Snatch.

Avi:
Yeah. Don't go to England.

Avi:
Should I call you Bullet? Tooth?

Bullet Tooth Tony:
You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

Brick Top:
Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible c*nt... me.

Avi:
Tony.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
What?

Avi:
Look in the dog.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
What do you mean, "Look in the dog"?

Avi:
I mean open him up.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
It's not a f***ing tin of baked beans! What do you mean "open him up"?

Vinny:
What do you mean, Replicas?

Sol:
They look the sh*t, don't they? And no one is going to argue. I've got some extra loud blanks just in case.

Vinny:
Oh, in case we have to deafen them to death?

Turkish:
F*** me, hold tight. What's that?

Tommy:
It's me belt, Turkish.

Turkish:
No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers. What's a gun doing in your trousers?

Tommy:
It's for protection.

Turkish:
Protection from what? "Zee Germans"?

Brick Top:
In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again.

Turkish:
You take sugar?

Brick Top:
No thank you, Turkish; I'm sweet enough.

Turkish:
Well, do you want to do it?

Mickey:
That depends.

Turkish:
On what?

Mickey:
On you buying this caravan. Not the rouge one, the rose.

Turkish:
It's not the same caravan.

Mickey:
It's not the same fight.

Turkish:
It's twice the f***ing size of the last one.

Mickey:
Turkish, the fight is twice the size. And me ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it.

Turkish:
Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little f***ing rich.

Turkish:
I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant...

Mickey:
Save your breath for cooling your porridge. Hey, look

Mickey:
Right. And she's terribly partial to the periwinkle blue. Have I made myself clear, lads?

Turkish:
Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey. Just give me one minute to confer with my colleague.

Turkish:
Did you understand a single word of what he just said?

Avi:
I'm gettin' heartburn. Tony, do something terrible.

Mickey:
I bet ya can box a little, can't ya sir? Aye, you look like a boxer.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
Boris the Blade? As in Boris the Bullet-Dodger?

Avi:
Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?

Bullet Tooth Tony:
'Cause he dodges bullets, Avi.

Avi:
You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London.

Doug the Head:
Avi.

Avi:
Sit down and shut up, you big, bald f***. I don't like leaving my country Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less then sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats.

Doug the Head:
Avi, we have sandy beaches...

Avi:
So? Who the f*** wants to see 'em?

Bullet Tooth Tony:
Avi, pull your socks up.

Avi:
Eighty-six carats.

Rosebud:
Where?

Avi:
London.

Rosebud:
London?

Avi:
London.

Avi:
Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary f***ing Poppins... LONDON.

Turkish:
You show me how to control a wild f***ing gypsy and I'll show you how to control an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster.

Vinny:
Why are we stopped here? What's wrong with that spot?

Tyrone:
It's too tight.

Vinny:
Too tight? You could land a jumbo f***ing jet in that.

Vinny:
I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the f*** can he get away from?

Bullet Tooth Tony:
So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey f*ggot balls.

Vinny:
These are your last words, so make them a prayer.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
Now, d*cks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell p*ssy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old p*ssy, and have brought your two small mincey f*ggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no p*ssy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O" written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... F*** off.

Brick Top:
If I throw a dog a bone, I don't want to know if it tastes good or not. And if you ever interrupt me whilst I'm walking, I'll cut your f***ing jacobs off.

Tommy:
Who took the jam outta your doughnut?

Turkish:
You took the f***ing jam outta my doughnut, Tommy, you.

Brick Top:
I don't care if he's Muhammad I'm hard Bruce Lee. You can't change fighters.

Tyrone:
I didn't see it.

Vinny:
It's a two f***ing ton van Tyrone. Its not as though its a bag of f***ing peanuts now is it?

Tyrone:
It was at a funny angle.

Vinny:
It's behind you Tyrone. When you reverse, things come at you from behind.

Turkish:
What's happening with them sausages, Charlie?

Sausage Charlie:
Five minutes, Turkish.

Turkish:
It was two minutes five minutes ago.

Turkish:
I fail to recognize the correlation between "losing 10K", "hospitalizing gorgeous" and "a good deal".

Brick Top:
Gimme that f***ing shooter.

Turkish:
I'm taking the dog for a walk. What's the problem?

Turkish:
Seats and a steering wheel.

Mickey:
Good dags. D'ya like dags?

