Straight A's

Scott:
There's more to life than getting straight A's.

Charles:
If you wikipedia "dead", it says that it is the permanent termination of all biological functions that sustain living organisms. What it doesn't tell you is how to cope with that.

Scott:
[about pet frog] So what happened here?

Charles:
Sampson passed away.

Scott:
Oh, I'm sorry. That really sucks. How'd it happened?

Charles:
I'm in the middle of an investigation. Could be foul play.

Scott:
Charles, I've spent the better half of the past 8 years in and out of hospitals.

Charles:
Are you a doctor?

Katherine:
Why *do* you have a horse?

Scott:
This guy in Memphis owed me some money, I took the horse instead. It worked out well, 'cuz I got a couple of DUIs, and I can't operate anything with a key.

Katherine:
Hmm, maybe we'll lock our doors.

Scott:
See, that was always her problem, always wanting to be in control. I have no control.

Maria:
You know you shouldn't smoke.

Scott:
Hell, cigarettes are the least of my problems.

Maria:
Yeah, what's your worst?

Scott:
My mouth.

Katherine:
You know cooked tonight? I hadn't cooked in years.

Scott:
That means I'm a good influence.

Katherine:
No, you're *under* the influence.

Katherine:
Your Uncle Scott is old like, you know, me and your dad, but he still has a lot of growing up to do, like you guys.

Charles:
I don't think Uncle Scott knows how to grow up.

Katherine:
[reading to unconscious Scott] After five days of rain, the sun is finally shining. George and I had dinner with Katherine and William and baby Charles last night. He gave us wonderful news; I'm going to be a grandmother again. I remember the day when Katherine said she was pregnant with Charles. It brought so much joy to our family. We threw all the calendars out the window, even though the time Katherine last saw Scott and started seeing William was only the difference of a few weeks. Katherine was my second son's first love, and my first son's true love. Charles was born nine months after Scott left. Our family never mentions this. If you don't say it out loud, then it's not true.

[last lines]

Charles:
I don't know how a person is supposed to act when someone they love dies. I guess everyone reacts in different ways. I was lucky enough to know Uncle Scott for a grand total of four days, and here's how I would sum him up in three lines. He was a fire-bellied toad who took a chance and became a prince for a day.