Sing a Song of Six Pants

Moe:
We're going to be paupers. Paupers!

Shemp:
Are you kidding? We're not even married!

Moe:
[pokes Shemp in the eyes] Why don't you be quiet. Think!

Shemp:
[referring to the detective's sport coat] Where did you ever get this mess?

Detective:
I bought it here.

Shemp:
Oh, what a beautiful mess-terpiece.

Detective:
I don't want a coat. I don't want a coat! [shouts] I don't want a coat!

All Three Stooges:
Oh. He don't want a coat!

Moe:
[Larry accidentally takes a swig of the cleaning fluid he was using, and inadvertently spits it out on the back of Moe's head. Moe walks over and put his left hand on the side of Larry's head] Oh, a funny man. [slaps him with the right hand] What the matter with you?

Larry:
[as Moe walks away] What did I do?

Terry 'Slipperyfinger' Hargan:
[to Shemp] Alright, bub. Where's that piece of paper that was in my pants pocket?

Shemp:
You mean the one with the numbers on it?

Terry 'Slipperyfinger' Hargan:
That's it. That's it.

Shemp:
And the letters L-R-L-R-L-R-L?

Terry 'Slipperyfinger' Hargan:
Yes! Yes! Where is it?

Shemp:
[Quietly] I never saw it.

[Shemp accidently hits Moe with a broom]

Shemp:
Gee, I'm sorry, Moe.

Moe:
Oh, think nothing of it.

Shemp:
Gee, thanks, Moe.

Moe:
You're welcome.

[grabs the broom and hits Shemp in the head with it]

[Moe starts to read a letter addressed to them]

Moe:
"Gentlemen..."

Shemp:
That ain't for us. We're not gentlemen.

Moe:
Speak for yourself.

[knocks Shemp in the nose]

Moe:
T.H. I wonder what that means.

Shemp:
Teddy Hoosevelt?

Moe:
You're wrong, quiz kid.

Larry:
T.H. T.H. I got it! I got it!

Moe:
What?

Larry:
Thomas Hedison!

Moe:
Why don't you dumbells stop?

Hargan's girlfriend:
[to Terry as he comes in] Hey, sugarplum, how are ya?

Terry 'Slipperyfinger' Hargan:
[Sarcastically, as he removes his trenchcoat showing he is not wearing his pants] Just dandy! [She laughs at this]

Moe:
[after they see the detective's badge] Gee officer, we didn't...

Detective:
[Cutting him off] Quiet! You boys realize you just let Terry Hargan, the bank robber, slip right through my hands? [Turns to Shemp] I outta run you in!

Shemp:
Please officer, I got six wives and two kids!

Moe:
Terry Hargen was here! The bank robber was here!

Shemp:
You're crazy. We got those clothes off one of the dummies.

[warningly, wagging his finger]

Shemp:
No cracks.

[Moe bites Shemp's finger]

[first lines]

Larry:
That is the toughest spot I ever tackled!

[Larry tries getting the spot out, to no avail]

Larry:
Shemp, give me a hand here!

Shemp:
I can't now. I gotta finish my pants!

Shemp:
[hearing a report of Hargan's crime spree on the radio] Hey Moe, why don't we capture Hargan and collect the reward? Then we can pay our bills.

[Shemp taps his temple, smiling]

Moe:
Oh, it's as simple as all that. Hargan is gonna walk right in here and let you capture him. You're nuts.