Silver Streak

Grover Muldoon:
What do they want you for?

George Caldwell:
Murder.

Grover Muldoon:
Drop me off anywhere along here okay? I don't mess with the Big M.

George Caldwell:
I know what goes where, and why.

Jerry Jarvis:
I can't take that responsibility. I better get my boss.

Chief Donaldson:
You better do something, you idiot, because in ten minutes you're going to have two hundred tons of locomotive smashing through Central Station on its way to Marshall Field's.

George Caldwell:
You stupid, ignorant son of a b*tch, dumb bastard. Jesus Christ. I've met some dumb bastards in my time but you outdo them all.

George Caldwell:
I've never milked a cow before.

Rita:
Cut the gas, Steve, you're a grown man. I'm sure you've had some similar experience.

Grover Muldoon:
So this is Mr. Big.

George Caldwell:
That's the man.

Grover Muldoon:
You ain't saying sh*t now, Mr. Big.

Grover Muldoon:
I'm following the plan. Just changed my mind.

George Caldwell:
Are you crazy? I thought we were gonna take the Chevy in back.

Grover Muldoon:
Chevy? That's a jerk-off, man. This here is pure p*ssy.

George Caldwell:
Pure p*ssy? Tell that to the judge.

Grover Muldoon:
Don't worry about no judge, Man, this thing gonna get us to Kansas City on time.

George Caldwell:
How about jail? Did you know that the office is right in front of us?

George Caldwell:
A P*ssy? A P*ssy? Can we go now?

Bob Sweet:
Here's a vitamin sample for you. Vitamin E. Now that is great for the old pecker. Yeah it really keeps a pencil sharpened.

Sheriff Chauncey:
Is he with the feds?

George Caldwell:
Who?

Sheriff Chauncey:
This guy Rembrandt.

George Caldwell:
Rembrandt is dead.

Sheriff Chauncey:
Dead? That makes four. Listen, fella, are you sure you're not making this up as you go along? I'm an officer of the law and I got a lot better things to do than listen to that kind of funnin'.

Sheriff Chauncey:
That's my hotline. Now you take your time to get your facts straight 'cause when I come back I want your answers clear and to the point. Got that? And you can start with who shot Rembrandt!

George Caldwell:
I can't pass for black.

Grover Muldoon:
Who you tellin'?I didn't say I was gonna make you black. I said I was gonna get you on the train. Now we got to make them cops think you're black.

George Caldwell:
It'll never work. Never.

Grover Muldoon:
What, you afraid it won't come off?

Grover Muldoon:
How come you whities got such a tight ass, man?

Mr. Edgar Whiney:
Hey. He's not dead.

Ralston:
Damn Hippies.

George Caldwell:
Did you know... that the Brainard Tunnel is the highest point on this line?

Bob Sweet:
Yeah, yeah. I knew that.

George Caldwell:
Did you know that when we reach it I intend to be higher?

George Caldwell:
I don't think we're going to make it past the cops.

Grover Muldoon:
We'll make it past the cops. I just hope we don't see no Muslims.

George Caldwell:
What do you think?

Grover Muldoon:
I think you better make a right up here and then a sharp left. I'm coming over.

Grover Muldoon:
Jesus Christ, man, is that how you murdered your victims? Put them in a car and bounced them to death?

George Caldwell:
Sorry.

Grover Muldoon:
Sorry, my ass. You dangerous... Proves one thing though, you don't do this for no living.

George Caldwell:
No I don't.

George Caldwell:
What did you come back here for?

Grover Muldoon:
You forgot your wallet.

George Caldwell:
Oh, some thief you are.

Grover Muldoon:
Well - I left my Jag in Kansas City.

You stupid, ignorant son of a b*tch dumb-bastard!

Wilder asks claburgh what she does for the professor, as his secretary, typing ? Shorthand ? And she says “I give good Phone”

Hilly:
What do you publish?

George:
Oh, mostly nonfiction. Gardening, cook books, how-to-do-it books.

Hilly:
Like sex manuals?

George:
I've edited a few.

Hilly:
An authority, huh?

George:
I know what goes where...and why.

Hilly:
That's very interesting. Are you married?

George:
Divorced.

Hilly:
How come?

George:
My friends all told me that my wife was too good for me...and after a couple of years I decided they were right.

George:
I can't get over the size of this room without the partition. They are small rooms by themselves.

Hilly:
They're perfect for juggling.

George:
For what?

Hilly:
For juggling. When you practice...the balls would always bounce off the walls.

George:
Do you juggle a lot?

Hilly:
I know what goes where and why.

George:
I like that song. If I ever hear it again...it'll be difficult not to think of you.

Hilly:
You put that very nicely.

George:
Thanks. To traveling by train. Trains that pass in the night.

George:
What do you think?

Grover:
I think you better make a right up here and then a sharp left. I'm coming over.

[climbs over the seat. George suddenly swerves the car, causing Grover to lunge forward]

Grover:
Jesus Christ, man! That's how you murdered your victims? Put 'em in a car and bounced 'em to death?

