Soul Plane

Captain Mack:
This is your soul plane chauffeur Captain Antoine Mack speaking. Welcome aboard NWA flight 069 from the 310 to the 212. It's time to bust this coney y'all. In a hot second, I'll be hittin' them switches and gettin' this b*tch pumpin' and jumpin'. So screw your sh*t on tight and enjoy the flight.

Captain Mack:
Testicles, 1, 2... Testicles, 1, 2.

Gaeman:
Please, man, I...

Captain Mack:
What part of "You ain't flying this plane" don't you understand? Sit back and enjoy the flight, Idi Amin!

Blanca:
[after catching Method Man staring at her chest] Ain't no drink down there.

Muggsy:
There isn't.

Heather Hunkee:
Fine. For a couple more hours. I am 17 and then I'll be 18. Then I can party and have sex.

Mr. Hunkee:
Sex?! No, no.

Heather Hunkee:
Yeah, sex. Missionary, doggie-style, rocking the baby, getting tea-bagged, playing the trombone while I'm tossing a salad, hand jobs, ear jobs, blow jobs. Getting a pearl necklace, riding the bologna pony... sucking--

Mr. Hunkee:
That's enough!

Worldwide Airlines Ticket Agent:
OK, Mr. Hunkee, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that your flight 114 to JFK has been cancelled.

Barbara:
Oh, for the love of...

Worldwide Airlines Ticket Agent:
But, the good news is that we have found another airline that can accommodate you this evening. [in background] Would you be interested in flying another airline?

Mr. Hunkee:
No problem.

Worldwide Airlines Ticket Agent:
OK, four tickets for flight... 069, on NWA. What you gonna wanna do is go to gate 1, uh, that's Terminal X, and we'll send your luggage on down for you.

Mr. Hunkee:
Thank you.

Worldwide Airlines Ticket Agent:
Good luck!

Billy Hunkee:
Oh shoot!

Barbara:
Terminal Malcolm X?

Captain Mack:
Hey, yo Game, why don't you go secure the cockpit, homie.

Gaeman:
Yes, right away. [locks the cockpit door] This motherf***er is locked.

Captain Mack:
[picks up a bobble head doll] Fred G. Sanford, my n*****, and the "G" is for going places, can you dig it? [shakes bobble head, making it nod its head] Now we ready to roll. [the plane starts up and backs up] Oh nerves got switches in this, huh? [hits a switch] Mmm yum, and they work! [camera cuts to some surprised passengers] Oh this is hot yo! [plane bounces around] Yeah!

Gaeman:
Oh my gosh! [plane continues bouncing]

Captain Mack:
Bounce with me! This has hooked up!

Gaeman:
Like an elephant!

Captain Mack:
Yeah! Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce!

Gaeman:
Hey, I have the perfect music for this! Yes I have it right here. [puts a CD in the stereo] Huh what what... huh what what-

Captain Mack:
[interrupts Gaeman] Hey man, hold on man, hold on.

Gaeman:
Like an elephant! Ha ha!

Captain Mack:
Naw man, you got to turn that bullsh*t off, man. Can't be ridin' to that bullsh*t, man.

Gaeman:
Don't you insult my music.

Captain:
Ride ya some gangsta sh*t, pop that in man. Captain don't want to hear that Zimbabwe-ah-wa-wa-wa sh*t.

Gaeman:
It's not sh*t. [takes out his CD, puts in Mack's CD]

Captain Mack:
Whatever, get it out of here. I'm the captain of this motherf*cking sh*t.

Riggs:
Captain, what is wrong with you?

Captain:
I'm afraid of heights.

Riggs and Gaeman:
AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?!

Mr. Hunkee:
Alright, congratulations everybody! You guys have been punk'd! There's cameras everywhere, right son?

Billy Hunkee:
We'll be back in like five minutes with the release forms! Come on!

Nashawn:
Everybody! Top deck! Drinks on me!

Nashawn:
You know hard it is to get 84 inch tires?!

Nashawn:
[after seeing that business class has been turned into a casino] I'm going back to the front of the plane. When I get back, I want this to be business class.

Captain Mack:
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached our cruising altitude of 33 thousand feet... 33 THOUSAND FEET? Oh shoot, man! We flyin' higher than Redman at the Source Awards!

Captain Mack:
[looking into the cockpit] This is some cool shoot, fit for a real nerve.

Flame:
[calmly, after a stewardess has whispered something into his ear] I'll handle this. [screams] THE CAPTAIN'S DEAD!

Flame:
[After hearing Muggsy say he's got a cock fight in 10 minutes] Cock fight? I'm in.

Flame:
Now, how much Colt 45 to Sierra Mist do you mix to get bubbly? Probably half and half.

Blanca:
[in Spanish, to Muggsy]: I'll bet you have the tiniest penis.

Blind Man:
I'm a player, but I don't play that way!

Middle Eastern Passenger:
This is the bomb! [everything goes silent] What...? Let's dance!