Tommy:
Dags?

Mickey:
What?

Mrs. O'Neil:
Yeah, dags.

Tommy:
Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.

Tyrone:
I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats.

Vinny:
Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.

Turkish:
I'm sorry, Mickey.

Mickey:
Did ya do it? Then why are ya sorry?

Tommy:
We've lost Gorgeous George.

Brick Top:
You'll have to say that again, I don't think I heard you?

Tommy:
We've lost Gorgeous George.

Brick Top:
How could you lose him, he's not a set of car keys. It's not like he's incon-f***ing-spicuous.

Sol:
No, it's a moissanite.

Bad Boy Lincoln:
A what-a-nite?

Sol:
A moissanite is an artificial diamond, Lincoln. It's Mickey Mouse, man. Spurious. Not genuine. And it's worth... F***-all.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
You better not be tellin' me porky pies.

Turkish:
...I can't make him fight, can I?

Brick Top:
You're not much use to me alive are you.

Errol:
F***face, who's speaking to you? He asked him, didn't he?

Turkish:
F***face... I like that one Errol. I'll have to remember that one next time I'm crawling off yer mum.

Mickey:
Ya got a good kick fer a fat fella.

Gorgeous George:
You better stay down.

Doug the Head:
What are you doing?

Doug the Head:
Well it isn't a free shop is it? So f*** off.

Mickey:
The deal was you bought it like you saw it. Hey, look, I've helped you as much as I'm going to help you. See that car? Just use it for you're not welcome anymore. You should f*** off now while you still got the legs to carry you.

Gorgeous George:
Nobody.

Mickey:
Nobody brings a fella the size of you unless they're trying to say something without talking, right?

Tommy:
Sorry, Mickey. Just give our money back and you can keep the caravan.

Mickey:
Why the f*** do I want a caravan that's got no f***ing wheels? You want to settle this with a fight?

Mrs. O'Neil:
Over my dead body! Now, go on! Go on! I'll not have you fighting, Mickey! You know what happens when you fight.

Mickey:
Get her to sit down. For f***'s sake! Want the money? I ain't f***ed you. I'll fight you for it. You and me.

Cousin Avi:
Six times.

Doug the Head:
In one sitting.

Brick Top:
You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

Sol:
Would someone mind telling me, who are you?

Brick Top:
And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig sh*t, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

Bullet Tooth Tony:
I'm driving down the road with your head stuck in my window. What does it look like I'm doin'?

Sol:
You ain't from this planet are you, Vincent? Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sat in a car that is worth less than your shirt?

Turkish:
Now, I know he looks like a fat f***er... well, he is a fat f***er...

Tommy:
Are you sayin' I can't shoot?

Turkish:
no Tommy, I'm not saying you can't shoot, I know you can't shoot, I'm just sayin' it'd probably do him more damage if you fed it to him.

Turkish:
Have you ever crossed the road, and looked the wrong way?

Turkish:
a car's nearly on you? So what do you do? Something very silly. You freeze. Your life doesn't flash before you, cos you're too f***in' scared to think - you just freeze and pull a stupid face.

Turkish:
Not many people are named after plane crashes

Sol:
What the f*** is that?

Vinny:
Heh heh. This, is a shotgun Sol.

Sol:
It's a f***ing anti-aircraft gun Vincent.

Vinny:
So, I wanna raise some pulses don't I?

Sol:
You'll raise Hell. Never mind pulses.

Brick Top:
He's been quite a busy bastard that Turkish.

Errol:
I think you've let him get away with enough, Gov'nor

Brick Top:
It'll get you in a lot of trouble thinking, Errol. I wouldn't do too much of it.

Vinny:
Bad Boy, I keep telling you: 'Stick to being a gangster.' Leave this business to me 'n Sol.

Sol:
Are you all right there Vincent?

Vinny:
I would be if you stopped using my name.

Rosebud:
Get me to a doctor. Shoot that f***. Then get me to a doctor.

Cousin Avi:
Well get you to a nice Jewish doctor Ross. Find my friend a nice Jewish doctor.

Mullet:
What are you doing Tony?

Bullet Tooth Tony:
Driving with you head stuck in my window. What do you think I'm doing?

Tommy:
You 'bin usin' dog sh*t fer toothpaste, Mullet?

Brick Top:
It was a rhetorical question Errol. What have I told you about thinking?

