Double:
Me!

Mr. Conductor:
Me!

Kara:
[thinks for a minute, then gets an idea] Your whistle!

Mr. Conductor's Double:
My whistle?

Mr. Conductor:
My whistle! [Both Mr. Conductors take their whistles out and blow them. Mr. Conductor's Double's whistle sounds like how it used to sound for the real Mr. Conductor's whistle. The real Mr. Conductor's whistle is still at its low toot. Kara pours the glue all over Mr. Conductor's Double]

Mr. Conductor's Double:
NOOOOOOOO! [Mr. Conductor's Double turns back into a picture]

Mr. Conductor:
Yes! Thank you, Kara! If you hadn't recognized my whistle, we would have never gotten out of this mess!

Midge Smoot:
Don't mind me. Just pretend I'm not here. I'm just a fly on a wall, minding my own business.

Becky:
Do you think it's true?

Stacy Jones:
Well. Who knows with Midge?

Stacy Jones:
You shouldn't believe every rumor you hear, kids, especially not from Midge Smoot.

Mr. Conductor:
My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz, especially the scene where the Munchkins welcome Dorothy. I could've done that.

Mr. Conductor:
First it's "the" movie, now it's *your* movie? Things are moving quickly since the movie came to town.

Stacy Jones:
That's the freight-train with all the livestock; I've gotta go finish the freight-schedule.

Mr. Conductor:
[calling after as a clucking is heard in the background] Don't count your chickens before they're hatched!

Becky:
[in a dress and tiara greeting J. B. King and Barry Prince] Ah, the king and the prince. I'm honored to meet you. Welcome.

Mr. Conductor:
How did it go? It looked great in my camera. I could only get part of the action. So much was going on!

Mr. Conductor:
[trying to cheer them up] But just think - if only you were trains, you'd all be movie-stars now!

Stacy Jones:
[laughing with the others] Oh, don't tease us, Mr. Conductor!

Mr. Conductor:
The real tease is, if you'd just been yourselves, Barry Prince would've put you in his movie. You'd all be stars. Instead, you're *my* stars. And I'm glad. Because his movie won't be half as good as mine, where I feature you all as real people, and as the characters you played.

Mr. Conductor:
Ever since I read about Stuart Little getting snapped up a window-shade, rolled-up things really scare me.

Stacy Jones:
Ladies and gentlemen, cast and friends, Shining Time Station is proud to present... Oh, Mr. Conductor, what's your title?

Mr. Conductor:
Producer-director.

Stacy Jones:
No, no, no; I mean the title of the movie.

Mr. Conductor:
Oh. "A Little Light Madness."

Stacy Jones:
Proud to present "A Little Light Madness", starring... starring everyone.

Mr. Conductor:
Remember Henry, the big green engine on the Island of Sodor? [gets a blank response] You will in a minute!

Mr. Conductor:
People are usually afraid of things they don't understand, and I don't understand what everyone is so afraid of. So, you could say that, I'm as scared as the rest of you.

Mr. Conductor:
Let me shed a little light on this. [causes he room to light up]

Schemer:
The pumpkins this year are wearing orange paint as a costume.

Stacy Jones:
Schemer, that's against the spirit of Halloween.

Schemer:
Jonesie, don't tell me about the spirit of Halloween; the spirit of Halloween is about two things: makin a buck selling costumes and pumpkins; and number two: gettin' free candy. [Stacy mutters something in disgust under her breath] Huh?

[she mutters something again, he leans closer]

Schemer:
Huh?

Stacy Jones:
[spinning around] BOO!

Schemer:
AHH!

Stacy Jones:
Now *that's* the spirit of Halloween.

Mr. Conductor:
[accidentally greeting Kara and Dan] Tanya Lasagna and Matt the Hat.

Kara:
[Mr. Conductor disappears when he realizes she and Dan are strangers] Hey, where'd he go?

Mr. Conductor:
[invisible] No, you're imagining me. I'm not really here.

Mr. Conductor:
Anyone who says they've never been afraid must have spent their whole life sleeping.

