Space Jam

Charles Barkley:
It was this little girl, five-foot-nuthin'. She blocked my shot!

Psychiatrist:
I see. And how long has this dream been recurring?

Charles Barkley:
It wasn't a dream, it was real!

Shawn Bradley:
I guess there's a few things I could do instead of basketball... I could be a farmer... I could be a missionary and go back to the jungle again...

Tweety Bird:
I tought I taw - I did! I did! I did tee Michael Jordan!

Daffy Duck:
We've got to get a new agent. We're getting screwed!

Daffy Duck:
Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys.

Daffy Duck:
Oh, fear clutches my breast!

Mouse announcer:
Standing at three foot three, four foot if you count the ears, is Bugs Bunny.

Daffy:
I know a great name for our team: The Ducks!

Bugs:
What kind of a Mickey Mouse outfit would name their team The Ducks?

Daffy:
Let's all laugh at the duck.

Daffy Duck:
Mother!

Muggsy Bogues:
So what are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mother?

Psychiatrist:
I didn't say that, Muggsy.

Muggsy Bogues:
But I love my mother.

Bill Murray:
It's because I'm white, isn't it?

Michael Jordan:
Larry's white.

Bill Murray:
Larry's not white. Larry's clear.

Michael Jordan:
Listen, this is a man's game. You can't play?

Bill Murray:
It's 'cause I'm white, isn't it?

Michael Jordan:
Larry's white, so what?

Bill Murray:
Larry's not white, Larry's clear.

Bill Murray:
It is alive!

Michael Jordan:
Don't forget my North Carolina shorts.

Daffy Duck:
Your shorts? From college?

Michael Jordan:
I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.

Michael Jordan:
I washed them after every game!

Michael Jordan:
I did!

Larry Johnson:
I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-Rayed, Laser beamed...

Tweety Bird:
Those Monstars'd wished they'd been never born!

Taz:
Lemony fresh!

Tweety Bird:
Holey puddy-tat!

Stan Podalak:
The mouse? He picked the mouse?

Bugs:
Look at our facilities.

Daffy:
We've got hoops!

Elmer Fudd:
We've got weights!

Sylvester:
We've got balls!

Michael Jordan:
You sure do. This place is a mess.

Tweety Bird:
Feed me! Feed me!

Sylvester:
Feed you? Feed me!

Daffy:
Just how did you get here, anyway?

Bill Murray:
I'm a friend of one of the producers, he sent a Teamster to drop me off.

Daffy:
Aha. Well, that's the way it goes.

Stan Podalak:
C'mon, Michael. Let me help. I'm not very tall but I'm slow.

Sylvester:
...and large.

Daffy Duck:
...and a dork.

Michael Jordan:
But I'm a baseball player now.

Bugs:
Right, and I'm a Shakespearean actor.

Stan Podalak:
C'mon, Michael, it's game time. Slip on your Hanes, lace up your Nikes, take your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we'll grab a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.

Barkley:
It was this girl, 5'-nothin'. Blocked my shot!

Psychiatrist:
When did you first start having this dream?

Barkley:
It wasn't a dream! It really happened!

Psychiatrist:
Are there any other areas besides basketball where you find yourself unable to perform?

Ewing:
No!

Psychiatrist:
I'm just asking.

Fortune teller:
I see aliens. Little aliens from outer space. They forced their way inside your bodies. They need your talent to win a basketball game against Bugs Bunny.

Ewing:
[whispers] Bugs Bunny?

Fortune teller:
I also see Michael Jordan being sucked down a golf hole by furry creatures.

Ewing:
That's it. We're outta here.

Johnson:
We're leaving now.

[the incapacitated players set off]

Bradley:
Let's try some acupuncture.

Muggsy:
Good idea. [to the fortune teller] Bye.

[Stan has finished digging up the golf hole that Michael got sucked down, and still no sign of him]

Stan:
This is it! THIS IS IT! I don't know where you are, Michael! But wherever you are, you obviously enjoy bein' there more than spendin' time with me!

