Superman/Doomsday

[first lines]

Lex Luthor:
Just look at him. So sleek. So powerful. So... beautiful, like some great golden god made flesh. Of course, any sensible god would demand absolute obedience in return for his favor. But, no, our Man of Steel protects us, with no strings attached. The people? Hmph. They practically worship him anyway. Enjoy your reign while you may, Superman. For surely as night follows day, there comes a time when even gods must die.

[Dark Superman is dying]

Dark Superman:
Protect... the people...

Superman:
It's why I'm here.

[last lines]

Lex Luthor:
If history has determined that gods can die, it is also proven that they may return from the dead. It would seem you cannot be destroyed after all, Superman. It would seem.

[Luthor smiles]

[the real Superman, dressed in black, is fighting against his clone]

Daily Planet Employee:
Who's the guy in black?

Perry White:
Who cares? He's kicking Superman's ass!

[the others stare at him]

Lois Lane:
Come on!

Jimmy Olsen:
Uh... I'll wait here.

Lois Lane:
Oh, for God sake! Don't be such a girl!

Superman:
I haven't told you my identity for the same reason we haven't gone public with our relationship. Why we come here to be alone.

Lois Lane:
Well, try reading a gossip column. Practically all of Metropolis thinks we're dating anyway. You're clinging to keep one last part of you separate from us. And the only reason that I can fathom is that for an alien, you've developed a very human... very male fear of commitment. We've been together for six months. It would be nice to start calling you something other than Superman!

Robot:
He also goes by Kal-El.

Lois Lane:
Shut up!

Superman:
The Antarctic camouflages Kryptonian crystal tech far better than cacti, but next time you catch a chill, give me a holler. I'll warm you.

Lois Lane:
You wouldn't use your heat vision on me, would you, Superman?

Superman:
No, just the x-ray.

Lois Lane:
You're bad!

Grumpy Man:
Yeah, like we really needed him to bust up the mechanical spider, right? Lame!

Lex Luthor:
Oh, hell.

Superman:
[reading Lois' latest article] There's only one "S" in resurrect.

Lois Lane:
I didn't know editing was one of your super powers.

Superman:
Well, no, but I was spelling bee champ of Smallville Elementary.

[Lois gasps and looks back to find Superman wearing Clark Kent's glasses]

Lois Lane:
Clark! [runs and jumps into his arms] Don't forget to call your mother.

[they kiss]

[Superman has just defeated Doomsday]

Superman:
Is everyone... ?

Lois Lane:
[starts to cry] You did it, Superman. We're safe. All of us.

Superman:
Good. That's... that's all that... matters.

Lex Luthor:
My rumpus room also comes equipped with red solar lamps and, of course, kryptonite. Red and green, the colors of Christmas. And you are on the naughty list!

Dark Superman:
You know, Metropolis is doing just fine without you.

Superman:
I'm not sure I approve of your methods.

Dark Superman:
I'm not asking for your approval. Get this straight, you're not needed here. Metropolis is under my protection, now and forever.

Superman:
Over my dead body.

Superman:
They say I'm brave, but I'm bulletproof. Ordinary men and women who put their lives on the line, they're the real heroes.

Robot:
The subject in question was biologically engineered to be the ultimate soldier. Precise, clinical, unstoppable. But its creators came to realize, could not distinguish between friend and foe. Thus, this doomsday machine lives to extinguish any and all life forms, because it must.

Lois Lane:
Look, I know who you are. Why can't you just tell me?

Superman:
Lois, I care about you more than anyone else on Earth. To reveal my secret identity would compromise your safety.

Lois Lane:
Please. My safety was compromised the moment I met you. How many times have you had to rescue me? Rhetorical.

Lex Luthor:
Speaking of which, you did see if that little mess was cleaned up?

Mercy Graves:
LexCorp was never there.

Lex Luthor:
[shoots Mercy] And neither were you.

[Dark Superman flies off with Toyman]

Toyman:
I have rights. I have nothing to say to you.

Dark Superman:
How about goodbye?

[drops Toyman]

Lex Luthor:
[to Dark Superman] Remember, I brought you into this world. I can take you out of it.

Jimmy Olsen:
So you were right. The Superman who returned...

Lois Lane:
A clone, a fake.

Jimmy Olsen:
Which means the real Superman really is...

Lex Luthor:
Yes, Jimmy. Dead. Just as you and Ms. Lane are about to be. Because, after all, there is no Superman to save you.

Jimmy Olsen:
[snapping shots of the battle of the two Supermen] This is starting to look familiar.

Lois Lane:
Yeah. Only I'm in no mood for another funeral.

Lois Lane:
Ever consider the big "S" may not be what he seems?

Jimmy Olsen:
He wears red and blue, flies, crime rate's plummeted since he's risen from the grave. Gosh, you think he's a zombie?

Lois Lane:
I'm not sure what he is.

Newscaster:
Today, Superman's funeral was viewed by hundreds of millions worldwide. Not since President Kennedy died has our nation so collectively mourned. Yet is the people of Metropolis who are feeling the loss most as we know him best. So let us take a brief moment to celebrate his time with us.