Billy Twofeathers:
Music can turn sadness into happiness.

Schemer:
Halloween is such baby stuff. I am far too dignified for Halloween. Besides, I don't believe in being quote, unquote "scared".

Schemer:
[finishing an announcement into the megaphone which happens to be pointed toward Stacy] THANK YOU!

Stacy Jones:
[he turns around and she picks up so it's pointing toward his ear] YOU'RE WELCOME!

Schemer:
[in a lounge-chair through the megaphone] C'mon, Dan; hurry up with the tent, huh? I'm tired of doin' all the work around here.

Stacy Jones:
[when the tent is set down the rope he is holding onto causes him to fly across the room at an angle from it] Mr. Conductor, are you all right?

Mr. Conductor:
[turning around where he landed on the information-desk] I'm fine. But next time I put up a tent, I'll fasten my seatbelt.

Schemer:
Do I look like the type of man who would be frightened by a little H3O? No. All it means to me is that I won't need a shower this month.

Stacy Jones:
Mr. Conductor, have you ever played the Building-a-Story game?

Mr. Conductor:
Well, maybe you'd better tell me how to play it. That way, I'll be able to get the whole story.

Stacy Jones:
OK, I'll start. Ooh, the best way to start on a camping-trip is with something... spooky. OK. It was a dark and stormy night. [thunder cracks from outside and she shivers] Then, um, the ship was lost at sea. Kara?

Kara:
The ship hit a big rock, and water started rushing in.

Becky:
The boat started to sink, but before it did, the captain jumped into the dark, dark water. Your turn, Mr. Conductor... Mr. Conductor?

Mr. Conductor:
[with his eyes covered] Is it over yet? I can't look.

Becky:
Schemer tried to staple the tent to a tree?

Dan Jones:
Yeah. We told him not to. Anyway, see - Schemer sent me back here to get more staples! And then he and Schemee went straight back into the tent, and then into the woods!

Stacy Jones:
Oh, no; I hope they'll be all right.

Mr. Conductor:
So do I. But you know, it does remind me of the time where Percy wouldn't listen, and he got drenched too.

Dan Jones:
I bet Percy wasn't camping with Scout-Sergeant Schemer.

Mr. Conductor:
No. But it was almost as bad.

Schemee:
He was screaming really loud, especially when he fell off the hill into the creek.

Stacy Jones:
Well, what did you do?

Schemee:
I was hungry so I came here.

Stacy Jones:
You left your uncle at the bottom of a hill in a creek?

Schemee:
Hey, I was hungry; he ate all our food.

Stacy Jones:
Well, how do you know that he's all right?

Schemee:
I know he's OK because I heard him screaming for help.

Stacy Jones:
Schemee, when someone needs help you do everything in the world you can to help that person; didn't you even think of going for help?

Schemee:
Hey, I'm here, aren't I? Pass the marshmallows, Becky.

Stacy Jones:
[trying to cheer up Schemer] And who else would do all this for the sake of camping?

Stacy Jones:
Oh, Schemer, how could you be a failure? At least you keep on trying, you know.

Midge Smoot:
Okay, Schemer, before I read you your favorite story from your favorite storybook...

Schemer:
Um, you're not gonna give me a beddy-bye kiss, are you?

Midge Smoot:
No, I was only going to say: pay me first or this story ends before it begins!

Ginny:
Pop me out of a toaster, that weasel took a powder! Barton, fire up that overgrown paint-mixer of yours. We're going weasel hunting.

Mr. Conductor:
[appears] Well, I'm here to work. What's our first step?

Billy Twofeathers:
Your first step, Mr. Conductor, is to watch your step; that shelf isn't n - ! [the upper shelf he is sitting on comes undone on one side and he slides down it] nailed in.

Stacy Jones:
Mr. Conductor, are you all right?

Mr. Conductor:
All right? I appear for work and fall off a shelf; I've had better jobs, I'll tell ya!