Daffy:
You'd better hope this Jordan character still knows how to play hoops.

Bugs:
You and me both, brother.

Daffy:
Listen. How's this for a new team name? The Ducks!

Bugs:
Please! What kinda Mickey Mouse organization would name their team The Ducks?

Daffy:
So sue me! It's just a suggestion.

[as Michael's golf ball rolls toward the hole in an unusual way]

Murray:
It is alive!

[Michael tries to walk on the Looney Tunes' gym floor, but his cleats get stuck, and he falls down]

Michael:
Anyone lend me a pair of sneakers?

Bugs:
Uh, sneakers?

[he and the other Tunes look down at their feet; no one is wearing sneakers]

Foghorn:
Uh...

Tweety:
Sowwy.

Michael:
Someone's gonna have to go to my house and pick up my basketball gear.

Daffy:
To your house? In 3-D Land?

Michael:
Yeah. Whatever you do, don't forget my North Carolina shorts.

Daffy:
Your shorts? From college?

Michael:
I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.

Looney Tunes:
[grossed out] Eww!

Michael:
Hey! I washed 'em after every game!

[the Looney Tunes laugh sarcastically]

Sylvester:
Sure!

Michael:
I did!

Daffy:
Gross.

Johnson:
I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-rayed, laser beamed,...

Ewing:
Still can't find anything wrong with us.

Muggsy:
Hey, maybe there's nothin' wrong with us.

Johnson:
That's right, Muggs. Maybe it's just in our heads.

Muggsy:
We're fine. It's just some psychosomatic deal or somethin' to do with the moon or the alignment of the planet.

[Bugs and Daffy dig their way into the real world]

Daffy:
The view back there stinks!

[they stop digging]

Daffy:
Oh, what?

Bugs:
We're right in front of Michael's house!

Daffy:
I knew that.

Bugs:
Shh! Okay. Let's go in this way.

Daffy:
I say let's go in that way.

[they split up as they continue digging]

Bugs:
He just never loins.

[after cleaning up the gym]

Taz:
Lemony fresh!

Bill Murray:
[pops up near the end of the game] Hey! Perhaps I could be of some assistance.

Michael Jordan:
That's our 5th guy. Thanks, Bill. Now you get to live up your dream.

Bill:
All right.

Michael:
All right. We need to score two points.

Bill:
Here's how I see it. Duck!

Daffy:
Yes!

Bill:
You kick it into the girl bunny, down to the post. [to Lola] You dish it back out to the guy bunny.

Lola:
Got it.

Bill:
Swing it around to Mike over here. You go to the hole and dominate!

Michael:
Bill! We're on defense!

Bugs and Daffy:
Oh, yeah.

Bill:
Whoa-ho-ho! I don't play defense.

Michael:
Typical.

Bill:
All right. You're gonna have to listen to Mike on this, guys. Listen up.

Michael:
Okay. Somebody steal the ball, get it to me, and I'll score before the time runs out.

Bill:
Don't lose that confidence! Okay! [stacks hands with the team] Paws and wings in here. All right!

[Stan comes to warn Michael]

Stan:
The Monstars stole the talent from the N.B.A. players!

[Michael and the other Tunes look shocked]

Michael:
So that is what happened to those guys.

Live-Action Characters:
Michael Jordan — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Wayne Knight — Stan

Live-Action Characters:
Theresa Randle — Juanita

Live-Action Characters:
Bill Murray — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Larry Bird — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Thom Barry — James

Live-Action Characters:
Manner Washington — Jeffrey

Live-Action Characters:
Eric Gordon — Marcus

Live-Action Characters:
Penny Bae Bridges — Jasmine

Live-Action Characters:
Del Harris — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Charles Barkley — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Patrick Ewing — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Shawn Bradley — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Larry Johnson — Himself

Live-Action Characters:
Muggsy Bogues — Himself