George:
Sorry!

Grover:
Sorry, my ass! You dangerous. Proves one thing, though: you don't do this for no living.

George:
No I don't.

[George slows down for a semi-trailer in front]

Grover:
What are you slowing down for?

George:
There's a truck up ahead.

Grover:
So....there is a truck up ahead. Be a man! Let's turn on the siren. [George begins to accelerate and overtake the truck] Let's get them hippies off the road. Put some foot in it!!

[a car is coming the other way, causing George to swerve and lose control, and the car skids off the road]

George:
Would you like to drive for a while?

Grover:
You thinking about her?

George:
Yeah. Crazy thing is I just met her two nights ago.

Grover:
That's the way love is. I always lose my memory when I fall in love.

George:
[to himself, in the mirror] Come on, man, get some jive goin'. Be cool. Shake it, but don't break it. Yeah! Hey man, how do I look? You look sharp, brother. I feel sharp! You hear? I feel like the sun around midnight. You dig? Outta sight! Get down! Get down! Feelin' good! Feelin' fine! Feelin' real fine! That's it. Just loosen up those hips, sugar. All you whiteys got a tight ass. Yeah, get that ass movin' there. Outta sight! I'm a macaroni! Get down! I'm the king! Number one, baby! [Shoe Shiner enters] Um, um, I'm not...

Shoe Shiner Hey, you must be in pretty big trouble, fella. But for God's sake, learn to keep time.

Grover:
Give me the gun. [George hands him the gun] Now, give me your wallet.

George:
What the...

Grover:
I gotta buy a disguise...a porter's uniform.

George:
You know, these disguises are getting expensive.

Grover:
What can I say, man? Crime costs.

Devereau:
The Silver Streak does have its drawbacks, but please try the marmalade. They do provide an excellent cuisine.

Grover:
Oh, thank you, sir. I'll tell the boys in the kitchen. We aims to please. Coffee, miss?

Hilly:
No, thanks.

Grover:
He ain't bullshittin' about the cuisine.

Devereau:
Steward?

Grover:
Is that your lady, man? She's somethin' else.

Devereau:
Steward!

Grover:
Stand up, mama. Let me get a look at you.

Devereau:
Steward!

Grover:
Mm, mm, mm! Have mercy!

Devereau:
Steward, you may go.

Grover:
Just a little more coffee?

Devereau:
No, thank you.

Grover:
Half a cup? [pours coffee in Devereau's lap] Oh, sorry, sir. Look what I've done.

Devereau:
You... Get out of...

Grover:
See what I've done...

Devereau:
You ignorant n*gger!

Grover:
[pulling a gun] Who you callin' n*gger, huh? You don't know me well enough to call me no n*gger! I'll slap the taste out your mouth! You don't even know my name! I'll whoop your ass! Beat the white off your ass!

Hilly:
Who are you?

Grover:
I'm a thief.

George:
It's all right, Hilly. He's a friend of mine.

Grover:
[driving away in a stolen car] Take it easy, killer. Stay loose.

Hilly:
What's he doing?

George:
He's crazy.

Hilly:
Crazy? He's got the right idea. Let's get out of here and go to a park.

George:
A park?

Hilly:
Yeah, I wanna lie back on the grass and have you teach me some more about gardening.

[they kiss]

George Caldwell:
[running gag whenever he's ejected from the train in any manner] Son of a b*tch!

Grover Muldoon:
[to George] That's bad, man! You're lookin' good! Now here, take this radio. When you step out of here, step out like King Sh*t. You bad! Put that radio to your ear. That's gonna help cover your face. Just move with the rhythm of the music. Move your body with the rhythm of the music. That's all you gotta remember, okay? Let me see you try it. Step to the music. Step to the music. Yeah. Step to the music. Stop. How come you whiteys got such a tight ass, man? How are you gonna walk outta here with a tan face and that white walk? Just get into the music. Come on, George. Loosen up. Listen to the beat. Let your feet move. Now, do it! Can't you feel it? The tempo's right here. Right in there. That's all you gotta do. Yeah, now try it! Don't you feel it? Yeah. Needs work, George. Needs a lot of work. You know that? Will you practice? Man, you gotta practice, but let it be loose! Listen to the music. Follow the beat. Hear?

Sheriff Chauncey:
Hello, Car 36, what the hell happened to you guys?

Grover Muldoon:
[into the radio] Hey Chauncey, this is Grover T. Muldoon. You wanna know what happened? We just whooped your ass. We whooped your ass. Ha ha ha!

George Caldwell:
Is there any way to get to the engine from here?

Ralston:
There's no way to get to the engine at all. How come we're going so fast?

George Caldwell:
There's nobody driving the train.

Ralston:
Oh, that's impossible. The train would stop.

George Caldwell:
Does it look like it is stopping to you?

Ralston:
[looks out the window] Sure in the hell don't. I'm gonna pull the emergency brake.

Grover Muldoon:
The emergency brakes have been cut.

Ralston:
[pauses] Damn hippies!