Mr. Conductor:
[of Schemer's actions] Sounds like a dirty job, and one that can end up badly for everyone. Doesn't it sort of remind you of James and Percy?

Billy Twofeathers:
Oh, I don't follow you on that one, Mr. C.; I can't see Percy writing an IOU.

Mr. Conductor:
[appears bicycling on a tightrope] Did someone say trouble? You know, if people were just more careful, they wouldn't end up in any...

Dan Jones, Becky:
[as his bike topples] Mr. Conductor!

Mr. Conductor:
[riding the wire upside-down] trouble at all.

Tex Boy:
Ohh, there's a big ol' washing-machine out there and it wants to eat us!

Rex Boy:
Oh, tat's no washing-machine, what's the matter with you, Tex?

Tex Boy:
Sorry, Rex.

Rex Boy:
It's a clothes-dryer.

Stacy Jones:
Well, Schemer, I hope you learned something from this.

Schemer:
Yeah, never order anything out of the back of a comic book again.

Stacy Jones:
What else?

Schemer:
Um, never introduce a robot to a jukebox?

Schemer:
Everyone was comin' today with their nickels... and they were gonna buy my useless junk...

Hobart Hume:
Jones; yes, I know that name.

Stacy Jones:
Well, it's rather common.

Hobart Hume:
Yes, my dear, I'm afraid it is.

Hobart Hume:
Oh, I don't mind that you work for a living. We're much more tolerant of that sort of thing than we used to be. Alas.

Hobart Hume:
Schemer, I've had my doubts about you.

Schemer:
Well, haven't we all.

Mr. Conductor:
This is the stickiest toffee I've ever stepped in! I don't think I'll stick around. [disappears]

Stacy Jones:
Uh, [clears throat] sir - Mr. Hume... I think I *will* tell you a story.

Hobart Hume:
Ah, wonderful.

Stacy Jones:
Yes, it's about a station-manager, and a club. Once upon a time, there was a person who ran a train-station on the Indian Valley Railroad.

Hobart Hume:
What a coincidence.

Stacy Jones:
Yes. And this station was one of the most important places in town, and everybody knew and loved this station-manager. Well, there can't be all work and no play, so this person decided to join the local business-and-social club. However, the members of this club would not let this station-manager join. And why? Because this person was a woman. And the name of the club was the Nickelaire Club, Mr. Hume. And that person was my grandmother, Gracie Jones.

Hobart Hume:
A heartbreaking story, but I'm afraid that was before my time.

Stacy Jones:
Well, have it might have been before *your* time, Mr. Hobart Hume III, but you are exactly like your grandfather Hobart Hume I, the founder and the president of the Nickelaire Club. You walk into this busy train-station and you expect everybody to just stop what they're doing and entertain you? Well, that's insensitive and insulting. And you know what the sad thing is, Mr. Hume? You don't have to be this way. You weren't born prejudiced; it's something that you learned from someone like your grandfather. And I feel sorry for you because of all the wonderful people you'll never get to know because you think that you're superior to everyone else. Well, you're welcome to use this train-station if you have a train to catch, Mr. Hume. But I would like you to conduct your business for your club elsewhere.

Billy Twofeathers:
[looking over at him] You know, Mr. Hume... Where I come from we have a name for people like you. We call 'em bigots. But um, when they come here they don't seem to stay that long. Not at Shining Time Station. And they don't seem to come back.

Hobart Hume:
And nobody call me prejudiced, either. I would feel the same about anybody who is not exactly like me.

Hobart Hume:
We are the dessert, and the rest of the world, merely leftovers.

Dan Jones:
Well, you see this garbage?

Ted Typo:
Yeah?

Dan Jones:
Most of it came from behind *that* switch-house station in the painting.

Ted Typo:
*This* garbage came from *that* switch-station in the painting, huh?

Dan Jones:
Yes.

Ted Typo:
Oh, oh, oh, don't tell me - there's a little man that lives in there.

Dan Jones:
Yes; you know?

