Stealing Harvard

Duff:
We should make up some fake names.

John:
Why?

Duff:
Just in case we have to communicate while we're inside.

John:
OK.

Duff:
I wanna be Kyle. I knew this guy at camp. He was maybe 13. He got *two* girls pregnant, man. *Two* girls pregnant. Yea, Kyle. Who you gonna be?

John:
Steve...

Duff:
Steve.

John:
Yeah.

Duff:
OK, Steve.

John:
OK, Kyle.

Duff:
Wait.

John:
What?

Duff:
I wanna change. I wanna be Steve.

John:
I'm Steve; You're Karl.

Duff:
Kyle!

Duff:
See those dead plants? I planted those.

Detective Charles:
I urge you to drop it.

Duff:
I wanted to scope the place out. I was hungry so I decided to heat up a brick of cheese. I need my cheese.

Duff:
Maybe we can use slingshots to rob the place.

John:
A slingshot is not a real weapon, Duff.

Duff:
Oh, yeah? Well maybe you'd like to define the word "weapon' for me while this plastic doll smashes into your temple at 180 miles per hour.

Duff:
Mmm... casserole.

Duff:
I heard casserole!

Duff:
I'm not goin' in.

John:
What?

Duff:
Someone has to watch in case he comes home.

John:
I thought you said he was going to be out all night.

Duff:
He *will* be out all night.

John:
Then why do we need a look-out?

Duff:
We don't. Just go in.

John:
You go in.

Duff:
Look, I'm not the one that needs the money. Why should I assume the risk?

John:
What risk?

Duff:
There is no risk.

Duff:
Just go!

Duff:
We're going skiing.

David Loach:
Why is anybody talking?

Duff:
It's a good thing your here officers, because a crime has just been committed.

Duff:
I'm not liquid... I'm not... liquid.

Mr. Warner:
This guy is a lump.

Duff:
All right American beef cattle, just stay calm, and you'll all get to go home to your precious TV dinners!

Duff:
Elaine... I like her. I like her a lot, John. But she's a b*tch! She's a dirty, dumb b*tch.

John:
Dave! John Plummer. Remember? You used to call me "a**hole"?

David Loach:
I call everybody "a**hole."

John:
Yes, but I believe I was the first. We were five, maybe six at the time?

David Loach:
Congratulations, a**hole. Now get to the point.

Mr. Warner:
Have you slept with my daughter?

John:
Mr. Warner, I have never slept with Elaine.

Mr. Warner:
Good! Godammit, that's good! Because if you had, John, I was gonna kick your balls up into your head and let them rattle around in your skull like dice in a Yahtzee cup. Have a good one!