Stuey

[first lines]

Al Bernstein:
Welcome back, everybody, to the 1997 World Series of Poker, where Stu "The Kid" Ungar is attempting to make one of the greatest comebacks in poker history, by winning the no-limit Texas Hold'em Championship a record third time.

Andrew N.S. Glazer:
And Al, the amazing thing about this is, that Stuey would be achieving that feat after sixteen years of personal struggle, where victories were really few and far between.

Al Bernstein:
And standing between Stuey and history is John Stremp, a local casino executive who's shown remarkable fortitude, actually, in making it to this point. And here it is, Stu is raising enough to put Stremp all in.

Andrew N.S. Glazer:
This could be it, Al. If Stremp wins, it'll change the tide of the tournament. If Stuey wins, he's got the championship again after sixteen long years.

Vincent:
Eat your scone.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
Looks like a muffin.

Vincent:
It's a scone. It's from Europe. You see? You're... you're boorish.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
Boris?

Vincent:
Did I say "Boris"? I said boorish. Uncouth. A vulgarian. You... [Stuey stares blankly] Never mind.

Gus:
So, uh... Stu, you're Max's son?

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yes, sir.

Gus:
He ran a very nice club. My - my condolences.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
Thank you.

Gus:
But it, uh... It seems he liked the horses. Do you... like horses , too?

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
No sir.

Gus:
Good. Because they spread disease. I won't have that.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
[narrating] The math guys call it "positive expectation". It's how all these big casinos get built. You throw down your cash hour after hour, and the casinos edge on the game just whittles it away. Sometimes it's just a tiny edge, but it's always there. They know if you win, it's just temporary, so they buy you your and your dinner, and they smile and wait for you to lay your money down again until eventually you lose. And that's what we did, too. Just waited for ya. In the sixties, guys who wore cowboy hats and had cutesy names played poker. By 1980, some of them were still around, but they weren't the best no more. The new pros were math teachers, bankers, lawyers, scientists. Guys who stopped in Vegas for a vacation and figured out they could make more money doing this than any shitty 9-5er. Some of them made money. Some went broke and ran back to real life. Our favorite thing was to beat the sh*t outta some young hotshot. Some jerk-off who dominated his home poker game and thought he could make a livin' playin' it. Just destroy him. And the great thing for us was that Texas Hold'em was such an easy game. You get two private cards, five others are dealt up. Whoever makes the best five-card hand wins. Piece of cake. And more a**holes showed up every day to prove they had it knocked. It was a f***in' feast. 'Cause these donkeys never figured out that the game wasn't about cards. It was about people.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
[narrating] In 1949, Johnny Moss and Nick the Greek played heads-up poker at the front door of Binion's Horseshoe for five months straight. Five f***in' months! People stood six-deep to watch. In 1970, Binion's had the first Series. Moss won all five games. By '80, there were over three hundred players, twenty events, and three million in prize money. Not that it mattered. You could make more money in side games. It was the f***in' World Series of Poker, and either you had the chops to win a bracelet, or you didn't.

Angela:
You didn't pay the electric bill again, didn't you?

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
Sh*t!

Angela:
Yeah. sh*t. And now they have to come back over and turn it on, again. And I have to call Susan and make something up. It's embarassing, Stuey.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
Can't we just pay 'em for the whole year or something?

Angela:
No! That's not the way it works! We could put it on a credit card, but we don't have a credit card.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
They're a rip-off.

Angela:
Oh, yeah. Yeah, and... and the banks steal your money, and the government steals your money, and everybody steals your money. But, you can lose twenty or fifty or a hundred grand bettin' football and it's okay, right, 'cause you got action, right? And that's what's really important, isn't it, Stuey?

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
You know, sometimes you can be a real c*nt, Angie.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
[to a poker dealer] Why don't you just f***in' kiss me, okay, because you've been f***in' me all night, anyway!

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
[narrating] Some people said I was crazy to take a dominated hand like Ace-four against Ace-eight. But, wherever you are, you gotta consider all your outs. See, sometimes they save you. But, sometimes you really ain't got no outs at all.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
See, life is a people game, too. Only... the emphasis is just a little bit different.

[last lines]

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
I was always leaving here with you, wasn't I?

The Stranger:
Yeah. You did good anyway.

Stu 'Stuey' Ungar:
Really? Thanks. We could play a couple of hands for, you know...

The Stranger:
Never much good at cards.