Ted Typo:
Oh, sure, I know all about Little Men Who Live in Pictures in the Walls. That's why I'm the ace-reporter for the Indian Valley Gazette.

Dan Jones:
You don't believe me.

Ted Typo:
Run along, sonny, before Little Men start sitting on my hat. [Mr. Conductor appears on the brim of his hat to wave to Dan before disappearing again]

Becky:
Well, garbage doesn't go away on its own. Somebody's got to take care of it.

Kara:
Yeah, but nobody likes garbage.

Schemer:
[swatting] Yeah, except flies; they love it.

Stacy Jones:
[Dan reminds her of Schemer's true character] The man I met was kind and thoughtful and considerate.

Dan Jones:
Hm, you really *have* lost your memory, haven't you?

Stacy Jones:
[hearing the rescue-story] That was very exciting. Oh, I can't wait 'til I can remember it all again.

Mr. Conductor:
This is just a temporary spell... I hope.

Stacy Jones:
What wonderful memories I must have had! I mean, had! I mean, *will* have very, very soon!

Dan Jones:
It's a jukebox. You put in a nickel, pick a song, and it plays the song you pick, but...

Stacy Jones:
But what?

Dan Jones:
Well, sometimes it plays on its own. Or it doesn't play the song you pick.

Schemer:
[coming in in his lawyer disguise, right after Stacy has regained her memory] Ah, ma'am, there you are. My client Mr. Schemer is hoping that you could resign this and...

Stacy Jones:
Yes, uh... your client? Ma'am? Since when do you call me ma'am?

Schemer:
[uneasy] Oh, it's just a little joke, Jonesy... uh, miss ma'am... I mean, Miss Jones...

Stacy Jones:
Yeah, and it's also important to know who your friends aren't!

[removes Schemer's shades]

Stacy Jones:
Who would take advantage of someone for their own low, mean-spirited personal gains?

[rips Schemer's false mustache off hard]

Schemer:
Ouch!

[saunters away while holding his upper lip in pain]

Schemer:
Uh, I take it that means you're declining my client's offer?

Mr. Conductor:
You know what chickens mice are. One look at this vicious beast and that mouse will turn and run like a scaredy-cat.

[first lines]

Mr. Conductor:
Shocking! Simply shocking! Dreadful behavior! Scandalous! Sometimes I think I should give up reading the comics altogether.

Mr. Conductor:
Biggest mistake of all, is not to learn from your mistakes.

Midge Smoot:
As for you, Schemer, if you ever, ever, EVER try, or even think of trying, or even consider, pulling such a stunt again, I will personally bring every member of the "Friends of the Flowery-Catcus Ladies' Artillery" down here to picket your arcade. And that is no JOKE!

[Midge Smoot and the ladies march off]

Schemer:
Wait a minute, "Friends of the Flowery-Catcus Ladies' Artillery"? My mommy is in that group. HEY, MIDGE! MIIIIIIDDDGGGEEEE!

[runs out, with Schemee behind]

Mr. Conductor:
So, as you can see, some of the most surprising things can happen when you stand up to what you believe. And speaking of "believing", it's time to "be leaving". [disappears]

Mr. Conductor:
Did I hear someone say something about honesty being the best policy?

Dan Jones:
Gee, Mr. Conductor, whenever you did the right thing, everything worked out.

Mr. Conductor:
Of course. Because when you're honest, things have a way of rolling along nicely. And speaking of rolling...

[skates towards the end of the table]

Dan Jones, Kara, Becky:
MR.CONDUCTOR! LOOK OUT!

Becky:
Where have you been?

Mr. Conductor:
[flexing] Oh, I'm running in the Mingfield Marathon. Against a tortoise.

Dan Jones:
What're you doing here? Is the race over?

Kara:
Yeah.

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, I left the tortoise at the starting-line. He's so far behind me, I don't have anything to worry about.

Mr. Conductor:
Now let me see. He's one part, and you're another part. And if one part doesn't get along with another part, then you'll have to part. And if the two parts are apart, how can I tell you apart?

