Strange Bedfellows

Ralph Williams:
Vince! We're f***ed!

Vince Hopgood:
No. Look, I'll keep Faith away from Russell; you come up with an excuse for the dancing; the ball will be finished, and we're done. [Ralph and Vince's gay friends from Sydney arrive on motorcycles] We're f***ed.

Sales Assistant:
You look... divine. They seem to fit very well.

Vince Hopgood:
Yeah. Turn around.

Ralph Williams:
Nah.

Vince Hopgood:
C'mon mate, turn around.

Ralph Williams:
Nah.

Vince Hopgood:
Ralphie... c'mon, turn around.

Ralph Williams:
[firmly] No!

Sales Assistant:
Perhaps I can find a pair with the bum still in them. That might help.

Ralph Williams:
Yeah, that'll be lovely. Thank you.

Ralph Williams:
Vince, you are not gay. I am not gay. This bloke is gonna be an expert on gayness! [Sits down, head in his hands] He's probably done a course on it.

Vince Hopgood:
Bloody women.

Ralph Williams:
Now, I know some of you are wondering what's going on, and others have probably made up their minds up already. But for starters, I like you to welcome some friends of Vince and mine from Sydney. They're all wonderful people, that I know you're gonna love, once you get to know them. Okay, now I understand there has a bit of speculation around town about Vince Hopgood and myself. And it's nobody's business but ours what goes on between Vince and I. We've been mates since we were kids. Most of you have knows us all your lives. Crikey, we've lived and worked amongst you for years. That's what you should be judging us by, not about what may or may not happen between us in private. Vince has been part of every important event in my life: he was my best man; he was there when my daughter was born; and when my wife, Helen, passed away. He was a tower of strength for me. See it doesn't matter who you are, if you have one real friend in your life, one person you can truly trust, then you are very lucky indeed. Vince Hopgood, as been the best mate a man could have. And yes, for anyone out there who is interested, I love him, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.