Small Time

[first lines]

Freddy Klein:
This is the story about my father and the summer we spent together many years ago. It was the summer that changed my life.

Barbara:
If he ends up like you, Al, I will hang myself. I really will.

Barbara:
No offense.

Ash Martini:
Me and Jesus, the only two men she ever wanted. And I got there first.

Freddy Klein:
Ah. You're "B.C."

Freddy Klein:
With all due respect, sir, I don't think you're ready to buy a car. And that's okay. You should probably go home and think about it a little bit more.

Bad Ass:
What did you say?

Freddy Klein:
You can't just discuss your money, pal. You just drove in this car. I mean, you've practically done a cavity search on it. And if you need someone to convince you that this is still a good deal, then you're obviously not interested in buying a car, in which case you're wasting both of our time.

Bad Ass:
I'll tell you what. If I buy this car and it breaks down on me two days after the warranty expires, I'll come back and I'll kick you ass.

Freddy Klein:
Okay. And if it doesn't and you drive it for another 100,000 miles, can I come to your place and kick your ass?

Bad Ass:
Write it up.

[last lines]

Ash Martini:
[filming commercial] Hey, folks, come on down to Diamond Motors.

Al Klein:
'Cause here at Diamond Motors...

Barlow, Linda, Al Klein, Freddy Klein, Ash Martini, Gail:
[in unison] We're family!