Mr. Conductor:
[causing them to laugh] You don't know the two Scottish twins, Donald and Douglas? Of course you don't know Donald and Douglas, because I haven't *told* you about Donald and Douglas. Or was it Douglas and Donald?

Becky:
Do you have time to tell us a story? I mean, aren't you supposed to be running a race, against a tortoise?

Mr. Conductor:
Don't worry about him. He probably isn't even to Point Pokey yet.

Schemer:
As long as it's not my pride, I can swallow anything!

Mr. Conductor:
Take it from me: polo's a good game, but riding on a squirrel isn't as easy as it looks. They keep getting distracted by acorns.

[first lines]

Mr. Conductor:
Hi! Look what I found. I once did more than 500 paddles in a row. Then the band broke and the ball came off. It turned up later, though, disguised as a meatball in my aunt Lily's spaghetti.

Mr. Conductor:
[teaching how to paddle] It's all in the wrists... or is it the neck? Could be the arms... Sticking out your tongue helps.

Kara:
[glumly] Hi, Becky...

Dan Jones:
Hi, Becky...

Becky:
Well, well, well, what are *we* all so happy about?

Kara:
We hurt a magician's feelings.

Becky:
I don't believe in that stuff.

Kara:
You don't believe magicians have feelings?

Mr. Conductor:
You don't believe in magic?

Becky:
I just said I didn't - Wait - How did you do that?

Kara:
Do what?

Becky:
Just say I don't believe in magic in a different voice. Without moving your lips.

Mr. Conductor:
She didn't say it. *I* did. Are you positive you don't believe in magic?

Becky:
[looking around] Who said that?

Mr. Conductor:
I did. And I can tell you one or two things about magic that are quite real.

Becky:
Cut it out, you two; you're scaring me.

Dan Jones:
We aren't doing anything.

Mr. Conductor:
[standing up as he sees him in the paddleball- box] Nothing to be scared of, Becky. Are you sure you don't believe in magic?

Becky:
It's a little man!

Dan Jones:
It's Mr. Conductor.

Becky:
[starting to reach for him] Wait a second - neat; how does a doll like that run, on batteries?

Mr. Conductor:
Stop it! I don't come with batteries!

Becky:
Are you a magician?

Mr. Conductor:
[seriously] No. I am who I am. And who I am is who I'll be, see?

Mr. Conductor:
So you new-timers just remember: don't sell us old-timers short. We still have a lot of tricks up our sleeves.

[plucks a floating card from his sleeve]

Mr. Conductor:
If you believe in somebody, believe in them all the way.

Stacy Jones:
You know, a big part of magic is wanting to believe in it.

Schemer:
[choking with laughter] What is green... green... has six legs... and if it drops out of a tree onto your head, it'll squish you like a bug? OK? Nobody can guess? I'll have to tell you, then.

Becky:
I know, a pool-table.

Stacy Jones:
[reading] "An otherwise-perfect evening was almost ruined by a snarling man who yelled at us to be quiet and kept wanting us to give him money."

Schemer:
Gee, I wonder who they're talkin' about.

Tanya:
Hey, come on, guys; how do you expect us kids to get any sleep?

[last lines]

Stacy Jones, Harry Cupper, Tanya, Matt:
Good night, Schemer!

Schemer:
[long pause before he pops over the information desk] Good night.

[everyone jumps, yells, and laughs]

Schemer:
It's the real man with his head on backwards! It's the real man with his head on backwards!

Stacy Jones:
Was that Schemer?

Harry Cupper:
I do believe it was.

Stacy Jones:
Were his clothes on backwards?

Harry Cupper:
I do believe they were.

Tanya:
I didn't know Schemer could cook.

Harry Cupper:
We haven't tasted it yet.

Schemer:
Wait, I have a receipt here somewhere.

Stacy Jones:
[in rummaging through his pocket he dropped it to the floor and she picks it up] Here, Schemer.

Schemer:
[takes it and puts his hand at his side still searching and glances at it after only a second] Oh, here it is.

