Sith Apprentice

[in reference to Darth Maul]

Darth Vader:
And what's with this constant, "Revenge of The Sith" thing? It's like it's the only line he knows!

Count Dooku:
And now, I would like to perform a dramatic piece of work from Professor Tolkien. [clears throat] Ther-

The Emperor:
Stop!

[audience gasps]

The Emperor:
Look, I may be evil, but even I don't go up against that guy's copyright lawyers!

[Darth Vader takes out his lightsabre, but it is blue instead of red]

The Emperor:
Lord Vader! Red.

[Darth Vader presses a button on his lightsabre, and it changes color]

Darth Vader:
Sorry, master. Always happens.

The Emperor:
Jar-Jar...

JarJar Binks:
Me-sa fired?

The Emperor:
No. You-sa fried.

[the Emperor shoots electricity out of his hand and vaporizes Jar-Jar]

The Emperor:
My name is Darth Sidious and I now utterly control this galaxy. Recently I summoned those with the darkest hearts to come to Coruscant for the chance to win the dream job for any bad guy. They have faced many challenges and many have already been defeated, leaving only these four, the best of the worst.

The Emperor:
Now these final four will go head to head in the most demanding job audition ever. Only one will get the job of a lifetime. Only one will prevail to become my Sith Apprentice!

JarJar Binks:
Mesa gonna show everyone how bombad mesa really is!

Count Dooku:
I thought Peter Cushing was going to be here.

The Emperor:
But I have to address one issue. You Jar-Jar!

JarJar Binks:
Mesa?

The Emperor:
Yes! Despite being an idiot, despite failing at nearly every task, despite being disliked by nearly everyone, you have managed to make it almost to the finals. I cannot let this go on. I cannot imagine you working at my side.

JarJar Binks:
But wait! Mesa gave you complete control of the senate. Yousa have ultimate power now because of mesa.

The Emperor:
Yes, that was a brilliant gamble on your part. I never understand how you pulled that off. But your usefulness to me has ended. You performed that task thinking you were doing good. I just can't condone that. I am! Evil you know!

The Emperor:
You have your assignments. Do not disappoint me. Now go!

The Emperor:
Excellent, You have done well, Lord Vader. You truly are the Dark Lord of the Dance.

Darth Maul:
At last I will reveal my true talents to the Jedi. At last I will have revenge.

Darth Maul:
At last I will have ...

Darth Vader:
We know!

Count Dooku:
We know!

JarJar Binks:
Wesa know!

Darth Vader:
Enough with the revenge thing, Maul. You need to reach your centre. Go to your dark place.

Darth Vader:
But tonight, tonight I will show them. Tonight I will have my rev..

Darth Vader:
Oh, crap. Now I'm doing it too.

Count Dooku:
I was wielding supernatural powers when these two Darth-wannabes were both in diapers.

Count Dooku:
Come on, metalbum. Fight!

Darth Vader:
Fight? you've lost your hands.

Count Dooku:
It's only a flesh wound

Darth Vader:
That's it! No more cross-references

Darth Vader:
[just before cutting Dooku's head off with his ligthsabre] There can be only one... apprentice