Cousin Avi:
Who's Bullet Tooth...

Bullet Tooth Tony:
You silly f***.

Gorgeous George:
This is going to get messy.

Boris:
Drop the gun, fat boy.

Sol:
He's a natural, ain't you Tyrone?

Tyrone:
'course I am...

Vinny:
A natural f***ing idiot.

Turkish:
It's an unlicensed boxing match. It's not a tickling competition. These lads are out to hurt each other.

Brick Top:
Of course, f***ing of course.

Vinny:
Replicas? What do you mean, Replicas?

Sol:
They look real don't they? I also brought some extra loud blanks just in case.

Vinny:
In case what? In case we have to deafen them to death?

Sol:
I'm not in here to make a f***ing bet.

Sol:
I'm not f***ing buying that.

Turkish:
You aren't Mister Current Affairs are you? The "Mad Fish" went mad, and "The Gun" shot himself.

Tommy:
What if Mickey knocks the other guy out?

Turkish:
Then I reckon we get murdered before we leave the building, and we get fed to the pigs.

Tommy:
Well, I'm glad to see you're climbing the walls in f***ing anxiety.

Turkish:
Well, why didn't you "bust a cap in his ass," Tommy?

Bullet Tooth Tony:
A bookie's got blagged last night.

Avi:
Blagged? Do me a favor, Tony, speak English. I thought this country spawned the f***ing language, and so far nobody seems to speak it.

Vinny:
Now I don't want to put a bullet in your face, but if you don't give us *exactly what we want, there will be murders.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
(To Tyrone) What's your name?

Sol:
Shoot him.

Bullet Tooth Tony:
Ooh.

Franky Four Fingers:
So the biblical scholars mis-translated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin," which was a pretty easy mistake to make, since there is only a subtle difference in the spelling. But back then it was the "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not every day a virgin conceives and bears a son. So you keep that for a couple of hundred years, and the next thing you know, you have the Roman Catholic church.

Brick Top:
Are you taking the piss?

Franky Four Fingers:
Where is the stone?

Doug the Head:
Avi, I'm not telepathic.

Cousin Avi:
Well you're plenty f***ing stupid, I'll tell you that? Do you know why they call him Franky "Four Fingers" Doug? Because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him te chop. And I'm not talking about his f***ing fore-skin either.

Cousin Avi:
Did he have a case on him?

Doug the Head:
Yes.

Cousin Avi:
And this schmuck is gambling?

Doug the Head:
Yes, well what's the problem?

Cousin Avi:
We're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" f***ing Four Fingers Doug.

Vinny:
The dog. The dog must have ate it.

Mickey:
I'll tell ya what. I'll do it for a caravan.

Turkish:
For what?

Tommy:
It was us who wanted a caravan.

Tommy:
Anyway, what's wrong with this one?

Mickey:
It's not for me. It's for me ma.

Turkish:
Your what?

Sol:
You are a bad-boy yardie, and bad-boy yardies are supposed to know how to get rid of bodies.

Bad Boy Lincoln:
I create the bodies. I don't erase the bodies.

Franky Four Fingers:
I have stones to sell, fat to chew, and many different men to see about many different ducks, so if I am not rushing you...

Doug the Head:
Slow down, Franky, my son. When in Rome...

Franky Four Fingers:
I am not in Rome, Doug. I am in a rush.

Turkish:
For ever action, there is a reaction. And a Pikey reaction... is quite a f***ing thing.

Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov:
You can keep the 10 grand, along with the body. But if I see you again - YOU MOTHERF***ERS! - Well, look at him.

Errol:
We're in, boss.

Brick Top:
Goody gumdrops. Fetch us a cup of tea, will ya?

Mickey:
Ah - deh sah-sez-fren-forcher, and dah scar-her-cushons, wit dah matsen-seck-way-Core-Ver

Tommy:

Bricktop's Henchman:
I f***in' hate Pikeys.

Tommy:
The human body hasn't got used to dairy products yet.

Turkish:
Well f*** me Tommy. What have you been reading?

Avi:

Very industrious for a Cossack...

Turns out the smooth talking, tattoo sporting pikey is the gypsy bare knuckle boxing champion, which makes im, arder, than a coffin nail...

You can bet your bollocks to a barn dance

Detective "what's in the car?"

Turkish "Seats and a steering wheel..."