Little Boy on TV:
Last year for Halloween, I dressed like Superman. Now I'm gonna do it every year for the rest of my life.

Man on TV:
I was installing a satellite dish when I slipped off the roof, three stories. I should have been a goner. But out of nowhere everyone's guardian angel was suddenly mine too.

Martha Kent:
My son talks about you quite often.

Lois Lane:
He's the reason I came to see you.

Martha Kent:
Has there been word from Afghanistan? I've been so worried.

Lois Lane:
Mrs. Kent, you know as well as I do that your son died in Metropolis last week. Look, I'm not here as a reporter. I...

Martha Kent:
Then why are you here, Miss Lane?

Lois Lane:
I don't know exactly. Maybe it's just... I don't know if he told you but we have been seeing each other for the past few months, romantically, I mean. And I know the rest of the world adored him and misses him now that he's gone, but no one else on this whole stupid planet can know what it felt like to really love him, to be loved by him or how it feels now every minute of every day, like I'm broken. Like I'm the one that freaking monster pounded on.

Dark Superman:
You're out of shape.

Superman:
Do tell.

Lois Lane:
You're dropping me off here? Doomsday's at Hob's End on the East Side.

Superman:
Exactly.

Lois Lane:
[dials on her cell phone] Jimmy, meet me on the roof, and don't forget your camera.

Jimmy Olsen:
Uh, Lois, shouldn't we wait for a pilot?

Lois Lane:
I'm an Air Force brat, remember? I was flying these things when you were still in training pants. Now, hang on.

Lois Lane:
Jimmy, camera on the action.

[Doomsday leaps up at the helicopter]

Jimmy Olsen:
Oh, man, he can jump!

[Superman tears Doomsday off the copter, lands the copter to safety]

Jimmy Olsen:
Thanks, Superman.

Jimmy Olsen:
[vomits]

Superman:
I'm alive?

Robot:
It would seem that on this world, the laws of human death do not apply to you, Kal-El. I only came to realize it 17 days after your apparent demise when I was alerted to a single pulse of your biorhythmic signature.

Superman:
So my vitals slowed to a crawl...

Robot:
To better enable you to heal. I had to await a second pulse, 17 days later, in order to find you once I discovered your body had been relocated.

Superman:
Relocated?

Robot:
To LexCorp. It would appear that Lex Luthor has cloned you.

Superman:
I need to get back to Metropolis.

Robot:
Once you have regained your strength. I am uncertain of your double's agenda, but for now, he seems to be protecting Metropolis.

Martha Kent:
That is not the boy I raised.

Officer Tucker:
The commissioner would like a word with you, Superman.

Dark Superman:
As I was just explaining to the lady, I'm a little busy right now.

Officer Tucker:
We've been instructed to escort you, if necessary.

Dark Superman:
Really?

[burns the police officers' guns with his heat vision]

Officer Tucker:
Son of a...!

Dark Superman:
Watch the language.

Dark Superman:
Look, why prolong this? I could keep this up all day, but you... Why not fly out of here while you still can?

Superman:
And leave the city in your hands? Not likely.

Dark Superman:
But don't you get it? I am you, Superman. A reflection of you as you might have been.

Superman:
If I were raised by Luthor?

Dark Superman:
If you were strong.

Superman:
You're self-righteous, misguided, my reflection in a cracked mirror.

Dark Superman:
Suit yourself.

Jimmy Olsen:
Who's the rocker?

Lois Lane:
I don't know, but he's wearing Superman's shield.

Jimmy Olsen:
Yeah, but he's also wearing black. Great... bad Superman, and badder Superman.

Perry White:
I don't care how many weeks you spent on that story, Lane. The Daily Planet is not about to attack a charity organization.

Lois Lane:
You know Lex Luthor couldn't care less about the homeless, chief. It's a front to siphon money back to LexCorp so he can fund the manufacture of high-tech arms to sell on the black market.

Perry White:
Allegedly.

Lois Lane:
Look, how many expos?s do I have to write before Metropolis wakes up and sees through Luthor's philanthropy shtick?

Perry White:
As many as it takes, but it helps to have a smoking gun.

Lois Lane:
You sure you're not on LexCorp's payroll, chief? You've been mighty soft on the prince of darkness lately.

Perry White:
Excuse me for not wanting to get sued for libel... again!

Lois Lane:
Well, LexCorp's going down, whether it's me or Superman who does it.

Perry White:
If it's Superman, that makes it news and I'll be *happy* to print it!

Lex Luthor:
Get this to Biochem, hand-carry only. Keep it off the interlink.

Mercy Graves:
I know the drill, Lex. What is it, the cure for cancer?

Lex Luthor:
Muscular dystrophy. I can cure every known case with a simple inoculation. Have Swan find a way to slow it to a crawl. Turn it into a lifetime treatment program. Right now, it's a mere $300-billion windfall.

Mercy Graves:
And you need it to be a perennial, got it. But Swan's working the AIDS thing.

Lex Luthor:
Oh, right. What about Schaffenberger?

Mercy Graves:
Bird flu.

Lex Luthor:
Hmmm... [puts away the cure] Guess "Jerry's Kids" will have to wait their turn.