Mr. Conductor:
Trains are good for getting from place to place in an interesting way. Boats are good for going *nowhere* in an interesting way.

Mr. Conductor:
You ride the water, you wait for the fish, and you learn to be patient. Well, wish me luck.

Matt:
You should take Schemer fishing with you.

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, I don't think so, Matt. He'd scare away the fish. He scares *me* away.

Tanya:
But don't you think Schemer needs to learn to be patient?

Mr. Conductor:
I should say so.

Harry Cupper:
When someone you know needs help, and you know you can help them, there's something inside you that naturally volunteers to do it. At least that's the way it's been with all the best people *I've* known.

The Mayor of East Shemp:
And tell Mr. Schemer that if he doesn't have a new, improved version of his sandwich-spread in time for lunch, he's in big trouble. And not only with me, but also with every one of the Friends of the Flowering Cactus Ladies Auxiliary, and that's not funny. Believe me; I speak from experience.

Matt:
[seeing him on his knees raising then lowering his forearms, fists, and head in despair] Schemer, are you doing your exercise?

Stacy Jones:
[glances at him amused on the phone]... Why, sure, I'll tell "Horace" to call you... Yes. Thank you very much, Mrs. Schemer; bye-bye.

[hangs up]

Stacy Jones:
"Horace"?... Come on, kids, we've got work to do.

Schemer:
I can't believe it. I can't believe you told her that.

[in toying with the phone distractedly he slams on his hand and yelps in pain]

Schemer:
Oh, this is the worst day of my life!

Stacy Jones:
All right now, we're gonna need a bowl... Come on, Matt and Tanya; we've got some shopping to do.

Schemer:
Hey, what am-what am I supposed to do?

Stacy Jones:
Um, stay calm... Horace.

[she and the kids head off laughing]

Schemer:
[tasting his spread Stacy and the kids recooked] I am, a genius.

Tanya:
No you're not; Stacy is!

Stacy Jones:
[chuckles] Let's just say *Horace's mother* is a genius.

Mr. Conductor:
So you see, even Gordon can learn to help someone besides himself.

Tanya:
Do you think Schemer ever will?

Mr. Conductor:
Stranger things have happened. Not that I can think of any.

[last lines]

Stacy Jones:
When I was a little girl, I wanted to make a lemon-meringue pie. The recipe said "Use 5 egg-whites". Do you know what I did? I put in five eggshells! I thought that was the white part.

Schemer:
Well, how did it turn out?

Stacy Jones:
[laughing] Schemer, the white of the egg is the clear part, not the eggshells. It was awful.

Schemer:
[the others laugh]... Oh!

[everyone laughs including him]

Harry Cupper:
I must be getting old. People keep thinking of jobs for me, just to make me feel useful.

Mr. Conductor:
[appears] Well, it's a relief *that's* over with.

Tanya:
Mr. Conductor, what happened?

Mr. Conductor:
You mean to say you didn't hear it?

Tanya:
Hear what?

Mr. Conductor:
All that grumbling and puffing on the Island of Sodor.

Stacy Jones:
All the grumbling we're hearing from Harry oughta be over soon! [goes to hide the gifts]

Matt:
Who was grumbling?

Mr. Conductor:
It was Gordon and the others. And they were having - No, let me blow my whistle and you just listen.

Stacy Jones:
Mum's the word.

Mr. Conductor:
And so is "goodbye".

[disappears as Harry comes in]

Mr. Conductor:
[appears on the information-desk behind Harry, speaking to himself] Come on, do it; there you go. It never hurts to say hello. Hi, Harry!

[disappears just as Harry would have had a good view of him]

Harry Cupper:
Did you hear something? A funny little voice?

[Stacy, Tanya, and Matt shake their heads, he walks on toward his workshop, Mr. Conductor appears on the ticket table]

Mr. Conductor:
Allow me to introduce myself.

[Harry looks startled and he removes his glasses, Mr. Conductor buries his face in his hands and disappears]

Harry Cupper:
I *am* getting old. First I'm hearing voices, then I'm seeing things.

