Tales of the 77th Bengal Lancers

[first lines]

[a troop of Bengal Lancers rides past where Akbar's cutthroats are hiding]

Yasin Karim:
Shall I fire a shot and order them to surrender?

Mohammed Akbar:
Shhh! You want them to hear you?

Yasin Karim:
But you are the great Mohammed Akbar.

Mohammed Akbar:
I know that.

Yasin Karim:
And I know it.

Mohammed Akbar:
But the Lancers - do they know it?

Yasin Karim:
But of course! They consider you a treacherous and unscrupulous enemy.

Mohammed Akbar:
Please, no flattery. I'm thinking.

Mohammed Akbar:
If only the Lancers would accept defeat gracefully, but always they insist on more fighting - never satisfied until they win!

Yasin Karim:
Greedy dogs. Ah, well - they will have to give up soon... otherwise we will have no men left.

[last lines]

Sir Bertram Cecil:
Ah, Mr. Rhodes and Mr. Storm - caused you quite a bit of trouble, didn't I? Just the same you should not have come back for me! What I mean to say is, uh... thank you. I know it isn't easy to be following an old fool who should know better than to be leading troops into action at his age. Well then, you've got many years in which to learn better.

[Sir Bertram mounts his horse and rides out of the fort]

[first lines]

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Stand easy, Lal Singh.

Lieutenant William Storm:
Thank you, Rhodes sahib.

Lieutenant William Storm:
How goes the battle today?

Lal Singh:
The works grows easier, Storm sahib, as my arm grow stronger.

Lieutenant William Storm:
Fine. Keep it up

Lal Singh:
Yes, for I will need a strong arm to carry my lance when I join the regiment

[Rhodes and Storm glance furtively at one another]

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Oh, well, plenty of time for that when you grow up.

Lal Singh:
I try to grow faster, but it is hard for me. I think I am wasting too many years being small.

Lieutenant William Storm:
Well, don't rush it, Lal Singh. Some of the best years of my life were wasted.

[speaking of Lal Singh]

Lieutenant William Storm:
Fine boy - too bad he'll never get his wish.

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Don't say never. Maybe by the time he's old enough to enlist, he'll be accepted.

Lieutenant William Storm:
You don't wipe out prejudice of a thousand generations in one man's lifetime.

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Oh, things have to change sometime.

Lieutenant William Storm:
Nothing ever changes in India - just grows older.

[during a battle with renegades, Rhodes and Storm discover the regiment's ammunition boxes are filled with sand]

Indian Trooper:
What can we do, Rhodes Sahib?

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
What can we do! Use up the few bullets we've got and then...

Lieutenant William Storm:
...Throw sand.

[referring to their dinner dates]

Lieutenant William Storm:
Not here yet.

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Well, that's encouraging. Women who are on time usually aren't worth waiting for.

[referring to the Chief Inspector's interrogation of Rhodes and Storm]

Manu Dass:
What did you learn from them?

Chief Inspector:
Alas, cousin, I have learned nothing at all.

Manu Dass:
You are a miserable excuse for a policeman!

Chief Inspector:
True, true - but you were well aware of that when you recommended me for office.

Manu Dass:
Yes. It was on your unblemished record of failure that I secured your appointment.

Chief Inspector:
Quite, quite...

Manu Dass:
But incompetence is no longer enough!

Balwant Dari:
Ah, here are the stolen rifles which I have tracked down in the service of the people of Nagapor.

Manu Dass:
But you take your orders from me!

Balwant Dari:
From a common criminal? Never! I'm on the side of the law - first, last and foremost.

Govinda:
I can vouch for that!

Balwant Dari:
[rolling his eyes] What a character reference.

[Rhodes slugs one of the Maharani's servants]

Lieutenant William Storm:
What's all this about, Rhodes? Do you know this man?

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Intimately. Last time I saw him, he was dead.

[first lines]

[Rhodes and Stone are playing chess]

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Why don't you just give up, Stone? You're slaughtered. It's checkmate in two moves.

Lieutenant William Storm:
Patience, Rhodes. I'll go down fighting - more glorious in defeat than you are in victory.

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Come along, Stone. No need to play it out - the game's mine.

Lieutenant William Storm:
Correction, old colonial - nobody's game. Stalemate!

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
What?

Lieutenant William Storm:
With that colossal overconfidence of yours, you don't need an opponent - you play against yourself!

[first lines]

Major Kevin McPherson:
Well, we have our orders, Captain MacLaughlin. You better be roundin' up the men.

Captain Alan MacLaughlin:
How many days rations should I take, Major?

Major Kevin McPherson:
Oh, three days to reach Fort Nagora, one day to load the ammunition and three to come back.

Captain Alan MacLaughlin:
Seven days it will be then.

Major Kevin McPherson:
You have no good head for figures, MacLaughlin. Take along provisions for six days.

Captain Alan MacLaughlin:
Oh, but Major...

Major Kevin McPherson:
There is no need to be wasteful with our own supplies. The Lancers can provide for us while we're there.

[discussing Major McPherson]

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Whose side is he on anyway?

Captain Alan MacLaughlin:
He's not an easy man to kill.

Lieutenant William Storm:
I know the type. They seem rough, but under that rugged exterior, there's a usually a heart like a rock.

[rebuffing an Indian merchant's attempt to sell him fine silks]

Major Kevin McPherson:
You've come to the wrong place, mon. We Highlanders are a hard lot with no taste, coin or inclination for such frivolities. If your merchandise is as poor as your judgment in patrons, you'll soon go hungry.

Major Kevin McPherson:
There's a field camp of Scott's Dragoons about ten miles north of here on the Upper Para River. You'll hie yourself and your helio kit to the top of that hill and send them a message.

Captain Alan MacLaughlin:
Will you be asking for reinforcements against tomorrow's journey, sir?

Major Kevin McPherson:
MacLaughlin, you should know by know that I dinna ask for help when I dinna need it.

Captain Alan MacLaughlin:
[chuckling] Or even when you do, sir.

[last lines]

Major Kevin McPherson:
MacLaughlin said it - to make a mistake is human. I made one, all right, so, it's a wee sign that I'm human. But dinna let it get about. It would ruin my reputation and lead to complete disorganization in the ranks.

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Yes, sir.

Lieutenant William Storm:
We're very grateful, sir...

Major Kevin McPherson:
[shaking his head] Hush. Hush, mon. There's no need to demonstrate our emotions like womenfolk. It's done... and the doin' is all that counts.

[to his troops]

Major Kevin McPherson:
Let's be off. You men get into the carts.

[first lines]

[Rhodes is sprawled on a sofa, fanning himself]

Lieutenant William Storm:
What are you doing?

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
I'm beginning our ten days leave right here and now. I'm planting myself and taking root.

Lieutenant William Storm:
You can't do that. I've just had a brilliant idea - a master stroke!

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Sounds more like sunstroke. Go away and lie down. It's too hot for brilliant ideas.

Lieutenant William Storm:
On your feet, Rhodes! We're off to Balipur.

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Why Balipur?

Lieutenant William Storm:
Good shooting down there - tigers!

Lieutenant Michael Rhodes:
Too far. If that want to be shot, tell them to come to me.