Son of the Mask

Loki:
I'm a god. I can shape-shift. I can create stuff out of nothingness. I can alter the fabric of reality. So please quit being a knucklehead.

Loki:
HE DID NOT!!!!!!!!!

Museum Person:
Good God!

Loki:
And don't you FORGET IT!!!

Dr. Neuman:
Apparently, you do not agree with my theories.

Loki:
Finally. [looks at the mask and sees it's a fake] THIS IS A FAKE!

Dr. Neuman:
Yes, but it's a good fake. [Loki the mask at him which hits him in the head] Ouch. Sir, that is museum property.

Loki:
Oh, I'm sorry. Let me replace it.

Dr. Neuman:
What-- what are-- what are you doing? Perhaps I should inform you I suffer from vertigo and I have a lawyer. Hello? Where's my body? Come get me.

Museum Security Guard:
Hold it right there!

Dr. Neuman:
I don't like it here.

Loki:
Thanks for dropping by.

Museum Security Guard:
Dropping?

Loki:
Bye!

Shopkeeper:
[in Odin's voice] Fool! What in Helvetii were you about to do to this shopkeep?

Loki:
Nothing, I was just...

Shopkeeper:
Fool! Don't you dare lie to me. You know, Thor never gave me this kind of trouble.

Loki:
Okay, here we go again with the Thor crap. Thor, Thor, Thor. You know, father, I'm not like Thor. I'm never gonna be like Thor.

Shopkeeper:
[grumbles] I just wish that..

Loki:
Can't you just love me for who I am and not for who I'm not?

Shopkeeper:
NO! I want you to be more like Thor! Now, I've wasted enough time here. I felt a tremor. A child has been born of the mask!

Loki:
Wow, a baby's born of the mask, so that sort of makes me kind of like a dad, huh?

Shopkeeper:
FIND IT!

Loki:
The baby or the mask?

Shopkeeper:
Find the baby and you will find the mask.

Loki:
Right.

Loki:
Okay, where is the mask?

Tim Avery:
What?

Loki:
The mask, my mask. Where is it?

Tim Avery:
What are you talking about? Who are you?

Loki:
I am Loki, God of Mischief.

Tim Avery:
Yeah, and I'm Tim, god of crazy babyland. Will you get out of the way?

Loki:
That baby is born of the mask, my mask. And where is it?!

Tim Avery:
Born of the mask what? Oh, so that explains why he could pee like that! But wait a minute, this is my baby.

Loki:
I don't care about that. Just give me my mask!

Tim Avery:
I don't know where it is.

Loki:
Oh really? Maybe this will jog your memory! [he holds an axe with some arms holding a gun to shoot]

Police:
[in Odin's voice, grabs Loki] LOKI!

Loki:
Dad?! [Tim heads away]

Police:
I wanted you've left me no other choice.

Loki:
I don't have time for this! Look, dad, there's Balder!

Tim Avery:
[in Odin's voice] LOKI! You have defied me for the last time. [saluting] I've had it up to here with you!

Loki:
Dad, please, listen to me. You're holding the baby.

Tim Avery:
Silence! You have left me no choice.

Loki:
Listen, listen...

Tim Avery:
You are here by stripped of your immortal powers and forever banished to the land of mortals.

Loki:
No. Please, hear me out. That baby... [Tim Avery attempted to sizzles Loki]

Tim Avery:
Whoa.

Tim Avery:
Hello?

Jorge:
Hey, buddy. Can you get down here now? Daniel's asking for you.

Tim Avery:
No, I can't come in right now. I'm stuck here with my kid!

Jorge:
You'd better think of something, he wants to see your drawings before the pitch on Friday.

Tim Avery:
I'll do the drawings now and I'll fax 'em over after lunch.

Jorge:
All right.

Tim Avery:
Okay, bye.

Tim Avery:
Babe! I got incredible news!

Tonya Avery:
Really? I think I do too!

Tim Avery:
Really? What?

Tonya Avery:
Um, you go.

Tim Avery:
No, you go.

Tonya Avery:
Okay, I'm gonna go.

Tim Avery:
Babe, let me go.

Tonya Avery:
Okay, go.

Tim Avery:
Guess who got moved up to the second floor? [Tonya gasps, Tim and she both vocalizing hip-hop music]

Tonya Avery:
Oh god, that is so great! I am so proud of you. Oh, then it was meant to be.

Tim Avery:
What's meant to be? What's your news?

Tonya Avery:
I've been feeling really funky all day, and you're not gonna believe this.

Odin:
[drawn-out, shouting] Loki! There was a baby born of the mask!

Tim Avery:
[surprised by Alvey's face is shown Loki, screaming] No! Ah!

Tonya Avery:
Tim, snap out of it!

Tim Avery:
Baby? Is that you?

Tonya Avery:
Of course it's me. What are you doing up so late? And where's Alvey?

Tim Avery:
Seriously. Is that really you?

Tonya Avery:
That's not Otis, that's a green critter!

Tim Avery:
[to Alvey] That's it, buddy! First I'm taking you to a pediatrician, then I'm taking you to an exorcist.

Tim Avery:
Hey, Loki. [suddenly picks up a phone receiver and shouts] Give me back my son!

Loki:
Um... No. [speeds off]

Tonya Avery:
Where's Alvey?

Tim Avery:
Okay, don't freak out.

Tonya Avery:
Where's Alvey?

Tim Avery:
You're freaking out.

Tonya Avery:
Where's my baby?

Tim Avery:
Loki t-took him.

Tonya Avery:
[scared] Took him?! Did you CALLED THE POLICE?!?!

Tim Avery:
No, I...

Tonya Avery:
Oh my god. [she accidentally calling the police on the phone]

Tim Avery:
Tonya, listen!

Tonya Avery:
This is emergency, my son is missing... !

Tim Avery:
No, TONYA, listen! [throws the phone away] The police can't help us! He's the freaking god of mischief. All he wants is his mask, which Otis is wearing. And if I can just figure out where Otis is, I can just... [but surprised] Of course!

Tonya Avery:
Our child is missing and you're worried about the damned dog?!?! This is CRAZY!!! [gasped, seeing a giant nose-face on person's body, who was touching her]

Tim Avery:
See what I'm talking about? Now, you're gonna have to trust me and get in the car, because I know where Alvey is and I know how to get him back, because I know the one place Otis the moose would go.

Tonya Avery:
Yeah! Yeah! Honey, oh, that was such a good show. But, I think you might need to add another character.

Tim Avery:
What? Really?

Tonya Avery:
Yeah. [she and Tim kissing each other]

Tim Avery:
What do you think about that, Double A? A little brother or sister? How does that sound? [Alvey winks]