Mr. Conductor:
[reappears] I tried.

[last lines]

Mr. Conductor:
[appears in his workshop] Excuse me.

Harry Cupper:
...Are you for real?

Mr. Conductor:
As real as you are.

Harry Cupper:
Was that you I saw before? [Mr. Conductor smiles and nods] That's a relief at least. But what do you do here?

Mr. Conductor:
I live here. Been here since before the Motion Limited made her first run.

Harry Cupper:
That's going back a ways.

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, I've been round the roundhouse a couple of times. Started this job the day the president's train went through. Do you remember that?

Harry Cupper:
Indeed I do! I was working on the Eastern Division then, and just imagine. The President of the United States was going to be riding on the Indian Valley Railroad. The man himself, was on the backpack team, that we were carrying. Just imagine!

Mr. Conductor:
I can! I can! *I* was on that train too!

Harry Cupper:
You were?

Mr. Conductor:
I've been trying to tell you. I was the Indian Valley Railroad Special Conductor. Every special thing that went out, I was there just to make sure that nothing went wrong.

Harry Cupper:
You mean to tell me, we were both on the same train and we didn't even know it?

Harry Cupper:
It looks that way.

Harry Cupper:
Can you beat that. I, uh, didn't catch your name.

Mr. Conductor:
Mr. Conductor, at your service.

Harry Cupper:
I'm glad you spoke up, Mr. Conductor. Yep. Reminds me of a story Big Dan Cunningham told me once...

Mr. Conductor:
[offering a flashlight] Batteries included.

Mr. Conductor:
I'm gonna look around for some candles.

Stacy Jones:
OK, Mr. Conductor, but if you go outside, don't forget your umbrella.

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, I don't like umbrellas, Stacy. I get lost walking around inside of them.

Stacy Jones:
I bet you'd like them if you had the right size. [chuckling, takes out a miniature-umbrella] I got this in a glass of lemonade along with a cherry and a slice of orange. I saved this umbrella for you.

Mr. Conductor:
[taking it] That's very thoughtful of you. But next time, save the fruit for me, too.

Kara:
I'm glad we're together in this one.

Dan Jones:
I think I'd like it better if we weren't in it at all.

Billy Twofeathers:
Thunderstorms are nature's way of bringing us rain.

Dan Jones:
Thanks, Nature... [pauses as thunder rumbles]... I think.

J.B. King:
The situation is critical. You might say bad.

Stacy Jones:
Kids, you go and be with Billy for a little while. [Schemer stands] "Kids".

Dan Jones:
Do you have storms on the Island of Sodor?

Mr. Conductor:
As a matter of fact, Percy got caught in an awful storm once.

Becky:
I don't think I wanna hear this right now.

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, that's too bad, because the storm passed.

Becky:
It did?

Mr. Conductor:
And it ends happily, as you'd have found out. But I'll save it for some other time.

Mr. Conductor:
[appears bicycling across the information-desk as Becky sits on its edge and tears her drawing] If I can reach the end in under thirty seconds, I'll have beaten my old record! [stopst where the shreds are] Where do these new obstacles come from? [honks his horn]

Becky:
They came from me, Mro Conductor. I tore up my drawing.

Mr. Conductor:
It *is* a drawing. That's a familiar-looking eye. I'd like to see this drawing.

Becky:
It's too late now.

Mr. Conductor:
It's never too late. [uses his magic to repair the picture]

Becky:
Wow!

Mr. Conductor:
It's Stacy. And she looks a lot better now.

Becky:
Kara's not cheating. But the only way I'll ever win is by magic.

Mr. Conductor:
Do you know any?

Becky:
No... But *you* do. I bet you could use magic to make me a *fabulous* picture! Oh, please? Will you do it, Mr. Conductor? Say you'll do it!

Mr. Conductor:
Sounds like winning the contest is really important to you.

Becky:
Oh, it is! More important than anything! And this is the only way.

Mr. Conductor:
Well, if it's that important... but I hope winning the contest makes you *feel* like a winner.

Mr. Conductor:
Jealousy is one thing you don't want to practice. As for me, I'm going to practice my bicycle-jumps at Mt. Careful.

Becky:
You're jumping over mountains?

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, no - molehills. Never make a mountain out of a molehill, I say.

Dan:
It's you on your motorcycle, winning the race.

Barton Winslow:
But I, uh, I lost the race, Dan.

Dan:
That's OK. I think it's really neat that you were in the race at all.

Barton Winslow:
Dan, my man, you are OK.

[high-five]

Stacy Jones:
[after getting off the phone] Well, you'd better leave my bags right there.

Dan Jones:
You mean you're going without your suitcases?

Kara:
Yeah, how are you gonna brush your teeth?

Mr. Conductor:
I'd hate to have been to a party I missed, especially since I was just invited to another party.

Becky:
You mean you're going to play leapfrog with real frogs?

Mr. Conductor:
Yes. And I'm sure we'll have a leaping good time.

Mr. Conductor:
Of course, you have to be an expert to work the balloon. And I, I may not be an EXPERRRT! [the hot-air balloon crashes into the ceiling and he falls onto the information desk]

Kara:
[the three run over] Mr. Conductor, are you all right?

Mr. Conductor:
Oh, yes. Just a little winded. I've heard of being taken for a ride, but that's ridiculous.

Mr. Conductor:
Becky, I've seen happier faces in a frowning-contest.

Becky:
Have you ever gotten carried away?

Mr. Conductor:
Of course. Just now, playing leapfrog. I leaped too far and landed in the mud. The frogs had to carry me away.

Mr. Conductor:
I know! You could use your magic and *make* me more money.

Becky:
You don't really want me to do that, do you?

Mr. Conductor:
Wanna bet?

Becky:
No...

Kara:
Billy, Becky let someone steal our money for Stacy's present, and it's all her fault!

Billy Twofeathers:
Hold on a minute, if the money was stolen, then it's not Becky's fault; it's just something bad that happened. It's not like she went out and spent it, is it?

Kara:
I... I guess not. I - I'm sorry, Becky. It's not like you spent it.

Billy Twofeathers:
Oh, I can help out. I'll lend you three some money; how much did you lose?

Becky:
Well, I, um... oh, boy. I can't do this. I have to tell the truth. I spent the money.

Kara:
I told you she spent it!

Schemer:
Hey, I did not steal any money and I did not eat any - [Becky holds up the open fudge-box, he raises his hands in defeat] Frankly, I had a couple pieces.

Becky:
[explaining why she stuck up for Schemer by saying he didn't force her to spend] I guess I could've said no, but I just got carried away.

Schemer:
She could've said no but she got carried away.

Billy Twofeathers:
Did you know the fudge was for Stacy's party?

Schemer:
Stacy's party, Stacy's party. Who cares about Stacy's party? Some stupid party I wasn't even invited to.

Billy Twofeathers:
Oh, you do care and you *are* invited.

Schemer:
I am?

Becky, Kara, Dan Jones:
[disappointed and disgusted] He *is*?

Billy Twofeathers:
Course he is.

[holds out Schemer's sale-sign to give back to him]

Billy Twofeathers:
But it wouldn't be much of a party without fruitcakes.

Schemer:
That was a good idea I just had. Glad I almost thought of it.

Schemer:
[holding out his hand] Uh, would you like to contribute?

Ginny:
[steps in front of Stacy] Contribute what?

Schemer:
...Handshake?

[last lines]

Mr. Conductor:
[appears] I hope we're not late for the party.

Becky:
Just in time, Mr. Conductor. I want to thank you for your help. Would you like some fruitcake?

Mr. Conductor:
We'd love some fruitcake.

Becky:
"We"? Who's "we"?

Mr. Conductor:
[gesturing then turning around puzzled to see he's alone] Well, my - guests and... me. Where *are* they? They were just here... [everyone else at the table laughs at a frog that climbs from the cider up Schemer's arm]